Unicorn. Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Anyone have any recommendations for books for teens on how to recognize potentially abusive relationships. I'm talking the more subtle mental, verbal, emotional abuse. My kids are quickly approaching the dating age, and I want them to be able to recognize not so healthy signs. Ds will be 16 next month, and the girls will be 14 in Aug. While they (the girls) won't actually be allowed to date for a couple of more years, I want them to be prepared. I would prefer secular, not bible based books, but I will look at any suggestions. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 :lurk5::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seshet Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 I don't know of any books that specifically cover that topic. I've just always talked with my eldest about the relationships in books that we read. For instance, you could compare some of the relationships in Pride & Prejudice. Granted, none of them are controlling or abusive, but the relationship between Mr & Mrs Bennett is hardly ideal, same for Charlotte & Mr Collins. They are both relationships lacking mutual respect & affection. Whereas Darcy & Lizzie grow to truly love & respect each other. If your girls read the Twilight series, that's another good one to use. The relationship between Bella & Edward is NOT healthy. She is totally dependent on him, spirals into a massive depression when he leaves, etc. He stalked her and is completely controlling. So we've just always talked about the relationships in our books. We discuss what makes them healthy or not healthy. We don't limit it to just boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, either. We also discuss relationships between siblings, friends, co-workers, etc. It has already helped when it comes to making & determining whether or not to keep friends. I'm hoping it continues to help as we approach the dating years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted June 21, 2012 Author Share Posted June 21, 2012 Katherine, thanks for bumping. Seshet, I do talk to them when an opportunity arises, but one of my dds isn't a big reader or tv watcher, so opportunities w/ her are not as frequent as w/ my other dd. And I would like them to be able to recognize some things that I might not think about or that may not come across in a novel or tv program. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted June 22, 2012 Author Share Posted June 22, 2012 :lurk5: Anybody? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 One book I like in general is The Gift of Fear. It just talks about following your instincts. I think that's a great place to start. Also in movies and shows you watch, talk about it. Talk about why a relationship in [insert show] demonstrates unsafe or concerning behaviors. You could also watch Lifetime movies and such for this. Talk about it. Role Play. Also do a search for teen life topics. I know some public health websites have some good information about teen dating violence and the more subtle forms of abuse. It might be a good place to start about how to discuss it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Negin Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 Not so much a book for teens, but an excellent book nonetheless. Here's her homepage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 One book I like in general is The Gift of Fear. It just talks about following your instincts. I think that's a great place to start. Also in movies and shows you watch, talk about it. Talk about why a relationship in [insert show] demonstrates unsafe or concerning behaviors. You could also watch Lifetime movies and such for this. Talk about it. Role Play. Also do a search for teen life topics. I know some public health websites have some good information about teen dating violence and the more subtle forms of abuse. It might be a good place to start about how to discuss it. :iagree: Also, making sure that your kids have a healthy self-image and will listen to their inner gut is very important. They need to not be so desperate for that person that they will put up with anything to have them. They need to know that you will support them in whatever they decide. For instance, this fellow at our church is very attracted to my dd. He is a very nice guy, and I really like him. But I've told her that the decision is hers. I try to stay fairly neutral so that she will always talk to me about this stuff. Remember to talk to your kids about their relationships and more importantly LISTEN to them. Ask questions so that they will come to the proper conclusions themselves rather than you telling them what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 knowing themselves isn't such a bad place to start. learning healthy ways of communicating. learning to "fight fair". learning healthy boundaries in sibling relationships, friend relationships,etc is helpful. learning to spot things like triangulation can almost become a game. a book that teaches many of these things well is "peaceful parents, peaceful kids". if we come to embody healthy ways of being, unhealthy ways of being are way easier to spot. and way harder to tolerate. even so, not getting sucked in is altogether another thing. you may be able to look around at other families/relationships and spot some fairly unhealthy things.... and then you can talk about them together. hth, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 Specifically not secular, but good nonetheless: Boundaries in Dating http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Dating-Dr-Henry-Cloud/dp/0310204550 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 :iagree:Yep, the Cloud and/or Townsend stuff is going to have Christian content, but it is really good and not heavy-handed on Cc. "Safe People" is another good one they do. I just finished reading "Necessary Endings" by them, which pertains to businesses and it's excellent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renmew Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 I wanted to add that any of the Twilight movies highlight a pretty unhealthy relationship, vampires notwithstanding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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