The "R" word *X-Post*

[freeindeed]

Yesterday my dd4 (special needs) had a test done at the hospital. So, it's obvious that she is a special needs child when you meet her, not to mention it was documented on her chart which the nurse had and also I had to give the diagnosis to the nurse during pre-op for the test yesterday and the reason for the test is b/c we are in search of a complete diagnosis...so my point here is that the nurse KNEW my daughter is special needs. Well, this nurse used the word "retarded" twice. No, she did not use it to describe my daughter. She used it to describe one of her own children in this statement, "He is outgoing. He is goofy and retarded.":confused: Then a few minutes later she described one of the machines they use in the test as "retarded." I just sat there, fuming inside, but did not say anything. I wish I had, but I was just so focused on my dd4 that I couldn't think of exactly what to say. What would you have done?

[KnitWit]

:( :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Honestly, I doubt she was thinking *at all*. I could see myself putting my foot in my mouth that way, although you would think someone who interacts with special needs families like she does would KNOW better.

 

I would suggest speaking with her superior and just letting them know what was said and how you felt. I would HOPE that if you called attention to it, she would be encouraged to...and CHOOSE to...make a point of being very sensitive to her words from now on.

 

:grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

That really was in poor taste. She obviously has gross social skills.

 

i am sorry for your mommy hurt and sorry for your sweetie!!! Count yourself lucky that you are ot as crude as that nurse.

 

I think hand delivering her a note is in order at the least, sending in a complaint if you can't do that is necessary.

:grouphug:

 

I hope you get a diagnosis.

[bettyandbob]

"Excuse me. I would prefer you not use that term in a negative, nonmedical context."

[Amy in NH]

:( :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I would suggest speaking with her superior and just letting them know what was said and how you felt. I would HOPE that if you called attention to it, she would be encouraged to...and CHOOSE to...make a point of being very sensitive to her words from now on.

 

:grouphug:

 

:iagree: Sounds like she needs some sensitivity training!

[Soror]

I would have just been in awe with my mouth open I think.

[praisefor3]

My nephew lost his hearing at 16 months. My grandfather, who I absolutely adored, would sometimes refer to him as "deaf and dumb". I knew that in his day this term was common to refer to the deaf and that he simply did not know how the word is now more often used. Because I loved him...I was not offended and knew his heart and intentions were good.

 

The "R" word is a harsh word as it is used today. While I would try to keep myself from feeling personally offended (as I doubt greatly that she intended that at all - unlike others who sometimes use that word for offensive purposes) since she is in a position of service to others I would help her learn more sensitivity by graciously and compassionately talking to her supervisor and asking that she assist her in knowing how hurtful and derogatory that word can sound. She will better serve others and learn from it if you handle it in the right way.

[ChristyB in TN]

I wonder if that word is just a culture issue. I hear it occasionally and it never ceases to take me off guard. People use it when referring to a situation or a decision, not a person, and it seems to come from people who might otherwise be sensitive to derogatory labels. Maybe they've just thought about it? What a terrible time for you to have to deal with the stress. I'm sorry. Sensitivity training in the workplace is a valuable tool.

[Parrothead]

Take it to her supervisor. Send well worded letter. :grouphug:

[SpecialClassical]

Well, when a cashier asked me outright if my daughter had autism- with my children standing there- I just said that she didn't. I was so stunned by the casual way in which she asked that I didn't handle it well.

 

However, I called the store and spoke with a manager. In a polite way I let him know that the cashiers need to be trained not to ask questions like that. It is none of their business and it wasn't like I was going to give her my daughter's actual diagnosis and take time to explain it. Also, my daughter already struggles, she doesn't need people openly talking about her that way. Whether she has autism or something else, people need to think about how their words affect children.

 

All this to say, call her superior and kindly explain possible impact of her words on a child. Maybe she was ignorant or maybe immature. A little talk with her superior should make her aware and also raise awareness for the whole department.

[Denisemomof4]

I just spent some time reading your blog. What a lovely,lovely blog. Yur family is absolutely wonderful, and Baby Girl is precious beyond words!!!

[Mimm]

"Excuse me. I would prefer you not use that term in a negative, nonmedical context."

 

:iagree: Just be calm and firm. I'm sorry she was being so clueless. :(

[Cinder]

I wonder if that word is just a culture issue. I hear it occasionally and it never ceases to take me off guard. People use it when referring to a situation or a decision, not a person, and it seems to come from people who might otherwise be sensitive to derogatory labels. Maybe they've just thought about it? What a terrible time for you to have to deal with the stress. I'm sorry. Sensitivity training in the workplace is a valuable tool.

 

I wonder about this too. I know someone who will casually refer to a situation as "retarded" yet she teaches her kids that "stupid" is a Bad Word. I don't get this. :confused:

[Word Nerd]

I wonder about this too. I know someone who will casually refer to a situation as "retarded" yet she teaches her kids that "stupid" is a Bad Word. I don't get this. :confused:

 

I wonder about the reverse as well. Many people who consider the R word verboten, even as an adjective to describe objects, freely use stupid, idiot, dumb, and other words that have similar origins in a medical context. I don't use the word but also don't understand why it's considered more offensive than stupid or idiotic.

[applethyme]

I would call her supervisor and explain the situation. That was unacceptable.

[ravinlunachick]

Yeah, unfortunately it's slipped out of my mouth. I don't mean it to refer to anyone with special needs. It just doesn't mean that anymore.

 

I would definitely think to be more sensitive in a professional setting though.

 

I wonder about the reverse as well. Many people who consider the R word verboten, even as an adjective to describe objects, freely use stupid, idiot, dumb, and other words that have similar origins in a medical context. I don't use the word but also don't understand why it's considered more offensive than stupid or idiotic.

 

Mental retardation is still used as a diagnosis. Moron, etc. are not. That's the key.

 

OP, don't beat yourself up for not responding in the moment! I recently had something similar happen (see my how would you respond thread on the SN board), and I couldn't say anything even though I was among friends. I think you should write a letter to the hospital detailing your experience. Suggest they check out r-word.org and educate their employees. You may save another mother or child your heartache. :grouphug:

[ravinlunachick]

I thought that is what the R world currently means. I don't consider it verboten, but I avoid using it outside my own home because I really don't want to offend anyone. But yeah, I'll sometimes say "that's so retarded" meaning "that's so stupid".

 

Years ago I took a knitting class. We started talking about special needs kids because a woman in the group worked with them for years. I made a comment about how I worked in a room with kids who had mental retardation while I was in high school. That was the appropriate term when I was in school. Nobody freaked out when I said it, but clearly I had not used the correct word.

 

Either way, it's not really appropriate language in a professional setting. Medical staff should refrain from personal conversation with each other in front of patients and their family members. I think that part was rude.

 

I say this gently, but you are modeling the use of the word to your children. They may not filter themselves like you do. Please consider finding an alternative word that is not offensive to millions of people with special needs. Goodness knows there are plenty.

[ravinlunachick]

Really? I didn't know that. I got some seriously nasty looks when I used the term in that sense.

 

I definitely need to stop using it ever. I really don't want to upset anyone.

 

We crossposted. :)

 

I think the fact that people gave you dirty looks is indicative of the fact that more and more people are realizing the effect that it can have when used derogatorily. Even my kid's school district just refers to it as "MR" these days.

[ravinlunachick]

Yes you are right. I rarely say it, but I know I have.

 

Just remind yourself that when we know better, we do better. :)

[Word Nerd]

Saying something is stupid versus saying something is retarded...well, that's two different things. Stupid is an adjective. Retarded is a medical diagnosis.

 

 

I don't think there is as big of a difference as you suggest, and that's my point. Retarded does not only have one definition. I accept that many people have a highly emotional reaction to the word and I do not use it. However, from a logical point of view, I don't think it's any different than using stupid as an adjective to describe something.

[bettyandbob]

I don't think there is as big of a difference as you suggest, and that's my point. Retarded does not only have one definition. I accept that many people have a highly emotional reaction to the word and I do not use it. However, from a logical point of view, I don't think it's any different than using stupid as an adjective to describe something.

 

 

 

When you use a word in a negative manner generally, the implication is to suggest that there is something bad about the group of persons to whom the word applies specifically.

 

Apparently, you can't understand this. I suppose you don't have a family member you must defend/protect, so you will remain insensitive to persons who may be irrationally emotional.

[Word Nerd]

 

 

 

When you use a word in a negative manner generally, the implication is to suggest that there is something bad about the group of persons to whom the word applies specifically.

 

Apparently, you can't understand this. I suppose you don't have a family member you must defend/protect, so you will remain insensitive to persons who may be irrationally emotional.

 

As I said, I do not use the word.

[bettyandbob]

As I said, I do not use the word. And you proved my point about emotional reactions.

 

 

No I didn't. Just because you do not use the word does not mean you do not understand what is wrong with the word. From what you've said you really do not understand.

 

It's very simple.

 

I have a friend whose child is biracial. After a year at a particular school the child began asking if it was bad to be "black". My friend couldn't change that her dd was "black", but she did get her dd out of that environment. The child had heard in school negative things about being black and yet she was "black".

 

Many, many people for whom the term retarded appropriately applies understand what it means. So, all day long, at school, the grocery store, in line at the movies they hear people use the term negatively and yet they know they are retarded. How do you think that makes them feel. I worked with adults who had intellectual disabilities 25 years ago. As a group they had an opinion on this issue back then.

 

Take something about yourself that you can never change. How do you think it will feel to make that characteristic a negative slang term that you hear all day long.

[angela in ohio]

"Excuse me. I would prefer you not use that term in a negative, nonmedical context."

 

Yep. And then report it. No medical professional should be using that term in that way in front of a patient.

[Tammi K]

 

 

 

When you use a word in a negative manner generally, the implication is to suggest that there is something bad about the group of persons to whom the word applies specifically.

 

Apparently, you can't understand this. I suppose you don't have a family member you must defend/protect, so you will remain insensitive to persons who may be irrationally emotional.

 

:001_huh: Wow. Harsh!

and...

I TRY to "remain insensitive to persons who may be irrationally emotional." It's the ones who are RATIONALLY emotional I care about.

 

If you're irrational, I', inclined to dismiss you as such and be far less inclined to give heed to your opinion.

 

Perhaps, if you calm down here and take a rational approach yourself, you'll realize what you posted seems rude, at least to me and, I suspect, the poster to whom you were replying.

[bettyandbob]

:001_huh: Wow. Harsh!

and...

I TRY to "remain insensitive to persons who may be irrationally emotional." It's the ones who are RATIONALLY emotional I care about.

 

If you're irrational, I', inclined to dismiss you as such and be far less inclined to give heed to your opinion.

 

Perhaps, if you calm down here and take a rational approach yourself, you'll realize what you posted seems rude, at least to me and, I suspect, the poster to whom you were replying.

 

 

This topic has come up before with persons who disagree with the use of the term being dismissed.

 

First, I think it was wrong of any of the posters to go down the road of judging whether or not anyone should be offended by the term. That is not what the OP asked. The OP presented a situation in which a professional behaved completely unprofessionally. My initial response was related to that.

 

Later posters went in the direction of the use of the term as a general negative adjective not being offensive. The suggestion that anyone who found it offensive were just emotional is offensive.

 

Think about it. Take an attribute about yourself you cannot change and listen to it be used all day long in a negative way. Even if the statement isn't being made about you, you know the word is something that is integral to you.

 

Do you use the words "gay" or "black" in a generally negative way. Those words were consistently used in a negative manner when I was growing up. There's a reason people are offended when these words are used negatively today and the same can be said for "retarded".

[BigMamaBird]

"Excuse me. I would prefer you not use that term in a negative, nonmedical context."

 

Wow. That's actually a really good, disarming reply! Thank you. People using that word have always annoyed me but I haven't been able to frame a good, straightforward reply.

[Tammi K]

 

Apparently, you can't understand this. I suppose you don't have a family member you must defend/protect, so you will remain insensitive to persons who may be irrationally emotional.

 

Betty,

I think you missed my point. I understand the OP's issue. I happen to agree that the care provider should have been more careful with her language. It's unfortunate, it hurt the OP, people offered solace and advice.

 

However, I think you rudely attacked another poster because you disagreed with her.

 

You said she remains insensitive to irrationally emotional people. I commented that irrational people hardly ever deserve our attention. If you want people to behave resonably toward you try a RATIONAL argument not and IRRATIONAL one.

 

Your reply was so quick and sharp that I don't think you realize what you posted.

Edited June 21, 2012 by Tammi K
typo

[MamaBearTeacher]

I don't think it is asking too much for professional employees to exercise sensitivity with the patients with whom they interact. When words hurt, they matter. You have every right to report her if you wish.

[bettyandbob]

You said she remains insensitive to irrationally emotional people. I commented that irrational people hardly ever deserve our attention. If you want people to behave resonably toward you try a RATIONAL argument not and IRRATIONAL one.

 

Your reply was so quick and sharp that I don't think you realize what you posted.

 

I do not think it is irrationally emotional to dislike the use of the word retarded as it is used in language generally. Most people do not use this word in a medical or educational context. They throw it around in a negative manner. It sounded to me like the poster was suggesting persons who did not want the retarded used in this general negative manner were irrationally emotionally. That suggestion is kind of rude.

[Tammi K]

:glare: Betty,

You are really missing the point!

 

:banghead:

 

I'll try to make my point really clear.

 

You said Word Girl was not being sensitive to emotionally IRRATIONAL people.

 

I said, if you want people to take you seriously, you need a RATIONAL argument.

 

You are so emotional about this issue that you do not realize that you are continuing to use the word IRRATIONAL when the word RATIONAL is what will make your point.

 

IRRATIONAL arguments are generally not worthy of our attention.

 

Which is why I will bow out of this conversation. You win. This is like trying to teach a pig to sing.

[LeslieAnneLevine]

Yeah but it gets to the point I don't know how to talk about certain things because everything offends someone.

 

eta: Wait, I think I misunderstood, you mean talking about the medical diagnosis, don't you? I deleted what I wrote because it's irrelevant, but I probably shouldn't have, because now it probably seems like I wrote something snarky, which I did not.

Edited June 21, 2012 by LeslieAnneLevine

[LeslieAnneLevine]

Um..I don't know.

 

I never use the R word around anyone. Just in the privacy of my own home talking to DH. But the one time I used it in a medical diagnosis sense people looked at me like I had 10 heads. Now I come here and I'm told it's a legitimate medical term. I don't know what to make of that.

 

And it's like that with other terms.

 

I realized that as soon as I posted. I had written that the R word is one of those things that are likely to offend many, rather than one of those things that might offend someone somewhere (like the word "heck", apparently!) Then I realized that's not even what you were talking about, so, sorry about that!

[Girl Power]

Um..I don't know.

 

I never use the R word around anyone. Just in the privacy of my own home talking to DH. But the one time I used it in a medical diagnosis sense people looked at me like I had 10 heads. Now I come here and I'm told it's a legitimate medical term. I don't know what to make of that.

 

And it's like that with other terms.

 

 

Wendy, I agree it can be difficult knowing what is "politically correct", as it seems there are so many things that can offend.

 

Having said that, to me, there is a HUGE difference using antiquated language when referring to a medical diagnosis, and using slang in a derogatory way.

 

When I am out with my child, if an elderly person asks me if she is "retarded", I am not offended. I look at a person's heart, realize that we use language that we know, and gently try to encourage more respectful language ("yes, she has a cognitive disability"). Overwhelmingingly, most people mean well and just simply don't realize there are more respectful terms out there (although, yes I realize that mental retardation is still the formal medical diagnosis).

 

The reason I and many prefer terms such as cognitive disability or intellectual disability is precisely for that reason. "Retard" has been given such a negative connotation over the years, that why would we want to use that word to describe our precious children?

 

Using "retarded" as slang is completely different than using it to address a medical diagnosis. I'm surprised some here can't differentiate. It is not the same as using other words like "stupid". When we say something is "stupid" as opposed to "retarded", there is no subgroup of people carrying around that lable. Can you see that?

 

I don't offend easily, and I certainly hear that word thrown around a lot in slang, even by people close to me that know I have a child with special needs. It doesn't mean I don't cringe when I hear it and sometimes, depending on my mood, speak up about it.

 

Beckett

[NorthwestMom]

Wendy, I agree it can be difficult knowing what is "politically correct", as it seems there are so many things that can offend.

 

Having said that, to me, there is a HUGE difference using antiquated language when referring to a medical diagnosis, and using slang in a derogatory way.

 

When I am out with my child, if an elderly person asks me if she is "retarded", I am not offended. I look at a person's heart, realize that we use language that we know, and gently try to encourage more respectful language ("yes, she has a cognitive disability"). Overwhelmingingly, most people mean well and just simply don't realize there are more respectful terms out there (although, yes I realize that mental retardation is still the formal medical diagnosis).

 

The reason I and many prefer terms such as cognitive disability or intellectual disability is precisely for that reason. "Retard" has been given such a negative connotation over the years, that why would we want to use that word to describe our precious children?

 

Using "retarded" as slang is completely different than using it to address a medical diagnosis. I'm surprised some here can't differentiate. It is not the same as using other words like "stupid". When we say something is "stupid" as opposed to "retarded", there is no subgroup of people carrying around that lable. Can you see that?

 

I don't offend easily, and I certainly hear that word thrown around a lot in slang, even by people close to me that know I have a child with special needs. It doesn't mean I don't cringe when I hear it and sometimes, depending on my mood, speak up about it.

 

Beckett

 

:iagree::iagree:

[ravinlunachick]

:glare: Betty,

You are really missing the point!

 

:banghead:

 

I'll try to make my point really clear.

 

You said Word Girl was not being sensitive to emotionally IRRATIONAL people.

 

I said, if you want people to take you seriously, you need a RATIONAL argument.

 

You are so emotional about this issue that you do not realize that you are continuing to use the word IRRATIONAL when the word RATIONAL is what will make your point.

 

IRRATIONAL arguments are generally not worthy of our attention.

 

Which is why I will bow out of this conversation. You win. This is like trying to teach a pig to sing.

 

I think you're being incredibly rude and intentionally dense.

 

Irrational arguments are often worthy of attention. We are not machines. We're not Vulcans. We're human. Many of our deeply held beliefs are not rational. (religion, anyone?)

 

betty, I'm sorry she was so rude to you. I know what you were trying to say. Often, when people have a connection to a living, breathing example of something, they're more sensitive to the issues that are related to it. Other times...well, I guess we all see what happens. :001_huh:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I say this gently, but you are modeling the use of the word to your children. They may not filter themselves like you do. Please consider finding an alternative word that is not offensive to millions of people with special needs. Goodness knows there are plenty.

 

Honestly, I think I disagree. It is a medical term and has other meanings as well. I realize that people have used the term as an insult which I think is wrong but this is not the case always.

 

I do not think we should ban the word itself when it is not used as an insult.

[Girl Power]

Honestly, I think I disagree. It is a medical term and has other meanings as well. I realize that people have used the term as an insult which I think is wrong but this is not the case always.

 

I do not think we should ban the word itself when it is not used as an insult.

 

 

I am certain she is referring to the slang use of "retard" as described by Wendy up thread, not necessarily the word itself. See my previous post.

 

B

[ravinlunachick]

Honestly, I think I disagree. It is a medical term and has other meanings as well. I realize that people have used the term as an insult which I think is wrong but this is not the case always.

 

I do not think we should ban the word itself when it is not used as an insult.

 

First, no one is "banning" anything. :confused: Asking someone to refrain from using it is not the same as banning.

 

Second, I obviously can't speak for anyone else, but I'd bet very, very few people use the word in a medical or scientific manner in casual conversation.

[ravinlunachick]

No, WendyK, it's still very much a current diagnosis. Not one that my son has, but many of his classmates do, and as I mentioned upthread, the local school district has a level of spec ed classes referred to as "MR" specifically for mentally retarded children. People don't like to say it out loud precisely because it has become a common insult. It will probably disappear as a diagnosis in the future.

 

I encourage you all to read this: http://r-word.org/r-word-why-pledge.aspx

[Girl Power]

Well now I'm confused. I thought it's usage as a medical term had died and now it no longer means that and is used legitimately as basically a negative term (but does not refer to a medical diagnosis). Basically a swear word.

 

I mean I agree it was obnoxious used in the situation the OP was in. But so would lots of other words. If the person said "****ed to hell" or "shi*" it would have been just as unprofessional. Even though I'm sure people in less informal situations use those terms without a problem.

 

Now you lost me. Using "retard" as slang in front of a mother and child with a diagnosis of mental retardation is not in the same ballpark as using other curse words:confused:

 

I don't mean to jump on you, as I see you are trying to understand. Here's my take:

 

Mental retardation continues to be the formal, medical diagnosis for people with cognitive disabilities

 

Even so, because it has been used so negatively for years to mean anything negative under the sun, advocates have gotten away from that term and using more respectful language.

 

Using retarded in a medical diagnosis context is not what insults.

 

Using retarded as slang to mean "stupid, etc., etc." insults.

 

Using "retard" as an insult is not the same as other words or curse words. It is derived from mental retardation, an insult to them, and has morphed into whatever slang meaning it has today. Those who are invested in special populations know of where it came and thus, find it hurtful.

 

B

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

First, no one is "banning" anything. :confused: Asking someone to refrain from using it is not the same as banning.

 

Second, I obviously can't speak for anyone else, but I'd bet very, very few people use the word in a medical or scientific manner in casual conversation.

 

Again, the word has other dictionary meanings such a "slow." You might hear a sentence that says the growth of the mold was retarded by the chemical for example. I realize that there have been people who have used the word cruelly in our country, but I also know that there are people who use the word and are not specifically referring to cognitively impaired people at all and who would never dream of insulting them as well (such as myself). I am curious about the history of the word since I am inclined to believe that it did not have negative connotations to begin with such as the word "gay" which means happy. Of course, today the word "gay can have negative or positive connotations depending upon who you talk to though. I wanted to add that I think *r* the word is different than the *n* word since that word if I am not mistaken has always been an insult:(.

 

Lastly, to clarify,I agree that the health care professional should not have used that word as described by the OP and that it was insensitive.

Edited June 21, 2012 by priscilla

[angela in ohio]

No, WendyK, it's still very much a current diagnosis. Not one that my son has, but many of his classmates do, and as I mentioned upthread, the local school district has a level of spec ed classes referred to as "MR" specifically for mentally retarded children. People don't like to say it out loud precisely because it has become a common insult. It will probably disappear as a diagnosis in the future.

 

I encourage you all to read this: http://r-word.org/r-word-why-pledge.aspx

 

That's pretty old school (the school district use.) The school districts here have all changed the terms, and the county buses were repainted to remove the MR from MR/DD (can't remember what they say now.) The national ARC changed what its letters mean in 1992 - their statement might be helpful to this conversation as a matter of fact:

 

"Changing with the times

 

We, as an organization have been sensitive to the impact of terminology on our constituency and have adapted accordingly. As the words 'retardation' and 'retarded' became pejorative, derogatory and demeaning in usage, the organization changed its name to 'The Arc.'

 

Today, the term 'mental retardation' remains the terminology used in the medical field and referenced in many state and federal laws. However, 'intellectual disability' and 'developmental disability' are making their presence known, and we are doing everything in our power to make sure they're adopted more broadly.

 

We strongly believe the only 'r-word' that should be used when referring to people with intellectual and developmental disabilities is "Respect."

 

Love that last line. :crying:

[Girl Power]

Again, the word has other dictionary meanings such a "slow." You might hear a sentence that says the growth of the mold was retarded by the chemical for example. I realize that there have been people who have used the word cruelly in our country, but I also know that there are people who use the word and are not specifically referring to cognitively impaired people at all and who would never dream of insulting them as well (such as myself). I am curious about the history of the word since I am inclined to believe that it did not have negative connotations to begin with such as the word "gay." Of course, the word "gay can have negative or positive connotations depending upon who you talk to though. I wanted to add that I think *r* the word is different than the *n* word since that word if I am not mistaken has always been an insult:(.

 

Lastly, to clarify,I agree that the health care professional should not have used that word as described by the OP and that it was insensitive.

 

 

Because we don't mean to insult does not mean the word isn't insulting. Of course I don't believe someone using "retard" MEANS to be hurtful to people with disabilities.

 

With regard to origin, mental retardation replaced more specific labels indicating "mental deficiency", including feeblemindedness, moron (high functioning), imbecile (moderate), and idiot (severe/profound).

 

Every term having to do with cognitive disabilities has morphed into a slur. Now do I have the same visceral reaction to hearing "idiot"? No, as retardation has been the medical term since the 1950s and now, it too, has evolved into slang as an insult.

 

Language is not static, it evolves. New words are added to our vocabulary all the time and old words become obsolete and meanings change. That is how I see "retarded". I don't ever remember someone using "retarded" as meaning "slow" as in your example, Priscilla. Outside of a medical context, it always refers to something derogatory.

 

Again, whether you say it with the intent to insult a certain population is not the point. I don't believe many do.

Beckett

[TranquilMind]

Yesterday my dd4 (special needs) had a test done at the hospital. So, it's obvious that she is a special needs child when you meet her, not to mention it was documented on her chart which the nurse had and also I had to give the diagnosis to the nurse during pre-op for the test yesterday and the reason for the test is b/c we are in search of a complete diagnosis...so my point here is that the nurse KNEW my daughter is special needs. Well, this nurse used the word "retarded" twice. No, she did not use it to describe my daughter. She used it to describe one of her own children in this statement, "He is outgoing. He is goofy and retarded.":confused: Then a few minutes later she described one of the machines they use in the test as "retarded." I just sat there, fuming inside, but did not say anything. I wish I had, but I was just so focused on my dd4 that I couldn't think of exactly what to say. What would you have done?

I would have said, "As a Mom of a special needs child who is not at par with some others in some areas, I find the world "retarded" offensive and derogatory. I'm sure you didn't mean to say this to a Mom with a special needs child, but I thought it was important to mention that many people find this offensive."

 

My husband's sister is impaired due to a birth accident (thanks, Doctors!), so we are very sensitive to this. He just bristles every time he hears someone say it. I'm more direct.

[Perry]

Saying something is stupid versus saying something is retarded...well, that's two different things. Stupid is an adjective. Retarded is a medical diagnosis.

 

Retarded is an adjective as well.

 

When you use a word in a negative manner generally, the implication is to suggest that there is something bad about the group of persons to whom the word applies specifically.

 

Apparently, you can't understand this. I suppose you don't have a family member you must defend/protect, so you will remain insensitive to persons who may be irrationally emotional.

I don't use the R word. It's insensitive and insulting. But the same is true of the word stupid. I don't use that word either.

 

I have a child who is not mentally retarded, but he does have learning...challenges. In some areas, he is very delayed. I am very sensitive to people using the words stupid and dumb, for exactly the same reasons people are offended by the R word.

[freeindeed]

I just spent some time reading your blog. What a lovely,lovely blog. Yur family is absolutely wonderful, and Baby Girl is precious beyond words!!!

 

Thank you for your kind words.

 

Also, thank you to all who posted. I am still thinking about contacting her superior, not because I'm angry anymore (I'm not) but because there obviously needs to be some sensitivity training in this area.

 

And I see this is a really "hot" topic. It does bring out a great deal of anger, hurt, and pain. I hope we can learn from this and all think before we speak (or type.) I know I'm continuously learning things as a special needs parent that I didn't know before I became one. :)