freeindeed Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Yesterday my dd4 (special needs) had a test done at the hospital. So, it's obvious that she is a special needs child when you meet her, not to mention it was documented on her chart which the nurse had and also I had to give the diagnosis to the nurse during pre-op for the test yesterday and the reason for the test is b/c we are in search of a complete diagnosis...so my point here is that the nurse KNEW my daughter is special needs. Well, this nurse used the word "retarded" twice. No, she did not use it to describe my daughter. She used it to describe one of her own children in this statement, "He is outgoing. He is goofy and retarded.":confused: Then a few minutes later she described one of the machines they use in the test as "retarded." I just sat there, fuming inside, but did not say anything. I wish I had, but I was just so focused on my dd4 that I couldn't think of exactly what to say. What would you have done? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heathermomster Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Ignore the nurse. People are ignorant. DS and I discuss this fairly often. We have to forgive others for they know not what they say. If she were talking to you about your DD, well that would be another story. How is your DD? Do mind sharing why she was in pre-op? Was she anesthesized? How did all that go? Honestly, I'm more concerned about your DD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted June 21, 2012 Author Share Posted June 21, 2012 Ignore the nurse. People are ignorant. DS and I discuss this fairly often. We have to forgive others for they know not what they say. If she were talking to you about your DD, well that would be another story. How is your DD? Do mind sharing why she was in pre-op? Was she anesthesized? How did all that go? Honestly, I'm more concerned about your DD. Dd had to be sedated for an EEG. She did well. We are in the process of getting a complete diagnosis for her. She is adopted from China, so we don't have any family history on her. She had bloodwork/urinalysis done several months ago for a genetic/chromosomal study so we can get more answers. Dd is visually impaired due to a genetic condition, so neurologist suspects she also has other genetic conditions as well. She is healthy, though, praise God! And usually she is happy, but she does hit herself in the head when she's frustrated or upset. That is the hardest thing to deal with right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 I am sorry you had to experience this. :grouphug: I probably would have mentioned it to an office manager or doctor, stressing the fact that you understood she was probably oblivious to how it made you feel, but that you would not want her to say it in front of anyone else and hurt them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamonaQ Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 I am sorry you had to experience this. :grouphug: I probably would have mentioned it to an office manager or doctor, stressing the fact that you understood she was probably oblivious to how it made you feel, but that you would not want her to say it in front of anyone else and hurt them. :iagree: I think it is fine to send an email to explain. This is an important education opportunity for that department as this type of language is not ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Growing up in the '80's, it was commonly used as a synonym for "lame". I've had to ask people if they would please use "lame" when that's what they mean out of respect for those with cognitive disabilities. I'm not a big fan of politically correct language in general but in this case, I do think it's warranted. And yes, I do realize that "lame" has its origins as a term for the physically disabled, but nobody uses it in that context any more. Whereas "retardation" is still commonly used to describe cognitive disabilities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Wow. I have *2* adult cousins (one now passed away sadly) for whom the R-word was previously applied. I honestly don't know what the correct new word is, but I can tell you now my aunt (the mother of one) is a stinkin' SPITFIRE about anyone who uses that word in her presence that way, and she's NOT afraid to put 'em in their place. She's also in her 70's. ;) So yes I'd feel free to give some educatin' there. The woman needs to know when she's offending people. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted June 21, 2012 Author Share Posted June 21, 2012 I am thinking about contacting her superior. I am no longer angry, but I do think it needs to be addressed. Sensitivity training would be beneficial. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 I am thinking about contacting her superior. I am no longer angry, but I do think it needs to be addressed. Sensitivity training would be beneficial. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny from Tenny Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 I am thinking about contacting her superior. I am no longer angry, but I do think it needs to be addressed. Sensitivity training would be beneficial. :iagree: I have experienced the same thing you did, and I agree with following up. After 27 years of dealing with similar situations, I have learned that sometimes a polite "corrective measure" goes a long way in preventing it from happening to the next person. Someone working in an EEG lab should be more in tune to the patient base than this person was. Blessings, Penny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamonaQ Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 I am thinking about contacting her superior. I am no longer angry, but I do think it needs to be addressed. Sensitivity training would be beneficial. :iagree::iagree: I think you would be doing a huge service for other families and for this worker to learn about others. I did something similar at our church, sharing with the elementary co-ordinator how her language made me feel. I focused it very much about how this comes across to me and how it made me feel. It was well received. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kricau Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Oh, that is horrible :(!!!! I just had someone say that in front of me the other day and I was SHOCKED. I didn't know what to do? It was in reference to a person. So it was very offensive. What do you say to someone like that? I mean I know this person (not closely or anything) and I couldn't believe she would say that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Wow. I have *2* adult cousins (one now passed away sadly) for whom the R-word was previously applied. I honestly don't know what the correct new word is, but I can tell you now my aunt (the mother of one) is a stinkin' SPITFIRE about anyone who uses that word in her presence that way, and she's NOT afraid to put 'em in their place. She's also in her 70's. ;) So yes I'd feel free to give some educatin' there. The woman needs to know when she's offending people. :D :iagree: I would have had the same reaction as OhElizabeth's aunt. When it comes to things like that, I am not so nice :glare:. I am thinking about contacting her superior. I am no longer angry, but I do think it needs to be addressed. Sensitivity training would be beneficial. Since you did not have the opportunity to say something when it happened, I would definitely take action after the fact. If this is a word that is common in this person's vocabulary, then something needs to be done, given her position. I agree that I too am not that big on the extremes political correctness has reached these days, but certain things are just NOT right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmama Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Unfortunately, I have had this happen as well. As a parent of a child with Down syndrome, I am hyper-sensitive to the r-word. At the same time, I realize that people use it out of unfortunate habit. The memory that sticks with me the most occurred two years ago, when I had to undergo a biopsy after a mammogram. So there I am, prepped and ready for the doc, and the two nurses are making awkward small talk. One tells a story of her teenage daughter at the beach, using the r-word twice to refer to her child. Imagine this scene (as best memory recalls): I struggle. Part of me just doesn't want to say anything. I'm in a gown, b**k exposed, etc. But then I decide to try a different tactic. I turn to the other nurse and say, "Do you know any sign language? I do. My son has Down syndrome, and he uses signs to communicate." And I start babbling about my precious son and how people see him as disabled but I see him as beautiful. And both the nurses' eyes get wide -- the one who used the r-word and with whom I am pointedly NOT making eye contact, and then I see the eyes of the other nurse, whose body and eye language wishes that the other woman would just walk out of the room forever. I made my point, I think. I'm not proud of the fact that I could have been more explicit. But, given the circumstances, I think I made a point, one which I hope will last. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkateLeft Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 I take that opportunity to educate people. It's not okay to use that word, regardless of what people "mean." It's not "just a word" anymore than any other slur used to demean people is "just a word." I think I've posted this here within the last week or so, but check out the resources at Spread the Word to End the Word. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Unfortunately, I have had this happen as well. As a parent of a child with Down syndrome, I am hyper-sensitive to the r-word. At the same time, I realize that people use it out of unfortunate habit. The memory that sticks with me the most occurred two years ago, when I had to undergo a biopsy after a mammogram. So there I am, prepped and ready for the doc, and the two nurses are making awkward small talk. One tells a story of her teenage daughter at the beach, using the r-word twice to refer to her child. Imagine this scene (as best memory recalls): I struggle. Part of me just doesn't want to say anything. I'm in a gown, b**k exposed, etc. But then I decide to try a different tactic. I turn to the other nurse and say, "Do you know any sign language? I do. My son has Down syndrome, and he uses signs to communicate." And I start babbling about my precious son and how people see him as disabled but I see him as beautiful. And both the nurses' eyes get wide -- the one who used the r-word and with whom I am pointedly NOT making eye contact, and then I see the eyes of the other nurse, whose body and eye language wishes that the other woman would just walk out of the room forever. I made my point, I think. I'm not proud of the fact that I could have been more explicit. But, given the circumstances, I think I made a point, one which I hope will last. There is nothing wrong with making your point in a subtle way. I think you did a wonderful job :)! I try to be subtle sometimes but I am just not gifted in that sense :tongue_smilie:. I think this is probably why I rub people the wrong way, more often than not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted June 22, 2012 Author Share Posted June 22, 2012 Unfortunately, I have had this happen as well. As a parent of a child with Down syndrome, I am hyper-sensitive to the r-word. At the same time, I realize that people use it out of unfortunate habit. The memory that sticks with me the most occurred two years ago, when I had to undergo a biopsy after a mammogram. So there I am, prepped and ready for the doc, and the two nurses are making awkward small talk. One tells a story of her teenage daughter at the beach, using the r-word twice to refer to her child. Imagine this scene (as best memory recalls): I struggle. Part of me just doesn't want to say anything. I'm in a gown, b**k exposed, etc. But then I decide to try a different tactic. I turn to the other nurse and say, "Do you know any sign language? I do. My son has Down syndrome, and he uses signs to communicate." And I start babbling about my precious son and how people see him as disabled but I see him as beautiful. And both the nurses' eyes get wide -- the one who used the r-word and with whom I am pointedly NOT making eye contact, and then I see the eyes of the other nurse, whose body and eye language wishes that the other woman would just walk out of the room forever. I made my point, I think. I'm not proud of the fact that I could have been more explicit. But, given the circumstances, I think I made a point, one which I hope will last. I think you did a beautiful job of speaking what was on your heart, especially considering the stress you were under personally due to your own medical issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.