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Homeschooling objections...can you help?


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Hello everyone,

 

I was wondering whether I could get some help with answering some homeschool objections quite specific to our situation. I am sure many of you have had more experience in homeschooling than we have and may have worked out answers to these sorts of questions.

 

Background: Often when a mother has a break during the day from her school kids, when they're at school she can get a chance to have downtime, relax and be in a better state of mind, calm and not stressed out when the kids come home. Being at home all the time when I h'sch can bring out the stress in me and make me feel frazzled and respond more emotionally than I should.

 

1. How does the homeschooling parent stay calm and not frazzled (mood wise) during the day.

 

Background: I have found that after yrs of h'sing I lost my confidence in public.

 

2. Does anyone else find that they have found that because they homeschool that it has made them become more nervous around people when they go outside of the home.

 

3. How does the h'sing parents handle the worry that their child/ren do not have as many opportunities for making friendships and playing with other kids (we have any only child)

 

4. How do other h'sing parents handle the worry about their child not having exposure to different sports, drama (like acting or school plays/musicals/choir, music or arts) that they do in school.

 

5. How do h'sing parents get their children to learn how to cope or solve conflict in their peer relationships or making good decisions regarding friendships, when they may not necessarily get the exposure to really tricky social situations.

 

6. How do we expose or prepare our kids to do speeches or practice oral presentations to people other than family, so that the child learns confidence in speaking.

 

7. Do any other h'sing parents often have a built in default that makes them think that school is "normal" place for their kids to go. I find that because I enjoyed school and went through the schooling system myself I struggle with maintaining a place of peace about homeschooling and can default back to schooling in my head as what "normal" is. How have h'sing parents coped with this type of default thinking.

 

8. In our experience our child listens better to a school teacher, who she respects more than to me, the mother, homeschooling. I wish this wasn't the case but it is the truth. In the past DD has respected and listens well to the information taught at school and responds to school well BUT in the homeschool she is not as engaging.

 

Thanks to anyone who helps me work through these thoughts and questions!!

Regards Sherid

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This is my experience, not necessarily how I feel you should take action. With most of these questions, I wouldn't get into it with a non-homeschooler. Some will never understand no matter how many activities, etc.

 

1. I have some quiet times each day. But I had kids in PS, and I was frazzled then as well. The grass isn't always greener...

 

2. No. I don't talk about it to just anyone.

 

3. I make the opportunities. But we haven't had a problem. Neighbor kids come over each afternoon. We have friends from various homeschool groups and church.

 

4. I enroll them if they are interested.

 

5. See #3. Even in those seemingly limited groups there's plenty of drama (sticky sociall situations) and choices to be made about who to "hang out" with.

 

6. Classical Conversations, Toast Masters, Cub Scouts, 4-H

 

7. We started in public school. I no longer have those feelings towards school.

 

8. I'm very sorry this is happening. :( I can't identify with the problem. My DD transitioned to HS without this issue.

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Hello everyone,

 

1. How does the homeschooling parent stay calm and not frazzled (mood wise) during the day.

 

Spend time with other homeschooling moms/families on a regular basis.

 

3. How does the h'sing parents handle the worry that their child/ren do not have as many opportunities for making friendships and playing with other kids (we have any only child)

 

We spend time with other homeschooling families. We also do way more activities than schooled kids have time for - sports, scouts, etc.

 

4. How do other h'sing parents handle the worry about their child not having exposure to different sports, drama (like acting or school plays/musicals/choir, music or arts) that they do in school.

We do sports (swimming, tennis, skating, dance, soccer, etc. etc.) in the community. We do performance through classes (dance, theater), and in DIY groups and co-ops.

 

5. How do h'sing parents get their children to learn how to cope or solve conflict in their peer relationships or making good decisions regarding friendships, when they may not necessarily get the exposure to really tricky social situations.

 

We spend time with other homeschooling families, with extended family, and with neighborhood children.

 

6. How do we expose or prepare our kids to do speeches or practice oral presentations to people other than family, so that the child learns confidence in speaking.

 

We create events with other homeschooling families, formal and informal, in which children give performances and presentations. In addition, older children take leadership roles in DIY groups of various kinds. Also, activities such as scouts include leadership opportunities, as do performance opportunities in theater, etc.

 

8. In our experience our child listens better to a school teacher, who she respects more than to me, the mother, homeschooling. I wish this wasn't the case but it is the truth. In the past DD has respected and listens well to the information taught at school and responds to school well BUT in the homeschool she is not as engaging.

 

We create opportunities for children to have a variety of teachers, through formal and informal settings in the homeschooling community, and through scouts and other activities.

 

 

Family and community are the answers to most of your questions.

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Yes, family and community.

 

We seize opportunities where we can. There is not much for kids in the way of public school electives here (art was a paltry 6 weeks) so we seek out whatever, wherever we can. We've gotten together a co-op that is focused mainly on electives. The kids go to afterschool clubs and programs. We look for teachers who specialize in a subject or skill to help aid us. We look for some subjects to be self-teaching.

 

Moreso, WE GET OUTSIDE. It is much easier to learn the height of say, the Easter Island statues if we can compare what it would be both laying down and standing up. Or using street signs and drain holes to figure out area during a pi lesson. When we can't get out and about, we do our best to maintain a momentum inside - one lesson sitting then one moving around, for example. I feel calmer, we get more accomplished, and the stress tends to disappear because we're not piling it on.

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Hello everyone,

 

I was wondering whether I could get some help with answering some homeschool objections quite specific to our situation. I am sure many of you have had more experience in homeschooling than we have and may have worked out answers to these sorts of questions.

 

Background: Often when a mother has a break during the day from her school kids, when they're at school she can get a chance to have downtime, relax and be in a better state of mind, calm and not stressed out when the kids come home. Being at home all the time when I h'sch can bring out the stress in me and make me feel frazzled and respond more emotionally than I should.

 

1. How does the homeschooling parent stay calm and not frazzled (mood wise) during the day.

 

I take breaks, and I make sure the children get breaks too. If I find myself getting frazzled, I step back and start over. Same as any time we get frazzled while parenting, I suppose.

 

2. Does anyone else find that they have found that because they homeschool that it has made them become more nervous around people when they go outside of the home.

 

No. Quite the opposite. I am an introvert, and the extra time in my own space with my people helps me to recharge quickly so that I've got lots more energy to spare for social time.

 

3. How does the h'sing parents handle the worry that their child/ren do not have as many opportunities for making friendships and playing with other kids (we have any only child)

 

We purposefully seek out social opportunities for the children. We cultivate friendships with neighbor families and involve our children in outside activities.

 

4. How do other h'sing parents handle the worry about their child not having exposure to different sports, drama (like acting or school plays/musicals/choir, music or arts) that they do in school.

 

Hmm...this isn't really an issue for us, since our children do or have done all of those activities. We sign up for them as extracurriculars. :)

 

5. How do h'sing parents get their children to learn how to cope or solve conflict in their peer relationships or making good decisions regarding friendships, when they may not necessarily get the exposure to really tricky social situations.

 

This is, in my opinion, one of the strengths of homeschooling. Our children are not exposed to those kinds of situations (usually) until they have the maturity and social experience to deal with them. I don't mean in a sheltered kind of way. I mean that (in our experience, anyway) the children are spending more time in mixed groups with older children and adults as models and younger children to model for. They aren't exposed to those tricky situations on their own until they've had some guided experience, seeing and modeling appropriate social behaviors, so they are able to negotiate tricky social situations successfully.

 

6. How do we expose or prepare our kids to do speeches or practice oral presentations to people other than family, so that the child learns confidence in speaking.

 

This has been difficult for us. Our children have done a little theater, and they've got performance experience through choir and instrument recitals, but giving oral presentations to an audience is a challenge. There are speech classes available through local homeschool co-ops, but we just haven't had time to sign up.

 

7. Do any other h'sing parents often have a built in default that makes them think that school is "normal" place for their kids to go. I find that because I enjoyed school and went through the schooling system myself I struggle with maintaining a place of peace about homeschooling and can default back to schooling in my head as what "normal" is. How have h'sing parents coped with this type of default thinking.

 

I haven't really experienced this. Maybe because I am not normal? :tongue_smilie: I'm joking somewhat, but at the same time, I'm very clear with myself that homeschooling is a choice we made because we don't necessarily want our children to experience what passes as "normal" in our public school system. Gosh, that sounded snotty toward ps, and that's not really my intention, but I do want my kids to learn more and differently.

 

8. In our experience our child listens better to a school teacher, who she respects more than to me, the mother, homeschooling. I wish this wasn't the case but it is the truth. In the past DD has respected and listens well to the information taught at school and responds to school well BUT in the homeschool she is not as engaging.

 

:grouphug: This is difficult. Let's re-frame. Think of this: Will she listen to you better if she goes to public school? Probably not. Following directions and engaging in what you're presenting is a parenting issue, not really a learning issue. Homeschooling has offered my children, two of whom are quite strong-willed, the opportunity to develop strong relationships, and homeschooling definitely takes place within the context of those relationships. In this situation, I'd work on finding a balance between enough choice to help her feel as though she's got some control, and strong boundaries so that she's clear that her choices must be made within the boundaries you set.

 

 

Cat

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1. How does the homeschooling parent stay calm and not frazzled (mood wise) during the day.

 

Figure out what recharges your batteries and how often you need it, and make sure you do it. For me, it used to be a weekly support group for a different issue. I've moved away from that group but I still attend their retreats twice a year, and DH won't let me miss it because he knows how much it makes a difference to my state of mind. I also use homeschool events (park days, field trips, activities) to recharge. A park day means my kids get to play, but it also means I get to sit and chat with another adult. If needed, I'll even get in touch with soem friends and schedule a fun night with them...anything from an evening at the coffee shop to seeing a movie to organizing a game night at my house.

 

2. Does anyone else find that they have found that because they homeschool that it has made them become more nervous around people when they go outside of the home.

 

Sort of, but it wasn't a homeschooling issue so much as a self-care issue. I had stopped reading for my own pleasure, stopped my personal creative pursuits, stopped being involved in church, etc. This is the year that I get my confidence back. I'm actively getting involved in life beyond homeschooling again; it feels good.

 

3. How does the h'sing parents handle the worry that their child/ren do not have as many opportunities for making friendships and playing with other kids (we have any only child).

 

You work on finding those friendships. Find interest based groups (not necessarily classes because they are often too focused on the lessons to get to know classmates) to join is one good way. We became members of an astronomy club for precisely this reason.

 

4. How do other h'sing parents handle the worry about their child not having exposure to different sports, drama (like acting or school plays/musicals/choir, music or arts) that they do in school.

 

I don't worry about this too much. If my child shows a strong interest in something, we make an effort to find an outlet for that. If there's little to no interest, it isn't something we spent our time and money on.

 

5. How do h'sing parents get their children to learn how to cope or solve conflict in their peer relationships or making good decisions regarding friendships, when they may not necessarily get the exposure to really tricky social situations.

 

When you are involved in the community and life, you'll have exposure to social situations. The good thing is that you are usually more involved...you see what is happening and how your child is responding...and can counsel your child in how to handle it. When your child is in school, you may not be aware of the issues they are being faced with and are unable to observe what is going on to get a better understanding of it, which makes it harder to help your child work through it.

 

6. How do we expose or prepare our kids to do speeches or practice oral presentations to people other than family, so that the child learns confidence in speaking.

 

Invite extended friends and family over for an oral presentation. Help your homeschool group plan for oral presentation opportunities for the kids. This can be as simple as an occasional show and tell for young kids to as involved as a formal speech for older kids. Get them involved in debate, speech, or toastmasters. Have older kids volunteer somewhere where they can be in a docent or docent in training role.

 

7. Do any other h'sing parents often have a built in default that makes them think that school is "normal" place for their kids to go. I find that because I enjoyed school and went through the schooling system myself I struggle with maintaining a place of peace about homeschooling and can default back to schooling in my head as what "normal" is. How have h'sing parents coped with this type of default thinking.

 

Nope. Don't have that problem. While I enjoyed school and most of my teachers, there are enough negatives, in my opinion, about public school that I have no desire to send my kids there.

 

8. In our experience our child listens better to a school teacher, who she respects more than to me, the mother, homeschooling. I wish this wasn't the case but it is the truth. In the past DD has respected and listens well to the information taught at school and responds to school well BUT in the homeschool she is not as engaging.

 

This is a parenting issue not a place where school takes place issue. She doesn't respect or listen to you because you don't require it. (I'm not saying I do this well and don't have certain issues to work through.)

 

One thing that is important to remember is that having doubts is a natual part of going against the grain of society. Get used to it. It will likely never end. When you are feeling that way, talk to supportive friends and other homeschooling parents, read something that inspires you, look for solutions to the issues bugging you.

Edited by joannqn
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Thanks everyone who replied to my questions.

 

DD has been homeschooled for 18 months and then we moved country about 3 months ago and at the same time I got injured through triathlon training. So due to me health and the move we decided to put DD into school for a term.

 

It is nearing the end of the term, last day tomorrow and we are getting ready to homeschool again. DD is devastated about leaving school. I have written up all these ideas of why we believe we should homeschool and I came up with the objections which I posted on. I wanted to help brainstorm solutions to these objections, so I could prepare myself in advance for the doubts that come.

 

I struggle with guilt in every situations whether it be homeschooling or if she is in school. By asking the questions I wanted to see what was general feelings for homeschooling and which were overexaggerated responses from me.

 

Part of the problem is that we are new to a new country; are still visiting churches to find one we call home; it is taking a while to connect with the homeschooling community as they have monthly meetings but since we have arrived all have been cancelled due to bad weather...and I can't call anyone in the group to come over to "play" as I don't know them.

 

And my DD is LOVING being in school.

 

Thank you all so much

Regards

Sherid

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1. How does the homeschooling parent stay calm and not frazzled (mood wise) during the day.

 

Background: I have found that after yrs of h'sing I lost my confidence in public.

 

 

On my best days I've gotten to bed the night before at a decent time and made a good protein-packed breakfast for the kids and I. At noon we have a one or two hour quiet time where we all have to do some quiet activity. Since I have a 7 month old I generally nap these days. :D

 

2. Does anyone else find that they have found that because they homeschool that it has made them become more nervous around people when they go outside of the home.

 

No, I've found the opposite. As we've homeschooled I've gotten more involved in the community (choir, Girl Guides, etc.) in order to make sure I have time to myself and to help my kids with social activities. It's made me a lot more confident outside the home.

 

3. How does the h'sing parents handle the worry that their child/ren do not have as many opportunities for making friendships and playing with other kids (we have any only child)

 

I got out and got involved in community groups like Girl Guides where I AND my kids could socialize.

 

4. How do other h'sing parents handle the worry about their child not having exposure to different sports, drama (like acting or school plays/musicals/choir, music or arts) that they do in school.

 

Again, I got involved in community groups where they could get exposed to some of those things. When we could afford it we also got the kids into music lessons. Another local hser enrolled her kids in a couple of classes in their local school, mainly art and phys ed classes I think.

 

5. How do h'sing parents get their children to learn how to cope or solve conflict in their peer relationships or making good decisions regarding friendships, when they may not necessarily get the exposure to really tricky social situations.

 

This is the same territory again - those situations happen in local community groups and activities. But they also happen at home. My daughter is very confident when she's around her peers. I figure that she's learned to deal with me, her father and her brother so after that some snarky teenage girls is small stuff.

 

6. How do we expose or prepare our kids to do speeches or practice oral presentations to people other than family, so that the child learns confidence in speaking.

 

See all the above on local community groups and such. :D There are tons of opportunities for this stuff outside of school if you look for them.

 

7. Do any other h'sing parents often have a built in default that makes them think that school is "normal" place for their kids to go. I find that because I enjoyed school and went through the schooling system myself I struggle with maintaining a place of peace about homeschooling and can default back to schooling in my head as what "normal" is. How have h'sing parents coped with this type of default thinking.

 

The default goes away in time. After 8 years of homeschooling I now think school is the weird place...But that IS after 8 years remember.

 

8. In our experience our child listens better to a school teacher, who she respects more than to me, the mother, homeschooling. I wish this wasn't the case but it is the truth. In the past DD has respected and listens well to the information taught at school and responds to school well BUT in the homeschool she is not as engaging.

 

How long have you been homeschooling? First off, it takes time. Second, homeschooling your kids won't look or feel like a school classroom and you can't expect the same dynamic. You may have to find a different way of delivering the information and engaging her.

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1. How does the homeschooling parent stay calm and not frazzled (mood wise) during the day.

Nap time or for older kids free reading time in their room about mid afternoon for at least 90 minuets.

 

2. Does anyone else find that they have found that because they homeschool that it has made them become more nervous around people when they go outside of the home.

No, of all my problems I don't have this one.

 

3. How does the h'sing parents handle the worry that their child/ren do not have as many opportunities for making friendships and playing with other kids (we have any only child)

I have an only who has friends. It is a priority to make sure she is able to visit with her friends at least once a week during the school year. She also has many activities after school. During the summer we are either with friends or on the road.

 

Be sure to provide opportunities for find a best friend or two. Church, or other spiritual house; the library; lessons and activities; homeschool co-op; summer camp all provide opportunities for making friends.

 

4. How do other h'sing parents handle the worry about their child not having exposure to different sports, drama (like acting or school plays/musicals/choir, music or arts) that they do in school.

Lessons. We do without some things so dd can take 3 dance classes, tai chi, guitar, drama and girls' club.

 

5. How do h'sing parents get their children to learn how to cope or solve conflict in their peer relationships or making good decisions regarding friendships, when they may not necessarily get the exposure to really tricky social situations.

How old is your kiddo? Interpersonal relationship conflict are worked out by having and being a friend. The rest comes about with maturity. When one is not exposed to sex, drugs and rock n' roll daily daily and early in school one has the opportunity to mature and not submit so easily to peer pressure.

 

(Disclaimer: FTR I find nothing at all wrong with rock n' roll. It is my favorite music genre.)

 

6. How do we expose or prepare our kids to do speeches or practice oral presentations to people other than family, so that the child learns confidence in speaking.

This may or may not come. Some people, especially introverts do not do well with speeches or oral presentations. But if you really want to make sure your kiddo is exposed, check your area for a local drama club to join.

 

7. Do any other h'sing parents often have a built in default that makes them think that school is "normal" place for their kids to go. I find that because I enjoyed school and went through the schooling system myself I struggle with maintaining a place of peace about homeschooling and can default back to schooling in my head as what "normal" is. How have h'sing parents coped with this type of default thinking.

I suppose it depends on why you homeschool in the first place. We homeschool for academic excellence, family togetherness and flexibility. I keep those in mind whenever the question of PS arises. So why are you homeschooling?

 

8. In our experience our child listens better to a school teacher, who she respects more than to me, the mother, homeschooling. I wish this wasn't the case but it is the truth. In the past DD has respected and listens well to the information taught at school and responds to school well BUT in the homeschool she is not as engaging.

This may be a discipline issue not a homeschool issue. Does she respect what you say other than during school times?

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And my DD is LOVING being in school.

 

 

I'm thinking you're already leaning towards letting her go to school. :) That is absolutely fine. If that's what she's enjoying right now, if she's learning and if you're still trying to get your feet under you after this move then it sounds like a great option.

 

There is nothing inherently virtuous or "better" about homeschooling. Sending your child to school doesn't make you any less of a parent.

 

If I were you I would dump the guilt and go with the option that causes you the least amount of stress right now until you've got things settled.

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1. How does the homeschooling parent stay calm and not frazzled (mood wise) during the day.

 

Create and maintain a structure that allows you time to yourself during the day. When my kids were little, they had quiet time in their rooms for an hour or two every day. My husband was also really good about making sure I got out of the house by myself for an evening when I needed it. I'd go to the bookstore to browse and have a cup of coffee, or I'd go to a movie by myself, whatever.

 

2. Does anyone else find that they have found that because they homeschool that it has made them become more nervous around people when they go outside of the home.

 

Honestly? No, that hasn't been a problem for me. We spend lots of time outside of the house. In fact, for several years when my kids were younger, the majority of my social time happened when I was hanging out with other parents waiting for kids in classes, lessons and activities.

 

3. How does the h'sing parents handle the worry that their child/ren do not have as many opportunities for making friendships and playing with other kids (we have any only child)

 

I make sure they have opportunities.

 

My kids have been active at church, in theatre, in community clubs and organizations, in outside classes and extracurriculars, in homeschool groups . . .

 

4. How do other h'sing parents handle the worry about their child not having exposure to different sports, drama (like acting or school plays/musicals/choir, music or arts) that they do in school.

 

I get them those opportunities. My kids have done more shows than I can remember off the top of my head. They have both sung with multiple choirs. They've taken classes at the art museum and dance classes and voice lessons . . .

 

5. How do h'sing parents get their children to learn how to cope or solve conflict in their peer relationships or making good decisions regarding friendships, when they may not necessarily get the exposure to really tricky social situations.

 

Why wouldn't they get that exposure? Homeschooling doesn't mean chaining them to desks in the kitchen. Homeschoolers have friends and participate in the world. Neither of mine has ever had any issue with negotiating those kinds of situations. In fact, they have both turned out to be leaders in that regard. My daughter ended up serving as a peer counselor in her dorm because of her skills in that area.

 

6. How do we expose or prepare our kids to do speeches or practice oral presentations to people other than family, so that the child learns confidence in speaking.

 

Mine are both active in theatre and performing arts. So, they get lots (and lots!) of practice being in front of groups of people. However, when they were younger, they also participated in science fairs and other events with homeschool groups that required/allowed them to give oral presentations and such. My daughter was a member of the local anthropological society when she was nine and 10, and she took her turn every now and then goving presentations about various topics. Nowadays, my son volunteers at the local science center giving demonstrations.

 

7. Do any other h'sing parents often have a built in default that makes them think that school is "normal" place for their kids to go. I find that because I enjoyed school and went through the schooling system myself I struggle with maintaining a place of peace about homeschooling and can default back to schooling in my head as what "normal" is. How have h'sing parents coped with this type of default thinking.

 

I got over it quickly. Neither my husband nor I had what one would call "good" experiences in school. When our daughter was very young and we were just getting started, I did tend to default to trying to recreate school at home, but we learned quickly the joys that flexibility offered to us.

 

8. In our experience our child listens better to a school teacher, who she respects more than to me, the mother, homeschooling. I wish this wasn't the case but it is the truth. In the past DD has respected and listens well to the information taught at school and responds to school well BUT in the homeschool she is not as engaging.

 

Since mine never attended school, this isn't an issue we've encountered. I have heard that kids who have been in school benefit from a period of "deschooling" to help with the transition. I also wonder if, again, establishing and sticking to a routine might be helpful?

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1. How does the homeschooling parent stay calm and not frazzled (mood wise) during the day.

 

Not sure, I am still trying to figure that one out myself, especially since my 3 year old wants my attention all the time.

2. Does anyone else find that they have found that because they homeschool that it has made them become more nervous around people when they go outside of the home.

 

No, not for me.

 

3. How does the h'sing parents handle the worry that their child/ren do not have as many opportunities for making friendships and playing with other kids (we have any only child)

 

This is an issue with me....my work schedule and the fact that ds's few friends go to public school. There is no one in our local hs group homeschooling kids around his age it seems like...so unfortunately his social circle is very small and I hate that. I try to have him in some sort of lessons so that he can have other interaction and he goes to "daycare" 3.5 days a week..even though most of the kids are a lot younger.

 

4. How do other h'sing parents handle the worry about their child not having exposure to different sports, drama (like acting or school plays/musicals/choir, music or arts) that they do in school.

 

Our local parks and rec dept for the city has classes year round...though they seem to be mostly for under 6 and 14 and up. Hopefully he can do piano lessons year round.

 

5. How do h'sing parents get their children to learn how to cope or solve conflict in their peer relationships or making good decisions regarding friendships, when they may not necessarily get the exposure to really tricky social situations.

 

We kind of have this issue now....since ds has a sister that he has to learn how to get along with. These lessons get reinforced at daycare and stuff. Plus, he has two neighbor boys he likes to play with, one of whom isn't a great influence though...so he is learning what to avoid and what to look for in a friend.

 

6. How do we expose or prepare our kids to do speeches or practice oral presentations to people other than family, so that the child learns confidence in speaking.

 

Public speaking is a big part of our ministry so I have nooooooo doubt he will gradually get there lol.

 

7. Do any other h'sing parents often have a built in default that makes them think that school is "normal" place for their kids to go. I find that because I enjoyed school and went through the schooling system myself I struggle with maintaining a place of peace about homeschooling and can default back to schooling in my head as what "normal" is. How have h'sing parents coped with this type of default thinking.

 

I think so, because I too grew up in the ps system. I didn't have great experiences at all but I had some good ones. For me it is hard to remember I am reinventing "normal" for our lives.

 

8. In our experience our child listens better to a school teacher, who she respects more than to me, the mother, homeschooling. I wish this wasn't the case but it is the truth. In the past DD has respected and listens well to the information taught at school and responds to school well BUT in the homeschool she is not as engaging.

 

This is not unusual....I have seen a lot of kids this way. A friend of mine tried to hs her daughter for 4th grade using K12 and it just didn't work...she had been public schooled her whole life and it just went over like a lopsided turd in a punch bowl....she fought and fought and fought and she went back to public school after that year and has been there ever since, much happier and less conflict. Sometimes there are ways around it....sometimes there isn't.

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1. How does the homeschooling parent stay calm and not frazzled (mood wise) during the day.

I have no idea. I'm an easily-stressed person and I do get frazzled during the day. For me, it honestly has more to do with all the things we have to do along with homeschooling than with homeschooling itself. On days that we don't have any activities to run to, I'm much, much calmer about homeschooling.

 

 

2. Does anyone else find that they have found that because they homeschool that it has made them become more nervous around people when they go outside of the home.

No. Well, maybe initially when I was a newbie and was concerned about the reactions I'd receive about homeschooling. Most of the reactions I've received have ranged from curiosity to enthusiasm. I've received very few negative reactions.

 

3. How does the h'sing parents handle the worry that their child/ren do not have as many opportunities for making friendships and playing with other kids (we have any only child)

I have more than one child, but I do make sure my kids are involved in activities and that they're around other kids. Since DS learned to ride his bike (finally at 8 -- that one is a late bloomer) he has been making friends in the neighborhood.

 

4. How do other h'sing parents handle the worry about their child not having exposure to different sports, drama (like acting or school plays/musicals/choir, music or arts) that they do in school.

Why wouldn't they have exposure to these things? We exposed our children to a wide variety of activities from the time they were pre-schoolers to see where their interests were. We would have done this regardless of whether we sent them to school or kept them home. My kids are involved in several activities, and can participate in school-sponsored activities in my state if I choose.

 

 

5. How do h'sing parents get their children to learn how to cope or solve conflict in their peer relationships or making good decisions regarding friendships, when they may not necessarily get the exposure to really tricky social situations.

Have you ever seen Dance Moms? Enroll your kid in some dance classes and she'll gain all the problem-solving/coping mechanisms she'll need for life. I'm only half-joking here. My DD has had some tricky social situations crop up in dance this year including bullying by another child. The benefit of homeschooling is I see it more at dance where I'm there watching than I would if she were in school all day and I wasn't there. I was able to talk to her about it and guide her on how to handle it. I did not go to the teacher, but empowered her to stand up to this other child on her own.

 

6. How do we expose or prepare our kids to do speeches or practice oral presentations to people other than family, so that the child learns confidence in speaking.

Some kids are going to have the confidence to do this and some kids aren't whether or not they're homeschooled. DD is used to being in front of people for dance and has no problem with it. DS HATES being the focus of attention for something like that. Both kids are in a scouting group together and have to orally present badge work. That's helped DS some, but he's one of those people who is most likely always going to have a bit of a hard time with public speaking.

 

7. Do any other h'sing parents often have a built in default that makes them think that school is "normal" place for their kids to go. I find that because I enjoyed school and went through the schooling system myself I struggle with maintaining a place of peace about homeschooling and can default back to schooling in my head as what "normal" is. How have h'sing parents coped with this type of default thinking.

My mind used to go there too. It doesn't anymore. For me, it's been experience. As homeschooling has become "normal" for my family, that has been reset as the default. I think a lot of getting there is conquering your own demons and fears that crop up in regards to homeschooling.

 

8. In our experience our child listens better to a school teacher, who she respects more than to me, the mother, homeschooling. I wish this wasn't the case but it is the truth. In the past DD has respected and listens well to the information taught at school and responds to school well BUT in the homeschool she is not as engaging.

I have always taken the stance that my child BETTER listen to me. I think it's a self-confidence thing. You have to exude confidence and create immediate consequences for actions. I'm not saying my kids listen to me all the time (they don't -- especially not DS) but they listen to me at least as well as other people if not better. My son is a tough one too, but has gotten much better. It would have been so easy to throw my hands up in the air and let him step all over me, but I learned early on that if I do that just ONE time, he will push, push, push so much harder the next time. What it also comes down to is if he won't listen to me, WHY should he listen to anyone else? Be firm with your consequences for not listening, don't get emotional about it (that's where I struggle -- it's so much easier said than done), and follow through swiftly.

Edited by jujsky
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Part of the problem is that we are new to a new country; are still visiting churches to find one we call home; it is taking a while to connect with the homeschooling community as they have monthly meetings but since we have arrived all have been cancelled due to bad weather...and I can't call anyone in the group to come over to "play" as I don't know them.

 

Finding new friends in a new community is difficult sometimes. We just went through a year of loneliness while we looked for new friends after a move. I have found that you have to actively put yourself out there and look for friends, and even then it can be slow going. In my experience, finding friends is the hardest part of homeschooling.

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1. How does the homeschooling parent stay calm and not frazzled (mood wise) during the day.

 

I gave myself permission to take time off when I needed it. Sometimes that meant a day without academics. Mental health is important. Are you having problems with people in your life that are commenting about your moods? Or is this just something you're thinking about on your own?

 

2. Does anyone else find that they have found that because they homeschool that it has made them become more nervous around people when they go outside of the home.

 

Yes. When the kids were much younger, I joined a couple of homeschool groups. It was nice to socialize sometimes. But for various reasons, I left the groups and had one good friend. After our friendship broke up, I had no one and I couldn't bring myself to try to find new friends because I felt self-conscious about many things. I have not done much to remedy that.

 

3. How does the h'sing parents handle the worry that their child/ren do not have as many opportunities for making friendships and playing with other kids (we have any only child)

 

My kids played at a once-a-week park day. They played with one another while they were very young. And then they just stopped. It's every man for himself nowadays. They wish they had friends but we can't come up with any ideas. Well, that is one of the reasons dd14 will be going to public school in the fall. She said that homeschooling is just isolating and she doesn't feel it's healthy for her anymore.

 

4. How do other h'sing parents handle the worry about their child not having exposure to different sports, drama (like acting or school plays/musicals/choir, music or arts) that they do in school.

 

I've been lucky to find some classes. We joined a Christian Fine Arts program that had music lessons and orchestras, and a few extra things. That lasted for a couple of years. And now my dd14 is in her 2nd year at a drama class that is offered through another performing arts business.

 

5. How do h'sing parents get their children to learn how to cope or solve conflict in their peer relationships or making good decisions regarding friendships, when they may not necessarily get the exposure to really tricky social situations.

 

This would require your child be in situations where she can have the opportunities to learn these skills. You are a role model for much of it, but being in a peer relationship adds an element that you cannot.

 

6. How do we expose or prepare our kids to do speeches or practice oral presentations to people other than family, so that the child learns confidence in speaking.

 

Again, this simply requires the opportunity for such a situation. FWIW, my kids have never done public or private speeches. I remember doing some class presentations in school and college, but it's not something I did a lot. It hasn't really occurred to me that I should teach my children how to make a speech. It's possible that can come back to bite. I guess we'll just deal with it when and if it ever happens.

 

7. Do any other h'sing parents often have a built in default that makes them think that school is "normal" place for their kids to go. I find that because I enjoyed school and went through the schooling system myself I struggle with maintaining a place of peace about homeschooling and can default back to schooling in my head as what "normal" is. How have h'sing parents coped with this type of default thinking.

 

In the beginning of my homeschooling, I struggled with thinking our homeschooling was off the beaten path. As I got more experience under my belt, homeschooling became our way of life. It seems totally normal to me. However, I do realize there are things that happen in a school setting that I cannot expose my children to. It's not all good stuff, so I don't worry about. Basically, it just took time for me to feel really confident. And I'm talking 3 or 4 years.

 

8. In our experience our child listens better to a school teacher, who she respects more than to me, the mother, homeschooling. I wish this wasn't the case but it is the truth. In the past DD has respected and listens well to the information taught at school and responds to school well BUT in the homeschool she is not as engaging.

 

That's just something you have to work with. I suppose kids find it easier to resist mom's teaching since she sees you as a mom and not as a teacher. With me, I always approached schoolwork with respect towards my children. I never thought I was "teaching". Instead, my attitude was that I was learning with them. I always told them we were learning together. When they were younger, we did lots of things they found interesting. I let them do as much hands on type stuff as I could find. Yes, there was also stuff that they didn't necessarily enjoy, but they coped because there were other things in their day that were fun.

 

I see you are new to your current location, that can be an obstacle for sure. But do keep trying to get together with the groups. Find as many opportunities as you can. Will you be in a church that offers things like kids' programs? Do you have neighbor kids that play outside that she can join? I don't know where you live but some community parks have after school classes in different subjects like art, P.E., dance, gymnastics, science, etc. I wish I had done more of that stuff when my kids were younger. We can't find much for them to do as teens.

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