Random accident with fireworks/ how "brave" to you make your children be question.

[kalanamak]

No one was badly hurt, but the pack of 3-8 year olds was clustered around a grenade-shaped smoke bomb when a rocket of some sort didn't go up but out, traveled about 50 feet and struck in the middle of the group. 8 year old started just howling in pain, screaming and holding leg. Some grown up laughingly said "it isn't 4th of July without a third degree burn". (I only know one of this group...everyone else is very friendly, but strangers to me). What I saw of the leg was a small 2nd degree burn, child taken howling into house, and then came my quandary:

 

About half the kids were nonplussed. About half were scared/worried, and the dads told them to stay put, not be afraid, no you can't go inside--sit in your chair and stop whining type responses. My child, in tears, hid in a garage and declared he hated fireworks and was NOT comforted with words of reassurance. I, personally, was very happy to pack up and go, and no one commented, but I realized that everyone else seemed to have to "big boys stay even after a burn" camp (nearly all the children were boys).

 

How brave would you expect your 5 year old to be?

[elegantlion]

At 5, totally freaked out and ruined for the evening!!! Personally sounds like the "big boys" were a little inmature. Burns hurt and we do fireworks, but safety is always first.

 

Sounds like they missed the boat by not taking a time out and making sure everyone was okay. I would have packed and left as well.

[ticklbee]

Setting off fireworks with a group of kids that small and having them all cluster around it??? That is so dangerous. Not letting the children go when they are frightened is teaching them to NOT listen to their common sense and their intuition and remain in a foolish & dangerous situation because of peer pressure. That is NOT what I want to teach my child.

 

True courage is standing up for what is right and not just mindlessly following the crowd. How hard is it to be the only one standing firm and not doing what everyone else is doing...really hard sometimes. But again, that is where true courage comes in. And that is what I want for my dc's.

 

You did the right thing imo.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't think bravery is needed in that situation. Discernment is. He wasn't scared of the booms and lights - safely up in the sky. He was scared that they were being lighted in an unsafe manner (I'm reading into what you are saying a bit here- boys "clustered around a grenade-shaped smoke bomb" sounds unsafe) with the very predictable result that someone was hurt. It was only "luck" that the hurt was a small 2nd degree burn and not the loss of someone's fingers or eye-sight. I would take my child home, comfort him and promise him that next year we would do only what he was comfortable doing (if he wants to hold back next year it doesn't mean he will have a fireworks phobia for life - that would be more likely if you kept forcing him to stay despite his fear!)

 

After my rant about my "frat boy" neighbors and their "bombing" of our neighborhood you might think I'm against all fireworks - I'm not. Earlier in the evening we had been in another neighborhood where a dad was shooting off fireworks with the kids in a wonderfully responsible manner. The choice of fireworks was "relatively" safe, the kids were kept back a safe distance, they had a bucket water handy and while there was no accidents, I know that if there was one it wouldn't have been made fun of.

[dragons in the flower bed]

I would have to assess each kid's needs individually. At a certain level of fear a kid can't be worked with, and then the best thing to do is go home. But if my kids were not in hysterics, I'd want them to learn to transmute their fear into proactive concern for others (ie, helping comfort their friends or care for the injured one) and further careful investigation of an experience (ie, learning why it happened and seeing how we can prevent a recurrence). I wouldn't want them to suck it up just because big boys do that.

[Diane~KJ]

I'm not a big fan of "forcing" little ones to be brave. If they have fears, I always try to talk to them about it and of course ease their fears if there is some way I can. If after trying all of the above and one of my boys is still terrified of something, I honor their feelings. I think its kind of cruel to force a child to stay in a situation where they are terrified.

[angela in ohio]

My just-turned-6-yo would have thought it was awesome, LOL. He spent his fourth shooting rifles, helping dad and buddies blow things up, and lighting fireworks. This is stuff he's used to being around though, and dad is right there. If your ds is not used to it, I think it is natural to be afraid.

 

And PP - if you read the story, the boys were not clustered around the offending firework, it was shot from 50 feet away and went astray.

[PiCO]

Your child had a healthy reaction to an unsafe situation.

 

My 9 yo was goofing off on a skateboard yesterday and got a little road rash on both elbows. Ouch! That hurts. I expected her to deal with the pain after she cleaned up and covered the scrapes. She dealt with it.

 

Anyway- my dd's situation is an example of when I expect a child to buck up and take it. No safety problem, no health risk, no bullying, etc. Self-inflicted wounds. I think you should be proud of your son for realizing (at some level) that the situation was unsafe and needed to be avoided.

 

 

No one was badly hurt, but the pack of 3-8 year olds was clustered around a grenade-shaped smoke bomb when a rocket of some sort didn't go up but out, traveled about 50 feet and struck in the middle of the group. 8 year old started just howling in pain, screaming and holding leg. Some grown up laughingly said "it isn't 4th of July without a third degree burn". (I only know one of this group...everyone else is very friendly, but strangers to me). What I saw of the leg was a small 2nd degree burn, child taken howling into house, and then came my quandary:

 

About half the kids were nonplussed. About half were scared/worried, and the dads told them to stay put, not be afraid, no you can't go inside--sit in your chair and stop whining type responses. My child, in tears, hid in a garage and declared he hated fireworks and was NOT comforted with words of reassurance. I, personally, was very happy to pack up and go, and no one commented, but I realized that everyone else seemed to have to "big boys stay even after a burn" camp (nearly all the children were boys).

 

How brave would you expect your 5 year old to be?

[Remudamom]

I think that's an overeaction, especially for a boy. If he felt unsafe he could sit with you and watch where he did feel safe. Crying and hiding in a garage would call for a toughen up comment from me.

[Danestress]

And I do think your son's reaction was a bit much, but I think it partly depends on the adult responses.

 

Obviously, these adults were not thinking. I wouln't feel particularly safe around them either. I don't really understand this mentality because my father and my husband and BILS (the men I really know well) are all really manly but .... I don't know ..... smart? men. They would most likely not have allowed that to happen, and if it did, any of them would have sort of halted the action, tended to the child who was hurt, and apologized for allowing the accident. They would project calm, sympathetic strength that is what actually calms kids - not demands to stop being babies, you know?

 

But I don't think it's typical of a five year old boy to hide in the garage in tears either. Did he do that because the adults were not allowing him to go inside, or were they just saying that to their own sons? I would expect my sons to be able to listen to me when I said that a certain place was safe and that they could sit there with me. But I also wouldn't let another adult tell me whether I could take my child into the house for a little cool off, calm down time.

[kalanamak]

 

But I don't think it's typical of a five year old boy to hide in the garage in tears either. Did he do that because the adults were not allowing him to go inside, or were they just saying that to their own sons? I would expect my sons to be able to listen to me when I said that a certain place was safe and that they could sit there with me. But I also wouldn't let another adult tell me whether I could take my child into the house for a little cool off, calm down time.

 

They were just saying it to their own sons. But, they were telling them to sit down right where the accident took place, and there was no change in the rocketeer's routine (they didn't even stop during the screaming...and a 23 month old got a burn on a stick of incense his father put in the grass about 20 seconds after the rocket hit the 8 year old, so there were two screamers). I didn't make any fuss about it, but after 2 minutes of tears (a very long time for my son), with other children crying in fear, I was pleased to get out of there. I didn't want my eye taken out, either. There was still an entire back of a pickup truck of stuff to go.

 

My son thought that all this noise and fire and injury was simply a good way to ruin his chance to play with other kids. There had been several "it hurts, its too loud" outbursts/ carried into the house (mostly the 3 year olds) as the evening went on, and more and more kids had earplugs in. In the car, on the way home, he kept asking "Why do they do that"?

 

When I was growing up, fireworks were something children did, not grown ups, and it much tamer. One guy said his rockets were 10 dollars, each! I've never been around a situation like this.

 

Hubby just pointed out that kiddo had glued himself to the door the boy was taken in (which was in the garage), and kiddo is "the medic", sitting for 20 minutes today, still as a rock, hoping "mama" bird would come back for her fledgling, and was clearly relieved when she did. So perhaps he was also anxious to see the boy was alright. He did want to check out the baby's hand before we left.

 

Sigh. I seem to spend my child's social life caught between reckless parents and panicking parents. Perhaps this is part of why my mother wanted to "hit the road" every gall-durned summer.

[MommyX8]

I must be in the minority here, but I do not allow my kids near any sort of fireworks.

 

When I was 5, my adult brother lit a cherry bomb and threw it in the grass. The next thing anyone knew was me, screaming with blood gushing out of my leg. The cherry bomb had exploded and sent a rock flying through the air and into my leg. A emergency room visit, many stitches and a scar for 40 years tells me to keep myself and my children away from fireworks.

[HollyinNNV]

My 8 yo would have joined your 5 yo in tears in the garage. I was making hamburgers and had a little grease fire. He was immediately out the door in tears outside because he thought the house was going to end up on fire. He was also outside when a woman crashed through part of our front yard and through our neighbor's fence. (and we live on a quiet street) He has seen with his own eyes that life is not safe and he doesn't want to get hurt. I think that what the kids *see* is much more powerful and real than what we *say*.

Holly in N NV

[Danestress]

I would totally understand because there is nothing about listening to fireworks and screaming children that appeals to me. That's pretty much my idea of "no fun at all" even without anyone getting injured.

 

Add to it the fact that fireworks are prone to cause what is often minor but definitely "fun wrecking" injury, and I just don't see why anyone would want to do that in the first place. I'm a little noise adverse, though. I'd want to hide in the garage and cry if they just had the tv on really loud:) So I would have taken my five year old home and not worried about it - it's not his thing, and it has nothing do to with being a baby or not. I jsut think that as Moms we are sensitive to the appearance that we are keeping our boys from being boys and having good, manly fun. But if it's not fun for your son, why bother at this age?

 

I don't like crying and discourage it when words would do. I would have wanted my five year old to come to me and say "I hate this, can we go home?" rather than hide and cry.

 

But either way, I'm out of there.

[Willow]

hang on a moment. here we have a demonstrably unsafe situation. the kids were a, too near the fireworks and b, the fireworks were not being set off in a safe manner. This has to be the case as the fireworks hit a child. It is the only logical scenario.

 

Your son is 5. He sees a situation that is unsafe, but the adults insist it is safe. The adults tell him to sit down and stay put. He applies his logic. "If I stay here I may be burnt" so he does the only thing he can (in this overheated situation a 5 year old cannot tell an adult that what he is doing is wrong) and removes himself from the situation. He is confused and unhappy. After all, I suspect, in his life adults do not set out to hurt little kids, and now this is EXACTLY what is happening, so he cries, probably more from confusion than from fear, but fear will come into it. Why shouldn't a child fear fire, especially if he has seen his friend hurt?

 

Your child acted in a sensible and mature way.

 

WHY did the adults carry on?

Why did not everyone take their child home?

Would you let your child play on the freeway?

Would you let your child play with lighted matches?

Would you let your child play with live ammunition?

 

Now tell me the difference between playing with live ammo and playing with fireworks? Both explosives, both kill and maim.

 

The adults setting off the fireworks are out of order (I want to use stronger words here). They have hurt a child and then have prevented other children from moving to safety. What are we actually teaching them here? To ignore accidents? That it is OK to hurt people? that if its explosives it doesn't count if people get hurt?

 

I have always been against banning fireworks, but I have changed my mind. I shall now join the campaign to ban them. I find it hard to believe parents can act in this manner. I can only assume the firework setters wanted to minimize the accident to lessen their culpability.

 

And BTW for you 'toughen up' folks. Why does scaring a child more make it less scared? I think hiding in the garage is the RIGHT AND SAFE RESPONSE.

 

Willow.

[PinkInTheBlue]

5 year old? I would definitely allow a 5 yr old to be a bit skiddish. I would likely hold him/his hand and watch a few more things and then allow him to leave. Forced comfort is often not comforting at all. :) He'll have many more opportunities to "enjoy" fireworks in the next few years. The freshness of this trauma will be less frightening come next New Year's Eve and it would be easier to handle then, I think.

 

My 2 year old was HORRIFIED of the few fireworks we did on our driveway/street last night. We had to take him in and it took him forever to go to sleep because he was SO worried each time he heard another one. Oddly it didn't seem to be the sounds that scared him but the lights. Hmmm... :001_huh: Since I don't remember what it's like to be 2 or 5, I don't feel comfortable dismissing their fears.

 

Just my thoughts.

 

However, one of the rockets of one of those multi rocket fireworks went astray and flew right by the ear of my 12 year old. After a few minutes his story became how he had to dodge and he could feel the heat. His enthusiasm for the near miss grew each minute after. Boys! Ugh! :confused1:

[fivetails]

I must be in the minority here, but I do not allow my kids near any sort of fireworks.

 

 

 

Nor would I. Heck, I wouldn't go near them myself. ;)

 

It's against the law here anyway - you can't just set off fireworks yourself...

 

It is illegal to offer for sale, expose for sale, sell at retail or keep any fireworks except under the authority of a permit.

 

 

A permit is also necessary for any fireworks display. Any city, town, community, organization, or any other groups or persons wishing to have a supervised display must complete an application for a permit and forward it to the Provincial Fire Marshal's Office.

[Tatt2mama]

I have to agree with Willow to some degree. I'M afraid of the damage that fireworks can do-I never grew up with anyone shooting off big fireworks (they were illegal in NJ). But it seems to me, if fireworks were shooting INTO a crowd of people (children!)-that is NOT a safe environment at all. My 5 yo boy would have absolutely been afraid and wanted to leave if he saw one of his buddies get hurt by a stray firework-and he's not a timid, fearful kid.

 

You were right to leave when you did.

[PrairieAir]

I probably would have told one of my kids to suck it up. I would have allowed him to come sit with me to watch and comforted him (mostly by being there with them, letting him sit on my lap or holding his hand), but I wouldn't put up with hiding or extended crying. That's me. It's not everyone's style. I am not a very patient person when it comes to crying children unless I think there is good reason for the crying. I would have left only if I was ready to leave and not been in too much of a hurry until I felt my child had calmed down enough. With my kids, I noticed that if I didn't make too much of things and if I calmly told them they were okay, they pulled themselves together much more quickly and did not have as much of a problem the next time. If, however, I made too much of a fuss over a hurt or fear or allowed them to continue crying past what I felt was reasonable, the situation would be much worse the next time. Again, that's not everyone's style, and I will admit that some children would not respond the same as mine to the situation and my treatment of it.

 

It's unclear in the original post whether or not the situation was really dangerous. It sounded to me like the kids were not huddled around the smoke bomb but that it came from somewhere else. If the situation had been dangerous, I would have had no problem telling the other adults there what I thought and leaving quickly.

___________________

 

I just noticed the comment above and would like to say that even if fireworks are being shot off in a safe manner, accidents can happen. Sometimes there are misfires or some kind of malfunction with the fireworks or someone just makes a mistake. That doesn't mean the fireworks are being set off in an unsafe manner.

-------------------------------------

Okay, and now I've read this:

"Hubby just pointed out that kiddo had glued himself to the door the boy was taken in (which was in the garage), and kiddo is "the medic", sitting for 20 minutes today, still as a rock, hoping "mama" bird would come back for her fledgling, and was clearly relieved when she did. So perhaps he was also anxious to see the boy was alright. He did want to check out the baby's hand before we left."

That reaction makes sense to me. That paints quite a different picture than what I had before. I haven't read the whole thread, but from what I have seen it seems I have a different opinion about fireworks and a different parenting style than some:D

[WTMindy]

I probably would have told one of my kids to suck it up. I would have allowed him to come sit with me to watch and comforted him (mostly by being there with them, letting him sit on my lap or holding his hand), but I wouldn't put up with hiding or extended crying. That's me. It's not everyone's style. I am not a very patient person when it comes to crying children unless I think there is good reason for the crying. I would have left only if I was ready to leave and not been in too much of a hurry until I felt my child had calmed down enough.

 

Honestly,this is probably what I would have done also. I would have expressed compassion and concern for the boy who was hurt, but I would have discouraged my child from carrying on about it.

[momofkhm]

He would have sat on my lap the rest of the night.

 

Of course at 5, he'd have been with me anyway.

[Brindee]

I have many different thoughts, so I guess I don't know what I would've done unless it actually happened, and I HAD to make the decision based on all the facts.

 

I definitely see the "suck it up" point. With many things, when I knew it was not a big deal, but my child was carrying on, I'd do that. I'd explain things to them and hug them, and help them calm down.

 

With fireworks it seems different to me than a suck it up thing! Fireworks are dangerous. In reality, I WANT my child to have a healthy enough fear of them to be safe and stay away! I honestly can't see saying to suck it up when what he just saw was a friend getting hurt and screaming, loud noises everywhere, bright lights everywhere......it can be overwhelming to a 5 year old, and very scary! I think at that age they need more reassurance and support than "Cut out the crying" (suck it up)!

 

I'd probably take the child far enough away from where that happened so it's not as scary, but yet where you can still see, and sit or squat there with my arms around the child and watch from a distance if they were okay with that. Or, I'd pack up and go too. Why do we need to force a child into doing/participating in something that is so loud and scary and injures people? That confuses me, so I'm sure it must be confusing to a 5yo!