bnrmom Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Ds11 took my mom's dog for a walk around the neighborhood, and dh and I were out in front of the house. All of a sudden I hear a guy around the corner talking really loud - not yelling, just inappropriately loud. My ears perked up for a minute, and then I heard him say "You're what, about 10 or 11?" I turned to dh and said "You need to get over there, I think someone is talking to ds." It's not like I would panic anytime anyone spoke to my son, but the inappropriateness of the man's volume made me worried he was drunk or something. So dh walks (too slowly, IMO) around the corner. I can't hear or see what's going on. After a few minutes I grab my phone and head over there. I see dh and ds standing there, talking to a guy with no shirt on holding a dog. (Granted, it was over 100 degrees today, but the no shirt thing kind of made me even more paranoid.) Dh and ds start walking back across the street, and ds starts telling me how this guy is going to give him a ride in his Mustang! OMG, I thought I was going to freak. I asked ds what happened, and he said that he was standing on the sidewalk admiring the red mustang when the guy came out of the house and started talking to him about it, saying he would give him a ride sometime but that he would have to ask his parents first (so okay, maybe he wasn't trying to kidnap him). That's about when dh showed up. I told ds that as soon as the guy came out and initiated the conversation that ds should have ended the conversation and walked back toward the house. I also told him that he was never to get in that car, ever, ever, and that he absolutely did not have our permission. He apologized and we went inside the house. I see dh sitting on the couch looking upset, and ask what's wrong. He says "I'm such an idiot." I ask him why, and he says that while he was standing there with ds, the guy said "I'll give you a ride sometime, what number do you live at?" (We live in a culdesac, this guy is around the corner on the main street.) AND DH GIVES HIM OUR HOUSE NUMBER! After all these years of pounding it into my kids' heads that they never ever give out their address to a stranger, their dad does it right in front of him! Plus, now the guy has our house number! Now, granted, if the guy really wanted to know where we lived, he could have easily just seen where ds returned after the walk, but OMG!!!!! Dh is having a talk with ds right now about the mistake he made. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 If you want to feel really bad, read through the Sandusky coverage especially about using gifts and trips to football games to lure kids in. At least the guy knows your DS has a father and mother and so is less likely to be easily targeted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 I wouldn't automatically assume the guy is a perv. If my dh saw someone checking out our car, even if it was a kid, he would make his presence known. The guy had no idea if your kid was going to keep looking, or take the next step, and touch the car. That said, I wouldn't be happy if my dh gave our address out to someone I didn't know..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Your DH probably shared the address because he sensed the guy wasn't dangerous. As you said, if he wanted to know where you lived, he would've figured it out. Even more so--if he was a perv, he would've already known. Your DH shouldn't feel bad. The lesson here is to be aware and trust your gut and not to automatically assume that everyone who talks to a child is pedophile. Read "Protecting the Gift." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJ. Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Your DH probably shared the address because he sensed the guy wasn't dangerous. As you said, if he wanted to know where you lived, he would've figured it out. Even more so--if he was a perv, he would've already known. Your DH shouldn't feel bad. The lesson here is to be aware and trust your gut and not to automatically assume that everyone who talks to a child is pedophile. Read "Protecting the Gift." I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 If you want to feel really bad, read through the Sandusky coverage especially about using gifts and trips to football games to lure kids in. At least the guy knows your DS has a father and mother and so is less likely to be easily targeted. Statistics show differently, though. Most molesters know their victims. :( That said, I wouldn't automatically assume he's a perv. My dh is a Loud Talker because he's hard of hearing. Perhaps the man was talking loudly so no one would accuse him of saying something inappropriate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Your DH probably shared the address because he sensed the guy wasn't dangerous. As you said, if he wanted to know where you lived, he would've figured it out. Even more so--if he was a perv, he would've already known. Your DH shouldn't feel bad. The lesson here is to be aware and trust your gut and not to automatically assume that everyone who talks to a child is pedophile. Read "Protecting the Gift." :iagree: And in an effort to ease my own fears, I'd check for the guy on the sex offender registry. It may not be perfect, but it's a resource. Otherwise, with everything else you've described, I wouldn't give it a second thought, really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Actually, I think your ds should have had a conversation with the guy. I don't think we should live in fear of speaking to other humans; we should just use appropriate caution. In this case, for me, that would mean keeping some distance between them, speaking confidently with eye contact, and not getting in the car (of course). This person is a neighbor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisamarie Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Other than your DH giving out your address, I see nothing wrong with the conversation. My kids talk to our neighbors all. the. time. They ride their scooters around the subdivision and will come back and tell me about talking to so-and-so who was out doing yard work. They stopped "runner girl" (she always runs by our house every day) on the street to tell her about the baby birds they found. I think it's one thing to tell your DS to never ever get in a car with a stranger, but another entirely to be upset at him for engaging in conversation with the guy. I'm sure that since the guy lives around the corner from you he already is well aware of where you guys live. My neighbors all recognize my kids by sight. They see us walking around the subdivision all the time or see my kids in the front yard playing. When we go trick-or-treating they all comment on how much the kids have grown, etc, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Actually, I think your ds should have had a conversation with the guy. I don't think we should live in fear of speaking to other humans; we should just use appropriate caution. In this case, for me, that would mean keeping some distance between them, speaking confidently with eye contact, and not getting in the car (of course). This person is a neighbor. :iagree: DS was talking to a neighbor. I don't see what the big deal is? Making him afraid of strangers makes him MORE vulnerable because he is less likely to ask them for help if he needs it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 :iagree: DS was talking to a neighbor. I don't see what the big deal is? Making him afraid of strangers makes him MORE vulnerable because he is less likely to ask them for help if he needs it. :iagree: It is good for kids to get to know their neighbors and for the neighbors to be able to know your kids and watch out for them too. We had a sad case in our neighborhood a few yrs ago. A mother was killed in her home while the kids were hiding. I believe the phone lines were cut, or maybe they just didn't think to call 911. The kids hid for a day and a half before getting up the nerve to find a neighbor to help because they didn't know them and thought they were "strangers." It was so sad that they were scared to seek help. Now, we all make an effort for the kids in our subdivision to know the neighbors and to be friendly. I'm glad my kids know of at least 4-5 safe houses near them. It would be different if the guy had invited your son into his home or offered to take him for a ride without asking you or something. A simple conversation and vague offer for a ride "sometime" is not scary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 :iagree: It is good for kids to get to know their neighbors and for the neighbors to be able to know your kids and watch out for them too. We had a sad case in our neighborhood a few yrs ago. A mother was killed in her home while the kids were hiding. I believe the phone lines were cut, or maybe they just didn't think to call 911. The kids hid for a day and a half before getting up the nerve to find a neighbor to help because they didn't know them and thought they were "strangers." It was so sad that they were scared to seek help. Now, we all make an effort for the kids in our subdivision to know the neighbors and to be friendly. I'm glad my kids know of at least 4-5 safe houses near them. It would be different if the guy had invited your son into his home or offered to take him for a ride without asking you or something. A simple conversation and vague offer for a ride "sometime" is not scary. Yep. I agree with pp to read Protecting the Gift. Our dc shouldn't be afraid of everyone; they need to learn to interact intelligently with others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happymomofboys Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Two things stand out to me here. #1 is the guy was talking loud enough that you heard him. If he was a threat, I wouldn't think he'd be trying to draw attention to himself while talking to a child. #2 is he told your son to get your permission. He didn't try to convince him to come back alone or not to tell. Unless he gave you a bad feeling, I wouldn't be concerned. And as you said, if he wanted to know where your kid lives, he would have found out whether your husband told him or not. If my dh gave out our address in front of my son, I'd just tell my son that my dh is an adult and has that right. As a child, ds needs to get permission before giving out his information. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Two things stand out to me here. #1 is the guy was talking loud enough that you heard him. If he was a threat, I wouldn't think he'd be trying to draw attention to himself while talking to a child. #2 is he told your son to get your permission. He didn't try to convince him to come back alone or not to tell. Unless he gave you a bad feeling, I wouldn't be concerned. And as you said, if he wanted to know where your kid lives, he would have found out whether your husband told him or not. If my dh gave out our address in front of my son, I'd just tell my son that my dh is an adult and has that right. As a child, ds needs to get permission before giving out his information. :iagree: I don't think it's good to teach our kids to be afraid of neighbors. We should teach them the warning signs of foul play, but not to be afraid of the people who live in our communities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 I asked ds what happened, and he said that he was standing on the sidewalk admiring the red mustang when the guy came out of the house and started talking to him about it, saying he would give him a ride sometime but that he would have to ask his parents first (so okay, maybe he wasn't trying to kidnap him). That's about when dh showed up. I told ds that as soon as the guy came out and initiated the conversation that ds should have ended the conversation and walked back toward the house. I also told him that he was never to get in that car, ever, ever, and that he absolutely did not have our permission. He apologized and we went inside the house. And he was shirtless on a hot day. And he talks loudly. And your husband gave out your address when the guy could have found it out anyway. I would..... not have been concerned. Of course children need to know not to get into a car with a stranger, but I don't see any warning signals here. At eleven I was taking two public buses across the city to get to school. The incidence of abduction by strangers has not changed since then. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acorn Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 I don't see anything concerning about this event. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Your DH probably shared the address because he sensed the guy wasn't dangerous. As you said, if he wanted to know where you lived, he would've figured it out. Even more so--if he was a perv, he would've already known. Your DH shouldn't feel bad. The lesson here is to be aware and trust your gut and not to automatically assume that everyone who talks to a child is pedophile. Read "Protecting the Gift." :iagree: There's got to be some space in our children's lives for getting to know neighbours and having the opportunity to share some of their life with them. The guy sounded like half a dozen men I know (right down to the shirtlessness and muscle car - that's my brother and all his friends) and was probably a good hearted guy looking to share something he was enthusiastic about with a neighbourhood kid who seemed enthusiastic as well. Lots of men genuinely like kids and want to be around them for completely honourable reasons. It's not always the case that it's better to be safe then sorry. Sometimes we lose a LOT when we don't allow others into our childrens' lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 I'd also get to know the guy a bit and let my son have a ride in the mustang. Okay, it's not a Chevy but cars like that are fun. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 I don't understand why you're upset. My kids talk to all of our neighbors all the time. We didn't have to be there. Being afraid that everyone around you is a pervert out to molest and kidnap your child simply because he offered to give your son a ride in a car that your son was admiring doesn't make sense. :confused: And, FWIW, my kids have ridden in my neighbor's Mustang. It's silver, very cool, and my sons and their friends love it. I wouldn't give what happened with your son another thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 I don't see anything concerning about this event. :iagree: FWIW, I could totally see the same thing happening with my very friendly son & my husband (both also admire nice cars). I wouldn't worry about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZooRho Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Actually, I think your ds should have had a conversation with the guy. I don't think we should live in fear of speaking to other humans; we should just use appropriate caution. In this case, for me, that would mean keeping some distance between them, speaking confidently with eye contact, and not getting in the car (of course). This person is a neighbor. Thanks for this I was beginning to wonder If I was strange, I didn't see anything so alarming in the whole situation. Yes children should be aware, but not in fear either of every person. My youngest pretty much roamed our neighborhood when he was younger. Although you need to know your neighborhood and know if there are dangerous areas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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