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What do you expect from a teen when you correct them?


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If you verbally correct a teen - on their behavior or their schoolwork or their work habits or whatever - what kind of response do you look for? I realize that this might be a bit different from the response you actually get, but what are you hoping for?

 

For example - if my boss (back when I had one) corrected me, I would listen and would perhaps ask a question or two for clarification of what he/she wanted from me and would give some sort of an equivalent of "Yes, ma'am. I'll get right on that." But I was an adult. What might be a reasonable expectation of a teen - even if it is just what we should shoot for?

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Assuming the correction was given kindly (not necessarily perfectly scripted to be 100% guaranteed not to offend, even of the crankiest PMS day) rather than for the thousandth time through clenched teeth, I would hope for an "Oh, OK! I understand, thank you!"

 

But honestly, anything better than rolling eyes, a grunt, and storming off muttering is good for me.

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I expect an acknowledgement of the situation. I'm open to discussion if they believe I'm wrong but we don't let it escalate to rudeness. If it's a behavior, I expect them to remember our conversation. If it's something like school work, I expect corrections to be made immediately, or with permission, to correct it the next time they do that subject. And yes, sometimes we have had to have the same conversation more than once. It's learning in progress I guess.

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Ideally, I'd shoot for "Yes Ma'am." If they've done something egregious, then an "I'm sorry." would also be in line with what I'm hoping to hear.

 

I DON'T like arguing over whether or not they are in the right, sarcasm, eye rolling, sulking/seething, refusing to make eye contact, the ever popular teen expression "Whatever" (or, if you are my niece apparently it's "WhatEV", because you're far too cool to even finish a word), or something worse like flipping the bird or cursing. None of that is tolerated here.

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My oldest gives pretty good responses - usually something like "Oh okay, that makes sense", "Sorry, mom" or "I'll try it again" or he asks me to explain. There's no big "thanks mom, you're so helpful and kind and whatever would I do without you?", but I think what we've got going now is fine.

 

My daughter usually groans and walks away, so we're working on that here too.

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Behavior:

I would like, "you're right, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

I get, "of course, I'm always in the wrong," or similar snarky or over-defensive response.

But ... if I let it go, she always comes back later with the response I wanted.

 

She's a really good kid. But like anything else we're trying to teach them, sometimes when it comes to behavior you have to let them sit with the wrong answer for a while before they come up with the right answer.

 

Schoolwork:

I get either

"Oh, you're right, thanks"

or, gently,

"Mom, I don't think you understand the math. It's okay, Why don't you just help Middle Sister with her Latin and I'll handle this?"

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Behavior:

I would like, "you're right, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

I get, "of course, I'm always in the wrong," or similar snarky or over-defensive response.

But ... if I let it go, she always comes back later with the response I wanted.

 

She's a really good kid. But like anything else we're trying to teach them, sometimes when it comes to behavior you have to let them sit with the wrong answer for a while before they come up with the right answer.

 

Schoolwork:

I get either

"Oh, you're right, thanks"

or, gently,

"Mom, I don't think you understand the math. It's okay, Why don't you just help Middle Sister with her Latin and I'll handle this?"

 

I get tears. It doesn't matter which gender of kid in my house. It's tears. Every time.

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