fairy4tmama Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 (edited) Or how to get back on track when you have been derailed and how do you make the transition from lots of play time to a longer school day when you have littles in the mix who should be playing? My oldest is nine and not terribly independent. Two days a week I have 3 extra kids ages 7, 5, 19m. We have had a ton of interruptions to our schedule in the past 3 months including me having surgery and a recovery period that will take a while. I really need some help streamlining things or in reality a lot of help fixing our routine.:confused: Please...:bigear: This is what our days looked like just prior to my surgery we have been off for two week(no extra kids and no lessons) Monday, Wednesday, Friday Slow start to the day...I have never been much of a morning person but with my illness it has been very hard to get going. DH lost his job two months ago and while we usually do no TV on weekdays before 5 he often will watch an episode or two of something with them while while getting breakfast and eating. Around 9 or 10 I am finally moving (though I have likely been up since 8) mom-chores dishes, clear table, sweep, start laundry etc kids-playing in rooms coloring or reading usually about 11 I realize how late it is and give DS9 a five minute warning and scramble finish what ever chore I am in the midst of so we can start 15 minutes go by and I call ds to the table ( I know if I mean 15 minutes I need to say 15 minutes) DS 9 looks over his weekly agenda and decides what to start with if it is something he can do on his own I try to get more chores done like getting lunch ready while being available. If he chooses something non independent obviously no lunch making is happening. around 12:30 or 1 I again realize how late it is & break to make lunch have lunch kids have quiet reading time for 15-30 while I cleanup from lunch & swap laundry send littles to room to play quietly while I resume lessons with older. It is likely 2 or 2:30 at this point, I try to focus him on working only on those things he needs me for so I can move on to working with his brother... at this point there is often frustration on D9's part because he wants to go play with his friends but we aren't done and there are frequent interruptions form the littles as I have not really filled there cup at all:( once DS9 is done with work that requires my direct participation I call DS7 to the table and get started with him at this point it may be as late as 4 and really we all wish we were done already:banghead: and my five year old wants to know "when are we going to do my lessons?" and really we are still only getting 2/3 of our lessons done ( you will notice that no where in this have I mentioned family lesson which are theoretically history, science, art, read alouds, religion) Then on Tuesdays and Thursdays I am up at 7:30 wake kids try to get breakfast by 8 Other children arrive between 8:30-8:45 all kids play I tidy kitchen and play with toddler (we were doing nature walks during this time but with my energy levels so low I have been staying close to home and will likely need to continue to do so) 10:30 make and serve snack/ read to the kids a longish story kids play while I make lunch 12:00 serve lunch Kids have quiet reading time while I clear lunch dishes Between 12:30 - 1 extra 5yo and 19mo depart I usually end up chatting with their mom as we are good friends kids play, I let DS9 know we will start in x minutes I am much better about being realistic and I make coffee for myself start with DS 9 have him work on items he needs me for while littles play, usually finish work with mom items in 2-3 hours if he has been focused and on task. Make snack Call DS7 and extra 7yo to start lessons and have snack work with them for an hour to an hour and half feeling pressure to get it done because it is late and I have to drive extra home ( dd5 has snack at this time and does some copy work and math at the table with us) leave to take extra home no later then 5:30 (though this would ideally happen at 4:30) come home and sleep while DH feeds kids You may wonder why I am not up earlier on MWF and the reason is that on W and F at least I am exhausted from T and Th. If you have read all of this thank you! Any advice is greatly appreciated. Edited June 14, 2012 by fairy4tmama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BugsMama Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Sounds like you need to hand over some of the chores to the older children (they can move laundry, do dishes, clean up, sweep... almost everything on your list), and make lesson time come before playtime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I don'tknow what your medical condition is, so this might not apply. But for adults and kids alike, when you are waking up and going to sleep at a different time every day, it is hard to ever wake up feeling "rested". I suggest you try to set an alarm and wake up at the same time every day, but plan a longer post-lunch quiet time where you can take a 45 minute nap MWF at least. If your morning is productive, you won't need to be doing as many chores during that time slot. Like PP mentioned, your kids should be able to clear their places at lunch as well as a few other chores. My five year old puts away the silverware from the dishwasher, for example. I am not yet officially HSing my son yet, so for that, I have limited advice. Our routine is to start off with breakfast, followed by phonics and a chapter from our read aloud. If your DH is unemployed and you are sick, I don't understand why he isn't picking up a bit more slack in the mornings in terms of chores. He could also do some of the more self-explanatory lessons with your son- phonics or reading, or read him a chapter from a book rather than put on the TV. Just my two cents! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homemama2 Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I don'tknow what your medical condition is, so this might not apply. But for adults and kids alike, when you are waking up and going to sleep at a different time every day, it is hard to ever wake up feeling "rested". I suggest you try to set an alarm and wake up at the same time every day, but plan a longer post-lunch quiet time where you can take a 45 minute nap MWF at least. If your morning is productive, you won't need to be doing as many chores during that time slot. Like PP mentioned, your kids should be able to clear their places at lunch as well as a few other chores. My five year old puts away the silverware from the dishwasher, for example. I am not yet officially HSing my son yet, so for that, I have limited advice. Our routine is to start off with breakfast, followed by phonics and a chapter from our read aloud. If your DH is unemployed and you are sick, I don't understand why he isn't picking up a bit more slack in the mornings in terms of chores. He could also do some of the more self-explanatory lessons with your son- phonics or reading, or read him a chapter from a book rather than put on the TV. Just my two cents! :iagree:This year I had a 7 and 9 year old. Some of their chores included taking the little hand broom and dustpan and sweeping up under and around the kitchen table after each meal, and putting away the clean dishes from the dishwasher (this took a few months until they knew where everything went...but now, working together, they do this as quickly as I do.) I agree, if Dad is home, he can definitely help especially since you are recovering from surgery. I'm not sure what the situation is with why you have the extra kids coming over, but that might be part of the problem. If you need to watch them for extra income, maybe Dad could help out with either the teaching or the babysitting? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdventureMoms Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Would it make sense to prioritize lessons over chores in the morning? I find that I can throw the laundry ahead even when I'm beat later in the day (or when I get a minute in the middle) but if I start the day doing chores I can end up doing them all day and never getting to anything else. My kids are little so lessons are not such a big deal, but I try to make sure I focus on them for a little while in the morning or they get whiny and I can't get ANY chores done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LillyMama Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 (Excuse the length, I have insomnia right now...;) ) I think you are getting an amazing amount accomplished, I hope you aren't beating yourself up? :grouphug: Hang in there, I bet you can get yourselves running smoothly with just a few adjustments. It's clear you know how to work hard and pour yourself out, so none of this is from you not working hard enough. (I read a lot of apology and self-deprecation in your post, I just thought you should start with some encouragement. ;) ) i wish I still had a copy of it, but I read an article once that reported on a study about when is the best time to teach kids. Everyone is different, but most kids learn best, according to the article, from about 9-2 every day. It's not to say they cannot learn during non-peak times, and sleep schedules and hunger will affect things... But when I read your post, the first thing I thought was that you were using your peak teaching/learning times to do other things. Just a thought about maybe switching things around. Let some of your morning chores become afternoon chores. Honestly, it's really not the end of the world if your breakfast dishes hang out in the sink until the lunch dishes join them, then they can all be washed together. My kids (ages 5 and 6) each have five morning chores after breakfast, and we have a set school start time. I try to get things done before then, but if not, I just get things done in the afternoon during play time. Or I don't get them done. Maybe you can lower your standards in home-keeping a tad? (And I definitely support the other posts encouraging you to share the work!) I feel content if my home is relatively put back in shape when I go to bed, but at no time during the day would we be ready for Better Homes and Garden to show up. :D I am NOT a morning person, and I struggle with deep chemical depression, so I completely understand the slow-going morning. It sounds like your illness is even more debilitating. And I resent advice from people who just pop up at 5am, workout for an hour, cook a five-start breakfast and start school by 7, no problems. BUT I know that when I get the hard part and a big chunk of school knocked out before lunch, we're all happier. If you can keep the same morning routine going all five days, I think you'll benefit. I know my kids thrive best when we're a bit more consistent and they know what to expect. Even if it's not the same MWF, say you start at 8:30 instead of 7:30.... There is a big jump between what you're doing in your two schedules- maybe you could start to just lessen that gap. I honestly don't know what it's like to have so many kids with so many ages around, but if you can, try read-alouds over meals. Breakfast, snack, lunch- those are some of our best "family learning" times. Aside from having older kids help with chores, they can also "borrow" the younger kids to read to or teach. Can you play with the toddler while your oldest sits at a table nearby and you teach him? Can your older two kids read to the toddler, or "teach" him their math lesson on some days? I don't understand the need for such long one-on-one sessions for each child. (Again, not judging, it's not something I have experience with, that just jumped out at me...) It seems like you could sit at the table with all three boys doing math at once. Have review problems or tools and a new lesson ready for everyone. Give your two younger boys review problems from the day before, teach your oldest. Once your oldest is ready to work independently, teach your middle. When the middle one gets going, teach your youngest. If anyone gets stuck on a problem, they work on math facts, flash cards or review problems until you can help them. As much as we love being able to offer one on one as homeschool moms, I feel like kids will only learn to work independently when they have to share your time. They need a blend of both- one on one and side by side. Another thought- can you break up school times into lots of smaller chunks? Here we have the kids clear their breakfast dishes, do a narration, then play for while. Then we do a couple things, take snack... We take LOTS of mini-breaks. I found if I could break everything up in 10-30 minute chunks then we are all happiest. We have spelling allotted for 30 minutes every day, but we rarely take more than 15. So when they're done, they go do something for a few minutes until we settle into the next thing. It's easier than you'd think to get them to come back to the school table when they know their next session will also be about 15 minutes. For me, I don't feel quite the over-whelmed feeling of "It's 'School Time' and we have to sit and do this for three hours or until we're done." It's easier to get started when I just think, "Okay, let's do the first subject. Then we'll stretch our legs for a while before we do the next." This also helps my kids- when they're called to the school table, it doesn't signify the end of play for five hours. They know the more efficiently they work, the longer their breaks between subjects will be. These mini-breaks give me time to putter around, or sit and watch the paint peel for a few minutes. ;) Off the top of my head, I would strive for something like: Every day, up and breakfast by 8-8:30. Read a history or science book out loud over breakfast. 8:30-9- play and chore time while your extras arrive 9-10: school work. Maybe you rotate all three boys through phonics, work 15-20 minutes with each of them. Have them do their independent reading then, too. 10-11: recess and snack, read out loud over snack. Or do math fact drills over snack. Or out loud spelling practice. Or they listen to an audio book while you're doing chores. 11-11:30: math- see if you can all three boys done with math at once. Start with just your oldest, then after a week add the second then add the third. 11:30-12- chores, play, make lunch 12-12:30- lunch. Read over lunch or do chores while they're eating 12:30-1- recess 1-1:30- school time with oldest, others do quiet time 1:30-2- school time with second 2- school with youngest, if needed, but if you've done math, phonics and reading already, he's probably done Something like this makes it look like you could get most of your school work done by 2. That should give everyone some play time, rest time, chore time, and time to do another lesson here or there. Why not leave your mindless chores for the afternoon, so you're not trying to do the hard teaching stuff when you're already so tired? Also, my theory on schedules is that they are what we'd like to do if we were robots. We're not robots. When I schedule things like "spelling, 10-10:30" that often happens 9:45-10 or 10:20-10:40. They're just one step up from a checklist for us- not set in stone, they just offer a little shape to our day. Some of this balancing-act we call homeschool is, for me, psychological and emotional. It's daunting to have it looming over our heads all day. And scrambling as you are at the end of the day probably makes you feel like you're never rested. I am a huge proponent of figuring out how to not be staring at the clock thinking, "Go, go, we only have and hour before I collapse!" As a fellow non-morning person, I know this probably makes you cringe. ;) But, as I said before, leave the stuff that doesn't need as much of your brain for the afternoon, get the hard stuff done first. And set yourself a cut-off- no school after 3:30. Anything that didn't get done- too bad. As you ease back slowly into school, you can be tougher about this. But now, while you're still recovering your strength- give yourself firm start and end times. There's ALWAYS more that can be done, always. But you cannot get healthy and get consistent if you are working in such extremes. You'll just perpetuate this cycle of over-work, crash, over-work, crash until everyone is pooped. Hang in there! I admire how much you get done, I'm tired just reading your post! And I hope you feel more like yourself soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Would it make sense to prioritize lessons over chores in the morning? I find that I can throw the laundry ahead even when I'm beat later in the day (or when I get a minute in the middle) but if I start the day doing chores I can end up doing them all day and never getting to anything else. My kids are little so lessons are not such a big deal, but I try to make sure I focus on them for a little while in the morning or they get whiny and I can't get ANY chores done. Yes, this is what I would do. I would also make a checklist for the 9 yo of all the things he can do independently and start working on getting him to do those things on his own. If you are up at 8, but just need some time before moving around, you could have the 9 yo come into your room so you can could go over any new material or error correction from the previous day before sending him off to do some work on his own. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. :grouphug: Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaneP Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I liked Lilyme's ideas. :grouphug: you have had some big changes in your life recently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBanjoClown Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I was also going to suggest handing some chores off, or having them work with you. I have started a chore chart this week that has worked great at getting my 7 and 5 year old started, and it motivates me as well. Their chores are pretty simple - I assume they will get dressed and I give them their breakfast. Their chores always include brushing teeth and making their beds. I also include two other chores each day that change. For example, this morning my 7yo had to make sure all the dirty laundry was in the laundry room and take the trash bag from the kitchen out to the curb. My 5yo had to wipe the bathroom counter down and help me with the breakfast dishes. Other chores that get swapped out on a daily basis include watering the indoor plants, vacuuming the living room/hallway, dusting, and picking up toys around the house. Most of these they can do with little to no help from me. I have a picture of the chart I made in my blog. I made laminated cards with pictures on them so they know what their chores are, and they have velcro on the back. When they complete a chore, they take the card out of their clothespin and stick it to the poster (It makes a "train" when all 4 cards are in place). My 7yo especially loves this. My kids are early risers, though. They are up by 6 or 7 every morning. The chart has been helpful because my 7yo has been waking up and getting started on his chores before I even get up. They have been going to VBS this week, and both boys have had breakfast, gotten their chores done, and had playtime before we had to leave for VBS at 8:50. I think your recovery needs to be a top priority for you right now, and once you feel better you can implement a more structured routine. I know since I started this chore chart, I have been less stressed. I would try to start lessons by 9am so that you are finishing earlier, and you can focus on the chores you need to do in the afternoon while the kids play or read. It sounds like you and your 9yo are getting stressed because you are waiting until the afternoon to get started on lessons and you both want to be done earlier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 What about trying another tactic on W and F, at least? Why not get their schoolwork ready the night before, so you don't have to think about it, and then, the next morning, when you wake up at 8am, call them into your room. Have them use lap desks and do their work, while you lie there and wake up slowly? They could come to you with little questions or whatever, but it probably won't be too much mental work. I'm thinking that you could kill two birds with one stone. Perhaps while the bigs are doing schoolwork, the littles can snuggle with you while you have your lie-in. Then, around 9 or 9:30, you could give them a little recess while you shower, but tell them, "Okay, you have recess for 30 minutes, but then we will do subject x for an hour. After that we will have lunch. Then we will do subjects x and x." If you set it up ahead of time, they will not protest as much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 *I have found we all do best when we are fairly consistent. So getting up, starting school, eating meals at about the same time daily. Not being a slave to time and a schedule but it works best for us if everyone knows we will start school right after breakfast every day. There is less arguing. Your times might need to be later but I'd try and at least get into a routine that will work for you most days. You didn't say what time you go to bed, but can you go to bed earlier to ensure an earlier wake-up time for yourself daily? *Do you have the extra kids there to do school with them also? If so, I would change the paradigm from kids over to play to kids that are here doing school. Just because there are kids there, keep the same routine but try and fold them into it. So, if you all do school in the am, the kids that come do school in the am. Then play after. I'm assuming that having the extra kids there is either extra $ for you or is something that you are committed to doing for a friend/family member. Otherwise that would be the first thing to change for me. With everything else you having going on, I would personally find it really hard to also adapt to having other kids two days a week. *Can you have the older kids switch off more on helping with the younger kids? When I have independent work with one of my kids the other one has "Z" time, which keeps her occupied while we work. It could be something like this.. Start the 9 year old working while other kids play Have the 9 year old work on something independently while you work with 7 year old (or both 7 year olds) while 5 year olds play with toddler Have 5 year olds come and do lesson while older kids play with toddler. Etc. *I'd also get the older ones doing more chores. I'm amazed at how much they can do. Mine put away their own laundry, wipe down the bathroom, clean the kitchen after meals, cook or help cook lunch once a week each, help with the trash and mostly help with their sister. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairy4tmama Posted June 14, 2012 Author Share Posted June 14, 2012 Thank you for the thoughtful replies! Lillymama- your post is incredibly helpful I really appreciate the time you took to breakdown your suggestions. I am so overwhelmed right now that I am having trouble figuring out how to get from a to b. . I would also make a checklist for the 9 yo of all the things he can do independently and start working on getting him to do those things on his own. If you are up at 8, but just need some time before moving around, you could have the 9 yo come into your room so you can could go over any new material or error correction from the previous day before sending him off to do some work on his own. This is a great idea i already have a check list for him so all I would have to do is color code it or add a notation. I think your recovery needs to be a top priority for you right now, and once you feel better you can implement a more structured routine. I know since I started this chore chart, I have been less stressed. I would try to start lessons by 9am so that you are finishing earlier, and you can focus on the chores you need to do in the afternoon while the kids play or read. It sounds like you and your 9yo are getting stressed because you are waiting until the afternoon to get started on lessons and you both want to be done earlier. This really gives me some perspective thank you I definitely think a chore chart could help. My kids actually do quite a bit but it is random and haphazard for instance they do clear there own dishes but inevitably there are random condiment jars, books, legos etc that no one grabs and i don't notice until they have all run off to play. So the job is not complete and I end up doing it because I don't have a system for whose turn it should be :tongue_smilie:. What about trying another tactic on W and F, at least? Why not get their schoolwork ready the night before, so you don't have to think about it, and then, the next morning, when you wake up at 8am, call them into your room. Have them use lap desks and do their work, while you lie there and wake up slowly? They could come to you with little questions or whatever, but it probably won't be too much mental work. I'm thinking that you could kill two birds with one stone. Perhaps while the bigs are doing schoolwork, the littles can snuggle with you while you have your lie-in. This is a great idea for days I just can not get up! *Do you have the extra kids there to do school with them also? If so, I would change the paradigm from kids over to play to kids that are here doing school. Just because there are kids there, keep the same routine but try and fold them into it. So, if you all do school in the am, the kids that come do school in the am. Then play after. I'm assuming that having the extra kids there is either extra $ for you or is something that you are committed to doing for a friend/family member. Otherwise that would be the first thing to change for me. With everything else you having going on, I would personally find it really hard to also adapt to having other kids two days a week. *Can you have the older kids switch off more on helping with the younger kids? When I have independent work with one of my kids the other one has "Z" time, which keeps her occupied while we work. It could be something like this.. Start the 9 year old working while other kids play Have the 9 year old work on something independently while you work with 7 year old (or both 7 year olds) while 5 year olds play with toddler Have 5 year olds come and do lesson while older kids play with toddler. Etc. Yes these are dear friends but is the income that makes it non negotiable at the moment. I will be really thinking about how to put this in to action. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3peasinapod Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Sorry so long! I haven't read all the responses, but did read a few. Definitely have a chore chart for your kids. I am amazed at how well the girls do chores. At first, it takes a bit of effort on my part, as I'm teaching them how to do a good job, but it pays off. They unload the dishwasher, clear the table, collect bathroom trash, wipe counters in kitchen/bathroom. Mop the floor in the bathroom, sort dirty clothes, fold and put away their own laundry, sweep, dust, wipe microwave. That was the first thing that stood out for me. The second thing, as mentioned in previous posts, is have schooltime before playtime. We start at 8:30. Both of my older girls do independent stuff right away, so I have a good hour to hour and a half with my 5yo to finish her K stuff. She can wander off after her stuff is done. I intersperse her lessons if one day I didn't get to her as I wanted. Just do one thing on her schedule if need be, let her play, and call her back. It is very, very hard to get good, focused attention after they have been playing for more than 30 minutes. Both of my girls also have been trained (not without a lot of effort) to skip things they don't understand and keep them all in one part until I get to their turn. We also take turns. Every single part of my morning, one of the girls is getting one-on-one time. One girl will be "first" for the day, and after her independent work, we do things that require me. We finish all of the girls' work by about 11 to 11:30. We eat lunch, then I do chores and have a time for mental downtime (which I need by now!). I plan out some meals and make sure I have those items beforehand so that I can just make something instead of sitting and thinking what we're going to have for lunch. At 1 p.m., we do history reading and any projects that can be fit into an hour. At 2 p.m., no matter what, everyone has either a nap or a 1-hour of quiet, by-yourself time. No exceptions. I have a whole hour where I can unwind completely by doing whatever I want to. The older girls read on their own at this time for about 20 minutes. The little one plays quietly by herself. No one is allowed to talk each other. This is good for them too since they are being stimulated throughout the day by each other. One last thing, sorry to overload you! At 3 o'clock, I have taken pains to find things for the girls to do that require none of me (Yay! More time for me). Things like notebooking pages, crafts, coloring, playdough (yes, they still love playdough), drawing from Draw, Write, Now etc. Some things are schoolish, and others are just fun. I have a craft book that they can choose what they want, and I keep a craft box supplied for them to just have at it. After that, they may play together outside or inside for whatever they wish. I hope that our schedule may have a gem you might be able to find. I am done with everything except a read aloud by 2 every day. We do bigger art projects and catch up on reading in the weekends too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Are you making breakfast each morning? I would change that routine first to free up your whole morning. See if you can have an easier breakfast - bagels, cereal, oatmeal, even a casserole made the night before. I would switch chores (except dishes after meals) to after school. Focus just on school between the hours of 9:30 - 3:00. I am a huge fan of starting the week with a clean house, so Sunday night I clean. It makes life so much easier - Mondays are not so mondayish when I wake up to a day without extra chores. Make a goal to change part of your routine and work on that until you have it as your new routine, the change the next thing. Do not try to change everything all at once. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairy4tmama Posted June 16, 2012 Author Share Posted June 16, 2012 Both of my girls also have been trained (not without a lot of effort) to skip things they don't understand and keep them all in one part until I get to their turn. We also take turns. Every single part of my morning, one of the girls is getting one-on-one time. One girl will be "first" for the day, and after her independent work, we do things that require me. We finish all of the girls' work by about 11 to 11:30. Thanks 3peas there are some definite gems! I was wondering if you could elaborate on what kind of training got you to the bolded, I think this could be a lynch pin to making our days run smoother Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woolybear Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 I would aim for getting school done before lunch. Also consider trying to do school just four days a week for awhile. (I'm planning on 3 days a week for the summer.) another thought--some type of workboxes. There are all sorts of modified workbox systems. It doesn't have to be a huge pain to set up, nor take up alot of room. One thing I would recommend is keeping some subjects in the same box(or drawer or whatever). That way, whenever they are done with x it goes right back into the same place. If your ds knows that boxes 1-4 are basically independent, he can sit down and get going on his own. Also (and I know this is something not everyone agrees with) but I found it helpful to have some kind of motivation with my older ds. ie. get your work done by a certain time, without whining or complaining and you can see a show later. If I felt it didn't meet those standards, no show. It's amazing how that helped get him over the hump of working more independently and by a certain time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naturally Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Thank you so much for starting this thread. For different reasons of course, I've been feeling overwhelmed too. All the help is wonderful. Thank you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 I'd love to jump in on this and give you a little feedback, but I want to make sure I understand. 1) Because your dh is unemployed you are taking in children to babysit? Is this for the SUMMER? 2) Is your dh around and WILLING to help with the routine of your family life? Sometimes men are oblivious and merely need instruction. 3) Do you NEED to do school work this summer?? Not want but NEED. 4) Were you given some instruction about how much rest is necessary in order for you to recoup well from your surgery? I don't know what it was, but it doesn't sound like you're getting enough rest to recover from anything. So my flowchart would be: 1-Is the school work essential? I can't see how any of it is. Your oldest is 9. Drop all school work immediately. 2-Anything that MUST be done should be done in the most LOGICAL way possible, which means it is clear and concise enough to go on a checklist and is able to be done WITHOUT mom. If it doesn't fit that, drop it. I'm not saying buy anything. I'm just saying drop stuff until you have a list that can be done independently and tweak things you already have. For instance, you could make a summer reading challenge for your kids where they record the books they read. Put charts for different genres (non-fiction, etc. etc.) on the page. Boom you're hitting science, history, literature, and all you did was take them to the library! Milk something simple like that to hit the things you need. Need a little writing? Add a slight writing component to it (email someone each week). The world will NOT fall apart if you do less for the summer. BTDT. :) 3-Don't do what you can get your dh or dc to do for you. This is the golden rule of motherhood. Don't do for them what they can do for themselves. In a dream world you'd work toward your kids waking themselves up (junior high). For right now, have your dh wake 'em up. Why sleep in so late? You can, but they don't need to. They should be up and around when he is. If he's feeding them breakfast and cleaning up the kitchen and busy with them (while you rest) then it won't matter if the tv is on. When you get up the tv goes off. 4-Figure out whether those kids are there to play or assimilate into your world. Right now they come, play, and then you want to quiet down and do work. If you want to do work, that would be perfectly reasonable. But in that case they need to come over and see your kids already at work, kwim? Then the add-on kids assimilate, read quietly for an hour or color while the others do their work, then they all eat a snack while you read and can go play. 5-Die on hills worth dying on. *I* would not try to do school after such a long day, and I haven't had surgery. That many bodies in the house is stressful. That's just nuts. Your dh may do much better if he approached this time as a job. His job is to wake up the kids every day at 7:30. (not you, him) His job is to get them fed and crack the whip on their 1 hour of independent work. His job is to make sure the house gets tidied. At that point it's 10 am and he leaves to go look for jobs or takes a couple of them out for mandatory yardwork or whatever he does during the day. A bored man is an unhappy man. He may need some structure and to see that you want structure that he can give right now because he's there. Post that plan on the frig so people know the plan: 7:30 wake up 8:30 start independent work 9:30 snack with read aloud 10:00 activity with Dad Then give Dad some structure to improve the quality of that interaction. He might like a list of the possible activities he could do with them so he can rotate: go to the park, go to the pool, gather trash (a help Daddy ritual in our house), weekly cleaning day, weekly laundry day. Seriously, prop your feet up and let this work! Simplify, don't do what is not necessary, and create a structure where he can make that happen. That way you rest and get better. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3peasinapod Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Thanks 3peas there are some definite gems! I was wondering if you could elaborate on what kind of training got you to the bolded, I think this could be a lynch pin to making our days run smoother Hmmm, it has been ongoing for 2 or 3 years, but I am insistent with no exceptions on holding the work until its their turn. Let's say I'm doing FLL with one child and the other comes with a math question, I pause FLL and just tell them to circle (maybe a highlight would be good here so I can see if they missed some exercises) the ones they don't understand. We use a spiral math, so there are always some things they know how to complete. I have deliberately chosen some subjects that can be done independently for the most part. I think since it is a routine in our house for taking turns and keeping interruptions to a minimum, the girls are finally keeping to it. My 5yo does no such thing, though. :001_smile: Does that help at all? It has just been a continual reminding of holding the work, go back and finish what you can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3peasinapod Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Thanks 3peas there are some definite gems! I was wondering if you could elaborate on what kind of training got you to the bolded, I think this could be a lynch pin to making our days run smoother Hmmm, it has been ongoing for 2 or 3 years, but I am insistent with no exceptions on holding the work until its their turn. Let's say I'm doing FLL with one child and the other comes with a math question, I pause FLL and just tell them to circle (maybe a highlight would be good here so I can see if they missed some exercises) the ones they don't understand. We use a spiral math, so there are always some things they know how to complete. I have deliberately chosen some subjects that can be done independently for the most part. I think since it is a routine in our house for taking turns and keeping interruptions to a minimum, the girls are finally keeping to it. My 5yo does no such thing, though. :001_smile: Does that help at all? It has just been a continual reminding of holding the work, go back and finish what you can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairy4tmama Posted June 17, 2012 Author Share Posted June 17, 2012 (edited) I'd love to jump in on this and give you a little feedback, but I want to make sure I understand. 1) Because your dh is unemployed you are taking in children to babysit? Is this for the SUMMER? At this point it is really up in the air. With any luck I will feel much better and I will be more up to the task then I am at the moment. Over all I it is an excellent opportunity for me to earn part time income while HSing, I actually enjoy watching other peoples kids and love having a toddler in the house. Right now my lack of energy and other issues are making it very difficult for me to tackle this the way I otherwise would (I have a background in early childhood education and have done childcare before so I am used to working with groups of children) 2) Is your dh around and WILLING to help with the routine of your family life? Sometimes men are oblivious and merely need instruction. He is and does if he is here. Generally speaking he leaves or is "working" after breakfast. His field of work is very writing intensive so he is applying for jobs which ask for multiple essays on specific topics and cultivating or writting for contract jobs to keep us afloat. 3) Do you NEED to do school work this summer?? Not want but NEED. Yes we do. We had taken a bunch of time off already for various things because we school year round. In the past summer has been prime time for us, o I wasn't worried but then DH lost his job so we took 2 weeks off to adjust, then we took a bit of time off to adjust to having the extra kids over, then my illness reared its head rather suddenly and we lost another month. Dh is not sold on HS it makes him very uncomfortable so dropping things and catching up next year is not an option. 4) Were you given some instruction about how much rest is necessary in order for you to recoup well from your surgery? I don't know what it was, but it doesn't sound like you're getting enough rest to recover from anything.I was told to take 2 weeks off and during this time I have been off and the kids and Dh have been doing everything and no school. Now I am physically recovered form the surgery (a total thyroidectomy) ,however, now I have to get on the correct dosage of thyroid meds and this could take up to 6 months, your thyroid controls your metabolism so if your thyroid levels are low you run out of energy. So my flowchart would be: 1-Is the school work essential? I can't see how any of it is. Your oldest is 9. Drop all school work immediately. 2-Anything that MUST be done should be done in the most LOGICAL way possible, which means it is clear and concise enough to go on a checklist and is able to be done WITHOUT mom. If it doesn't fit that, drop it. I'm not saying buy anything. I'm just saying drop stuff until you have a list that can be done independently and tweak things you already have. For instance, you could make a summer reading challenge for your kids where they record the books they read. Put charts for different genres (non-fiction, etc. etc.) on the page. Boom you're hitting science, history, literature, and all you did was take them to the library! Milk something simple like that to hit the things you need. Need a little writing? Add a slight writing component to it (email someone each week). The world will NOT fall apart if you do less for the summer. BTDT. :) 3-Don't do what you can get your dh or dc to do for you. This is the golden rule of motherhood. Don't do for them what they can do for themselves. this is my new mantra:lol: In a dream world you'd work toward your kids waking themselves up (junior high). For right now, have your dh wake 'em up. Why sleep in so late? You can, but they don't need to. They should be up and around when he is. If he's feeding them breakfast and cleaning up the kitchen and busy with them (while you rest) then it won't matter if the tv is on. When you get up the tv goes off. 4-Figure out whether those kids are there to play or assimilate into your world. Right now they come, play, and then you want to quiet down and do work. If you want to do work, that would be perfectly reasonable. But in that case they need to come over and see your kids already at work, kwim? Then the add-on kids assimilate, read quietly for an hour or color while the others do their work, then they all eat a snack while you read and can go play. 5-Die on hills worth dying on. *I* would not try to do school after such a long day, and I haven't had surgery. That many bodies in the house is stressful. That's just nuts. this is very helpful This whole thread has been so helpful to me, thank you so much. To those of you who have suggested work boxes, thank you we do use a very modified version and have used it more traditionally in the past so your suggestions really have me thinking of ways to tweak it to be more helpful. Edited June 17, 2012 by fairy4tmama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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