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Help us decide....

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Please help us decide whether to move (again) or not....




1) we absolutely love our house and subdivision including the location for most things. It is nice to say we live here. It is nice to have people over. It mostly fits our needs. We have easy access to our extra curriculars. Hubby's commute is decent (typical suburb).


2) This house is furnished. If we move, we need a livingroom set, diningroom set, and a few dressers. We actually have enough beds for us and are not using any of the beds that were already here currently (we have in the past).


3) New house I found is in our old town. It is $325 per month cheaper. Bills would probably be comparable (possibly slightly more) because though it is slightly smaller, it is older so probably not as well insulated (guy that owns current house went above and beyond for this house).


It is further out so a longer drive for hubby but our play, meeting, volunteer work commutes would be considerably shorter and I drive the mini van and 12 passenger.


It meets hubby's other criteria for a house (in a subdivision, manageable yard, etc), however when I mentioned the house, he said, "in ********?!?" like he wasn't thrilled.


4) old town is where most of our support system (our congregation) is. This is HUGE for my big kids and me and ideally would become big for the little kids in time. But then we do have to drive back this way for some things (doctor, gymnastics, etc)


5) pull to consider public school would be NIL in our old town.


***6) if kids are not adopted by the end of summer, we MUST move so as not to allow that person access to our little one who would HAVE to attend school at the school he attended last year (as it is the one we're districted for for preK as well as the one that has PPCD) which would likely delay our adoption indefinitely because she has made it clear to EVERYONE she will do whatever it takes to get the kids removed from us. She has already lied, called cps multiple times per week, etc. Mostly though, the concern is further abuse of our children (questioning, coaching for interviews, looking them over for the slightest mark, pitting them against me....all that was majorly stressing them out).


***7) SHE lives in the old town also so our chances of running into her are fairly great (though they are fairly decent here also). After adoption, that likely makes little difference. Before adoption, it could, but....we would likely "hide out" a little before the adoption rather than hanging out in public too much.


My main thoughts are 1) we can't let her have access, 2) I want to be in that town for support reasons, 3) it'll be less $ which makes a difference as we're losing $1850 per month of the foster care stipend with their adoption.


Any thoughts to consider further? Obviously we need a family meeting. There seems to be pros and cons both directions.

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It sounds like increased utilities and increased work commute could eat up a significant portion of the decrease in rent. It also sounds like where you live now and the place you are considering do not provide any safe have with regard to the issues you have with your youngest child.


I think you need to look somewhere else. I really don't see any real advantage in moving to the place you are proposing because of the disadvantages you have mentioned.

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Oh goodness, obviously I had a lot more emotion about this than I realized.


First, we *will* move SOMEWHERE if the kids aren't adopted this summer. We simply cannot let this person have access to this child. Since that is the school we are districted for and the one that has ppcd, we simply wouldn't have a choice. She cannot be allowed to abuse my son further and it would put our adoption on hold indefinitely if she resumed calling CPS on us multiple times per week.


Second, I feel *very* strongly about moving back because that is where our support is. It is where our friends are, our congregation is, etc. Now, obviously we make the trek now; but it has been a struggle. I *really* want to go back.


I also didn't realize hubby felt so strongly about living here though. As I told him more about the other house, he brought up pluses here (it is kid-heavy, sidewalks, nice subdivision, XXminutes closer commute).


Our current house is MUCH newer and nicer; but the other isn't BAD by any stretch. The landlord plans to help with landscaping (it needs a little help that way). It has much more yard in front and back. It is on a nice street in a nice subdivision.


But even though I was "but I wanna!" when reading the replies, I still feel very conflicted. Hubby counts. And there will be a Hall here eventually. And in other countries, people have to trek much further for a Hall, often not in a nice comfy van! I may just need to be more determined!

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3) it'll be less $ which makes a difference as we're losing $1850 per month of the foster care stipend with their adoption.




Can the kids qualify for an adoption subsidy? That gives them a monthly amount similar to their current foster care amount. usually kids have to be one or more of the following:

1. minority race

2. sibling group

3. special needs

4. older child (above 6 or 8 or 10)


Might be worth checking into as it certainly helps. They might also qualify for medicaid and an adoption medical subsidy. Just make sure to check into ALL of this BEFORE the adoption is final and ideally before the petition for adoption is filed.....at least here in Michigan.

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Is there a middle ground? Somewhere closer to work for your Dh but away from crazy lady and near a Hall?


Sounds like your husband feels strongly about not returning to "old town." The daily commute really has an important impact on quality of life. Our move 18 months ago knocked about 20 minutes off of Dh's commute each way and he is so much happier. He gets home sooner, has more time and energy to play with the kids and help me. If we needed to move, our old neighborhood would be "off the table."

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Lost this post twice!


Ottakee, we are getting an adoption subsidy, but here, that is nowhere close to the foster care stipend, especially for special needs kids. There is a difference of $1857/month!


Christine, of course there are Halls everywhere. We just really are partial to OURS. Of course, we go to ours anyway. If we didn't move, we would just keep going there, at least til they give our town our own Hall.


And you're right about the commute of course.

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I totally get wanting to be closer to your congregation and that support system. In my experience that is more important than most people realize.


However, you are right, you dh counts.


We are going through something similar when we move to Tulsa. We know what hall we want to go to so we are working hard to find a house in that territory. Not a lot to choose from AND it means a longer commute for dh but he is ok with it.

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My head goes back and forth. If we don't need to move, staying here will likely work. Hubby prefers staying here, the commute for him is shorter, etc. If we do need to move (adoption isn't consumated by summer's end), then there is no where else (other than old town) I want to be. Seriously. I feel VERY strong about it.


CASA just talked to adoption worker. Basically, she said she hasn't done what she was supposed to. GRRRR I'd rather be moving because we wanted to, if we did want to, rather than being forced to because of other people.

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