love2read Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 and now, 8 months later, her husband is dying. We all thought the marriage was crazy (she's 75 he's 83). She's very, very reasonable and the romance was a whirlwind so all of us believe he knew his health was much worse than he let on. She already went through cancer and her first husband's death 20 years ago. He's now an invalid and while she's trying to get hospice help in the house, any nursing home or medical fees will be her responsibility since she apparently has more than he does :glare: I suggested she sell the house, but his kids (all in their 50s and older and they're selfish) won't let her (maybe it's in their names.) Thankfully she still has her own home and has been maintaining it, but it is now in her kid's name. Does anyone have any ideas how she can get through this without losing her savings? Does she have any legal recourse? Her own kids were furious that she married him in the first place and we all suspected she was being taken advantage of, but she's always been very tender hearted. She's the lady who runs the food pantry, watches people's children when they are sick, is everyone's best friend and essentially always works tirelessly to help others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 she should divorce him. then it won't be her financial responsibility and his care won't reach her assets. Then the house will have to be sold by his children to pay for his care. Sounds awful, but divorce could be the best solution. I know my dh's aunt researched that option when her husband of 20 years was dying. This woman has only been married a short time. Sounds like the kids are mad because dad is dying and they want his assets. So, it might be best for her to extricate herself now as quickly as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 There are multiple issues here and she needs real help with legal issues, financial planning, understanding Medicare benefits, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
love2read Posted June 13, 2012 Author Share Posted June 13, 2012 He's only expected to live 3 or 4 months (advanced lung cancer) so a divorce wouldn't go through in time. I was hoping someone here might now if she has any legal recourse because her income is seriously limited already and she really can't afford going to an attorney only to be told there is nothing she can do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 look for a local nonprofit that handles elder law or women's issues. The law on this will be specific to the state in which the woman resides and she will need representation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Or talk to the hospice workers about who they have on staff. They can at least help her understand what Medicare will cover. Hospice come in, though, when a family has accepted that the person is going to die and has decided to stop trying major medical intervention. So they may not be ready for that. But a social worker from the hospital can help with finding resources and talking about end of life decisions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 I am not necessarily recommending this, but in some states, a divorce can easily go through in a month to six weeks, especially if there are no minor children. Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Is she feeling snookered? Many women find pleasure and fulfillment sharing the last days with a gentleman. My dh is a physician and he sees a lot of these situations. The women are happy and not at all concerned about spending their money. Many times the children are the ones in the situation who feel they are being snookered. I have no advice except to say that if your friend is happy and content with the situation you should say nothing. If she is unhappy, she should see an attorney. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 There are legal aid societies and most lawyers will do an initial low-cost consultation. Regret at this point is after the fact. Whether she has enough evidence that she was tricked is something that only a lawyer can analyze. The reality is that marriage means that you have responsibility at some level for your spouse, even if that means exhausting your financial resources. A hospital social worker or the Area Agency on Aging should be consulted. My mother had serious mental health issues and hated caring for my father in his last years, and she periodically would threaten to put him on a plane to me. That didn't end her legal responsbility to care for a spouse that she was legally married to though. Thankfully a sharp doctor who understood the situation got him into a nursing home under hospice care near the end. I don't remember the exact totals (maybe around $4000 for several months), but the bills in that situation weren't bad from my perspective (we've had bills in the ten's of thousands that took a year or more to pay off). Getting hospice care via Medicare isn't a big deal, and there are other sources of help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Right.....Agency on Aging can do an evaluation to see what Medicare should be covering if he chooses to stay out of hospice. Most hospice agencies (here, at least), will take what insurance will pay and will not bill the patient's family for the rest.....and an elder law attorney can help her separate her assets to conserve as much as possible. I'd also keep looking for a non-profit hospice agency....Nursing homes, etc. will bill you for the excess but generally hospice does not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
love2read Posted June 13, 2012 Author Share Posted June 13, 2012 Is she feeling snookered? Many women find pleasure and fulfillment sharing the last days with a gentleman. Yes, very much so and she is not enjoying it. She is a very dedicated, Christian wife so she wouldn't abandon him, but he and his kids when they visit, have become verbally abusive and she's already hurt her back moving him. She has a call in to hospice which, ironically, she has volunteered with since her own husband died. I found the number online for elder legal aid. Thanks for the advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 If the house is in his name, either he can sell it or the person who has power of attorney can. If he owes medical bills, his assets can be sold to pay for them. The children can complain, but marriage goes both ways. Yes, the hospice social workers can probably help her figure all this out. She'll have to decide what she wants to do then have the courage to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.