Jump to content

Menu

How Do You Homeschool Your ADHD Child?


Recommended Posts

My child has never been diagnosed with ADHD but I suspect it has it. He is very wiggly, he climbs on the couch constantly, he is never still unless he is asleep.

 

Should I have him tested? If you have your child tested what then do you do with the results? Do you put them on meds or not?

 

This week my boys are in vacation bible school and my four year old who is the one I suspect has ADHD is in my mom's class. My mom called me very concerned with his behavior. I have to say that because I have always hs my boys I am not really aware of what is happening in public school so I can't compare apples to apples. Anyway, mom said that he is not coloring in the lines, was not paying attention and that he really wanted to be in his brother's class.

 

Is it normal for a four year old boy to color outside the lines? I have started mentioning to him to stay in the lines but I was not shocked by him going outside the lines. He really likes being around his brother and so when they are apart he does miss him. My husband said that is part of the problem with hs, he is not around others enough to be okay being away from his older brother. (I don't believe that but I still get nervous because we are off the beaten path.)

 

If your child has adhd how do you keep this child intersted, still (if possible) and learning. How has keeping this child on a set schedule helped. Lastly, how do you not feel like the homeschool mom with a bad child when your child does not live up to others standards.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think your son sounds like a perfectly normal four year old boy who is the second child. My son is almost 7 and CAN color in the lines but doesn't often care to. I don't know what age it was when he could but it certainly wasn't 4.

 

My daughter, my second-born, always wants to be with her brother and I always wanted to be with my older sister. It comes from, well, always having them around. Older children are, by nature, more independent because they had to live a while without another child. We second children tend to get used to the company. That may change faster for second-children sent to public school but it isn't caused by home-schooling.

 

I think I would be far more worried about a four year old boy who could sit still. My kids still jump on the couch sometimes while reading. I've never felt the desire to test them for ADD because, well, I think they're just being kids. The kind of robotic, forced-calm and regimented classroom style that your mom seems to want is exactly WHY we're home-schooling. Kids need to be kids and turning them into little robots so young is, in my humble opinion, not necessary or desirable. Should he learn how to handle himself for short hours, like for Sunday School or VBS? Sure. But learning is a process. As he does it more, he'll get better at it. Just because he doesn't already know how to do it doesn't mean he needs a diagnosis. He just needs practice.

 

As for what others think- it never ends. There will always be someone looking over your shoulder, questioning, critiquing... This is whether you home-school, public school, private school or send them to the zoo to be trained as lion tamers. Everyone has an opinion, and they more you validate their opinions by responding, the more they feel free to share them. When it's someone like your mom, then you get to say, "Gee, Mom, thanks for letting me know. I'll think about it and look into it." Done. She gets that for the first meddling. After that, it becomes, "Yeah, you told me, I don't really need to talk with you about it anymore. I've registered your opinion, now I'll work with my own." Anyone who isn't close to you- just smile shortly, thank them for sharing their opinion, and walk away. You'll get lots of practice with this. :glare:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is it normal for a four year old boy to color outside the lines?

 

If your child has adhd how do you keep this child intersted, still (if possible) and learning. How has keeping this child on a set schedule helped. Lastly, how do you not feel like the homeschool mom with a bad child when your child does not live up to others standards.

 

Honey, I've got an eight year old who colors outside the lines! Does that help? Ds struggled so much in ps (1st grade) that we pulled him before they had a chance to slap the ADHD label on him. But we had a number of "if you would give him medication, he would be able to focus and then we could do something with him" conversations. So I homeschool him and we have a blast together instead.

 

I do see in group activities (acting class, Sunday school, co-op classes) that his behavior is pretty "active"/less focused compared to his peers. I just try really hard to remember that he is WAY less wiggly than he was at age 2 (don't even get me started) and age 3, etc. So I see definite improvement in his attention span, and that is enough for me. Otherwise, I'll worry myself silly comparing him to everyone else.

 

I don't think he'll be squirrely at his wedding...or if he is, it'll be for other reasons ;).

 

You asked about something else and I can't remember what it was. Hopefully this helps a little at least! Ah yes--the focus thing during school. A marble jar as a reward system was wonderful for us this past year. He got five marbles a day. If he stayed focused, he kept his marbles. When he'd get spacey, I would pick up a marble as a reminder. Usually, that would help him to get focused. If not, he lost the marble. Once he got to 15 marbles, he got something from the prize box (little food treats like packs of fruit snacks that we don't normally have). It was up to him whether he got that treat in three great days or five+ less good days. Worked great for us!

 

Christina

Edited by StinaInColorado
Forgot something.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You've gotten good advice. He sounds perfectly normal. He may not even be ADHD. 4 year olds cannot be expected to sit still for longer than 4 mins (unless they are engrossed in TV, I suppose.)

 

Please don't feel like a bad mother if your child does not live upto another person's expectation (even your own mother's). Every child is different.

 

Still, keeping children on a predicatable schedule usually does help, ime. It gives them a feeling of security and familiarity.

 

I don't think he'll be squirrely at his wedding...or if he is, it'll be for other reasons ;).

 

:lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Duct tape works wonders! Lol. (half kidding).

 

My son has a seatbelt on his chair, wears some body armor clothes (sometimes nothing), goes to occupational therapy, and gets lots of activity.

 

Read The Out of Sync Child. Create a sensory diet and give him what he craves. A mini trampoline was frequently used at one time around here. We also had a platform swing that could spin and be used for upper body work.

 

Mine carries an official ADHD diagnosis, but his OT and i believe that he is all sensory with whatever else he has going on. He does not take meds (not because i never tried, but because he had an allergic reaction to them).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That sounds completely normal for a 4 year old boy (and for my 8 year old!). I am pretty sure he would be diagnosed with ADD but haven't ever officially had him tested. As you son gets older I have really found with my son that keeping a predictable routine is absolutely essential for him! Not necessarily a schedule (that would stress me out too much) but an order for the day- breakfast, morning chores, schoolwork, etc. This is one of the biggest reasons we started year round schooling:)

 

Does your mom "approve" of you homeschooling? I know my mom is back and forth on us homeschooling so sometimes she will throw comments in there like that and follow it with "maybe you should think about sending him to school".

 

 

I think it is also very normal for him to want to be with a sibling. We can't get our 3 year old to stay in Sunday school, but I am sure if he could go in with one of his siblings he would be just fine!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So first....at four, it would be NORMAL for him to not have been in school so if there is a difference in your kid versus others, I would think that it is individual differences more than anything. And lots of people in new situations prefer the company of someone they know. I sure do! So I wouldn't worry about that. He'll come into his own. It isn't like you are going to lock him in a closet the next 14 years!

 

As for coloring? Kids are just all different. I'm a little concerned about my 4yr old (who has been tested and we were told not to worry quite yet, btw) because of the coloring/writing thing. He simply does not have the control to do it. He *is* getting better. Yesterday though, he scribbled in two places more concentrated on his page then he just went wild all over the page like a toddler. I wish he'd do just the more concentrated scribbling, at least. Maybe soon. We'll keep working on it :)

 

Okay, so then the adhd. It *really* depends. If you're just talking about an active child who will read hanging off the couch or rolling on the floor, I wouldn't worry about it in the least. You'll do more active types of activities, use a balance ball for seat work, use playdough or legos during stories, take plenty of walks, etc. If the child cannot attend long enough to learn, then medication may be helpful. I homeschooled a friend's son a few years ago and the child was extremely bright, but he could not get down the answer before he had to refigure it over and over and over. No suggestions on how to deal with it (you know, like saying it in your head twelve times as you're about to write it) worked. It was awful and showed up across the board in his work. His mother took him to see the doctor (btw, mother is a therapist and not anti-medication, but not pro-medication by any stretch). I called her after our first section of work almost in tears the Ritalin made such a difference for him. The kid was beyond gifted and now he could attend long enough to learn and give some output also.

 

I have one who has been tested and they want to keep an eye on. At this point, he seems like the roll around the floor, jumping off the walls kind of hyper I don't mind. And he *is* learning very well. If he were to get to the point that he couldn't learn because his mind was as hyper as his body, then we would consider medication (as I'm a LOT less anti-medication now than I was with my bigger kids). We will see. :)

 

Past that, mostly? You're gonna have to grow some thicker skin. I *do* worry what other people think; but really, that just adds more stress so don't do it much or to an extreme. Each of your kids will do how they will. And they would in public school also. It is ridiculous that people credit homeschooling for things that would have been anyway (from the shy kid to a kid who learns easily to one who is X, Y, or Z). ALL these kids exist in public school also. We can just more easily accommodate them all from home :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think your son sounds like a perfectly normal four year old boy who is the second child. My son is almost 7 and CAN color in the lines but doesn't often care to. I don't know what age it was when he could but it certainly wasn't 4.

 

My daughter, my second-born, always wants to be with her brother and I always wanted to be with my older sister. It comes from, well, always having them around. Older children are, by nature, more independent because they had to live a while without another child. We second children tend to get used to the company. That may change faster for second-children sent to public school but it isn't caused by home-schooling.

 

I think I would be far more worried about a four year old boy who could sit still. My kids still jump on the couch sometimes while reading. I've never felt the desire to test them for ADD because, well, I think they're just being kids. The kind of robotic, forced-calm and regimented classroom style that your mom seems to want is exactly WHY we're home-schooling. Kids need to be kids and turning them into little robots so young is, in my humble opinion, not necessary or desirable. Should he learn how to handle himself for short hours, like for Sunday School or VBS? Sure. But learning is a process. As he does it more, he'll get better at it. Just because he doesn't already know how to do it doesn't mean he needs a diagnosis. He just needs practice.

 

As for what others think- it never ends. There will always be someone looking over your shoulder, questioning, critiquing... This is whether you home-school, public school, private school or send them to the zoo to be trained as lion tamers. Everyone has an opinion, and they more you validate their opinions by responding, the more they feel free to share them. When it's someone like your mom, then you get to say, "Gee, Mom, thanks for letting me know. I'll think about it and look into it." Done. She gets that for the first meddling. After that, it becomes, "Yeah, you told me, I don't really need to talk with you about it anymore. I've registered your opinion, now I'll work with my own." Anyone who isn't close to you- just smile shortly, thank them for sharing their opinion, and walk away. You'll get lots of practice with this. :glare:

 

:iagree: Your son sounds perfectly normal. A 4 year old boy who sits still and only colors within the lines would give me more concern than one who doesn't:). Just enjoy these years.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think he sounds pretty normal.

 

I probably do have a child who would qualify as ADHD, and sometimes it's hard, but she's also bright and curious, and when she's interested in something, she's highly self-motivated to learn more about it. I haven't had her tested, because there's no real reason to, and in my state, it could make dealing with the local school district more of a pain than I need.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

None of the 4 year old boys in our Children's Church color AT ALL. If forced (strongly encouraged to color a picture for Mommy and Daddy) they will sit at the table and scribble something, then run like mad for the ball/cars/blocks. It's hard to tell if they have the ability, because they had no interest in doing it. One of the 3 year olds scribbled a complete mess all over his paper, then turned it over and drew a perfect "A" on the back (the first letter in his name). One of them stayed within the lines, but he only colored a fraction of his paper (it was Noah's Ark, and he colored in one plank on the side of the ark).

 

I would ask someone a little more objective if they are seeing a big difference in the abilities of your child and the rest of the class. Maybe your mom really is seeing something, or maybe her relationship to him is muddying the waters a bit. I swear that our parents' generation does not remember things right. There is no way we all were potty trained by 12 mos and speaking in complete sentences, including please and thank you, by 18mos, right???

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Another vote that your 4 year old sounds like a normal 4 year old, especially one who's used to being close to his older brother. :) I totally agree with everything above.

 

My 8 year old was a lot like your 4 year old at that age. Hmmmm. He still is. :D But he is getting better, I can see a lot of improvement in less wiggliness, more concentration when I direct him (he's always been able to concentrate on his own projects, just not necessarily where directed by others, if it doesn't grab his interest). As for coloring in the lines... I'm sure he can. But he would much prefer a blank sheet of paper, and always has. I think that's so much better for developing creativity, so we've never fought that. Maybe your kiddo is just an out of the box, creative kid?

 

For what it's worth, we did have our guy tested for ADHD, and he was not diagnosed. The psych felt that he had some ADHD tendencies, but it just isn't his issue. He got no diagnosis, other than being highly gifted (which we suspected anyway), and some advice on where to go with that. I *was* surprised by his not being ADHD though. And that surprise spurred a lot of research into gifted kids and kinesthetic learning and visual spatial learners and ... The list goes on. It all fits. In fact, rather than jumping into the ADHD worry, maybe it would be more fun for you just to head the other direction and think, "Gifted!" Might make your Mom step back and look at it all differently, too. At this age, I think it could be either one, both, or neither... He's so little. Maybe now is just the time to enjoy your kiddo, with his quirks and energy and creativity... And revel that it is not being trained out of him!

 

Until just a few months ago, we did read alouds with the kiddo flopping upside down, rolling around, doing who knows what. I found it terribly distracting, but he could narrate perfectly (for his age) so he seems to be absorbing the info. He just works best if his body is moving at the same time. Seat work was done on an exercise ball, and handwriting was a chore. But he's better about all of that now, and the exercise ball has been put away. The mini tramp was fabulous for FLL time - again, no longer necessary, but it was essential for a time. Gum chewing was a strange, but useful tip, too, to keep him moving while doing school.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think your son sounds like a perfectly normal four year old boy who is the second child. My son is almost 7 and CAN color in the lines but doesn't often care to. I don't know what age it was when he could but it certainly wasn't 4.

 

My daughter, my second-born, always wants to be with her brother and I always wanted to be with my older sister. It comes from, well, always having them around. Older children are, by nature, more independent because they had to live a while without another child. We second children tend to get used to the company. That may change faster for second-children sent to public school but it isn't caused by home-schooling.

 

I think I would be far more worried about a four year old boy who could sit still. My kids still jump on the couch sometimes while reading. I've never felt the desire to test them for ADD because, well, I think they're just being kids. The kind of robotic, forced-calm and regimented classroom style that your mom seems to want is exactly WHY we're home-schooling. Kids need to be kids and turning them into little robots so young is, in my humble opinion, not necessary or desirable. Should he learn how to handle himself for short hours, like for Sunday School or VBS? Sure. But learning is a process. As he does it more, he'll get better at it. Just because he doesn't already know how to do it doesn't mean he needs a diagnosis. He just needs practice.

 

As for what others think- it never ends. There will always be someone looking over your shoulder, questioning, critiquing... This is whether you home-school, public school, private school or send them to the zoo to be trained as lion tamers. Everyone has an opinion, and they more you validate their opinions by responding, the more they feel free to share them. When it's someone like your mom, then you get to say, "Gee, Mom, thanks for letting me know. I'll think about it and look into it." Done. She gets that for the first meddling. After that, it becomes, "Yeah, you told me, I don't really need to talk with you about it anymore. I've registered your opinion, now I'll work with my own." Anyone who isn't close to you- just smile shortly, thank them for sharing their opinion, and walk away. You'll get lots of practice with this. :glare:

Thanks I am an only child so its good to hear that its normal for a younger sibling to want to be around another sibling. He has even requested this is church on Sunday and I don't know what to do about it since they are in different classes but I will sit down and talk to him more. Hopefully that will help him, I think it's just a stage and he will grow out of it.

 

Honey, I've got an eight year old who colors outside the lines! Does that help? Ds struggled so much in ps (1st grade) that we pulled him before they had a chance to slap the ADHD label on him. But we had a number of "if you would give him medication, he would be able to focus and then we could do something with him" conversations. So I homeschool him and we have a blast together instead.

 

I do see in group activities (acting class, Sunday school, co-op classes) that his behavior is pretty "active"/less focused compared to his peers. I just try really hard to remember that he is WAY less wiggly than he was at age 2 (don't even get me started) and age 3, etc. So I see definite improvement in his attention span, and that is enough for me. Otherwise, I'll worry myself silly comparing him to everyone else.

 

I don't think he'll be squirrely at his wedding...or if he is, it'll be for other reasons ;).

 

You asked about something else and I can't remember what it was. Hopefully this helps a little at least! Ah yes--the focus thing during school. A marble jar as a reward system was wonderful for us this past year. He got five marbles a day. If he stayed focused, he kept his marbles. When he'd get spacey, I would pick up a marble as a reminder. Usually, that would help him to get focused. If not, he lost the marble. Once he got to 15 marbles, he got something from the prize box (little food treats like packs of fruit snacks that we don't normally have). It was up to him whether he got that treat in three great days or five+ less good days. Worked great for us!

 

Christina

You sound a lot like me, thank you your words are very comforting. I will have to think of a reward system for him.

 

Did your mom actually raise any boys or just you and/or other girls?

 

There's a HUGE range of behavior at 4, boy or girl. I wouldn't worry just yet.

 

No I am an only child, so only has experience with girls. Plus mom is very strict which is okay but each child is different. She said he was the worst kid in the class:confused1: and that his work was no where near the others. Of course the girls in the class sat quietly and colored because girls like that but she said the other boy in the class colored as well. But she was most perplexed by him not being interested in the class at all. (Not sitting still, standing by the door, wanting to go home) So I said I would go observe today, which I don't think will make a difference but so that I can see for myself.

 

That sounds completely normal for a 4 year old boy (and for my 8 year old!). I am pretty sure he would be diagnosed with ADD but haven't ever officially had him tested. As you son gets older I have really found with my son that keeping a predictable routine is absolutely essential for him! Not necessarily a schedule (that would stress me out too much) but an order for the day- breakfast, morning chores, schoolwork, etc. This is one of the biggest reasons we started year round schooling:)

 

Does your mom "approve" of you homeschooling? I know my mom is back and forth on us homeschooling so sometimes she will throw comments in there like that and follow it with "maybe you should think about sending him to school".

 

 

I think it is also very normal for him to want to be with a sibling. We can't get our 3 year old to stay in Sunday school, but I am sure if he could go in with one of his siblings he would be just fine!

 

My mom has been very supportive of homeschooling. Hopefully that doesn't change. So I think she was very surprised by his behavior. I have explained to her that he is very wiggly but she is not here with him daily so she may not understand that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I would ask someone a little more objective if they are seeing a big difference in the abilities of your child and the rest of the class. Maybe your mom really is seeing something, or maybe her relationship to him is muddying the waters a bit. I swear that our parents' generation does not remember things right. There is no way we all were potty trained by 12 mos and speaking in complete sentences, including please and thank you, by 18mos, right???

:lol:Yes, I know. I'm not sure what to make of all of that. My mom says I was potty trained at 9 months. Who potty trains a 9mo old child?:001_huh: I will talk to a few more moms with boys and get their perspective.

 

Another vote that your 4 year old sounds like a normal 4 year old, especially one who's used to being close to his older brother. :) I totally agree with everything above.

 

My 8 year old was a lot like your 4 year old at that age. Hmmmm. He still is. :D But he is getting better, I can see a lot of improvement in less wiggliness, more concentration when I direct him (he's always been able to concentrate on his own projects, just not necessarily where directed by others, if it doesn't grab his interest). As for coloring in the lines... I'm sure he can. But he would much prefer a blank sheet of paper, and always has. I think that's so much better for developing creativity, so we've never fought that. Maybe your kiddo is just an out of the box, creative kid?

 

For what it's worth, we did have our guy tested for ADHD, and he was not diagnosed. The psych felt that he had some ADHD tendencies, but it just isn't his issue. He got no diagnosis, other than being highly gifted (which we suspected anyway), and some advice on where to go with that. I *was* surprised by his not being ADHD though. And that surprise spurred a lot of research into gifted kids and kinesthetic learning and visual spatial learners and ... The list goes on. It all fits. In fact, rather than jumping into the ADHD worry, maybe it would be more fun for you just to head the other direction and think, "Gifted!" Might make your Mom step back and look at it all differently, too. At this age, I think it could be either one, both, or neither... He's so little. Maybe now is just the time to enjoy your kiddo, with his quirks and energy and creativity... And revel that it is not being trained out of him!

 

Until just a few months ago, we did read alouds with the kiddo flopping upside down, rolling around, doing who knows what. I found it terribly distracting, but he could narrate perfectly (for his age) so he seems to be absorbing the info. He just works best if his body is moving at the same time. Seat work was done on an exercise ball, and handwriting was a chore. But he's better about all of that now, and the exercise ball has been put away. The mini tramp was fabulous for FLL time - again, no longer necessary, but it was essential for a time. Gum chewing was a strange, but useful tip, too, to keep him moving while doing school.

I keep hearing about the mini trampoline I need to find one. The boys would love it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When my oldest son was maybe 6 or so, my dad bought Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys for me and offered to buy a case of the books for everyone who ever came in contact with my son. :D It changed the way I viewed parenting, for sure. I recommend it with every fiber of my being. If he has problems sitting, maybe he can color standing up? Why does he need to sit. My husband and I both probably land in the ADHD diagnosis territory and it has been an awesome journey. We make fantastic entrepreneurs and meetings in my office last about 7 minutes, which everyone really appreciates. :D No meds, no reason to fret, no coloring in the lines necessary.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have two adhd kids and will soon be figuring out if the third is inattentive adhd. Anyway, my son with adhd did color within the lines. My dd did not. Neither f them ever cared whwas in their Vbs group. The behaviors you describe don't sound like adhd.

:iagree:

 

With my boys it became an issue when they WANTED to focus, but could not. This results in tears, anger and frustration. That was for the inattentive type. For the impulse/hyperactivity one it was the fact that he kept coming close to killing himself!!!! Only slightly joking! ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...