"Yeah, so?" troubles. Ideas?

[Pen]

Our elderly dog slipped trying to climb to the upstairs and slid to the bottom from about half way up. My reaction was heart in mouth, "Oh my god, my poor dog." She seems to have no fractures, but is looking sore and sad. My son was with the dog afterwards and she was crying, giving little growly noises...I told him he had to be very gentle with her, only give her very very soft pets, and if she looked the least bit uncomfortable leave her alone because she is having a hard time and could have sore places anywhere and everywhere from her fall. He said, "Yeah, so?" in a 'what do I care about the dog' tone of voice.

 

I found it deeply upsetting and told him so. He is currently banned from dog contact except under close supervision. Being too rough may be part of sensory seeking issues, and I know I am dealing with a flare up of that. But the attitude issue seems to be different. And, as I think about it, it is something that crops up not infrequently in many different areas. It was what he said about reading back when he could not do it, and may be a false bravado sort of behavior. When said in regard to reading it is annoying, but not as troubling as when in regard to someone else's well being. It may be an area where he needs training in a social skill of what to say, but I am also concerned about covering up what could be an actual empathy problem with more socially acceptable surface behavior.

 

Whatever it is--lack of empathy, rudeness, bad behavior, LD, or special needs issue...or ??? I find it very disturbing and worrisome. Any ideas would be much appreciated.

[RamonaQ]

Whatever it is--lack of empathy, rudeness, bad behavior, LD, or special needs issue...or ??? I find it very disturbing and worrisome. Any ideas would be much appreciated.

 

First, I am so sorry about your dog. I hope she is doing ok now.

 

Second, to answer your question, gosh, I don't know. I certainly worry about those behaviors with both my kids-- although my dd seems to have far greater empathy than my son, but I often wonder if that is a gender issue.

 

I know when my son has acted less than empathetically I feel concern, but sometimes I have realized his lack of empathy is a lack of knowing how to respond or his actually feeling really scared and he didn't know how to respond. I guess for me, I did know that my son has a caring heart and is very sensitive, so I would rely on that. As he has gotten older, he seems to do better with offering appropriate empathy. So it also could just be a maturity thing.

 

Finally, if it is something that is bothering you, and it does feel in your heart that this is "bigger" than a maturity thing, I would encourage you to check in with your doctor.