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AlmiraGulch

A couple of etiquette questions.....

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I'd posted a thread a bit ago about a friend (husband and wife, actually, so.....friends) who are throwing a post-wedding reception/party for my husband and me. We're very grateful, but I continue to be rather uncomfortable about the whole thing. Regardless....the date is set and the invitations have been sent.

 

Today we (both my husband and I) received a note on FB from the husband saying that the wife, S, wanted him to tell us that she has only received one RSVP for the party yet, and could we "nudge" people to reply. He also said that he "thought" the invitation said to RSVP by June 15, but that they didn't know for sure because they hadn't seen one.

 

First, the invitation did say to RSVP by 6/15, and she (S) knows this because I asked her for the date and she reviewed the invitation copy before I placed the order. Now it seems like they're put out because I didn't send them an invitation, but it honestly didn't occur to me to do so because they're hosting, and they would be RSVP-ing to themselves. I think I may have made a mistake on that one (did I?) but now I don't know how to correct it, or if I should.

 

Second, I'm not really comfortable calling my friends and family and asking them to reply, particularly since it's still 6 days prior to the requested response date on the invitation. Even if it weren't, I'd still feel odd about it. Should I do it anyway? I realize they need to know who is attending so they can have the right amount of food and beverages. It's a pet peeve of mine that people just don't RSVP anymore, and I think it's worse here in the South than anywhere! Still.....I don't know how to gracefully "nudge" people to respond.

 

Finally, I of course want to give the hosting couple a gift to show our appreciation for the event, but I don't have any idea what would be appropriate. Suggestions?

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Your friend is hosting the party, but you ordered/sent the invitations and she expects you to call to find out who's coming?

 

I don't have chapter and verse in the etiquette book on this one, but I'm pretty sure that;s just wrong.

 

She's hosting a party in your honor = she does all the planning and work, and you just show up looking fabulous and enjoy. :coolgleamA:

 

And congratulations! :hurray:

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Your friend is hosting the party, but you ordered/sent the invitations and she expects you to call to find out who's coming?

 

I don't have chapter and verse in the etiquette book on this one, but I'm pretty sure that;s just wrong.

 

She's hosting a party in your honor = she does all the planning and work, and you just show up looking fabulous and enjoy. :coolgleamA:

 

And congratulations! :hurray:

 

This is kind of what I thought, too. :glare:

 

And...thanks!

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If you have an extra copy of the invitation, give her one. If you have a copy you were saving for yourself, then photocopy it and give it to her with the explanation that "since you're hosting, I didn't think you needed an invitation to your own party but here's one for reference." If you don't have a copy, just write down the details for her - again for reference.

 

Just ignore her on the RSVP thing. You are correct that it would be inappropriate to approach people about it before the RSVP date.

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I'd posted a thread a bit ago about a friend (husband and wife, actually, so.....friends) who are throwing a post-wedding reception/party for my husband and me. We're very grateful, but I continue to be rather uncomfortable about the whole thing. Regardless....the date is set and the invitations have been sent.

 

Today we (both my husband and I) received a note on FB from the husband saying that the wife, S, wanted him to tell us that she has only received one RSVP for the party yet, and could we "nudge" people to reply. He also said that he "thought" the invitation said to RSVP by June 15, but that they didn't know for sure because they hadn't seen one.

 

First, the invitation did say to RSVP by 6/15, and she (S) knows this because I asked her for the date and she reviewed the invitation copy before I placed the order. Now it seems like they're put out because I didn't send them an invitation, but it honestly didn't occur to me to do so because they're hosting, and they would be RSVP-ing to themselves. I think I may have made a mistake on that one (did I?) but now I don't know how to correct it, or if I should.

 

Second, I'm not really comfortable calling my friends and family and asking them to reply, particularly since it's still 6 days prior to the requested response date on the invitation. Even if it weren't, I'd still feel odd about it. Should I do it anyway? I realize they need to know who is attending so they can have the right amount of food and beverages. It's a pet peeve of mine that people just don't RSVP anymore, and I think it's worse here in the South than anywhere! Still.....I don't know how to gracefully "nudge" people to respond.

 

Finally, I of course want to give the hosting couple a gift to show our appreciation for the event, but I don't have any idea what would be appropriate. Suggestions?

It isn't your job to nudge people. It's the hosts' job.

 

No, it isn't worse in the South. It's worse everywhere. :glare:

 

I wuldn't have sent an invitation to the hosts, either, 'cuz they're, you know, the hosts. :001_huh:

 

You are not required to give a gift to the host. I can't think of anything that would be appropriate. Maybe a bottle of wine? I dunno.

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I agree about giving her a copy of the invitation. I also agree that it is her responsibility as the hostess to find out who is coming after the RSVP date. Can you give her a list of who was invited with either phone or email addresses? I would think it would be easy enough to introduce herself by email and ask for RSVPs that way. I don't know how big of a reception this is (how many people). Plan for slightly less than who was invited.

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If you have an extra copy of the invitation, give her one. If you have a copy you were saving for yourself, then photocopy it and give it to her with the explanation that "since you're hosting, I didn't think you needed an invitation to your own party but here's one for reference." If you don't have a copy, just write down the details for her - again for reference.

 

Just ignore her on the RSVP thing. You are correct that it would be inappropriate to approach people about it before the RSVP date.

 

I do have extras and I'm happy to give her one. It just never occurred me to actually send one.

 

Thanks for validating what I was thinking about the RSVP thing.

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I agree about giving her a copy of the invitation. I also agree that it is her responsibility as the hostess to find out who is coming after the RSVP date. Can you give her a list of who was invited with either phone or email addresses? I would think it would be easy enough to introduce herself by email and ask for RSVPs that way. I don't know how big of a reception this is (how many people). Plan for slightly less than who was invited.

Yes, I can provide those things. And she knows how many were invited, plus I told her I think about 2/3 - 3/4 of those invited will actually attend. Isn't that how most people plan, given the propensity for people to not RSVP? Sigh.

 

And THIS is one of the many reasons I didn't want the event (despite how much I truly do appreciate the gesture).

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Common host gifts are a nice potted plant, flowers (although, I'm not a huge fan of being handed a bunch of loose flowers you need to find a vase for and trim stems while you're trying to entertain), a bottle of wine, some special treat (like chocolates), or something small for their house you know they might like (candles, picture frame, etc).

 

That whole invite thing sounds weird. That definitely seems like the hostesses job. In a 4-5 days maybe you could shoot some e-mails around but I wouldn't start contacting people via phone or anything.

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