catalinakel Posted June 8, 2012 Author Share Posted June 8, 2012 Exactly. The world becomes so much bigger for a 14 yo. Constant reminders, schedules posted on walls, sticking to a routine is what worked here. I don't think this possible activity can be blamed for any of it. And don't worry that this is something to "deal with." It's a normal development stage. If you are homeschooling you can probably see why his school performance is suffering. If he is in school, I'd get very involved in finding out about assignments, talking to teachers, etc. And...they are spacey...they really are. They are thinking about so many things (not just that one thing :001_smile:) so their minds are so preoccupied that forgetting things and losing things becomes pretty common.It will get better. Give it a few years. Thanks. I've been doing all of this... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 I have 3 brothers, a husband, and 3 sons, one of which is now an adult. I have to say, I've never known ANY male teen that did NOT discover 'self brewing' at some time or another...and none of them have had any sort of dysfunction in their adult relationships/marriage. :iagree: I have one brother, dh is one of 5 boys. All have had no issues with healthy relationships after teen self-brewing. I'll go a step further to say that my marriage is healthy because of self-brewing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 Honestly, it is very very likely he figured out about it many years ago. The distraction is probably related to the age...14 year olds can be flaky! :iagree: I used to teach jr. high. Very typical behaviors for that age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 I only read a few of the responses. My answer: He is totally normal. You ignore it and let him be normal. No need at all to address it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 My thought is too not necessarily focus on the showers, like what are you doing. If you already haven't, I would talk to him about his forgetfulness, what he thinks might help. Has something else changed in his life, friendships etc. Maybe he is escaping to the bathroom to just have privacy and time to himself since you certainly aren't going to bother him when he is in there. You would be more inclined to bother him if he was in his bedroom, or living room. I know I like to go take long baths just to have some peace from my family and I am not doing anything. ;) On the other hand, he could be doing what your are concerned about too. I don't know if that is helpful. Let's say that he is, I would ask yourself, maybe you have, why does that bother you? Is it because of what dad would do? Is it because of how you were raised to view it? :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:I don't know if that was helpful or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissad2 Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 I agree with everyone else. Teens are just spacey like that sometimes. I don't see what one thing has to do with the other. I wouldn't say anything to my boys about it. I believe it is normal and healthy to discover ones own body. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 Honestly, it is very very likely he figured out about it many years ago. The distraction is probably related to the age...14 year olds can be flaky! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 This National Geographic article from last fall gives a decent overview of the changing adolescent brain: http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/print/2011/10/teenage-brains/dobbs-text Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 This National Geographic article from last fall gives a decent overview of the changing adolescent brain: http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/print/2011/10/teenage-brains/dobbs-text I have read and heard how the teenage brain in much like the brain of a toddler undergoing lots of growth and change which leads to lots of, um, annoying behaviors. My son is 12 and we are in the beginning of this. I must say that at times his response and reactions are VERY similar to that of my 3yo nephew. Scary similar LOL. I know it will just get worse for a time and then improve. My cousins son is now 14 and is completely forgetful and goofy, when he used to be very organized and precise. My SIL described her boys as toddlers in men's bodies while they were going thru this spacey age. For you, the self pleasure is a trigger to something bad. For me the trigger is ATVs and anything that goes faster than a snail because I know teens that have died or been left disabled. The best you can do is talk, warn somewhat, and then let go and let God take over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 I think your son's forgetfulness and distraction probably have more to do w/ the fact that you and dad are no longer together in addition to his age. He's going through a lot emotionally right now. Just being a teen is hard enough. He could just be taking long showers because it's a place to escape- he can cry and nobody will know, or the water soothes his anger.... or maybe he's discovered girls? If you are that worried, can you swing a counselor for him, even short term? :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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