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Maybe TMI, but I have a question about boys and m*sterb*tion


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Ok, this is hard to ask, but my fourteen year old son seems to have lost his ability to remember things and do well on school work. He likes to take long, long baths and showers.....I am beside myself to figure out what is going on with him, and the thought occured that perhaps he has discovered how to, ehem, pleasure himself, which has him distracted...

 

Anybody have any experience with sons who have gone down this path, which, btw, is a path that was very destructive in terms of my marriage. How on earth do I broach the subject with him without embarrasing the heck out of him. And, trust me, I don't want his father discussing it with him.

 

Forgive me if I sound judgemental...I am not exactly thrilled at the possibility of my son finding sexual joy with himself(or anyone else, for that matter!) Not for many years!

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Ok, this is hard to ask, but my fourteen year old son seems to have lost his ability to remember things and do well on school work. He likes to take long, long baths and showers.....I am beside myself to figure out what is going on with him, and the thought occured that perhaps he has discovered how to, ehem, pleasure himself, which has him distracted...

 

Anybody have any experience with sons who have gone down this path, which, btw, is a path that was very destructive in terms of my marriage. How on earth do I broach the subject with him without embarrasing the heck out of him. And, trust me, I don't want his father discussing it with him.

 

Forgive me if I sound judgemental...I am not exactly thrilled at the possibility of my son finding sexual joy with himself(or anyone else, for that matter!) Not for many years![/QUOTE]

 

He is a normal maturing young man.

 

(I'm saying this very gently...)Do you need to talk with someone about your feelings being mixed up with him growing up vs. his dad's destructive behavior in your marriage?

Edited by Tammyla
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Ok, this is hard to ask, but my fourteen year old son seems to have lost his ability to remember things and do well on school work. He likes to take long, long baths and showers.....I am beside myself to figure out what is going on with him, and the thought occured that perhaps he has discovered how to, ehem, pleasure himself, which has him distracted...

 

Anybody have any experience with sons who have gone down this path, which, btw, is a path that was very destructive in terms of my marriage. How on earth do I broach the subject with him without embarrasing the heck out of him. And, trust me, I don't want his father discussing it with him.

 

Forgive me if I sound judgemental...I am not exactly thrilled at the possibility of my son finding sexual joy with himself(or anyone else, for that matter!) Not for many years!

 

Wow. I am not even going to try and be diplomatic about this.

 

First of all, a 14 yo can be distracted by many, many things. That you immediately jump to m^sturbation as being the root cause, combined with your comments about your marriage, lead me to believe that this is a topic you probably shouldn't be discussing with your son.

If he is discovering self pleasure, that is healthy and normal for a boy his age. A mother confronting her son about said behavior and being upset by it is NOT healthy or normal.

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I have 3 brothers, a husband, and 3 sons, one of which is now an adult.

 

I have to say, I've never known ANY male teen that did NOT discover 'self brewing' at some time or another...and none of them have had any sort of dysfunction in their adult relationships/marriage.

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As long as he's not looking at porn, I'd think it's more likely that "self-release" would help him to be less "distracted" instead of more distracted. Even much older married men can become distracted if it's been too long since they had a romp with their wife.

 

Is he going through a growth spurt? I've heard big growth spurts can make it difficult for teens to focus.

 

ETA: I'm not trying to promote self-brewing for your son, just point out that I doubt it's causing him to be spacey.

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I never claimed to be healthy or normal, did I?

I was asking for help in understanding and dealing with a possible situation with my son.

I would love to talk to someone about these issues, but don't have the funds to do so.

 

What is there to deal with? Your son is distracted, so you need to work on getting him to focus. That is a normal developmental stage for a teen, and if you ask that question I am sure you will get a lot of great advice.

 

However that is not what you asked. You asked for advice on confronting your son about the possibility he is m*asturbating, and I (and I would wager others) do not believe you can do so in a healthy manner. To be fair, I am not sure there is a healthy way to confront a teen boy about a developmentally normal behavior.

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:grouphug:Do you have a minister or clergy you could talk with?

 

 

I never claimed to be healthy or normal, did I?

I was asking for help in understanding and dealing with a possible situation with my son.

I would love to talk to someone about these issues, but don't have the funds to do so.

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Well, I am no expert but I have 2 brothers, a husband, and 2 sons... My brother once said in a joking manner that 98% of all males have engaged in that behavior and the other 2% don't have hands. :tongue_smilie:

 

But I honestly think there is some truth to that.

 

I am not sure how m@sturbation ruins a marriage unless it is done in conjunction with porn (in which case, porn is the root of the issue, not m@sturbation) or if a dh prefers that to sex with his wife (which my dh says is unlikely since for a man even bad sex is good sex and self-pleasuring does not feel as good as the real thing).

 

So in a nutshell, they all do it at some point. Not much you can do to stop it, and making him feel guilty about it will hurt his future marriage more than not saying anything.

 

Now, if you check his Internet history and porn sites pop up, you need to have a discussion.

 

 

.

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Also, I did not immediately jump to this conclusion, and don't have any experience with anyone who has had a healthy healthy sexual adulthood while also having experimented with masturbation as a teen.

 

I say with quite a bit of confidence that the vast majority of males engage in masturbation as teens. Some start earlier, and some continue well into adulthood.

M*sturbation as a teen is not an indicator for future s*xual dysfunction.

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Also, I did not immediately jump to this conclusion, and don't have any experience with anyone who has had a healthy healthy sexual adulthood while also having experimented with masturbation as a teen.

 

Sure you do. You just don't know it. I am sure there are plenty of people on this board that would say they qualify.... Ahem...

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I have to say, I've never known ANY male teen that did NOT discover 'self brewing' at some time or another...and none of them have had any sort of dysfunction in their adult relationships/marriage.

[/b]

 

I think there might be a few who resist for religious reasons, but generally, yes, all teen boys do it. Many teen girls, too. I think porn is a problem, but self-brewing when umarried doesn't usually lead to marriage trouble later. Most men prefer teA with their wives.

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Wait...so if he is indeed masturbating and it has, indeed, caused him to become forgetful and lax to the point of being irresponsible (earning F's and losing important things, like phones and money) I should simply ignore it because of issues I might have with regard to masterbation? Really? This is good parenting? Just ignore the situation?

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Well, I am no expert but I have 2 brothers, a husband, and 2 sons... My brother once said in a joking manner that 98% of all males have engaged in that behavior and the other 2% don't have hands. :tongue_smilie:

 

But I honestly think there is some truth to that.

 

I am not sure how m@sturbation ruins a marriage unless it is done in conjunction with porn (in which case, porn is the root of the issue, not m@sturbation) or if a dh prefers that to sex with his wife (which my dh says is unlikely since for a man even bad sex is good sex and self-pleasuring does not feel as good as the real thing).

 

So in a nutshell, they all do it at some point. Not much you can do to stop it, and making him feel guilty about it will hurt his future marriage more than not saying anything.

 

Now, if you check his Internet history and porn sites pop up, you need to have a discussion.

 

 

.

 

Sure you do. You just don't know it. I am sure there are plenty of people on this board that would say they qualify.... Ahem...

 

:iagree::iagree:

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Last year a son of similar age started taking long showers and even two a day. We suspected there was some activity going on, never spoke about it, but said that he didn't need two showers a day and that his showers were to be under 10 minutes. I never spoke with dh about it, but he must have thought similar thoughts that I had... and he would time the showers and bang on the door. It's not whether or not we agree/disagree/approve/disapprove with the activity, we never brought it up, but we pay for water and weren't going to support the activity with higher water bills!

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Wait...so if he is indeed masturbating and it has, indeed, caused him to become forgetful and lax to the point of being irresponsible (earning F's and losing important things, like phones and money) I should simply ignore it because of issues I might have with regard to masterbation? Really? This is good parenting? Just ignore the situation?

 

Correlation does not equal causation. There could be a million different reasons why he has slacked on his school work or started losing things. He is 14. He is going through puberty. His hormones are wonky. Give the kid a break. Try to figure out what is going on with him but I would be VERY surprised if he is failing in his school work SOLELY because of m@sturbation.

Edited by Heather in NC
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:iagree: w/everything Heather said !

 

And, there is absolutely no reason to suspect that a teenage boy taking long showers is also trying to strangle himself. Even that article listed much more concerning symptoms. A teen boy taking long showers by itself is not a symptom of the choking game. It's normal.

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ok, after talking to all my girlfriends recently (two of which are junior high teachers) myself on this subject, a few thoughts...

 

1-- our sons turn stupid--for lack of a better term-- for a little while. This was told to me by many moms. They are forgetful-- amazingly forgetful over EVERYTHING. They cannot concentrate. focus? forgetaboutit... It's puberty/hormonal or whatever but ALL the moms agreed that it's ANNOYING, and that they do pass through it. I'm told it lasts up to 2 years. Praying God has mercy on me since I have 3 boys. LOL

 

Seriously, seeing it in my son and his friends. stupid really is the best term to describe it.

 

Today's conversation with son "A" that took 5 minutes with me standing there....

A, please close the garage door. (walks right by 30 seconds later and forgot)

A, close the garage door (turns around to close it but forgets on the way to the button and turns back around)

A, please close the garage door (walks into the garage does weird circle around looking around)

A, can you close the garage door? (picks up and takes out trash instead...)

A, close the garage door. (OOOH, ok mom! closes the door)

 

My son is normally a bright, clever child. His hearing is fine.

 

2-- yes, they will spend long time in the showers, bathroom, etc... (Lesson I learned-- KNOCK before going into the room too!!!) Will it lead to destructive lifestyle? RARELY. I would not worry about it unless it becomes a nonstop thing. otherwise, just try to ignore it.

 

I really dont think you should talk to your son about Mas....

 

Limit the shower time to save water if you need, but dont make it about the mas....

Limit the number of bathroom breaks DURING SCHOOL if you need to, but don't make it about the mas...

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Wait...so if he is indeed masturbating and it has, indeed, caused him to become forgetful and lax to the point of being irresponsible (earning F's and losing important things, like phones and money) I should simply ignore it because of issues I might have with regard to masterbation? Really? This is good parenting? Just ignore the situation?

I think what most have said is that it's incredibly unlikely that self brewing is causing his grades to drop, or losing things.

 

If that were true, there's not a teen boy on the planet that would make it through high school. Or a newly wed that could hold a job (since we're talking s*xual gratification).

 

I would suggest that it's your issues w/self brewing that is causing you to link the 2. Teens are notorious for losing some brain cells along the way to maturity. Address the irresponsible behaviour itself, rather than the self brewing.

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Wait...so if he is indeed masturbating and it has, indeed, caused him to become forgetful and lax to the point of being irresponsible (earning F's and losing important things, like phones and money) I should simply ignore it because of issues I might have with regard to masterbation? Really? This is good parenting? Just ignore the situation?

 

I think what people are saying (gently) is that it is only your own underlying issues that lead you to believe that m@sturbation could possibly be causing the problems. It's normal and healthy as long as there is no p0rn involved, and if you try to "confront" your son on this, you risk transferring your own issues to him.

If he is forgetful and careless, deal with that directly. It's pretty common among young teenagers from what I've seen, and there really is no need to look for a "root cause."

 

On the other hand, if your DS is taking long showers/baths multiple times every day, then I change my mind. There may very well be some underlying addiction that needs to be gently explored.

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Wait...so if he is indeed masturbating and it has, indeed, caused him to become forgetful and lax to the point of being irresponsible (earning F's and losing important things, like phones and money) I should simply ignore it because of issues I might have with regard to masterbation? Really? This is good parenting? Just ignore the situation?

 

Earning Fs is not normally considered a side effect of m*sturbation. Neither is losing phones/money. If it was, there would be a lot more boys failing starting in 7th grade.

 

Address the fact that he is distracted and help him work on focusing and taking personal responsibility. THAT is good parenting. Confronting your son because of your own s#xual hang ups is not.

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:grouphug:

I don't think that "M" is the issue. I think he is being a normal teenage boy. He may need more sleep or more food right now. He mostly needs grace. This is an awkward time from hormones, body changes, and school responsibilities. He may need more coaching to help him not forget things and stay on top of his responsibilities. All very normal.

 

I will double check what my DS15 says he did or needs to do. Sometimes he forgets. His motives aren't even to get out of doing something. He just forgets - I do that too.

:grouphug:

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Thank you all.

I am, indeed, quite sensitive about the subject.

A public forum is not the place to discuss the details of why.

But your assurances are a comfort to me.

Single parenting is tough.

I don't regret my divorce in any way, but

I have certainly come to understand WHY

God hates divorce, at least when it comes to parenting.

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Earning Fs is not normally considered a side effect of m*sturbation. Neither is losing phones/money. If it was, there would be a lot more boys failing starting in 7th grade.

 

Address the fact that he is distracted and help him work on focusing and taking personal responsibility. THAT is good parenting. Confronting your son because of your own s#xual hang ups is not.

 

I am trying to figure out how to help him focus and take responsibility. He is a good boy and seems frustrated that he is doing so poorly and being forgetful..So that is the question: How do I help my son to focus when he is so very unfocused and forgetful? There have been tangible consequences, but they haven't seemed to make much difference.

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One thing to remember is that it will just take time. It doesn't happen overnight. It may be far to early to see the results of the coaching you are doing now. But it will come. It is hard, but being consistent in your expectations and rewards / consequences will do the most long-term.

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I think what most have said is that it's incredibly unlikely that self brewing is causing his grades to drop, or losing things.

 

If that were true, there's not a teen boy on the planet that would make it through high school. Or a newly wed that could hold a job (since we're talking s*xual gratification).

 

I would suggest that it's your issues w/self brewing that is causing you to link the 2. Teens are notorious for losing some brain cells along the way to maturity. Address the irresponsible behaviour itself, rather than the self brewing.

 

:iagree:

You might want to do some research on teenage brain development.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124119468

This is an easy article to begin with.

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Also, I did not immediately jump to this conclusion, and don't have any experience with anyone who has had a healthy healthy sexual adulthood while also having experimented with masturbation as a teen.

 

You've discussed the topic with many people? In an environment where people can be honest about it without fear of censure? (In other words, a church meeting about sexual morality doesn't count)

 

Personally, I'm pretty darn liberal, with very liberal friends, but it's not a topic I go around discussing.

 

Well, I am no expert but I have 2 brothers, a husband, and 2 sons... My brother once said in a joking manner that 98% of all males have engaged in that behavior and the other 2% don't have hands. :tongue_smilie:

 

But I honestly think there is some truth to that.

 

:iagree:

 

If you assume that the vast majority of the population has done it to some extent, then the people who have a problem with it during marriage are going to fall into that category - but so are a large number of people who go on to have perfectly healthy married sex lives.

 

Wait...so if he is indeed masturbating and it has, indeed, caused him to become forgetful and lax to the point of being irresponsible (earning F's and losing important things, like phones and money) I should simply ignore it because of issues I might have with regard to masterbation? Really? This is good parenting? Just ignore the situation?

I would address the issues as seemed appropriate without assuming a causal relationship. I can perhaps see excessive masturbation leading to a decline in grades, but losing cell phones seems like a real stretch.

 

I would probably tell my son his showers were too long and he's wasting too much water/energy, without discussing any possible reason for the long showers. I would discuss his grades and work out a plan for improving them and spending more time on them. If masturbation is the core of the problem, he can connect the dots himself.

 

I would also look for signs of depression.

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Also, I did not immediately jump to this conclusion, and don't have any experience with anyone who has had a healthy healthy sexual adulthood while also having experimented with masturbation as a teen.

 

I would argue you work with them, walk past them on the street, yield to them at 4 way stops, and listen to them sing on the radio.

 

The % of teens who do not experiment with this is VANISHINGLY small.

 

:grouphug: Welcome to puberty. I'm not looking forward to it.

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I am trying to figure out how to help him focus and take responsibility. He is a good boy and seems frustrated that he is doing so poorly and being forgetful..So that is the question: How do I help my son to focus when he is so very unfocused and forgetful? There have been tangible consequences, but they haven't seemed to make much difference.

 

Start a thread with exactly what you asked here. Include a couple of specific situations and what your response was, and I guarantee you will get some great insight from other members who have BTDT.

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Normal, normal, normal. I agree that it is rarely a problem unless they are becoming obsessed with porn or something at the same time, to the detriment of a real relationship with a human being.

 

Otherwise, completely and totally normal, and I doubt it has any direct relationship to his forgetfulness and distraction.

 

Work on ways to address the distraction and forgetfulness, like writing things down, using a planner, whatever. Don't address the normal, typical male behavior with him unless you want him to be totally mortified.

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and don't have any experience with anyone who has had a healthy healthy sexual adulthood while also having experimented with masturbation as a teen.

 

Whatever you might think (or they might have told you) caused unhealthy sexual attitudes, it certainly wasn't masturbation. However, it might very well have been the reactions of the adults in their lives to their normal, healthy activity.

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I am trying to figure out how to help him focus and take responsibility. He is a good boy and seems frustrated that he is doing so poorly and being forgetful..So that is the question: How do I help my son to focus when he is so very unfocused and forgetful? There have been tangible consequences, but they haven't seemed to make much difference.

 

And this is the pertinent information.

I know my boy is smaller and not hormone-soaked, but we have periodic chats about packing up all the stuff for tomorrow tonight, before bed. When something is lost or gone awry, we chat about how it could have been handled differently for a better outcome. One technique that works for both him and me is chanting what we are doing: I'm putting my keys on the shelf, I'm putting my keys on the shelf --while I am doing it.

Another is a gathering of thoughts and discussion the night before on what is going to happen tomorrow, and what is expected. Another is a calendar. If kiddo asks, I remind him to check the calendar.

 

Focus ... we are still working on. Is he in a distracting or scary environment. Bullies, e.g.?

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Correlation does not equal causation. There could be a million different reasons why he has slacked on his school work or started losing things. He is 14. He is going through puberty. His hormones are wonky. Give the kid a break. Try to figure out what is going on with him but I would be VERY surprised if he is failing in his school work SOLELY because of m@sturbation.

 

Exactly. The world becomes so much bigger for a 14 yo. Constant reminders, schedules posted on walls, sticking to a routine is what worked here. I don't think this possible activity can be blamed for any of it. And don't worry that this is something to "deal with." It's a normal development stage. If you are homeschooling you can probably see why his school performance is suffering. If he is in school, I'd get very involved in finding out about assignments, talking to teachers, etc. And...they are spacey...they really are. They are thinking about so many things (not just that one thing :001_smile:) so their minds are so preoccupied that forgetting things and losing things becomes pretty common.

It will get better. Give it a few years.

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Honestly, it is very very likely he figured out about it many years ago. The distraction is probably related to the age...14 year olds can be flaky!

 

:iagree:

 

 

Start a thread with exactly what you asked here. Include a couple of specific situations and what your response was, and I guarantee you will get some great insight from other members who have BTDT.

 

:iagree:

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I am trying to figure out how to help him focus and take responsibility. He is a good boy and seems frustrated that he is doing so poorly and being forgetful..So that is the question: How do I help my son to focus when he is so very unfocused and forgetful? There have been tangible consequences, but they haven't seemed to make much difference.

I know mine is a girl, but she did go through puberty decently early. Last school year, I focused on exercise first thing in the AM. She got up at 6, exercised hard for an hour before breakfast. Breakfast, shower (a short one, because other people need hot water too!), piano practice, chores, and THEN schoolwork. Perhaps it was one extra year of maturity. Perhaps it was being physically tired and ready for bed at an early hour. Perhaps it was getting ten (YES TEN!!!!) hours of sleep almost every night. Perhaps it was the strict routine. But it knocked some of the rough edges off of her. She was less argumentative and irritable. The routine contributed to her remembering stuff better. It made a huge difference for her.

 

Hope that helps.

 

If you are super concerned about self-brewing, then Hard physical labor can help....diminish natural urges, according to my dh. In college my dh would play basketball for up to 5 hours a night. Yes, he told me, he needed to do that as a young normal, healthy man.

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I would probably tell my son his showers were too long and he's wasting too much water/energy, without discussing any possible reason for the long showers. I would discuss his grades and work out a plan for improving them and spending more time on them.

 

:iagree: We've told our almost 15 yo son that we can't have him wasting water. I asked him once (I wasn't thinking) why he's in there so long. I got an embarrassed look, that I don't think he realized answered my question. I've learned not to address the why, just the what (as in he's wasting water & energy). I also knock when he has his bedroom door closed.

 

 

Work on ways to address the distraction and forgetfulness, like writing things down, using a planner, whatever.

 

It's hard for me to see this as a strictly teen issue because my son has ADHD and has always dealt with this problem. I've always had to give him charts, lists, and simple (not multi-step) directions. As he's gotten older I've required him to become more responsible for this. He's required to check our family calendar (Cozi) daily, and keep up with his schoolwork and chores lists. I imagine this would work for any teen, not just one with ADHD.

 

Think about how many of us are searching for the perfect calendar/planner/to-do list. Teens need these things too. In fact, now is a good time for them to learn to use this type of assistance. It could even help with grades in that there might not be as many failed tests (oops forgot to study) or missed assignments (didn't remember when it was due). I would urge you to concentrate on this instead of trying to find a cause.

Edited by floridamom
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I am trying to figure out how to help him focus and take responsibility. He is a good boy and seems frustrated that he is doing so poorly and being forgetful..So that is the question: How do I help my son to focus when he is so very unfocused and forgetful? There have been tangible consequences, but they haven't seemed to make much difference.

 

Unfortunately, as others have already mentioned, he's just going through that flaky young teenager stage, and eventually, it will pass.

 

The only thing that concerns me are the low grades, but I'm wondering if he needs a change in the type of curriculum you're using. Maybe he just hates K12 and needs a break from it. Perhaps you could consider switching to something less regimented for a while, or just concentrating on a few basic subjects, while encouraging him to explore other interests, like learning to create computer games or whatever he would consider to be fun.

 

I'm so sorry if you feel like you're being attacked over the m*st*rbation issue. I think most of us view the behavior as normal and expected, and that it's something that the vast majority of people do, without it causing any problems in their daily lives or their relationships. But we haven't been in your shoes. Clearly, your ex had an addiction issue with it, and that is NOT normal and it's NOT something that will happen to most people. But in your case, you've seen it happen; you've dealt with the fallout, and you're concerned that your ds will take after his father in that regard.

 

And that makes sense to me.

 

Of course, you'd be worried. Probably without reason, but that doesn't make your concerns any less valid, or that they won't keep you up at night worrying about it. You don't want your ds to end up like his father, yet it's not the kind of conversation that you can just bring up over breakfast and get out in the open because it could get very uncomfortable for both of you, and also because if you come across as judgmental, it could shut down future conversations with your ds when he really needs your advice about s*x or another personal issue.

 

I wish I had some advice for you, but all I can send you are :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: and my opinion that the m*st*rbation could be an issue if it's truly excessive, but I don't think it is at all related to the grades and the forgetfulness. Deal with the m*st*rbation by not giving your ds too much private time, and by limiting his shower time. Deal with the schoolwork by trying a different curriculum for a while. Deal with the forgetfulness by reminding him about things, even if it's a nuisance for you. But above all, deal with the problems separately.

 

I'm sorry you're so worried. :grouphug:

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I am trying to figure out how to help him focus and take responsibility. He is a good boy and seems frustrated that he is doing so poorly and being forgetful..So that is the question: How do I help my son to focus when he is so very unfocused and forgetful? There have been tangible consequences, but they haven't seemed to make much difference.

 

Honestly, I sat down with my son at 14 and warned him the next four to five tears would be challenging for him...all those neurons firing in the brain have been hijacked by nasty but necessary hormones that are going to cause changes in his body (make a joke about morphing into Wolverine), cause him to feel foggy and tired at times...and it is all natural and normal...his father and I gave him a Christian perspective book with a take on puberty that had a chapter on mast****** and handled it exceptionally well, we told him we know all about the challenges he would face and if he had any questions, we could help. We also said we would have a welcome home celebration in a few years to welcome his active brain back...in the meanwhile, we love him, support him and when we see that he is ready to take on new responsibilities we let him...but at 14, keep it simple...2-3 subjects, a few chores...praising him all the while and relax!

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I have not read all the responses.

 

I think the pp is looking for a time and place discussion with her son. I think he has discovered the place, now he needs to figure out the timing. Learning to control urges etc. is part of growing up. I remember a cousin who took many long showers when we were at the beach ... his dad said something to him and his showers became shorter and COLDER.

 

It is just difficult. just difficult to grow up and mature.

 

Good luck - let me know if you found the right words, if you select to discuss it with him.

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Also, I did not immediately jump to this conclusion, and don't have any experience with anyone who has had a healthy healthy sexual adulthood while also having experimented with masturbation as a teen.

 

Um, given that at least 90% of males masturbate, I can't imagine you haven't met anyone that both masturbates and has a healthy sexual adulthood. NOT masturbating as a teen would be the very very very very VERY small minority. So look at all the people you admire as good examples of healthy adulthood and realize that most, if not all of them masturbated as a teen, and probably still do.

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I have 3 brothers, a husband, and 3 sons, one of which is now an adult.

 

I have to say, I've never known ANY male teen that did NOT discover 'self brewing' at some time or another...and none of them have had any sort of dysfunction in their adult relationships/marriage.

 

:iagree:

 

Discovering that is normal and does not lead to anything bizarre or unhealthy...unless they are unfortunate enough to be shamed about by an adult.

 

Also, a lot of kids discover that fun things can happen in the tub or with the shower sprayer or whatever before they are old enough to even grasp what it means.

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