This can't be right?

[Remudamom]

My sister lives in Georgia. She is going through a nightmare divorce. Her husband is a big manipulator and has her thinking she is pretty much worthless. She is holding down three jobs. He "works from home". (Doing what, we don't know. As far as we can tell this means he sleeps all day and keeps her up and stressed all night, so that she's a wreck.) There are two young children.

 

Her lawyer was recommended to her by our bil, who is a divorce lawyer in another state. She says her lawyer tells her she can not leave her home (abandonment) or remove the girls (kidnapping). She is living at their home with him and the girls. Separate bedrooms. He has actually hired a surveillance team to come in and bug the house, so that when he isn't there (has to "work" in Las Vegas) he can keep tabs on her. She also recently found out he's gay.

 

This has got to be illegal, and why in the world wouldn't her lawyer do something about it? And why can't she take the girls and leave. She has been advised to stay put. Can anyone in Georgia tell me what the heck??

[shell in SC]

Yikes. . .if she moves out then she is the one that has abandonded the relationship and it kinda puts him in a better light (oh, sniff sniff she left me), and if she leaves with the kids and he wants to be an a$$ he can pursue kidnapping charges. If she abandons the relationship and assets it's easier for him to be able to stay in the house and get spousal support. If she leaves without the kids, it's easier for him to get custody ("what kind of a mother is she. . .she left me and the kids"). It can get ugly. She may be in a better position b/c he's gay I wonder what her attorney has to say about that, and I don't know what GA law says about that.

 

Gotta run or I'd write more but I think you get the point.

[3lilreds in NC]

She left her abusive husband and went to stay with her parents in IL. Come to find out that yes, she was wanted for kidnapping. Crazy, isn't it? She told me that it would have been better for her to change the locks while he was gone and put his things on the porch. Maybe she could consider something like that. It sounds to me like he needs to be out of their lives quite desperately. Have her check with her lawyer, I guess, but I would consider locking him out.

 

Also, she really should ask her lawyer about the bugging. That can't be right without her consent. Honestly, I'm not sure what the legal status is, but if she boots him she can certainly unplug the equipment. I think she should do that anyway.

 

I'm so sorry she's going through this. Ack.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

http://www.rcfp.org/taping/

 

'Ga. Code Ann. § 16-11-62: Secretly recording or overhearing a conversation held in a private place, whether carried out orally or by wire or electronic means, is criminally punishable as a felony under statutory provisions regarding invasions of privacy. However, the law expressly provides that it does not prohibit a person who is a party to a conversation from recording and does not prohibit recording if one party to the conversation has given prior consent. Ga. Code Ann. § 16-11-66.

 

Interception of a private cellular telephone conversation without the consent of at least one of the parties is a misdemeanor. Barlow v. Barlow, 526 S.E. 2d 857 (2000).

 

A civil action for wiretapping offenses is authorized. Tapley v. Collins, 41 F. Supp.2d 1366 (S.D. Ga. 1999), rev'd on other grounds, 211 F.3d 1210 (11th Cir. 2000).

 

Use of a hidden camera "without the consent of all persons observed, to observe, photograph, or record the activities of another which occur in any private place and out of public view" is illegal. Ga. Code Ann. § 16-11-62(2)."

[OceanBreeze]

Her lawyer is correct. I recently went through something similar. It was difficult, but I made it through and became stronger. There were times, however, when I wasn't sure I would. The one thing I can recommend is to have a member of your family move in with them and support her through this. If that's impossible, then call her frequently and remind her of her inner beauty and strength.

 

Jenelle

[Karen sn]

I agree - change the locks.

[Tammy]

Just the same that he couldn't lock her out....

 

Tammy

[Cindyg]

He went home to my parents. I assumed his wife threw him out. (There were no kids.) But when it went to court, she effectively argued abandonment. (He was on Disability and she worked, so he couldn't have abandoned her financially.)

 

Divorce is awful. :(

[OnTheBrink]

Has he, in any way, threatened her? I was able to get my ex removed from the home with a restraining order because he had threatened to harm me, kill me and "when he was done, there'd be nothing left to identify." He never acted on that, but the threat was enough for the judge to grant an Order of Protection, based on Homeland Security laws. She can also petition for temporary support during this mess. I don't know why her attorney hasn't done that for her. What he's doing is mental cruelty and her attorney should be doing everything he can to protect her.

 

I'm really sorry for your friend. I've been through similar with my gay ex; I know how she must be hurting. (((HUGS)))

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

My SIL moved out and promptly served my brother with divorce papers which stated her reasons for seeking a divorce and intent for joint custody and spousal support. She rented a 2 bedroom condo and bought a bed for the 2nd bedroom. I think if your friend can move out and immediately serve him (file for divorce first), then he can't use the abandonment or kidnapping charges. She has to let him have access to the kids, unless she can prove he's a danger to them.

 

None of this affected her ability to have joint custody of her kids. She ended up with 1/2 of the equity in the family home, 1/2 my brother's retirement (after 20 years it was $225K+) and child support. She has a live in boyfriend is in violation of the parenting agreement as she doesn't make my niece available on my brother's week to have her and she has been letting her skip school (missed 32 days out of 82). My brother has had her served and she has a court date soon. So, you can do some pretty questionable things and still not lose custody of your kids or end up with just the shirt on your back....if you move to Washington State.

 

I can't believe the situations can be so different from one state to the next, but I guess they can. I'm sorry for your friend and any others who have gone through this. :(

[lynn]

Why can't anyone help her, get it documented why she wants to leave and take the children. this seems so wrong. There has got to be something she can do with getting charged for kidnapping or abandonment.

[Peek a Boo]

I'd move all my sentimental and high dollar belongings to a friend's house.

 

Then I'd start pawning his [including the surveillance equipment, lol] and keep that stash of cash at the same friend's place :D

 

And deny all of it of course.

 

but that's just me.

 

good luck!!

[gardenschooler]

I have one family member that went through a messy divorce. I have heard that, about the 'abandonment'. But her husband (can't say dear) took their 3 yr. old to another state, without her permission. Just vanished one day while she was at work. She came home to see that a lot of her child's toys, clothes, etc. had been taken. This was his response to her talking to him about separating.

 

When she called the police, they said there was NOTHING they could do, because there is no such thing as kidnapping when you're still married (?). The police told her that married couples both have custody of the child, and since no divorce proceedings had been initiated, he had done nothing illegal. It turns out he had left TN and gone to FL with the child, stayed gone 3 weeks, made her miss her child's birthday, and then we finally talked him into coming back (it was like talking down a jumper, I tell you). She had to tell him she'd stay with him to get him to agree to come back (she later divorced him, and it was a bloody custody battle, but he wasn't automatically ruled out because of this kidnapping incident. Because it wasn't really kidnapping! :mad:)

 

I know the laws in GA are probably different, but please warn her of what some crazy people can do when they're stressed and wanting to control the situation. I'd definitely have her check out what her recourse would be if HE decided to up and take the kids. Maybe she needs to seek other counsel and see if she could leave with the kids without recriminations. I think the fact that he's bugging the house shows he's bordering on dangerous, don't you think?

[gardenschooler]

I'd move all my sentimental and high dollar belongings to a friend's house.

 

Then I'd start pawning his [including the surveillance equipment, lol] and keep that stash of cash at the same friend's place :D

 

And deny all of it of course.

 

 

I'd do all of this AND change the locks while he's gone. And call the police when he tried to get in. Hopefully he'd then give me something I could use to get an order of protection on him.

[gardenschooler]

http://www.rcfp.org/taping/

 

'Ga. Code Ann. § 16-11-62: Secretly recording or overhearing a conversation held in a private place' date=' whether carried out orally or by wire or electronic means, is criminally punishable as a felony under statutory provisions regarding invasions of privacy. However, the law expressly provides that it does not prohibit a person who is a party to a conversation from recording and does not prohibit recording if one party to the conversation has given prior consent. Ga. Code Ann. § 16-11-66.

 

Interception of a private cellular telephone conversation without the consent of at least one of the parties is a misdemeanor. Barlow v. Barlow, 526 S.E. 2d 857 (2000).

 

A civil action for wiretapping offenses is authorized. Tapley v. Collins, 41 F. Supp.2d 1366 (S.D. Ga. 1999), rev'd on other grounds, 211 F.3d 1210 (11th Cir. 2000).

 

Use of a hidden camera "without the consent of all persons observed, to observe, photograph, or record the activities of another which occur in any private place and out of public view" is illegal. Ga. Code Ann. § 16-11-62(2)."[/quote']

 

Oh, good! She can get him on that, then. I guess she needs a witness to the fact that she's not consenting, right?