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6 year old drop out?


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DD6 has changed a lot in the last couple of months & I'm wondering if any of you have had similar experiences to this or if something is "wrong" with her.

 

At age 3 she asked for an entire year for ballet classes, so at age 4 we put her in. This is her 3rd year. We changed studio this year to one that will allow her to enter competitions and take ballet to a higher level w/o having to get into jazz/tap etc. Her old studio didn't teach the ballet positions but this new one does and teaches proper ballet technique as well. She was able to participate in exams this year but was adamant about not wanting to. I reluctantly agreed to this due to the fact that exam time corresponded to when baby is due. The last few weeks she has been saying she does not like ballet any more and would like to quit. This is coming from the little girl how LOVED everything to do with ballet for the last 3 years. I finally got her to admit that she just liked the old studio better where ballet was less structured. Problem with the last studio is that there was stronger emphasis on jazz and most of the other parents in dd's class agreed that a lot of the costume selections and dance choreography was inappropriate for the age levels of the children.

 

Also, we put her in a very good choir this year, again, after her asking for one solid year for singing lessons. Just yesterday she came and told me she does not wish to do choir any more. Not much more than that. Just that she doesn't like it any more.

 

Same thing for the skating lessons we put her in. We spoke extensively about whether or not she would like to do them- they are very informal and done through the local hs board. Only 45 min once a week for 6 weeks and just teaches the kids to be confident on the ice and how to do basic skating. She was very excited but after 2 times she doesn't want to go anymore.

 

I don't know what to do. Dh and I never put her in anything she didn't ask for first and I am at a total loss as to why she wants to drop out of everything all of a sudden.

 

Are we doing something wrong? Is this just a phase? I can't let her drop out of everything. She has PE requirements to meet and I can't have her just sitting at home and not doing anything. It just seems like she's lost interest in doing anything outside of home! She is a very shy, introverted little girl but I don't know if the social aspect has anything to do with her decisions. She does talk to me, but it is very difficult to get her to open up about this as she feels like she is disappointing me by wanting to drop out of all these things.

 

Please, any comments you may have are much appreciated.

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She tends to be very difficult when it comes to *going* anywhere, but once we get there, she has a good time. Case in point is ballet. She does very well, and her teacher is ready to step up what she's doing in class. I believe she likes to dance, and she's made great progress this year. However, every week when it's time to get ready to go, I hear a lot of whining and complaining about how she doesn't want to go. We're working on the attitude, I promise, but this is how this child currently operates.

 

Last year, both of my girls decided they wanted to do dance for this year, then changed their minds about two days after I couldn't get my money back - and I'd paid for the entire year. So, they are dancing this year, and guess what? They like it!

 

It could be that choir isn't what she thought it would be, and it isn't as much fun as she thought. It's also a big change to go from unstructured to structured ballet (although I agree with your switch to a better studio). She may get over the "hump" so to speak and enjoy it again.

 

I would make her stick out the year. If she doesn't want to do it anymore after she's finished what she signed up to do, she can do something else.

My philosophy is, once they've asked to do something and made a commitment, they get to finish it.

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First, does she not like to work hard in general or just in these activities? If this is the case, I would probably choose an activity that she has enjoyed and make her stick with it and talk about the value of working hard. She is getting to the stage where things like ballet and gymnastics, etc is more than just playing games and it takes work to get good. I would just tell her right up, part of being a kid is learning how to work hard, so choose something to stick with.

 

However, if the work ethic isn't a problem in other areas, I would use this as a time to explore different things. My parents let me try all kinds of things when I was a kid. Some I liked and was good at....others obviously not so much! This can be a good time to explore things. But, it is important to learn that for most things the "basics" aren't very fun. They are work. It isn't until you master the basics that things get really fun! :D She is still very young, so it isn't as if I would expect her to choose naturally to work hard. (Shoot, I still prefer not to work hard!)

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maybe your DD just "thinks" she really wants to do something, then when she gets involved and sees how much work it is, the fun is gone. My DS really really wanted to take piano lessons three years ago. Trouble was, he wanted to "play" right away without having to do the drills... learning the hand positions, naming notes, counting, etc. But now after 3 years, he finally recognizes (or has had it pounded into his head by me!) that practice and repetition are as much a part of piano as the actual playing.

 

Sounds a little like your DD is trying things out to find what "fits" her. And she's only six... I don't think she's a drop out yet! Hopefully, she'll hit on THE thing soon. HTH

 

Shari

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Of course, that lasted until the principal found him! However, on a more serious note, she is only 6.

 

Dance does become more and more work as they get older. I'd have her finish the year and then allow her to choose something else. She started at 3. Although, if she shows serious talent, you may wish to have her continue. None of my siblings has ADD and all of them quit piano, 2 after 1 year (my parents required at least 1 year, then you could decide.) I've seen kids change their minds. I really think that for something like dance a child needs to enjoy it to continue, but I also make kids finish the year if they've requested it. The world of professional dance is not an easy one, based on what dancers I've met have told me, and there are other beneficial activities. Swimming, for example, is a fabulous sport if they'll go in the water. I think childhood should be a time where children get to try out different things, rather than to require them to continue in something they started at 3:).

 

There are enough things our children HAVE to do. I say this because mine aren't keen on doing all of their academics. When my eldest was 8 she planned to become president so that she could repeal the mandatory education act, but by 9 figured out it would be a lot of work and that she probably wouldn't succeed in her goal.

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Maybe you could let her pick one of the three to drop. I think 3 activities might just be a bit *much*. Is there a third ballet studio perhaps? One less formal than the current one but more age appropriate than the old one? I'd make her finish the ice skating I think, because it's only 4 more meetings.

 

Oh, oh oh! I just remembered a conversation we had on the forum not long ago (about 7 yos). Experienced parents shared that most of their children went through a "stage" at 6.5-7, which was a "rite of passage" type era. Children are learning that they are mortal and fragile, and it can show up in their attitude. Once you get past the transition, apparently, you will have a more mature and self-motivated child.

 

I surely hope someone who posted before will share more... it was a fascinating thread.

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Sometimes a child can feel overwhelmed with knowing there is a commitment that is expected to follow through. My DDs took gymnastics from 2.5-7.5y/o and were on competitive team. While they LOVED being there, sometimes the thought of giving up time for missing something else made them sad.

When lessons were paid, they attended. I did let them quit following a freak, unrelated accident. Ironically, they're back to gym again.

 

How many hrs/wk is DD participating in the activities? If she is shy, she might not realize she is scared by the different groups of people in her various activities. She may not realize why should no longer likes her ballet, ice skating, etc.

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Thank you to all for your responses. I do intend to have her finish off all the activities as they have all been paid for in full. There are only 4 skating lessons left. She loves to skate, but doesn't like the lessons, I think it is because of the work involved & having to do it on her own vs. holding onto Daddy.

 

Skating is 45min once a week. Dance is 45 min. once a week and choir is 1 hour once a week. They are spread out throughout the week so I do not feel that she is over-committed. Other than these activities her life is relatively unstructured and she has vast amounts of free time to play.

 

I have tried speaking with her re: work hard towards a goal etc. and how things like dance seem like a lot of work. I can't tell if that is the issue. It just seems so bizarre that she wants to drop out of everything all at once. She is ok with finishing of the year as I've explained to her that she needs to follow through with the commitment that she made.

 

As for what 3lilreds in NC said about complaining before getting to a class then liking it... we have the opposite. She's fine with going (not excited or wanting to, but she goes w/o complaint) but complains afterwards that she didn't like it.

 

Also... I feel that music is very important for little ones and the way things are going, I don't see that there would be much commitment to piano! Would it be wrong of me to make her take choir again next year even though she isn't enthusiastic about it right now?

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  • 3 months later...

I thoroughly enjoyed ballet classes until winter. We weren't allowed to wear socks, my feet got cold, that was the end of it. Mum tried to persuade me to go back, but I wouldn't have a bar of it. Could it be something like this? Could the competative atmosphere at dancing be too much for her? Never mind the PE component. Walk around the block every few days and she'll be doing more exercise than many kids around the place. The point of PE is to be moving instead of sitting on their bottoms in front of the telly. If she's riding her bike, digging in the garden, walking to the library, playing at the park, she's doing PE in my opinion. Perhaps the classes are too long, or maybe she just needs a holiday.

I also read somewhere that formal music lessons aren't really appropriate for kids under 9. You may think differently, but perhaps you should read up on it. You might change your mind. You sound as though you think these things don't count unless they are in a formal delivery style. Music can be a part of life without taking a class. Borrow cds from the library, invest in some cheap musical instruments for the toy box, or make some. She's only six, this age is for learning things exist, not for mastering much. I'd make her finish anything I'd paid for, but consider it a lesson for me. Don't pay a full year for anything when dealing with changable little people!!

:)

Rosie

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I would assume she hasn't found her "thing" yet. Some people never do, of course, they enjoy and dabble in MANY things. Nothing wrong with that.

 

My youngest was a dance class drop out- 3 different teachers/studios. Ditto violin. Even Mommy and Me- she would rather stay home with the special babysitter I got for my oldest so I could take her to the class. Kindermusic, playgroups, you name it, she hated it.

 

I despaired, I even entertained the people who told me to "MAKE her go".

 

Then we discovered rhythmic gymnastics, and my not-gonna-do-nothin child now stretches in positions you would think impossible, and is so focused and driven its quite surprising to most people. (Me, most of all!) And she does it 3 1/2 hours at a time, 3 days a week. Her RG coach is NOT a "fun" person- when I think of all the great, happy, so-sugar-sweet coaches and teachers she rejected I just laugh. Who knew that a east European with a bit of a sadistic streak :Dwould be the one to get my stubborn DD interested in something!

 

She's young. It'll happen-she'll find something she enjoys enough to work hard at it. Or it WON'T, and she'll be like most of us- a decent but not great piano (violin, flute,clarinet)player, someone with some ballet (gymnastics, dance) to teach their kids to do splits and cartwheels but not handsprings or penche turns, someone who can draw delightful dogs (horses, rabbits, robots) but has no real artistic bent. No shame in that, IMO.

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Hi. While I'm not an expect on kids, who is?, what came to mind are these ideas.

 

3 year olds, 4, 5, 6, 7 do NOT have a concept of time! My dd who turns 9 next week knows HOW to tell time, but time is an advanced concept that a much older child will grasp. She knows 30 minutes on the face clock, digital clock, but an understanding beyond that is not a concept for her age. And she is an A student.

 

Because of the above, she may feel totally overwhelmed. While I agree :iagree: with another mom to make her stick it out......a year is a loooooong time for that young of a child. I like your idea of the 6-8 week lessons or that time frame.

 

With that said, I agree :iagree: with another mom to have 3 choices and she could choose a class shorter in duration (6-8 weeks) and then have her finish that. With that shorter class, I'd insist she "finish the task".

 

I hope this didn't sound harsh and forgive me if it sounds that way. Just ideas to ponder...Sheryl

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I think your decision depends a bit on how YOU view outside classes. Are they a fun add-on to your hs that you can take or leave? Are they an essential part of hsing because they cover subjects or offer experiences you can't do at home? If they're fun add-ons, I'd finish the year because it would be a shame to miss the end of the year recitals and concerts by dropping out in the middle of May, but I'd try other things or do nothing next year. I was a total flop at most activities as a kid, but I found my niches in highschool and had plenty of extracurriculars on my college apps.

 

OTOH, for me, extracurricular classes are an essential part of hsing, so my kids do what I sign them up for whether or not they like the activity. A major reason for this attitude is that I'm not competent to teach music, art and PE. I do watch the classes and if something were a mismatch or the teacher just didn't jive I'd make a change, but I wouldn't let them out of class because they didn't like dancing, TKD or kindermusik. I don't let them skip math or handwriting because they don't like it either :D.

 

I have had a few boundary testing refusals over the year. Since TKD (and it's been TKD both times) is part of school, I just substituted math fact drill instead of TKD class. That solved the problem for a couple of months each time.

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I'd be quite careful with choir. We were advised to wait until age 10 so as not to damage the vocal cords etc. An hour is a long time to do choir at that age. My 11 year old does an hour and a half now, but we waited on choir. Just something to consider. Perhaps your 6 year old just wants some less demanding play time with other kids?

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