Whine, whine, whine.

[Jenny in Florida]

I know there's nothing you all can do for me, but honestly, I'm just plain fed up. And I'm tired of feeling this way.

 

First of all, I'm still sick. My son came home from his choir trip under the weather and apparently passed it along to the rest of us. Fast forward three weeks, and he is all better. My daughter had it, too, but is more or less over it. My husband and I are still sick. I haven't slept in my bed for over a week, because every time I try to lie down I start hacking and choking. So, I've been propping myself up in a chair in the living room and trying to rest that way. As of today, the coughing is finally letting up a bit, but my throat is so sore and swollen than it's a challenge to get liquids down. I'm exhausted and cranky and just want this to be over.

 

Meanwhile, my husband is dealing with the fallout from his father's death last month, including taking nearly daily phone calls from two of his brothers complaining about the way he's handling things. They need to sell the house, but one brother is refusing to move out, citing all kinds of excuses, which seem to vary from hour to hour and depending on the person to whom he's talking. Needless to say, the combination of being sick and dealing with this mess is not making my husband a particularly fun guy to have around.

 

We had a major leak in the master bathroom of the house we're renting. About five weeks ago, they came in to start the fixes and renovations. Because there was mold involved, they had us completely shut out of the bathroom for about three weeks. Then, the allowed us access to the "commode," but we still had no sinks or shower. The following week, they came back and put in the sinks. (Oh, and I should mention that the only access to the closet for the master bedroom is through the bathroom. So, we had to take all of our clothes out of the closet and strew them around the bedroom.) Since my daughter is home from school, this means that all four of us have been sharing the single shower the whole time. Now, I know in the grand scheme of things, this is a small "hardship," but it is wearing on me. Finally, last Friday the guy came to install the glass for the shower, which should have meant we would be back in business with a fully equipped bathroom as of Saturday . . . But the contractor who is in charge of the project came by later to check the work and take pictures for the rental agent and said it was not acceptable. He was extremely apologetic, but said he was going to have to have the other guy come back and fix it and that it was not usuable until he did.

 

It's now Tuesday, and we haven't heard a word from anyone about when that will happen.

 

The kids are bored and have resorted to picking on each other for entertainment. They're too old for this, and I've told them so. Repeatedly. But they keep doing it, anyway. I can't tell you how it frays on my nerves to listen to it all day.

 

One solution, of course, would be to pack them up and get them out of the house. But it's summer in Florida, hot and slimy, and I'm sick.

 

Every year, I look forward to the time I spend during the summer writing lesson plans for the following year. Normally, I wait until one or both kids are busy in summer camps or classes and set up camp at a bookstore cafe with a big stack of curriculum materials and my notebook and pens and a nice soy latte and go to work. This year, that hasn't worked out. So, I've been trying to squeeze in the planning a little at a time at the dining room table. But, please see the previous paragraphs to understand why this has not been a particularly enjoyable alternative. Now, I've made a lot of progress, but it has been really stressful and unpleasant, and I feel cheated.

 

All kinds of things that kind-of-sort-of bother me all the time are really bugging me these days. For example, the fact that our cats hate me, but I'm still the one who takes care of them. The fact that I don't have and can't get the dog I really wanted. The fact that I never got that rocking chair I wanted back when I was nursing the babies (the youngest of whom is now 10--talk about holding a grudge, right?).

 

And, just to be entirely honest about how childish I'm being, I'll share this: A few months ago, I decided I really want a new car. Now, please understand, I'm not a terribly consumerist or status-driven person. I rarely spend money on myself and am generally uncomfortable when other people do so. (My family has finally decided to honor my wishes and do things like make charitably donations in my name rather than give me presents.) I buy inexpensive clothes (on sale) and wear them until they wear out. Half of our "good dishes" came from our church's rummage sale.

 

But I badly, badly want that car. It started out as a joke, but I can't let go of it. I tried appealing to my inner Buddha and everything, and I still want the car. It would be a strech, but we "could" afford it. I keep telling myself it's a stupid extravagance . . . but I want it. A lot.

 

And, almost more than anything, I want my husband to tell me I deserve it.

 

So, a month or so ago, we were joking about how it was only a matter of time before he broke down and bought a big-screen TV. Personally, I have continued to be completely happy with the 10-year-old set we had, but I knew he wouldn't be able to resist the "peer pressure" of his buddies from work forever. So, my daughter and I were teasing him and said he could have the TV as soon as he bought me my car. He asked it he could get his TV first if he promised to get me the car, and my daughter said no. He had to get me the car first. He said that sounded fair. I laughed and said I'd believe it when I saw it. It was a joke. I knew that. I know that. I knew at the time that he would be getting that TV within months and that the best I could hope for was a newer used car--not the model I'm dreaming of--two years from now. And I was fully aware that it wasn't an equal deal, anyway.

 

Well, sure enough, about two weeks ago, he went out and bought his TV. Fine. Honest. I'm okay with it. My daughter teased him about it, asking when my car was being delivered, but I just laughed.

 

Then, just this afternoon, we were coming home from seeing a movie and I noticed that a car of the same make (although a different model) was sitting in the driveway of the house two doors down. And I started to cry.

 

Now, this is just stupid. A car is a big, expensive thing. And I'm more than grown up enough to understand that, and that I can't have everything I want, just because I want it. And I do. I really do.

 

But, darn it, I want that car. And I want to be done being sick. And I want my kids to be nice to each other, at least when I'm withing hearing distance. And I want a few hours to myself with a cup of coffee and nothing to do but finish writing my lesson plans in peace and quiet.

 

But mostly, I want the car.

 

So, will someone please chime in with some magic words that will help me to straighten up and fly right? Get my head screwed back on properly?

[Kathleen in VA]

Jenny,

 

First off, :grouphug:. Secondly, I think the fact that you sick and tired (read "sleep deprived") is taking a major toll on your outlook. You need some sleep - some very restful sleep.

 

I've had a cough for about a month now (it's going around our church right now) and I have found that if I take two Benadryl it knocks me out enough that I don't cough. I am groggy when I get up in the morning but by mid-morning I am feeling much better. I also have taken Melatonin (bought at Walmart in the vitamin section) when I need to sleep which also puts me right out - no coughing. I do not take them both at the same time, however.

 

Lastly, try to forget about the car - at least for right now. The economy is not doing so well and you don't want to be saddled with a car payment (assuming you're not going to buy it outright) should anything happen and finances get tight. Try to think of it as being a minimalist or just simplifying your life. When I want something I can't have, I remember my grandmas and how they lived through the depression making do with every little thing. I try to change my thinking to being "proud" of my ability to make do with what I have - it is sort of a game and being the competitive person that I am, I like to win.;)

 

If you can't let go of it altogether, try putting the monthly payment in a savings account for six months and make a decision then. That way you will get a feel for whether you really can afford it and you'll have a nice down payment if you decide to go for it.

[percytruffle]

 

But mostly, I want the car.

 

 

 

I see this as a translation of: But mostly I want to be valued.

 

Jenny :grouphug: We all need to feel valued and we all need to have the ones we love see our needs and honor them without having us do it for them. Sometimes others just don't clue into our needs the way we'd like them to. But, that doesn't make our needs any less real. It also doesn't make it their fault. It really is just miscommunication most of the time. I have certainly experienced it. Sometimes dhs aren't as good at picking up on our neediness as we give them credit for!;)

 

Hoping your path becomes a little easier soon and you feel better. That will make a big difference!