Etiquette question

[woolybear]

When someone says to you that your child does something well are you supposed to say thank you? I know my asking this sounds ridiculous. I think the answer is yes. However, I have always felt uncomfortable doing so, as they are not paying me a compliment. I usually just nod and mumble something. Not a great response, but I don't feel right saying thank you when it's not directed to me. Okay, hive, correct response?

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

How about "How kind of you to notice/mention it."

 

(Feel free to specify rather than actually say "it".)

[Mama Geek]

:bigear:

 

I wonder the same type of thing when someone says dd is cute or well behaved or someone says the dog is cute.

[Guest submarines]

When someone says to you that your child does something well are you supposed to say thank you? I know my asking this sounds ridiculous. I think the answer is yes. However, I have always felt uncomfortable doing so, as they are not paying me a compliment. I usually just nod and mumble something. Not a great response, but I don't feel right saying thank you when it's not directed to me. Okay, hive, correct response?

 

Not sure if I'm correct, but when I say "thank you" I mean "thank you for letting me know." I mostly mumble as well, though. :001_huh:

[Guest submarines]

How about "How kind of you to notice/mention it."

 

(Feel free to specify rather than actually say "it".)

 

I really like this! Thanks!

[Sun]

I wouldn't say, "How kind of you to notice/mention it." When I hear that phrase, I can only hear it delivered in a slightly icy tone. It's what Miss Manners (I think!) encouraged people to say to rude personal comments.

 

I just say "thank you."

[DianeW88]

I wouldn't say, "How kind of you to notice/mention it." When I hear that phrase, I can only hear it delivered in a slightly icy tone. It's what Miss Manners (I think!) encouraged people to say to rude personal comments.

 

I just say "thank you."

 

:iagree: Thank you is the appropriate response.

[SKL]

"Thank you." If possible, followed by a compliment on their child.

[woolybear]

"Thank you." If possible, followed by a compliment on their child.

 

This sounds good. Now I feel like I should run around thanking people for what they said another day (because I feel like I've probably been rude). :ohmy: And then compliment their child.

[Kirch]

Sometimes I say thank you, other times I say something like, "He's worked so hard on ___!" or "He really loves (activity)." Or I say both.:001_smile:

[besroma]

Sometimes I say thank you, other times I say something like, "He's worked so hard on ___!" or "He really loves (activity)." Or I say both.:001_smile:

 

:iagree:

[calimom04]

I usually say thank you. Although it does seem weird to say. Especially when ppl tell dd she has such long hair.. I told her to say thank you but still feel its strange to say. LOL..

[myfunnybunch]

I say something like, "Thanks! That's nice to hear." Sometimes I add what others have mentioned, something along the lines of, "He worked really hard to learn that," or "He really loves this activity."

 

Cat

[woolybear]

Thank you all for some more good ideas.

[Lizzie in Ma]

How about "How kind of you to notice/mention it."

 

(Feel free to specify rather than actually say "it".)

 

:iagree:

[happypamama]

I usually say, "thank you -- she chose the outfit herself/he's worked really hard on that skill/he's a good big brother/something like that." I feel that that shows that I appreciate the compliment but am not taking undue credit.

 

Now, if someone comments on how cute one of my little guys is, I often say, "thank you -- I like him, but maybe I'm biased," with a chuckle. :)

[Rebel Yell]

:confused1: I guess I can't imagine what you'd say instead.

 

************************

 

Me: Your Junior did a great job at the piano recital!

 

You: Are you crazy? Didn't you hear the note he missed in the beginning? Plus he was totally off tempo- I always have to pester hm to practice.

 

Me: :leaving:

 

***********************

 

Diamond gets a lot of compliments at dance. I always thank them, and mention something like how hard she works or how much she enjoys it. If I know their child I usually compliment them too... if I don't, I'll say how much I enjoy seeing all of the classes perform, or how much we appreciate people coming to watch.

[Ibbygirl]

I am certainly not an expert in etiquette, :p but to me personally, I never like to take a kindness for granted. If someone does or says something kind to me, I always say thank you even if it's about my kids and not me. I think it's better to err on the side of gratitude IMO. Surely nobody can fault you for that, no? :)

[Catwoman]

"Thank you." If possible, followed by a compliment on their child.

 

:iagree:

 

But be genuine about it. Don't just toss out the first compliment you can think of, just to say something, because it can come across as forced and condescending if you say something really lame.

 

"Thank you," is a complete response, so don't feel you need to add to it unless you truly have something nice to say about the other kid at that exact moment. (You can always compliment the child later on anything from a specific ability to how nice her earrings are, which will please both the mom and the kid, yet not appear to be a direct response to the compliment about your child.)

[sparrow]

When someone says to you that your child does something well are you supposed to say thank you? I know my asking this sounds ridiculous. I think the answer is yes. However, I have always felt uncomfortable doing so, as they are not paying me a compliment. I usually just nod and mumble something. Not a great response, but I don't feel right saying thank you when it's not directed to me. Okay, hive, correct response?

 

If it's for a skill the child has, I say something along the lines of "s/he works very hard at it" or "s/he has always enjoyed it and seems to have an aptitude for it" along with a "thanks" thrown in.

 

If it's for physical appearance, I just say something along the lines of "yes, I think s/he has pretty hair, too".

 

 

:bigear:

 

I wonder the same type of thing when someone says dd is cute or well behaved or someone says the dog is cute.

 

Behavior is different and I always simply say "thank you". When an adult compliments good behavior, they are typically giving mom & dad a pat on the back. Kids don't learn good behavior on their own, you know ;).

[kalanamak]

I say something like "How sweet of you to notice. We've been very lucky with that boy." I add that because I know that many good parents have gotten a challenging child, and they are the ones who really need a pat on the back.

[angela in ohio]

Behavior is different and I always simply say "thank you". When an adult compliments good behavior, they are typically giving mom & dad a pat on the back. Kids don't learn good behavior on their own, you know ;).

 

Yep. I have worked hard on their behavior, sacrificing and toiling, and I've earned the right to smile and say thank you. :001_smile:

 

For anything else, I simply say thank you as well. They are directing it to one of ours, and we can say thank you for each other.

 

A simple thank you (rather than a correction, "demure" refusal, etc.) is a gift to the other person.