Homeschooling vs. private school

[rlugbill]

I am posting this hoping that it might provide some reassurance to people that the grass isn't really greener on the other side of the fence, although it may appear that way.

My dd is just finishing 8th grade at a very nice private school. She loves it there- has lots of friends- not the wrong crowd. This is the top prep school in our area and the students all go on to good colleges, some to Ivy League.

 

We had homeschooled until this year- 8th grade. But, to her chagrin, we decided to pull her out and homeschool her again. We like the school- much better than the "good public school" in our area. But we like homeschooling better.

 

Several reasons. First, she wasn't getting enough sleep because she had to get up in the morning and because she had so much homework it was hard to get to bed early. As a result, she was irritable and cranky.

 

Second, she was becoming very peer-influenced. Classical music, which she had alway enjoyed, was now "boring". She likes popular music, such as Adele, just like every other girl in her class. She wears the same skimpy clothes the other kids wear. She reads the same popular books (Hunger Games) the other kids read. She watches the same movies, eats the same foods, etc. She was losing herself to fit in with the peer group.

 

Third, we lost some of our relationship with her. Instead of having nice family time, it was extra-curricular activities and homework all evening, every evening. She had a couple of hours of homework every night. We used to play games, read books, watch movies, etc. together. That was all completely gone. Instead, it was just homework, homework and more homework. Our relationship suffered as a result of the loss of time.

 

Fourth, she picked up some of the habits of her peers. She learned some poor communication techniques, despite the fact that these kids are much better behaved than public school kids. She interrupted people. She talked over people. She became verbally agressive. She used the "cool" words. For example, everything is "creepy" now. She showed disdain for other people in ways she never used to. She was becoming a different person and not in a good way.

 

She is an excellent musician, but her music did not improve there, because she didn't want to stand out and be different from the other kids. Also, the music class wasn't challenging for her because the other kids are at a much lower level.

 

She did learn some things that are good. Her writing improved a lot- she had a good English teacher. Some of her teachers are very good people and good role models for her.

 

She really enjoyed the sense of community at the small school.

 

She hates it, but she is she is coming home next year. She will get over it. She can keep all of her old friends. Some of them won't be there next year anyway.

 

And we have learned that we like homeschooling and that homeschooling high school is probably more important than homeschooling younger kids. It's in high school that kids can really go astray and homeschooling helps ensure that won't happen.

 

And our situation wasn't one where she got in with the wrong crowd. She wasn't smoking or drinking or doing drugs or anything like that. It's more that she got into the whole teen culture thing and she lost herself and her values in the process.

 

We did some soul-searching and decided that until she is 18, her education is the parents' responsibility, not the child's. We did take her wishes into consideration and it was a very very difficult decision, but I think and hope it was the right one.

 

I hope our story is helpful to you.

[homeschoolally]

Thank you for posting this.

I too have the "grass is greener" syndrome this time of year, so it was especially helpful.

The social issues you mentioned are a huge reason we want to stick it out with homeschooling. I'm not opposed to my kids "growing up" but I want them to be themselves, not copy-cat teenagers as is so easy to fall into in a peer group.

Appreciate you taking the time to share.

[TranquilMind]

I am posting this hoping that it might provide some reassurance to people that the grass isn't really greener on the other side of the fence, although it may appear that way.

My dd is just finishing 8th grade at a very nice private school. She loves it there- has lots of friends- not the wrong crowd. This is the top prep school in our area and the students all go on to good colleges, some to Ivy League.

 

We had homeschooled until this year- 8th grade. But, to her chagrin, we decided to pull her out and homeschool her again. We like the school- much better than the "good public school" in our area. But we like homeschooling better.

 

Several reasons. First, she wasn't getting enough sleep because she had to get up in the morning and because she had so much homework it was hard to get to bed early. As a result, she was irritable and cranky.

 

Second, she was becoming very peer-influenced. Classical music, which she had alway enjoyed, was now "boring". She likes popular music, such as Adele, just like every other girl in her class. She wears the same skimpy clothes the other kids wear. She reads the same popular books (Hunger Games) the other kids read. She watches the same movies, eats the same foods, etc. She was losing herself to fit in with the peer group.

 

Third, we lost some of our relationship with her. Instead of having nice family time, it was extra-curricular activities and homework all evening, every evening. She had a couple of hours of homework every night. We used to play games, read books, watch movies, etc. together. That was all completely gone. Instead, it was just homework, homework and more homework. Our relationship suffered as a result of the loss of time.

 

Fourth, she picked up some of the habits of her peers. She learned some poor communication techniques, despite the fact that these kids are much better behaved than public school kids. She interrupted people. She talked over people. She became verbally agressive. She used the "cool" words. For example, everything is "creepy" now. She showed disdain for other people in ways she never used to. She was becoming a different person and not in a good way.

 

She is an excellent musician, but her music did not improve there, because she didn't want to stand out and be different from the other kids. Also, the music class wasn't challenging for her because the other kids are at a much lower level.

 

She did learn some things that are good. Her writing improved a lot- she had a good English teacher. Some of her teachers are very good people and good role models for her.

 

She really enjoyed the sense of community at the small school.

 

She hates it, but she is she is coming home next year. She will get over it. She can keep all of her old friends. Some of them won't be there next year anyway.

 

And we have learned that we like homeschooling and that homeschooling high school is probably more important than homeschooling younger kids. It's in high school that kids can really go astray and homeschooling helps ensure that won't happen.

 

And our situation wasn't one where she got in with the wrong crowd. She wasn't smoking or drinking or doing drugs or anything like that. It's more that she got into the whole teen culture thing and she lost herself and her values in the process.

 

We did some soul-searching and decided that until she is 18, her education is the parents' responsibility, not the child's. We did take her wishes into consideration and it was a very very difficult decision, but I think and hope it was the right one.

 

I hope our story is helpful to you.

 

You are wiser than me in recognizing how things were changing in a negative way. Our experience was far more negative, and we are now mid high school and must make changes and I pray it isn't too late.

 

I can relate to so much of what you say, particularly in the areas of the music, her strength, not being challenging enough. Same here, though a different strength.

[Beth in SW WA]

My older dc haven't had ANY trouble with peer, social, emotional or academic issues going from homeschool to private high school (thank God). They are thriving in classes, sports, leadership, etc. Rlugbill, sorry to hear your dd struggled. It is fabulous to have options. :001_smile:

[mjbucks1]

Thank you for posting this. Especially at the end of the year when, I think, a lot of us are a little "burned out".

[Jenny in Florida]

Thank you for sharing your experiences. We've had a less-than-banner year here, homeschooling-wise, and I do occasionally look at the school down the street and think . . . maybe . . .

 

A couple of things I feel like I have to address, though.

 

Second, she was becoming very peer-influenced. Classical music, which she had alway enjoyed, was now "boring". She likes popular music, such as Adele, just like every other girl in her class. She wears the same skimpy clothes the other kids wear. She reads the same popular books (Hunger Games) the other kids read. She watches the same movies, eats the same foods, etc. She was losing herself to fit in with the peer group.

 

For what it's worth, my kids like both classical music AND Adele. My daughter studies classical voice, and my son has been in several operas. Both like popular music, too.

 

And all three of us love The Hunger Games.

 

I don't think this has to be an either / or proposition. Liking some aspects of pop culture does not have to mean losing oneself.

 

She learned some poor communication techniques, despite the fact that these kids are much better behaved than public school kids.

 

Please do be aware that there are lots of folks on these boards who have kids in public schools. Statements like the one above can be hurtful to them. And, while I won't deny there can be issues like the ones you mention, suggesting that all public school kids are badly behaved doesn't seem to me to be either kind or accurate. All three of my son's closest friends attend public schools, and they are great kids.

 

Again, I truly am grateful for the "booster shot." And I'll definitely share with my son your comments about not getting enough sleep and having lots of homework. I suspect those two things will shore up any weaking resolve he might have regarding continuing to homeschool!

[HSMom2One]

My older dc haven't had ANY trouble with peer, social, emotional or academic issues going from homeschool to private high school (thank God). They are thriving in classes, sports, leadership, etc. Rlugbill, sorry to hear your dd struggled. It is fabulous to have options. :001_smile:

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

There is no one solution that is ideal for every person and family, and so I agree and am thankful that we have options that will help us give our dear children what they need at each season and situation in their growing up years.

 

For us, dd will go to a private Christian school for high school because she is completely lonely to the point of being depressed here at home by herself year after year. We get her out in the community, but day-to-day in the past two years she has become miserable. We're catching up on math and Latin this coming year and then enrolling her in the school for 9th grade the following year. We've prayed and we know that she desperately needs to go to school and be in a classroom setting. I have noticed by hs'ing the past 5 years that there is something to be said about group discussions, classroom experiments, learning to work together as a team and engaging with conversations each day that my dd just isn't getting here with me because she is an only child at home.

 

Blessings to you as you continue on with your hs journey.

 

Lucinda

[rlugbill]

Ok. Sorry to generalize about the behavior of the public school kids. Yes, some are well-behaved. But the general level of behavior that my dd observed in public schools (she had visited in public schools to participate in orchestra and music lessons, which are generally the best-behaved kids in the school) was lower than the level in her small private school. In public school here, it is common for the boys to push other kids into lockers in the hallway. Sexual harassment is the norm, not unusual. If my dd were in public school, she would definitely be sexually harassed at the age of 14.

 

In her private school, they taught kids manners and the kids were generally well-behaved. Few behavior problems in her school.

 

On another point, I thought that with the small classes, they would have lots of class discussions in her private school. However, it was rare, if it happened at all at her school. It was fairly traditional teaching. So, the idea that she will be missing out on class discussions is a moot point- doesn't happen much anyway.

 

Yes, we will have to find some opportunities for her to interact with other kids while homeschooling. We'll get into a homeschool group and she already is in orchestra and sports. She can keep the same friends and get together with them.

 

As for taste in books, clothes, movies, etc. In order to get friends, be popular, etc., she had to give up her own tastes and conform to the group's ideas of what to watch, see and do. She has always liked different types of music- that wasn't the issue. The issue is that now, the other kids decide her tastes, not her. Maybe some kids can resist the peer influences, but she didn't really.

 

I know it will be hard to go back to homeschooling. But we have seen significant negative effects of her being in school, and don't want to go that route for the next 4 years.

[laundrycrisis]

Thank you for sharing your own personal experience so honestly. It is very helpful to me.

 

IMO these kinds of posts are most helpful when the poster is free to call it as he/she sees it without watering things down too much out of worry for overly sensitive toes. Toes will recover. What is shared is more helpful because it is so honest and open. Thank you.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[Jenny in Florida]

IMO these kinds of posts are most helpful when the poster is free to call it as he/she sees it without watering things down too much out of worry for overly sensitive toes.

 

I agree that everyone has a right to speak his or her own truth. What bothers me is the sweeping generalizations: "Because my specific kid had these experiences, school is bad."

 

Honestly, those kinds of arguments just open the door for the rest of us, who may have had different experiences, to counter and call into question the whole thing.

[HSMom2One]

As for taste in books, clothes, movies, etc. In order to get friends, be popular, etc., she had to give up her own tastes and conform to the group's ideas of what to watch, see and do. She has always liked different types of music- that wasn't the issue. The issue is that now, the other kids decide her tastes, not her. Maybe some kids can resist the peer influences, but she didn't really.

I think that trying to "fit in" is completely normal for teens and young adults. It's also a good consideration to have a child do this while in the safety of home with parents standing by rather than later on in college or in the workforce when they eventually leave home. Another consideration is that this is a transition age between childhood and adulthood where many things change both as individuals and by the influence of peers as kids learn and experience more.

 

I'm not saying that I completely disagree with your POV or that you're making the wrong choice for your own child, but I do challenge you to consider these possibilities. As a mom of children who are now adults I have to say that during the teen years I watched them open up more to the ideas of others while teens, but then formulate their own ideas and ways of doing things as adults. It was a process.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

Edited May 27, 2012 by HSMom2One

[HSMom2One]

My question about this is, how do you know she doesn't really like these things? I have been introduced to loads of new things by friends that turned out to be wonderful. My husband introduced me to lots of music that I didn't listen to before I met him; now those things are among my favorites. I did not change my taste or conform to please those people. I genuinely liked those movies, music, books, etc., because.... well... I just did. I wouldn't assume that she likes those things just to fit in or that other people are "deciding her tastes."

 

Obviously, no one route is right for everyone. That is why it is such a good thing to have options.

 

:iagree: :iagree::iagree:

 

I could have said the very same thing. And as we grow and mature we toss out the bad and hold on to the good things that we've encountered.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Laura Corin]

Our experience of a private school has been very different, but I do understand that schools vary.

 

Laura

[Ame E.]

Bottom line is you have to do what is best for your child and best for your family. We have 2... One has been at the classical private school for going on 4 years... Very good fit for her... It's helped her grow up, become more independent... she still hangs out and loves her homeschooling friends, and the school hasn't really changed her for the worse..

 

We sent my son on the other hand to this same school for three years.. Eighth, tenth, and eleventh. He is a classical musician a pianist and a composer.. He has had much more time this year (senior year at HOME) to work on his music, apply to colleges, and hold down a volunteer job at the local aquarium. For him, homeschooling senior year was definitely the right choice.. He was accepted into his number one music school and got the money he needed to attend. Had he been at the small private school this year, I do not know if that would be the case. He also had time to do music during school hours (first thing in the morning) when he is his freshest. He also chose to be home this year. He was 17 when he made the choice.. and we felt he had the maturity to make his own choice.. Had he not done well this year, he would have repeated the year at a local charter school... so we had a plan B..

 

bottom line, is unfortunately there is no right answer... only a right answer for that year and that child.

 

Just my opinion.

 

A,e

Edited May 27, 2012 by Ame E.

[TranquilMind]

I agree that everyone has a right to speak his or her own truth. What bothers me is the sweeping generalizations: "Because my specific kid had these experiences, school is bad."

 

Honestly, those kinds of arguments just open the door for the rest of us, who may have had different experiences, to counter and call into question the whole thing.

 

I don't read it that way. I hear more, "Because my experience was bad (or good), I chose not to (or to) do X. I'm telling you honestly so that you may hear a variety of opinions."

[Janice H]

Thank you for sharing your own personal experience so honestly. It is very helpful to me.

 

IMO these kinds of posts are most helpful when the poster is free to call it as he/she sees it without watering things down too much out of worry for overly sensitive toes. Toes will recover. What is shared is more helpful because it is so honest and open. Thank you.

 

:iagree:

 

If all posts must address all potential ruffled feathers, being sure to insert frequent "YMMV", "IMO", "IMExperience", like some legal document, some would-be posters may not bother.

[rlugbill]

Please if you look at my original post, you can see that it does not say what others are claiming. I made it very clear that I was offering my family's experience. I continuously referred to my daughter. "She". I use the pronoun throughout.

 

Not only was my post misconstrued, it was misquoted:

 

"What bothers me is the sweeping generalizations: "Because my specific kid had these experiences, school is bad.""

 

If you put something in quotes, people assume that you are quoting the person. I did not post that. I did not write anything like that. This is an unfair form of argument. I have been flamed.

 

And now, we are off the topic. I was just trying to share my family's experience.

 

I do agree that people do learn about new things and get exposed to things and decide that they like them. However, in my daugher's case, she consistently conformed to liking the same things that the other kids did. It wasn't just one or two things. And the other kids pretty much liked the same things also.

 

It wasn't like she had never heard Adele before. It's difficult to live in this society and not hear Adele- every store and restaurant and radio plays her songs. She had heard them before, but was never a fan until she went to school. And the Hunger Games has a prominent display at Barnes and Noble. And she had certainly seen skimpy clothing before. But she was never into those things until school started. Nothing against Adele or the Hunger Games. It's more the cumulative effect of conforming instead of being herself. That is what bothered me.

[Jackie in NE]

I am posting this hoping that it might provide some reassurance to people that the grass isn't really greener on the other side of the fence, although it may appear that way.

My dd is just finishing 8th grade at a very nice private school. She loves it there- has lots of friends- not the wrong crowd. This is the top prep school in our area and the students all go on to good colleges, some to Ivy League.

 

We had homeschooled until this year- 8th grade. But, to her chagrin, we decided to pull her out and homeschool her again. We like the school- much better than the "good public school" in our area. But we like homeschooling better.

 

Several reasons. First, she wasn't getting enough sleep because she had to get up in the morning and because she had so much homework it was hard to get to bed early. As a result, she was irritable and cranky.

 

Second, she was becoming very peer-influenced. Classical music, which she had alway enjoyed, was now "boring". She likes popular music, such as Adele, just like every other girl in her class. She wears the same skimpy clothes the other kids wear. She reads the same popular books (Hunger Games) the other kids read. She watches the same movies, eats the same foods, etc. She was losing herself to fit in with the peer group.

 

Third, we lost some of our relationship with her. Instead of having nice family time, it was extra-curricular activities and homework all evening, every evening. She had a couple of hours of homework every night. We used to play games, read books, watch movies, etc. together. That was all completely gone. Instead, it was just homework, homework and more homework. Our relationship suffered as a result of the loss of time.

 

Fourth, she picked up some of the habits of her peers. She learned some poor communication techniques, despite the fact that these kids are much better behaved than public school kids. She interrupted people. She talked over people. She became verbally agressive. She used the "cool" words. For example, everything is "creepy" now. She showed disdain for other people in ways she never used to. She was becoming a different person and not in a good way.

 

She is an excellent musician, but her music did not improve there, because she didn't want to stand out and be different from the other kids. Also, the music class wasn't challenging for her because the other kids are at a much lower level.

 

She did learn some things that are good. Her writing improved a lot- she had a good English teacher. Some of her teachers are very good people and good role models for her.

 

She really enjoyed the sense of community at the small school.

 

She hates it, but she is she is coming home next year. She will get over it. She can keep all of her old friends. Some of them won't be there next year anyway.

 

And we have learned that we like homeschooling and that homeschooling high school is probably more important than homeschooling younger kids. It's in high school that kids can really go astray and homeschooling helps ensure that won't happen.

 

And our situation wasn't one where she got in with the wrong crowd. She wasn't smoking or drinking or doing drugs or anything like that. It's more that she got into the whole teen culture thing and she lost herself and her values in the process.

 

We did some soul-searching and decided that until she is 18, her education is the parents' responsibility, not the child's. We did take her wishes into consideration and it was a very very difficult decision, but I think and hope it was the right one.

 

I hope our story is helpful to you.

 

Thank you for posting this. Your story IS helpful to me, and I take all your comments in the spirit in which they were intended...... FWIW, I think your dd will flourish wherever she goes to school, because she obviously has parents that are paying attention and want the best for her. I wish you the best with your homeschooling next year.

[EKS]

Here is what we have found regarding my son's attendance at a small private school for the second semester of this school year (10th grade).

 

It is not nearly as academically rigorous as I would have expected or hoped. In fact, it infuriates me if I think about it too much. But we live in a semi rural area and don't have too many choices (ok, it's either this or the public school).

 

However,

 

He has made friends for the first time since he started high school.

 

He has a best friend.

 

He has become part of a community that he values.

 

He has been given leadership opportunities.

 

His day is far more varied.

 

He has developed relationships that he values with adults other than his mother.

 

He has not become peer dependent or obnoxious. His likes and attitudes have remained intact.

 

He is happy.

[HSMom2One]

Not only was my post misconstrued, it was misquoted:

 

"What bothers me is the sweeping generalizations: "Because my specific kid had these experiences, school is bad.""

 

If you put something in quotes, people assume that you are quoting the person. I did not post that. I did not write anything like that. This is an unfair form of argument. I have been flamed.

 

I honestly think that you misunderstood what Jenny in FLA was trying to communicate. It wasn't meant to be a direct quote, but rather a summation of what she interpreted that you were saying; perhaps what she thought was "reading between the lines".

 

And those of us that posted weren't arguing with you, we were simply stating opinions in response to you stating your opinion. As far as my own remarks go, I truly meant no harm or hurt feelings. I was being respectful to you and your position regarding your daughter and her schooling, but wanted to give you some added food for thought. My main point (and a point made by others as well) was that there is no single situation that fits all individuals and families. We are very fortunate to have options.

 

Just remember that we are all here to share ideas, and whenever a thread is open it is subject to a variety of opinions. Whatever you can take away to think and pray over, please do so. If there are comments that don't ring true to you then please don't take them to heart. Just let it go.

 

Blessings to you and your family - really!

 

Lucinda

[iamrachelle]

Bottom line is you have to do what is best for your child and best for your family. We have 2... One has been at the classical private school for going on 4 years... Very good fit for her... It's helped her grow up, become more independent... she still hangs out and loves her homeschooling friends, and the school hasn't really changed her for the worse..

 

We sent my son on the other hand to this same school for three years.. Eighth, tenth, and eleventh. He is a classical musician a pianist and a composer.. He has had much more time this year (senior year at HOME) to work on his music, apply to colleges, and hold down a volunteer job at the local aquarium. For him, homeschooling senior year was definitely the right choice.. He was accepted into his number one music school and got the money he needed to attend. Had he been at the small private school this year, I do not know if that would be the case. He also had time to do music during school hours (first thing in the morning) when he is his freshest. He also chose to be home this year. He was 17 when he made the choice.. and we felt he had the maturity to make his own choice.. Had he not done well this year, he would have repeated the year at a local charter school... so we had a plan B..

 

bottom line, is unfortunately there is no right answer... only a right answer for that year and that child.

 

Just my opinion.

 

A,e

 

:iagree: This. Exactly.

[ilovemy4kids]

Thank you for posting this. Your story IS helpful to me, and I take all your comments in the spirit in which they were intended...... FWIW, I think your dd will flourish wherever she goes to school, because she obviously has parents that are paying attention and want the best for her. I wish you the best with your homeschooling next year.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: Thank you for your post. Everyone's experience won't be the same, and I too take your post as an honest sharing of your families experience, and as I am at the point of experiencing the "burn out" that comes this time of year, it was a reminder to me off why I do what I do! So thanks again for reminding me that choosing school may not work out in reality they way I dream it in my head some days. :)

[Beth in SW WA]

Here is what we have found regarding my son's attendance at a small private school for the second semester of this school year (10th grade).

 

It is not nearly as academically rigorous as I would have expected or hoped. In fact, it infuriates me if I think about it too much.

 

Dd14 is transferring to a different private school starting this fall. It offers a more rigorous program, lots of APs, better theater/music, more opportunities, etc. Dd14 'shadowed' a few weeks ago and was thrilled to see the freshman English class analyzing Julius Caesar and Our Town. She is currently 'Emily' in her school's production of Our Town this spring. Her current class only read To Kill A Mockingbird, Lord Of The Flies, Animal Farm and a bunch of poetry. It has been ok but dd wants more. She'll be at cc for Spanish 5 in one year. How time flies....

 

Ds16 is going to CC for his senior year since he has outgrown his high school on a few different levels. He took advantage of every opportunity and now it's time to move on. A bittersweet decision. We love this little school but God is leading us in a different direction. This school has been fantastic. Lovely people...

[justasque]

Our experience has been a bit different, so I'll share it in the interest of a full discussion of the topics the OP has brought up. Every child, every family, is different, and the right educational setting for one may not be right for another. Everyone has to weigh pros and cons based on their particular child, and their child's chosen/likely path/goals. YMMV, etc.

 

With that said, here's what we found:

 

~ There is a lot of homework at a good private college-prep school. Add in extra-curriculars and there is not a lot of time for playing games and watching movies as a family. The flip side of that, for my family, was:

~ The work prepared the kids for what is expected in a good college.

~ The kids learned to be better and better at using their time.

~ The kids got better at making time for sleep, and for functioning when tired, both key skills for college and adulthood.

 

In addition:

~ The gradual separation helped prepare child and adult for the college years (and beyond).

~ Because the child was still under the parents' watchful eyes, the gradual separation was done with an ever-changing blend of independence on the part of the child and guidance/oversight from the parent.

~ The kids tried on various aspects of popular culture and their peer group, keeping some and rejecting others. The resulting interests/taste was a blend of stuff that came from parents/family/home and outside/cultural input. The kids got to stretch a bit in areas where it didn't matter much in the big picture (clothes, music), and stood firm on areas where it did (drugs, alcohol, treating others right). Again, with guidance of the parents all along (something that will likely be less available in the college years).

~ The kids had excellent teachers in areas where our family isn't as strong. They also had a handful of bad teachers, and learned strategies for dealing appropriately with that (before college where it is more expensive and the stakes are higher).

~ They learned to be individuals within an institutional setting - how to function within the system, how to advocate for themselves when necessary, when to challenge the system and when to go with the flow, and how to get what they needed out of a system that was sometimes set up to give them something different.

 

Kids do grow up and separate from their parents. It's our job, whichever way we educate them, to gradually let them have more freedom in the world, so that they learn how to handle it, and so that their eventual separation (often college) does not come as a shock/crisis to either them or us. It's our challenge to know when to extend more freedom, and when to pull them back in. It's not an easy task.

 

In our extended family, there are a bunch of great kids, and they've done high school in public school, private school, homeschool, and even boarding school. There's no "one right way". Great adults can come from any of these settings.

[FloridaLisa]

OP,

 

Course corrections are tough and I hear the struggle in your post. It sounds like you've been an excellent student of your dd. It's so important to astutely observe our dc and make the hard and sometimes unpopular decisions regarding our kids that we feel are ultimately for their best. I'm right there with you. Not in making the same decision as you have, but in carefully guiding my kids through middle and high school and into young adulthood. The gray areas, especially those where many are making decisions differently, can be the most difficult.

 

I pray that this year is excellent for you in many ways and that your dd understands all of the love behind your decision.

 

From a fellow -- sometimes faulty -- guard-rail layer,

Lisa

[Ellie]

I don't read it that way. I hear more, "Because my experience was bad (or good), I chose not to (or to) do X. I'm telling you honestly so that you may hear a variety of opinions."

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[AuntPol]

My homeschool daughter prefers the skimpier clothes, Adele, and Hunger Games, etc. She doesn't want to read classics, listen to classical or anything else that is "boring." She uses the same lingo as most other peers and would be on the computer all day if I would let her. I don't feel we have a lot of quality time because we are either doing school or running to extracurriculars. She also dumbs herself down to not shine in front of her peers. She even dropped out the church worship band because she didn't want to compete with her best friend.