Can We Talk about the Pearls Here?

[nmoira]

However, people with sadistic tendencies, anger problems, etc. could also gravitate toward a method that seems to give godly justification to their sinful tendencies.

This is an excellent point. I know the parenting books I read are consistent with an AP philosophy because I am simply not interested in exploring other parenting styles.

[nmoira]

 

I know I'm a little late coming into this conversation, but I've been pondering what a Christian Parenting Philosophy would really look like, and I can only conclude that its not this.

I think it covers the whole spectrum; Dr. Sears has a books published as part of his Christian Parenting Library which advocate gentle discipline and attachment parenting. I know there are a *lot* of conservative Christian mamas on the MotheringDotCom forums.

[Happy2BaMom]

I'm glad to see attachment brought up. There have been a few posts in this thread about how children used to be better behaved in the days when more people spanked (I'm paraphrasing here, forgive me). I think the larger issue is that children used to be more likely to be attached to their parents a generation or two ago and to CARE what their parents thought or would do.

 

I am both a foster parent and a teacher-in-training, and what I see over and over and over are children who are ..... alone. Broken families, together-families where communication is broken down or (more likely) where two overwhelmed, working parents aren't available, no extended family nearby, few or no siblings, etc., and these kids are growing up basically unattached to the adults in their world. Why should they look up to them or want to be like them? The adults are so removed from the children's lives. (As a side note, in several of the ps classes that I have observed, the teachers have tried doing activities where the parents AND all other relatives in a child's life were invited to the school for a special event during the school day - Thanksgiving dinner at 3:00, reading time at lunch time - and there has NEVER been more than one or two parents who show up for any of these activities. Yes, I know some parents can't break away from work, truly. But where in blazes is everyone else?)

 

I am always so disturbed when I see "the answer" (wherever it is being given) presented as "kids need to be spanked more" without any mention of what is even more important....that they need more time, attention and interest on a regular basis from an adult in their lives, ideally a parent. Without that connection, the discipline won't matter in the long (or even short) run.

 

As for the Pearls, to advocate punishing a child who *looks* disappointed is to teach someone to be duplicitous - "feel one way inside but be sure you show something else on the surface". I've known a few really scary people in my lifetime who were really good at that.

[Kathy in MD]

In all fairness, the children seem to be well-adjusted, happy adults now. They seem like a close knit family from all accounts I have heard.

 

 

 

But how can you tell? The children have been taught to keep a good mask on, because to do otherwise means to lose something for 6 months. Even people who haven't gone through "training" this intense can hide a crumbling marriage or financial problems from outsiders.