Really need to work with my kids, very disappointed :(

[amo_mea_filiis.]

We have our housing inspection on friday so things need to be a little more clean than normal. Monday i ckeaned the tv room. There were lego pieces, stuffed animals, and water bottles in every corner. It took maybe 20 minutes. I cleaned the fan, windows, and blinds.

 

Yesterday i was cleaning the living and dining rooms. The molding and window blnds have been neglected. When i finished, i went to put ds to bed and together, the kids trashed the tv room, upstairs hall, and bedroom! (it went mostly unnoticed by me because they came down when called to help. I assumed they were just watching movies.)

 

They are 11 and 7, not babies or toddlers. I think they are perfectly capable of not trashing a room.

 

Then when i got up this morning, i saw dd's towels she left on the bathroom floor from her shower. She leaves clothes and socks around all the time. She has not once ever put her school laptop where it belongs in the evening.

 

Ds has been fighting his one single consistent chore. He whines and stomps when reminded to take his shoes off before walking around the house.

 

I will get through this, the house will look the way i want it to for inspection, but im lost with these 2. I dont think they have any respect for me, their home, or their things. :(

[nova147]

DS7 keeps his legos in his room, which he shares with the baby. Right now it doesn't matter much, because the baby is in a crib and doesn't get around on his own during the day. But when he gets bigger, it will be VERY important those legos are picked up. Always. I've been at DS7 about this for months. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get his allowance if it's not clean every day, and so hasn't gotten his allowance for 3 weeks. I finally told him that if they are not consistently put away this week, they will disappear for at least a week, probably more. I won't throw them out, which I did with hot wheels a year ago, because I believe they are a very valuable toy (not just monetarily). But he is going to have to learn to respect me and his things.

 

I know some moms who have a box for toys that get left out. The kids have to do an extra chore to get their item back. If your daughter is "into" clothes, you could take any of them that gets left out so she can only wear the things she takes care of. (I wouldn't do this with socks and underwear!)

[Night Elf]

How do you feel about removing the offending objects for a while? I'm not usually the kind of parent to do something disrespectful to the kids because I'm the adult but it sounds like they aren't living up to their end of the bargain. I would tell them it's obviously they are unable to care for so many things so you'll help them out by putting them away for a while. They truly are old enough to understand what to do and even why they need to do it.

 

There is also the reward system. You set up an incentive chart to bribe (yes I consider it bribing) them to keep their end of the bargain. Some people think it's okay to pay for chores but it seems kind of unfair that the kids don't turn around and pay mom for doing things for them like laundry and meal service. :tongue_smilie:

[Blueridge]

Well, I would insist that they return to each mess and clean it up. I would also get some boxes and start packing all those extra mess-makers (the toys and clutter, not the children :lol:)up for storage. The less they have to keep tidy, the easier it will be for them, and you.

[Lily_Grace]

We revert to checking chores every day. It has gone down from 3, to 2, to just the once now.

 

The whining, complaining, etc. doesn't matter. The ONLY thing I care about is that the chores get done, and until that happens nothing else does: no going outside, no tv time, no hobby time, and if necessary, no alone time. I've been known to sit right there and read a book while dh announces he's going to rent a movie or maybe go bowling, oh boy! I've been known to get my ice cream sundae and eat it while watching the kid fluff around not doing anything.

 

It doesn't take long before they realize that when I say they don't move on until chores are done, means they don't move on until chores are done. No fun stuff. No family time. No parties that had been rsvp'd to. Chores done and we pick up where we left off - no lectures. It's simple but effective.

[Farrar]

Well at this point you need to get through the whole inspection thing. You aren't going to change them in time for that. So I'd confine them to one room with the TV on, clean like a madwoman to get it done, and then get through the inspection. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Maybe remove anything else from that room, let them watch TV.

 

:iagree: I would treat it as two different things. First, just get through that and once it's over think about long term solutions.

[clarkacademy]

Well, I would insist that they return to each mess and clean it up. I would also get some boxes and start packing all those extra mess-makers (the toys and clutter, not the children :lol:)up for storage. The less they have to keep tidy, the easier it will be for them, and you.

 

It took me forever to learn this when my oldest was young. Why did she make such a mess? GRRRRR Then my mother in her not so kind way looked at me and said well you let her make the mess then you pick it up! What are you teaching her? Your teaching her this is OK your teaching her this is acceptable and your letting her be a slob!

 

I am also very big on if you can't respect it by taking care of it then you sure don't need it! I have packed up brand new stuff before they left all over the floor.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

The way everything is now set up, i can close the doors to the tv and toy rooms (we currently share a bedroom. Separate bedrooms was terrible). I am going ti close off everything.

 

Wendyk- is it really ok to go back on my grounding for inspection? I was mad enough last night that ds gets im serious. He got up this morning, ate his yogurt and sat on a chair in the living room. He has not yet asked for tv or toys.

 

Everything does have a bin. Theyre just lazy. Dd presented me with a chore chart to earn $2 per week. This was weeks ago and she has not done anything on her chart.

 

Today they are going to clean the porch and yard. This is so i dont feel too bad about them not being allowed to play. I will check on them and give them specifics.

 

Im off to wake dd like i promised if i found stuff on the bathroom floor again.

[CupOCoffee]

Well at this point you need to get through the whole inspection thing. You aren't going to change them in time for that. So I'd confine them to one room with the TV on, clean like a madwoman to get it done, and then get through the inspection. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Maybe remove anything else from that room, let them watch TV.

 

Then moving forward I'd get some bins where toys can be stored. Of everything I've tried the bins have worked the best. Each type of toy has a bin. I also have a bin for random stuff that can be thrown in and sorted through later. I keep them all over the house. I find when everything has a place it's easier to tell the kids to put their stuff away where it belongs. Otherwise stuff just ends up shoved in all over the place.

 

Exactly this! I have been known to call a "cleaning fire drill" -- 15 minutes of everyone running through the house and filling up the bins. I have also been known to bag up whatever remains after a set time limit for clean up -- I have one kid who will not take me seriously when I say "I expect this all to be cleaned up in the next 20 minutes". She wastes time telling me a thousand reasons why 20 minutes is not enough time, or spends an hour doing a 20 minute job. When this happens, I calmly walk around pick up everything remaining, and it all becomes mine for a period of time.

 

~coffee~

[Christie_Jarrard]

My kids are still little (5, 2.5, and 1), but my five year old has had chores and earned an allowance since he was three. We started really simple, but now he has to make his bed, take his dishes to the sink after each meal, fold up his pj's and put them away if they are clean, put his dirty clothes in the hamper, bring in any thing he has taken out to the car, clean up his toys completely before rest time and before bed, and unload the clean dishes from the dishwasher. For this he earns $0.70 a day. I know that some of our friends don't tie chores to allowance, they are just expected to do them as their contribution to their community, but we decided that this is their "job" for now.

 

We have a "whine tax" and every time he complains, I subtract five cents for the day. I write his beginning amount and he can see the money trickling away. I have all of this toys separated into clear Rubbermaid containers, and I only allow them to get out one thing each at a time. I also have them play with anything with tiny pieces on a blanket (Legos, Playmobil, Hero Factory) so that I just have to pick up the four corners and dump it into the box, then they have to pick up the stray pieces.

 

It has been hard work to teach them to clean correctly, most of the time I would rather just do it myself, but I grit my teeth and plow on. My goal is to have them doing most of the housework as teenagers, so that they will be prepared to move out and live on their own.

[Christie_Jarrard]

http://rodriquezim.blogspot.com/2011/08/age-appropriate-chore-lists.html

 

We use these guidelines for our chore expectations :001_smile:

[CalicoKat]

We have our housing inspection on friday so things need to be a little more clean than normal. Monday i ckeaned the tv room. There were lego pieces, stuffed animals, and water bottles in every corner. It took maybe 20 minutes. I cleaned the fan, windows, and blinds.

 

Yesterday i was cleaning the living and dining rooms. The molding and window blnds have been neglected. When i finished, i went to put ds to bed and together, the kids trashed the tv room, upstairs hall, and bedroom! (it went mostly unnoticed by me because they came down when called to help. I assumed they were just watching movies.)

 

They are 11 and 7, not babies or toddlers. I think they are perfectly capable of not trashing a room.

 

Then when i got up this morning, i saw dd's towels she left on the bathroom floor from her shower. She leaves clothes and socks around all the time. She has not once ever put her school laptop where it belongs in the evening.

 

Ds has been fighting his one single consistent chore. He whines and stomps when reminded to take his shoes off before walking around the house.

 

I will get through this, the house will look the way i want it to for inspection, but im lost with these 2. I dont think they have any respect for me, their home, or their things. :(

Pick up the things she leaves laying around and take them away temporarily. To get her stuff back she'll have to work a job for you like folding laundry, dishes, etc. Nothing difficult but enough to make up for your time lost picking up her stuff again.

 

What do you do for your son? Don't do it any more until his attitude changes. If he can't be a happy helper then his "benefits" can be suspended AND he gets a job to do. "You must need extra practice. . . " His extra chore also helps you make up the time lost doing his.

 

This approach has really helped my kids to know that I'm not a bottomless pit of energy and inspiration working for their gratification. It's a give-tale symbiotic relationship. They help out around here and I have more time and energy to do for them.

 

:D

[Scuff]

Well, yes, everything needs to have a place and less thigs to take care of definitely helps. We went through the kids' rooms last winter and purged, purged, purged. Everything that was left got a labeled spot. But they still have to do it and it can still take them hours to clean their room when they choose to be lazy dawdlers. (should take less than 10 minutes.)

 

We have similar issues with people just not respectig the house. I've tried so many things and they do get paid a certain amount for each chore completed. (and that does help eith cleanup. Not so much in not making thr mess in the first place.) i was just disgusted with them yesterday. My basement is an utter disaster, but shouldn't be. You can't even walk past the bottom of the stairs without climbing over things. All of it, ALL of it, is laundry they dumped or diapers or groceriesthey were supposed to take to the pantry. All dumped at the bottom of the stairs. The laundry room is carpeted with clothes, including two blankets that I personally washed and dried, and then ds dumped on the floor because he was too lazy to fold it and put it on the shelf next to the drier. SO frustrating! How is this place ever going to be clean when they tear it up so quickly! I'm pregnant. If i ask you to do somethig it's because I need you to do it. I don't need to come behind you a day later and find it ruined or scattered whereever you dripped it. Anyway, obviously mine can't do a job without being checked up on. I've tried checking them and giving them extra work if it's not done, but I can't check everything all the time. So, I changed it up yesterday. If I find a mess that you were told specifically to do, but did a half-way, lazy job than you get to redo the job, do somethig else, and lose your game time for the day. It doesn't matter if it's two weeks later. If that's when i find out you didn't do it, than that's when you get to be sad about game time. I will find the mess eventually. I'm thinking this will work. It hits them where it hurts and solves the consistancy problem in my ability to check right away. Time will tell.

 

Hit them where it hurts. They can clean up after themselves. They can also help with some of the work. Reward them for a job well done and make it very sad for them when they ruin what is done. Then work on establishing better habits. (picking things up as soon as your done, using a trash can, ect)

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Thanks everyone. It helps a lot knowing i am not alone.

 

Ds is cleaning the tv room (picking up toys, because under all of it is a sparkling clean room).

 

After inspection, i am reducing dd's clothes to bare minimum. If she leaves out one more pair of socks, she will be reduced to that one pair for a while. She can either remember to wash them, or wear flip flops.

 

I am also going through ds's clothes. He has way too many shirts.

 

Dd's laptop gets mailed back to the school soon and that will eliminate one of my problems.

 

The house really is not too bad, but there are some minor (in my mind) issues that i hope can be overlooked if the inspector walks into an otherwise show-ready home.

 

I am not just sitting on the forum today! Lol. I am checking between tasks so i dont go crazy.