swimmermom3 Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 (edited) My youngest (14 - 8th grade) wrote the following essay. It is a rough draft and in its original form. He will read your comments, but is thick-skinned, and serious about improving his writing. We are still in the early weeks of working on argumentation if that helps for a point of focus. Thanks so much for your help. The Wonders of Software Freedom Open Source, free editable software, is a better alternative to commercial software. Although commercial software is written by professionals so you are guaranteed secure, genuine, virus-free software; Open Source is a worldwide collaborative project for people of all skill levels and produces better results. Also, if you do not like the program, you do not need to demand a refund. Open Source programs are free so you can uninstall the program without wasting money. With Open Source, which is accessible to anybody, users can freely adapt the program to their own needs, and you don’t need to wait for updates from a monolithic company to fix errors in the program. Most projects have massive community support forums full of people eager to help. A few of the major Open Source projects are Linux, Apache and Mozilla Firefox. Linux is an operating system that is most popular for running a server. Google, NASA, Amazon, and the New York Stock Exchange all user Linux to run their powerful servers. Some popular operating systems such as Mac OSX and Android are based off of this powerful project. As for the server software, the Open Source project Apache gets the job done. 57.3% of all sites globally use Apache to power their website (June 2011 netcraft statistic). And finally there is web browser called Mozilla Firefox. Firefox, the most popular web browser, holds 37.7% of the global browser market and most sites are built for Firefox. Firefox is the fastest and most secure browser on the market. Open Source is had a huge impact on the technology world. It has made communities and countries come together to make great software, and made computers more accessible and easier to use than ever before. Instead of one company monopolizing a computers feature (like iTunes and Apple Products) there is a variety of different programs that can get the same job done and then some. Thanks to Open Source programs, operating systems like Linux can finally sync music and video from their favorite devices from iPhone to Android instead of just Windows and Mac. Open Source has come a long way from the first Linux distribution to the Android Smartphone operating system. People worldwide are switching to free alternative programs and people worldwide contribute to make these alternatives better and better. Edited May 17, 2012 by swimmermom3 format Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 The Wonders of Software Freedom Open Source, free editable software, is a better alternative to commercial software. Although commercial software is written by professionals so you are guaranteed secure, genuine, virus-free software; Open Source is a worldwide collaborative project for people of all skill levels and produces better results. Also, if you do not like the program, you do not need to demand a refund. Open Source programs are free so you can uninstall the program without wasting money. With Open Source, which is accessible to anybody, users can freely adapt the program to their own needs, and you don’t need to wait for updates from a monolithic company to fix errors in the program. Most projects have massive community support forums full of people eager to help. A few of the major Open Source projects are Linux, Apache and Mozilla Firefox. Linux is an operating system that is most popular (the most popular operating system. . .)for running a server. Google, NASA, Amazon, and the New York Stock Exchange all user (use) Linux to run their powerful servers. Some popular operating systems such as Mac OSX and Android are based off of this powerful project (product?). As for the server software, the Open Source project Apache gets the job done. 57.3% of all sites globally use Apache to power their website (June 2011 netcraft statistic). And finally there is (the)web browser called Mozilla Firefox. Firefox, the most popular web browser, holds 37.7% of the global browser market and most sites are built for Firefox. Firefox is the fastest and most secure browser on the market. Open Source is (has) had a huge impact on the technology world. It has made communities and countries come together to make great software, and made computers more accessible and easier to use than ever before. Instead of one company monopolizing a computers feature (like iTunes and Apple Products) there is a variety of different programs that can get the same job done and then some. Thanks to Open Source programs, operating systems like Linux can finally sync music and video from their favorite devices from iPhone to Android instead of just Windows and Mac. Open Source has come a long way from the first Linux distribution to the Android Smartphone operating system. People worldwide are switching to free alternative programs and people worldwide contribute to make (making)these alternatives better and better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth in Mint Hill Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 (edited) Open Source, free editable software, is .... With Open Source, which is accessible to anybody, users.... A few of the major Open Source projects are... Open Source is(has) had... Open Source has come a long.... Note how similar each of your first lines are; you need more variety in your starts. Writing is more pleasing when there is a variety of sentence styles. It's fine to begin some of your paragraphs with the phrase, "Open Source," but you have it starting almost all of them. For example, you could redo the last paragraph something like this: A few years ago Linux was the only free and open software around. Now there is even a free open source alternative for smart phones, the Android Smartphone operating system. (And one of the best alternatives to the widely used and very expensive Office suites is Open Office!) People worldwide are switching to free alternative programs and people worldwide contribute to make (making)these alternatives better and better. I added my own thought above (in italics) :tongue_smilie:--because I agree with you--Open Office is just great....I've used it for many years. You have made many great points and have a very informative essay here! Just keep in mind that people will enjoy your writing more if you vary your sentence styles. :) Edited May 17, 2012 by Beth in Mint Hill Sentence starts are not varied. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 The Wonders of Software Freedom Open Source, free editable software, is a better alternative to commercial software. Although commercial software is written by professionals so you are guaranteed secure, genuine, virus-free software; Open Source is a worldwide collaborative project for people of all skill levels and produces better results. Also, if you do not like the program, you do not need to demand a refund. Open Source programs are free so you can uninstall the program without wasting money. I would avoid using the word *better*. Build a thesis statement that describes how open source is better. "Open Source software offers (...and then list the three or four features that are better than commercial programs...so something along the lines of... ) secure systems, varied features and no limitations due to licensing restrictions." Prior to stating your thesis, I'd want to see a general description of open source and commercial programs for back ground information. Then your thesis statement can be to the point, without having any qualifiers added on to describe the terms used. Then, the body of the essay would describe each superior feature in more detail. One paragraph for each feature with the examples added in to back up the statements. The saying, "you get what you pay for" came into my mind when I read this. It could be interesting to play off this idea and describe why in this case, the saying does not apply. Interesting information is included in the body of the paragraph, but then it seems to shift from being a persuasive essay to being an informative essay. This is very similar to the first drafts my current 8th grader writes. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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