Small talk answers for "Where do your kids go to school?"

[profmom]

Dh is a fairly new partner in his accounting firm, and we're attending more events outside of my homeschooling & church bubble as a result. :tongue_smilie: I've been able to get by without answering a lot of questions about homeschooling (which I wouldn't mind at all if someone were genuinely interested), but I'm finding that school is one of the most common small talk topics I run across. I went to something a couple of weeks ago and was asked this. When I said that I homeschool, the answer was, "you homeschool." (Not actually a question, but in kind of a "I can't believe this and I don't know what to say to that" tone.)

 

So, I need to say a little more (not much) and/or be able to ask a question to take the pressure off of them to come up with something to say (when they know nothing about homeschooling and are caught off-guard). I don't see the need to go into detail about homeschooling when they're not actually interested, but I just need to be able to continue the small talk conversation. KWIM?

 

Any suggestions?

[Ellie]

You could just say, "We homeschool. How about you?" Or, alternatively, "I teach my dc at home. How about you?"

[Plaid Dad]

I do what Ellie said. Bounce the ball back into their court. People are usually more than willing to talk about themselves!

[Philothea]

I live in an area where there are a lot of private and charter schools and I rarely meet anyone on a social level who knows the town that I live in well.

 

So we gave our homeschool a name, I just say my kids go to Regina Caeli Academy, how about yours? And most people are willing to leave it at that.

 

There are just some situations, where not letting on to the fact that you home school is a good idea-- especially when a spouse's job could be negatively effected.

 

I also say "we home educate" because it sounds better to some people than "home school". As in "We chose to home educate our children because..." I've just gotten a better response when it is phrased this way, maybe because to most people "educating" sounds more distinguished than "schooling".

[Danestress]

I've had questions that irritate other HS Moms (though they don't really bother me much), like "what about the prom???"

 

But by and large, I don't think most people are negative. I just confirm that we all love it, ask them about their children, and then move on to things our kids have more in common - like sports, art, music. If people want to talk about kids, we can usually find common ground. It's also nice when adults can talk about something *other than* their kids too!

[K&Rs Mom]

I agree with the others, just "We homeschool, how about yours?" but sometimes the person obviously doesn't have kids. In that case, I might answer that look and statement with, "Yeah, we're really enjoying it. I've learned so much already!" Then they may wander off because you're clearly nuts, or ask what you've been learning lately. HTH!

[profmom]

You could just say, "We homeschool. How about you?" Or, alternatively, "I teach my dc at home. How about you?"

 

The particular lady I mentioned had just spent the previous 15+ minutes telling us all about herself and her daughter's recent graduation, so I already knew about their schooling choice. I had just been listening in a small group and wasn't expecting a question at all, but I wouldn't have been able to use "how about you" in this situation. Otherwise, this is a good, easy response that I will definitely use.

[profmom]

I appreciate the help guys!

 

 

Then they may wander off because you're clearly nuts

 

:rofl: Exactly!

[LauraGB]

I usually just tell them we homeschool (and more often than not, people tell me they wish they could do that and then proceed to tell me about the troubles thier children are having with ps), but I have been known to say "we don't send them (to school)" or "they don't 'go' " (because the reaction is rather amusing to that one). You could try telling people who you know you will have a problem with that they are "privately tutored" and leave it at that (its interesting to see the change in demeanor with that one, too). ;)

[Kathleen in VA]

You could also say that they are currently attending a very exclusive boarding school:).

[ereks mom]

...people tell me they wish they could do that and then proceed to tell me about the troubles thier children are having with ps)...

 

Reactions we've gotten have almost always been similar to what Laura describes here. Many people even seem envious, although there are some that tell me that they'd crazy spending all day with their own children. I've always thought that was a shame. I LOVE spending my days with mine!

[TXMomof4]

I just always smile at the gawk on their faces. They generally follow it up with "Why?" I just generally say, "Oh, there's a lot of reasons. And proceed to talk about some exhibit we've gotten to see recently, some project the kids have really loved, now I'm saying well, with dh gone we are going to have the freedom to go visit family we don't get to see very often. Or, even better, we've been studying European history pretty in depth lately, so we're going to Europe this winter to see what we've been studying. Of course, we're just going for fun, but it sounds SO impressive!!!

Generally they are still trying to process and I head my own direction. I have nothing to be ashamed of. Let them try to put me on the defensive, it won't work!

[at the beach]

How about--"Oh, they don't go. They're at home living the high life." ;)

There's something about the word homeschool, I find, that sets people off. I think sometimes it is envy. IMO people don't like what they aren't comfortable with, and don't want to think that someone else's kids just might have it better than their own. ;)

 

Anita

[Mommy22alyns]

You could also say that they are currently attending a very exclusive boarding school:).

 

 

I like that one... I considered saying she's in an elite private school with an excellent student-teacher ratio. :D

[Ellie]

The particular lady I mentioned had just spent the previous 15+ minutes telling us all about herself and her daughter's recent graduation, so I already knew about their schooling choice. I had just been listening in a small group and wasn't expecting a question at all, but I wouldn't have been able to use "how about you" in this situation. Otherwise, this is a good, easy response that I will definitely use.

 

Ah. Well, you know, in a similar situation, you could spend 15 minutes yourself talking about your homeschooling experiences.:D Or if someone dropped the same thing on you another time, you could just say, "Yes! And I'm so pleased with how things are going. How about some bean dip?"

[profmom]

Thanks for the suggestions! :001_smile:

[Twinmom]

When asked where my kids go to school, I usually reply, "In my living room!" and leave it at that. I get some strange looks and a few odd comments, but then again I really don't care much what folks think! Leave 'em scratching their heads, I say! :D

 

If it is someone I care about, say someone from DH's job, etc., I won't be so flippant. Usually, I'll follow that up with some comments about how home schooling has been really great for our family. For example, I might explain how we found my DD's visual processing disorder through home schooling after even an expensive private school failed to notice it...and how home schooling gives us the time flexibility to go to therapy without missing school days! Or, I might add how my gifted DS is able to work a couple grade levels ahead without the stress of keeping up socially with older kiddos. Or, I might explain about the great relationships I have with my kids after spending so much individual time with them.

[Trivium Academy]

Yes, I agree. "We homeschool, where do your children go to school?" We just moved into an area with an "excellent" school system and I've been asked why I would homeschool in such an area. I've said, "When they start teaching French and Latin in 3rd grade, I'll enroll my children." That usually gets the point across that what we're doing academically is more than what they could get at the highly praised public school.

 

I wouldn't answer with your homeschool name, because I feel that is bit misleading. I wouldn't say, "my children attend Trivium Academy." I couldn't do that and probably wouldn't with your dh's business associates.

 

If they are dumbstruck when you say homeschool, then just have a short positive thing to say afterwards. Most tend to say to me, "I couldn't teach my own kids," and I retort back, "I couldn't handle teaching other people's children." Of course this whole exchange gets under my skin b/c they are parents but I learned the hard way not to share my true feelings on this matter. :D

[nancypants]

Long answers are sometimes better! "So far we have chosen to home school and we really love it! The kids have so many opportunities that they wouldn't otherwise have and they are really thriving! What about you? Where do your kids go to school?" :D I am always enthusiastic in my answer and people have never looked at me strangely.

[BabyBre]

You ladies have had fun with this! Great responses! I wish I had heard some of these ideas before we quit homeschooling and started afterschooling. I was always so proud to take 100% credit for my dc, and now I get to name our local public school. :sad:

 

My favorite (that's sarcasm, of course) reaction to learning that we were homeschooling was "Oh, I could never do that! I'd go crazy with my kids all day. I think we need that break from one another." There was no response that made me more sad to hear. My kids are away from me all day now and it breaks my heart, I miss them terribly.

 

My second favorite was "I just think they really need that socialization." It's amazing to me how much that one came out! Really? You think they need 6+ hours of socialization a day? Wow! Your kids must be very socially well adjusted with all that socialization! (No, of course I never said this to another parent, but man did I want to! And, for the record, my kids were more socially well adjusted before the mass "socialization" of ps. Dd, at least, has actually regressed socially.)

 

The reason this one got under my skin so much, as I'm sure many of you know, is because it implies I would keep my dc in a bubble. Do I seem like that kind of person? I think it's important they learn Latin, for crying out loud, why on earth would I not ensure them oportunities to build social skills? Duh. Probably shouldn't have taken any response personally, but I did.

 

I think most responses of that sort from people stem from a simple ignorance of a mindset or lifestyle that's different from their own. While it's growing in our area, homeschooling is still fairly misunderstood and probably 90% of the responses I got were one of these two.

[swellmomma]

I usually just answer "the kitchen table" and then let that sink in a minute, before I laugh and say "we homeschool" I find 90% of the time people are genuinely interested and want to know the hows, whys, etc

[Alenee]

I've never received what I would call a positive response. Either it's dropped completely or I get, "Oh I could never do that!" What surprises me the most is, "My kids are too social for that," while we're at a social event....hello! Are we not also at the same SOCIAL event? lol!

 

I think my favorite reply when the situation calls for talking about the kids is, "We have really found a passion for...what about your kids? What are their interests?" And if the conversation can be steered away from the kids, "So what are your interests? What are your hobbies? Any plans for the summer, holiday, snow trips...etc?" I've always found in small talk situations to just go for it and start asking questions to get THEM talking. Questions like, "How long have you lived in the area?" "How did you end up in this business?" Once you get an answer, if they don't keep going, ask another question relating to their last answer.

 

HTH

[mcconnellboys]

I do as the others and question back, "Actually, I'm homeschooling him right now. What school do yours attend?"

[Tap]

We live in an area that homeschooling is common so I just say that we homeschool. There are times when I am not in a chatty mood so I just say "we are in the ABC school district". If they keep asking "do you know so-and-so" I just keep saying 'no'. If they ask who the teacher is I say my name then I change the subject.

 

 

Tap

[gardenschooler]

When I said that I homeschool, the answer was, "you homeschool." (Not actually a question, but in kind of a "I can't believe this and I don't know what to say to that" tone.)

 

So, I need to say a little more (not much) and/or be able to ask a question to take the pressure off of them to come up with something to say (when they know nothing about homeschooling and are caught off-guard). I don't see the need to go into detail about homeschooling when they're not actually interested, but I just need to be able to continue the small talk conversation. KWIM?

 

Any suggestions?

 

I guess I don't really see the need to take the pressure off of them to be polite. All they really need to say is, "Oh, that's nice. How do you like the salad?"

 

You could say the salad bit, if you feel you need to.

 

This is very odd to me, that even answering a question honestly about how your kids are schooled would make people so uncomfortable you don't even want to say it. I don't think they're that uncomfortable, and if they are, they need to get over it. It's not so completely strange and unheard of anymore, and there is no reason to be embarrassed for them. JMNSHO.

[gardenschooler]

I think my favorite reply when the situation calls for talking about the kids is, "We have really found a passion for...what about your kids? What are their interests?" And if the conversation can be steered away from the kids, "So what are your interests? What are your hobbies? Any plans for the summer, holiday, snow trips...etc?" I've always found in small talk situations to just go for it and start asking questions to get THEM talking. Questions like, "How long have you lived in the area?" "How did you end up in this business?" Once you get an answer, if they don't keep going, ask another question relating to their last answer.

 

Good answer! Although I would still answer the question, but not linger over it. Does everyone who send their kids to X school have to give it a long explanation? No, and we don't either. :) There are other things to talk about if it's not something you have in common.

[gardenschooler]

My favorite (that's sarcasm, of course) reaction to learning that we were homeschooling was "Oh, I could never do that! I'd go crazy with my kids all day. I think we need that break from one another." There was no response that made me more sad to hear. My kids are away from me all day now and it breaks my heart, I miss them terribly.

 

I'd just quietly say, "No, it doesn't sound like homeschooling would be for you," and then move on to another topic.

 

My second favorite was "I just think they really need that socialization." It's amazing to me how much that one came out!

The reason this one got under my skin so much, as I'm sure many of you know, is because it implies I would keep my dc in a bubble.

 

 

There is no reason to respond to this. Let them think whatever they want. I find it very funny that many posters have said they've gotten this comment while at a social event. :001_huh: I think some people just tell themselves this because they need to justify not homeschooling in their own minds. This kind of comment is either antagonistic or ignorant, and either way, not worth more than an eye-roll to me. :rolleyes:

[Ellie]

I guess I don't really see the need to take the pressure off of them to be polite. All they really need to say is, "Oh, that's nice. How do you like the salad?"

 

You could say the salad bit, if you feel you need to.

 

This is very odd to me, that even answering a question honestly about how your kids are schooled would make people so uncomfortable you don't even want to say it. I don't think they're that uncomfortable, and if they are, they need to get over it. It's not so completely strange and unheard of anymore, and there is no reason to be embarrassed for them. JMNSHO.

 

:iagree: I shoulda thought about that. Yes, if they are uncomfortable, it's their problem.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

What surprises me the most is, "My kids are too social for that," while we're at a social event....hello! Are we not also at the same SOCIAL event? lol!

 

I got that one just two weeks ago. I was talking to one of the moms at the local pool club. She's a teacher in a school for Asperger kids. My son has Asperger syndrome, although he's just at the limit of the spectrum. Anyway, when told we were homeschooling, she dared ask "well, it's very important for him to be around non-homeschooled kids". Hello???? Just how many homeschool kids do you know at this pool??? :001_huh: And of course, why would it be important to be with non-homeschooled kids? Are they any different? Oh yeah, homeschooled kids are well adjusted, as for the others... well, nough said...

[Tap]

I got that one just two weeks ago. I was talking to one of the moms at the local pool club. She's a teacher in a school for Asperger kids. My son has Asperger syndrome, although he's just at the limit of the spectrum. Anyway, when told we were homeschooling, she dared ask "well, it's very important for him to be around non-homeschooled kids". Hello???? Just how many homeschool kids do you know at this pool??? :001_huh: And of course, why would it be important to be with non-homeschooled kids? Are they any different? Oh yeah, homeschooled kids are well adjusted, as for the others... well, nough said...

 

In this circumstance I have no problem asking the person "I am interested in hearing more about that, where did you get that information?" I keep asking questions to promt the person to divulge whether their statement about homeschooling is just an assumption or if it is a valid claim. I have often told people who comment on socialization that it is a misnomer that homeschooled children are unsocialized. That the while the volume of activities doesn't socialize a child the quality of interaction at the activity does. I typically site an example of the school bus. 60 children with 1 adult who is driving. Most people call that 'socialization' and most adults have numerous bad memories of riding the school bus and being bullied, picked on, observing s*xual behavior, and being tormented. That is not positive 'socialization'. I can go on and on to a stranger in a conversation about socialization vs being socialized.

 

 

I tend to give the person more of an education on it than they ever could have wanted to know!

 

Tap

[melmac]

I've said "their educated at home by a private tutor" many times and the response is always along the line of "oh, well that must be nice" in a sort of envious tone. I always have to pretend like I'm about to sneeze to keep from laughing. :)

 

 

I usually just tell them we homeschool (and more often than not, people tell me they wish they could do that and then proceed to tell me about the troubles thier children are having with ps), but I have been known to say "we don't send them (to school)" or "they don't 'go' " (because the reaction is rather amusing to that one). You could try telling people who you know you will have a problem with that they are "privately tutored" and leave it at that (its interesting to see the change in demeanor with that one, too). ;)

[gardenschooler]

"It's very important for him to be around non-homeschooled kids".

 

Why would it be important to be with non-homeschooled kids?

 

Are they any different?

 

Oh, dear. This one needs a triple. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

 

Maybe homeschooled kids aren't proper socialization. Not 'real world' enough.

[Rosie_0801]

Shrug shoulders and say "it works for us," smile then "what do you do?" If someone is staring at you with their mouth open, it sorts of requires some kind of comment, "it works for us" shows that you aren't going to maul them for their choices, but doesn't encourage them to maul you either... As for the socialisation thing, simply nod and say "yes, that is a common concern." Then offer bean dip. ;)

:)

Rosie

[Soph the vet]

My favorite answer is (in your best Jeff Foxworthy redneck voice) "Me and Bubba learns 'em at home, werks real good!":lol:

 

I got that off some homeschool website.

[profmom]

Thanks! You guys have made this a fun thread!

 

With strangers (people at the grocery store who ask, etc.), I don't care about making them feel comfortable or explaining anything. However, with the people at dh's office or the work-related events, I've been thinking that I should make more comments about our days to convey some of the excitement I feel about homeschooling (such as when people ask what we've been up to. So far, I think I've been too quiet and just assumed they think we're strange!!) For the new people I meet at these events (wives of dh's business associates, etc.), I appreciate the suggestions you've given me!