How do I stay grateful when I feel so envious?

[Chris in VA]

I have such a privileged life--I should be just over the moon with gratefulness, but I just saw Heidi's lovely pictures of SWB's farm, family and life, and burst into tears.

 

How do you stay grateful for what you have when it is not what you wanted? I feel so ashamed of myself.

[Twigs]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Teachin'Mine]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Chris, years ago I heard the saying that you're comparing other people's outsides with your insides. I won't use SWB as an example, :tongue_smilie: but when you pass that picture perfect house all decked out for the holidays and the children all dressed beautifully with not a hair out of place, etc., what you see is the outside. What you don't see are the struggles we all have. Whether it be a sick relative, bills, worries, the past, heavy workloads, loneliness, problems with the children, etc., etc.. You have no idea, but people may be looking at your life from the outside and thinking the same thing. ;) We've each got our blessings and we've each got our challenges, and sufferings. As I'm sure you've heard, if everyone threw their total package into a pile, and you got to pick one, you'd choose your own. :)

 

Just wanted to add that I know you've got more than your share of struggles. Trust in Him. He loves you.

Edited May 10, 2012 by Teachin'Mine

[swellmomma]

:grouphug: I so get it. If you find the solution let me know because I know exactly what you are feeling.

[SailorMom]

I suppose it comes down to this: Are you happy with your life when you aren't looking at others' lives? If no - then perhaps start making changes. If yes - then remind your self of that when you get envious.

There will always be people who have "more", but more isn't necessarily better, and I know MANY people who have that "more' who aren't happy.

Love the "outside compared to inside" idea.

We live in an area just outside of a very affluent town. People who actually live in the town are, for the most part, doctors, lawyers, etc. My DS goes to high school with them. While I'm sure there are many very happy families there, I would say from talking to him that about 75% of the kids of those families use drugs or alcohol, their parents are hardly home (if you're going to have that kind of money, you usually have to work long hours), they are very superficial and materialistic, and the divorce rate is ridiculously high.

Obviously this is not the case for all people who have a high income! I'm just saying - if you were to look at their homes, their clothes, their vacations - yeah - it looks great! But look on the inside,,,,, no thanks.

[Homemaker]

We all have that feeling sometimes. Go trough and read all the prayer requests in the forum. Realize that things could be alot worse and focus any time you feel those envious feelings on praying for someone who is going through a rough time.

[Lizzie in Ma]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Chris' date=' years ago I heard the saying that you're comparing other people's outsides with your insides. I won't use SWB as an example, :tongue_smilie: but when you pass that picture perfect house all decked out for the holidays and the children all dressed beautifully with not a hair out of place, etc., what you see is the outside. What you don't see are the struggles we all have. Whether it be a sick relative, bills, worries, the past, heavy workloads, loneliness, problems with the children, etc., etc.. You have no idea, but people may be looking at your life from the outside and thinking the same thing. ;) We've each got our blessings and we've each got our challenges, and sufferings. As I'm sure you've heard, if everyone threw their total package into a pile, and you got to pick one, you'd choose your own. :)

 

Just wanted to add that I know you've got more than your share of struggles. Trust in Him. He loves you.[/quote']

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Night Elf]

Well, sometimes what works for me is to truly focus on the things I have and why they are so good. I can sometimes have a hard time on this board reading about people being pregnant, having babies, and selling their houses. I finally learned to accept that my youngest who is 14 is really going to be my youngest forever. It took me 11 years to accept that! And I dream of selling this house and moving into one that suits us better. That isn't going to happen unless we want to take a huge financial loss and DH would never in a million years even consider that.

 

When my thoughts start wandering to what I don't have, I focus on how wonderful my children are and how lucky I am to be their mom. I focus on the fact that I actually have a house that is in good condition and that we can easily afford (meaning our mortgage payments are low because we purposefully bought much less of a house than the realtor was pushing for).

 

I could have more, it's true, but then again, I could also have less. I suppose it's a mind game. I'm not a positive thinker by nature so I have to work hard at staying positive.

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

[elegantlion]

Don't be ashamed, don't fall into the thinking of they deserve it because they worked hard for it and I don't deserve it because I'm ______ (fill in the blank).

Are you on Pinterest? It seems all the posts there are about what others have and I don't.

 

I'm not where I want to be either. I get it. But I also can't wake up one morning with everything as I imagined it 20 years ago either, believe me I've tried.

 

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to get up out of bed and move. We try again each day, try to feel blessed under the loads we bare. Try to smile and appreciate the joy others are experiencing. Sometimes we hide in our closet and lick our wounds or scream at God for seeming to "trust" us with so much. But we keep moving and every morning try again. That's a superpower, you have it, and you deserve a cape to go with it.

 

Here's a few to choose from:

 

[tiffanieh]

It's so easy to look what other's have and want that for yourself, to not feel contentment at your current situation. I even covet my "old" life...before the economy downturn. We made a LOT of money during those years, lived high on the hog, built our dream home (5400 sq. ft), no car payments, no credit cards, and now we live in a 1100 sq. ft. rental home with no central air/heat, no dishwasher, carpet EVERYWHERE (including the kitchen and all bathrooms), yada yada yada! But I have to continue to think about how worse it could have been, I think about those in the depression era, I think about my family being together, healthy, having a roof over our head, etc..

 

Also...I remember once coveting what I thought my friend's husband was like. He seemed super spiritual, one of those guys that would eagerly take work vacation in order to take his kids to church camp and be a camp counselor, one who wanted to lead a Sunday School class....I would compare him to my husband and measure them up against each other. You know what I found out? Behind closed doors he verbally abuses his wife and kids! On the "outside" he's all sticky sweet, doting and "spiritual", but when no one is looking he's so far from being the hands and feet of Jesus. it taught me a fast lesson to 1. NEVER compare 2. you really don't KNOW someone like you think you do

[Denisemomof4]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

When we compare, we will likely despair. :sad:

 

It is understandable and we all do it at times. ALL of us. But just remember how you started your post:

 

I have such a privileged life--I should be just over the moon with gratefulness

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I have a few things in my life that I never wanted nor would ever wish upon anyone. Sometimes I despair but I do try to stay strong. I fail at times, as do you, and then we just go on.

[Sneezyone]

I threw one of these parties for myself a couple of weeks ago. My go-to-solution, always, is music. I loaded up my iPod with my favorite songs of praise. Over two days, I went for a long drive, a long walk, had a good cry or two and a much-needed nap and the feeling did recede (it always does with a little intercession from above). For me focusing on something else, like praise and worship, helps adjust my attitude. :grouphug:

[Parrothead]

It is apples and oranges, Chris. There is nothing that says one can't be grateful for what one has and be envious of what another has. (At least if one doesn't bring one's religion into the equation.)

 

Find your gratitude in your children. In your spouse. In the fact that you are alive and have the ability to change if that is what you want to do.

 

Then be envious. But if it is at all possible make that envy work for you. I don't know what part of the photos makes you envy. If it is the fact that the farm is lovely and you'd like to live on one like it, well, sell off what you have and buy a farm. You'll have to realize that it is a great deal of work and you'll have to work at it every day. (This is the part that usually brings my envy up short. I don't want to work that hard every day. Then I go back to being grateful for what I have.)

 

If it is some other aspect of SWBs lifestyle, well, go get it. Work hard. Make your life into what it is you want. :grouphug:

[Desert Rat]

I agree with this. My dad always says, "You're sad about not having shoes, until you meet the man who has no feet."

I use that quote a lot. I live a grateful life and I try to think of the reason I don't have things that others do. It usually comes down to choice.

I chose a smaller house so I could stay home with my kids for 10 years. We chose less family vacations and fancy electronics so we could homeschool our kids.

If that doesn't work, I think of how horrible that 4,000 sq ft. beautiful monstrosity my friends just moved into must be to clean and care for and how high their power bill must be and how they have to buy lots of furniture to fill it and decorate it. :) I'm not above tricking my brain into thinking I don't want it.

Most days I don't.

I guess I still have that 18 month layoff pretty fresh in my head. We were DIRT poor. Scary poor. So after that experience, now doesn't seem so bad.

[swellmomma]

What if what you are envious about those people is not the stuff they have? WHile that certainly impacts things my envy is different than that. Stuff I have never been too focused on, but I am still envious of those that get to live the life I dreamed of having. There is no way to change things to reach that life either.

[Parrothead]

What if what you are envious about those people is not the stuff they have? WHile that certainly impacts things my envy is different than that. Stuff I have never been too focused on, but I am still envious of those that get to live the life I dreamed of having. There is no way to change things to reach that life either.

You are young. You could change whatever aspects of your life that need changing. It would take a lot of hard work and dedication but it could be done.

[MariannNOVA]

Don't be ashamed, don't fall into the thinking of they deserve it because they worked hard for it and I don't deserve it because I'm ______ (fill in the blank).

Are you on Pinterest? It seems all the posts there are about what others have and I don't.

 

I'm not where I want to be either. I get it. But I also can't wake up one morning with everything as I imagined it 20 years ago either, believe me I've tried.

 

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to get up out of bed and move. We try again each day, try to feel blessed under the loads we bare. Try to smile and appreciate the joy others are experiencing. Sometimes we hide in our closet and lick our wounds or scream at God for seeming to "trust" us with so much. But we keep moving and every morning try again. That's a superpower, you have it, and you deserve a cape to go with it.

 

Here's a few to choose from:

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

When we compare, we will likely despair. :sad:

 

It is understandable and we all do it at times. ALL of us. But just remember how you started your post:

 

I have such a privileged life--I should be just over the moon with gratefulness

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I have a few things in my life that I never wanted nor would ever wish upon anyone. Sometimes I despair but I do try to stay strong. I fail at times, as do you, and then we just go on.

 

 

I think that everyone has asked great questions and made excellent points here -- i've quoted two above that really resonate with me.

 

Can I share? I have probably spent most of my life feeling the way Chris articulated in her post. It is only the past few years that I have dug deep to try to find the 'root' of those feelings.

 

Backtrack: My first marriage was the marriage from H*LL -- literally. We WERE the Christmas Card photo family -- I am NOT saying that everyone who sends those out are hiding things or are not picture perfect, but things were so dysfunctional and so awful that all I knew was how it SHOULD look, and I COULD copy that. AGAIN: I am not saying that picture perfect means it IS hiding anything -- just saying that pefect photos do not mean that 24 hours a day, 7 days a week everything is hunky dory. I CAN now send out adorable picture perfect looking holiday cards - and I do. Does it mean we do not have pain and hurt and worries and sadness? no, it doesn't. And, I do have to say that the stuff i deal with now is more 'normal' than what I used to deal with -- I can send out the photos and the smiles are real, and the wishes are real. With the hatred, abuse, dysfunction, etc in the first marriage, it was ALL a front. Now, we can smile even with all the stuff going on - which I think is fairly typical (although at times weighty) stuff.

 

Second - my looking at anyone and anything and not being happy with my own life was drilled into me by my mom. She had EVERYTHING! Amazing, loving husband, two healthy children, her own health, siblings, EVERYTHING and she was never happy! She was ALWAYS looking for what she wanted next -- never happy with what she had -- and I am not saying that this is anyone here -- I am merely saying that I now recognize that my feelings that have been similar to Chris' were rooted in what I saw in my mom. If I got into law school, she wanted to know why I didn't get into med school. If I got into a school rated 3rd, she wanted to know why I didn't get into the school rated 2nd. If I got into the school rated 2nd, she wanted to know why I didn't get into the school rated 1st.

 

When I stopped and saw where the roots of my discontent were, I was able to rip out those roots and find a place of contentment and peace.

 

Also, my world was rocked three years ago -- rocked like off the richter scale. I spent 18 mos functioning like a robot -- then I read Nakia's post here and it jolted me into action (bless her).

 

Things really were put into perspective for me then -- I daresay that some years ago, I would see what others have or do or have accomplished and I would feel demeaned by it and envious and want to know 'why can't I have good things in my life?'

 

For me personally, I am not talking about anyone here, and I am not saying that anyone else's feelings were rooted as deeply as mine, getting rid of the roots (i.e., learning that I had been hearing my mother since I was a kid) helped me.

 

Not to say that I don't backslide - not to say that I have it conquered or even solved, but spending tons of time in prayer (for me, a simple 'Lord have mercy on my soul') is a way for me (I said for me) to get the focus back up on the Lord and off of whatever CAN eat away at me if I let it --and I am NOT saying that anyone here is letting anything eat away at them.

 

I had a day this week when I was in the dumps -- maybe just overwhelmed. And, yesterday I walked out of Church in the a.m., really hurt by something that a former very close friend had said -- I had to work hard to get rid of all of it -- just saying that THIS is me.

(((hugs)))

[Teachin'Mine]

I agree with this. My dad always says, "You're sad about not having shoes, until you meet the man who has no feet."

I use that quote a lot. I live a grateful life and I try to think of the reason I don't have things that others do. It usually comes down to choice.

I chose a smaller house so I could stay home with my kids for 10 years. We chose less family vacations and fancy electronics so we could homeschool our kids.

If that doesn't work, I think of how horrible that 4,000 sq ft. beautiful monstrosity my friends just moved into must be to clean and care for and how high their power bill must be and how they have to buy lots of furniture to fill it and decorate it. :) I'm not above tricking my brain into thinking I don't want it.

Most days I don't.

I guess I still have that 18 month layoff pretty fresh in my head. We were DIRT poor. Scary poor. So after that experience, now doesn't seem so bad.

 

Chris, helping others who are in desperate need is another way to get true gratitude very quickly. It's all relative. There will always be people who have more, have it easier, have it "better", but there's also the 95% plus in this world who have it so much worse.

[ktgrok]

I just think about how lucky I am to have hot water, a roof over my head, and enough food to feed my family. That puts me in the wealthiest group in the world.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Don't be ashamed, don't fall into the thinking of they deserve it because they worked hard for it and I don't deserve it because I'm ______ (fill in the blank).

Are you on Pinterest? It seems all the posts there are about what others have and I don't.

 

I'm not where I want to be either. I get it. But I also can't wake up one morning with everything as I imagined it 20 years ago either, believe me I've tried.

 

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to get up out of bed and move. We try again each day, try to feel blessed under the loads we bare. Try to smile and appreciate the joy others are experiencing. Sometimes we hide in our closet and lick our wounds or scream at God for seeming to "trust" us with so much. But we keep moving and every morning try again. That's a superpower, you have it, and you deserve a cape to go with it.

 

Here's a few to choose from:

 

 

I haven't read all the responses yet, but I just wanted to say that this was beautiful and really hit home!

[Cassy]

But if it is at all possible make that envy work for you. I don't know what part of the photos makes you envy. If it is the fact that the farm is lovely and you'd like to live on one like it, well, sell off what you have and buy a farm. You'll have to realize that it is a great deal of work and you'll have to work at it every day. (This is the part that usually brings my envy up short. I don't want to work that hard every day. Then I go back to being grateful for what I have.)

 

If it is some other aspect of SWBs lifestyle, well, go get it. Work hard. Make your life into what it is you want. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: SWB is inspirational. To be able to touch others' lives like she has is what I would most envy. I was ready to give up on homeschooling before I read the WTM, but have continued, and, with the help of the wonderful people on this forum, have had a successful, happy three years homeschooling. If I were feeling envious, I would try to turn the energy of the envy to doing something that could impact the lives of others in some similar way.

 

Cassy

[AvasMom]

I was there as well during the writers workshop and it is indeed beautiful. However, it is still a farm and a farm involves animal poop, dirt, etc., things I am not a fan of so envy isn't a problem there. ;) Are you sure you aren't just envious of the serene scene of the farm rather than the reality of farm life? For me, it's like looking at photos of Tasha Tudor's home. It is beautiful with a cottage and tons of flowers. I would love to live there but the reality is that a home like that doesn't just happen, it involves a lot of work and dedication. It isn't envy I feel when I see those pics but definitely admiration. SWB and her family have busted tail for several generations to have that farm. I think they are amazing but I can admire it from afar without feeling inadequate myself.

[Mergath]

I just think about how lucky I am to have hot water, a roof over my head, and enough food to feed my family. That puts me in the wealthiest group in the world.

 

:iagree: I can feed my daughter, and feed her good, healthy food and clean water. I don't have to worry about genocide or tribal warfare taking her from me. I know that she'll get an excellent education and have a million opportunities.

 

If I ever find myself envious of someone else's life, keeping in mind a worldwide perspective leaves me feeling extraordinarily grateful once again.

[MamaT]

Don't be ashamed, don't fall into the thinking of they deserve it because they worked hard for it and I don't deserve it because I'm ______ (fill in the blank).

Are you on Pinterest? It seems all the posts there are about what others have and I don't.

 

I'm not where I want to be either. I get it. But I also can't wake up one morning with everything as I imagined it 20 years ago either, believe me I've tried.

 

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to get up out of bed and move. We try again each day, try to feel blessed under the loads we bare. Try to smile and appreciate the joy others are experiencing. Sometimes we hide in our closet and lick our wounds or scream at God for seeming to "trust" us with so much. But we keep moving and every morning try again. That's a superpower, you have it, and you deserve a cape to go with it.

 

Here's a few to choose from:

 

 

I love this. Chris, I think those are feelings everyone has at times. It's part of being human. We have had a really rough couple of years - financially and emotionally. I have had way too many of those feelings. I try to look around and appreciate the things that I do have. Some days it's harder than others.

[-M-]

How do you stay grateful for what you have when it is not what you wanted? I feel so ashamed of myself.

 

Acknowledging that what you have -- however plentiful and good -- is not what you wanted is nothing to be ashamed of. On the contrary, it's a great starting place for productive self-evaluation.

 

Sometimes what we wanted, dreamed, imagined for our adult lives when we were in our late teens and early twenties is not entirely compatible with the choices we made along the way or with the the "stuff" that happened (beyond our control -- e.g., an economic downturn, for example, a pandemic, a zombie apocalypse, etc.).

 

While some of us have precisely what we thought we wanted, others of us arrive at middle age and do not. Frankly, both parties may wonder, What the heck happened? After all, those who have what they thought they wanted may question themselves just as readily as those who don't. What does your twenty-year-old self know about what you-now wants, anyway?

 

Heh, heh, heh.

 

I guess if I felt as you do, I would ask myself, Even if this is not what I wanted then, is it what I want now? And if it's not? Then I'd ask, What can I do and/or change so that I get what I want?

 

I don't pretend to know your life circumstances, but I do believe that many people arrive at the midpoint of their narrative and realize, finally realize, that it ends, and that maybe the story isn't going they way that had hoped. It's not unkind to suggest that this feeling may be fleeting and may require nothing more than a hug, a cup of tea, and the assertion that it will pass. If it is not, however, it's also not unkind to suggest that now is the time to effect change. We can't rewrite the earlier chapters, but the rest of our stories are untold. Put down the words you want.

Edited May 10, 2012 by Mental multivitamin

[melissad2]

:grouphug:

I know exactly how you feel.

[MrsMe]

Can I add to your uncontentedness? You know when you go to the homeschool convention and listen to the speakers and they tell you not to believe all that about the children happily doing their schoolwork, all being able to play an instrument and all dressed alike, clean and tidy with smiling faces? Yeah, then their families walk in and they're a spitt'in image. And the publications they put out are the same. Grrrr.

 

Anyway...yes. I can commiserate with you, especially at 50 when things are not exactly where I'd like to be at at this time in my life. Ack! I'm no help.

Edited May 10, 2012 by alilac

[justamouse]

Such good comments. You all are so amazing.

 

Chris, :grouphug:

[Halftime Hope]

I agree with some of what the other posters have said, that often the disappointment is about the people in our lives and about who they have become or who they've turned out to be. When we find ourselves inextricably linked to them and powerless to change them and their effect on our lives, then we grieve.

 

That is where I am in life right now. It is not at all what I had dreamed my life would be. So I am confronting the loss of a dream, the death of a vision, and it isn't easy.

 

I really appreciate MFS' post. I do have the power to change who I am, to control how I respond, to be a person known for X, Y, Z qualities in spite of the circumstances around me.

 

I may not have what I envisioned, but I do have control over who I am within my reality, by God's enabling grace.

 

That is what those dearest to me will remember me for.

[Liz CA]

Very well expressed. Something to remember. It's been true for me many times. Once I get to know someone better I usually see where their pains and struggles are because nobody's life is a walk in the park.

[Soror]

Oh, I know that feeling. I hate being envious. When I examine things I do realize we are blessed. I realize we are living out our own values but that doesn't always line up with the dream world in my head though. Dh and I considered selling this year to buy a farm/acreage. I posted on here but after weighing the pros and cons the fantasy didn't match the reality or put our highest goals at the top. It doesn't stop the envy at times. The guilt from the envy is worse than the guilt itself though

[Acorn]

I can relate. I don't know what to do with my envy. Some of it might be post traumatic stress from dh's heart attack but I feel that we just can't find solid footing right now.

[UnsinkableKristen]

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.†Card Bard

 

 

 

 

 

:grouphug:

[J-rap]

For some reason I went through a period of about 10 years when I was completely obsessed with reading books about the Holocaust and other wartime experiences. That has helped me appreciate what I have - even in the midst of extreme struggles -- more than anything else.

 

Also, a realization that I can change things in my own life if I really want to. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut of "it is what it is," but we often do have the ability to make changes in our lives, which will bring us more contentedness. Sometimes just small changes can give us better perspective.

[Parrothead]

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.†Card Bard

 

I like that. A lot.

[Denisemomof4]

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.†Card Bard

 

 

 

 

 

:grouphug:

 

I have been looking for a quote to stencil above a window. I wanted something that really struck me.

 

I think I have found my quote. Thanks!!!

[elegantlion]

I think part of it is WE can change, it's the other people in our lives that don't wish to or can't. They are a part of us and we get envious/hurt because in part they define who we are or what we're able to do, if that makes sense. Not that we are ultimately defined by other peoples decisions, but they help mold our lives.

 

For the last few years I've felt like I must be the liquid the fills in the vase around the rock and sand. I'm tired, I need a long term break, but when I step away the whole thing seems to fall apart. For instance dh is off for a few days because he's been sick, he was in the hospital overnight for a possible heart issue. I'm sick, but wasn't able to stop and be sick until yesterday. Ds has decided that school is not on the agenda because I'm not pushing him and have no strength to. Dh went fishing, we need groceries, and I'd like some saltines and a 7up. So now we'll end up with an extra week of school most likely, which cuts into the plans *I* had for June. I had a few good things this last week, but can't really feel the joy of them because of all of the other stress.

 

I come here and it is nice to know that others are experiencing the same thing. I like to hear the good things too, really I do.

[Dolphin]

I was there as well during the writers workshop and it is indeed beautiful. However, it is still a farm and a farm involves animal poop, dirt, etc., things I am not a fan of so envy isn't a problem there. ;) Are you sure you aren't just envious of the serene scene of the farm rather than the reality of farm life? For me, it's like looking at photos of Tasha Tudor's home. It is beautiful with a cottage and tons of flowers. I would love to live there but the reality is that a home like that doesn't just happen, it involves a lot of work and dedication. It isn't envy I feel when I see those pics but definitely admiration. SWB and her family have busted tail for several generations to have that farm. I think they are amazing but I can admire it from afar without feeling inadequate myself.

 

:iagree: I really wanted to move to the country and 5 acres, then a friend who has 5 acres talked to me about how much work it is. I am just not a morning person, and I am not a fan of bugs. I would not do well on 5 acres in the country.

 

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.†Card Bard

 

 

 

 

 

:grouphug:

This is great!

 

You know the whole pro/con list. I try to only look at the con side a couple of times a year, and see what I could change and improve on. I try and focus on my pro list daily. Anytime I feel envious I start counting my blessings. It always cheers me up.

I have a house

I stay home with my children

I love and am loved by my husband

etc....

 

I was having to work hard at it for awhile, really count them everyday. Now it is easier. A few of the things I envied have fallen apart over the past year and made me realize I really was looking at the outside. :grouphug::grouphug:

 

Side note, how are your vitamin D levels?

[MariannNOVA]

I have felt that way before. Like things go well so long as I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Nobody lifts me up when my chin hits the floor. That's downright difficult.

 

 

Well put. And I liked the way elegantlion described herself as the 'stuff' that hold the pieces of the vase together. :iagree::iagree::iagree:

Yup, that's me.

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

I have such a privileged life--I should be just over the moon with gratefulness, but I just saw Heidi's lovely pictures of SWB's farm, family and life, and burst into tears.

 

How do you stay grateful for what you have when it is not what you wanted? I feel so ashamed of myself.

 

:grouphug: Chris :grouphug:

 

If I learned ANYTHING this weekend with four BIG book-writing, world-traveling bloggers and SWB, it is that no one has it all. Even if it looks like it. And everyone sacrifices something for their priorities. And we can't control everything even if we try.

 

I'm just little old me (no books, no business blog, no world travels, not even a college degree), but I have wonderful things in my life that I wouldn't trade for anything.

[Mom-ninja.]

:grouphug:

 

I'm not an envious person, but we all have times we suffer from envy. It's normal.

 

I envy everyone who can afford paying for cleaning service in their homes.

 

I really envy women who have good relationships with their moms. I often wonder what it's like.

 

 

It's okay to feel envy at times. Just don't let it consume you. Focus on the good things you love in your life. Even little things.

[butterflymommy]

I am rarely envious or jealous. I used to get the feeling you describe when I saw people of a particular religion that I have always been drawn to but can never be a part of. Just this gnawing, painful, grieving jealousy.

 

I've since learned (and I'm NOT saying this is the case with SWB family) that the perfect scene of what you see on the outside is usually far from what exists on the inside. There is almost always some kind of pain or ugliness beneath surfaces that is a universal equalizer. Sometimes the most picture perfect scenes are the saddest underneath. And rarely they're not-- in which case we should be very glad for those people because they have managed to be an anomaly within the human condition.

 

I no longer feel that kind of jealousy for the religious sect because I've since heard many sad and sordid tales about what goes on in their private lives. Not all of them-- but enough for me to know it's not perfect, and chances are many people within that sect are envious of ME for being outside of it.

[Momma H]

I really prefer to try and remember what I heard someone say once about comparing yourself to anyone. Either way it is damaging. You either feel bad about yourself if you come up short or you feel haughty because you are being prideful. It is best just not to do it at all, or at least remember that the act of comparing yourself is damaging. Now I do personally believe if you do it in a way where you are learning something from someone to better yourself, it is different. I am just talking about strait up comparing, not recognizing something that would be helpful comparing.

[myfunnybunch]

I have such a privileged life--I should be just over the moon with gratefulness, but I just saw Heidi's lovely pictures of SWB's farm, family and life, and burst into tears.

 

How do you stay grateful for what you have when it is not what you wanted? I feel so ashamed of myself.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

You are totally normal. I think we all feel like that sometimes.

 

I got a little bit of a perspective check when I had a conversation with my sister about how she perceived my life, and how I perceived hers. One of us has more money for the kids to do activities; one of us has a country life with lots of space for the kids to run. One of us has a busy husband who talks to her and listens to her and prays with her when he's home; one of us has a husband who helps around the house and is often home but is emotionally distant. It was an interesting, challenging conversation, and a short one, but gave me a lot of food for thought.

 

It hasn't really changed my feelings of envy, honestly, but it gives me a peg to hand my prayers on at least....if that makes sense.

 

Cat

[Soror]

I notice as well that I tend to idolize all the best parts of different people's lives. I want the big farm but I don't want to spend the money or take on the debt. I would love the kids do all these activities but there is a huge expense, not to mention the chaos from being gone all the time, increasing stress levels and a reduction of family time. There are trade-offs for everything and I try to remind myself why we've made the choices we've made. I also am trying to work on ignoring other people and not letting their perceptions skew our family's values(because I worry far too much about what others think and too little about what God thinks, His standards are the ultimate judge of rather or life is of value and rather we live in a farm or in the city matters none to him, neither one of them is intrinsically holy) .

Edited May 10, 2012 by soror

[PrincessMommy]

I have such a privileged life--I should be just over the moon with gratefulness, but I just saw Heidi's lovely pictures of SWB's farm, family and life, and burst into tears.

 

How do you stay grateful for what you have when it is not what you wanted? I feel so ashamed of myself.

 

:grouphug:I don't have any good answers for you. I think it's a constant battle that many of us fight.

[ereks mom]

...when you pass that picture perfect house all decked out for the holidays and the children all dressed beautifully with not a hair out of place' date=' etc., what you see is the outside. What you don't see are the struggles ... [/quote']

 

:iagree: This is what I have to keep telling myself when I get to feeling like Chris does. It's SO hard sometimes though!

 

:grouphug:

Edited May 10, 2012 by ereks mom

[Mommyfaithe]

Can I add to your uncontentedness? You know when you go to the homeschool convention and listen to the speakers and they tell you not to believe all that about the children happily doing their schoolwork, all being able to play an instrument and all dressed alike, clean and tidy with smiling faces? Yeah, then their families walk in and they're a spitt'in image. And the publications they put out are the same. Grrrr.

 

Anyway...yes. I can commiserate with you, especially at 50 when things are not exactly where I'd like to be at at this time in my life. Ack! I'm no help.

 

:iagree::iagree: me either. :grouphug::grouphug:

[Hilltop]

:grouphug:

I can relate. Such wise words have already been shared, but I'll add Theodore Roosevelt's, "Comparison is the thief of joy."