Church

[freeindeed]

:001_unsure: Church...my little one & I haven't been in months due to her "issues." I really also feel like my church (and more than likely most others) is not conducive for nor equipped for serving the special needs community. Any suggestions/ideas? BTW, I'd love to trade off with my husband & take turns staying home with our daughter, but he's an integral part of most of what takes place at church. Help!

[chepyl]

What are her needs? Can she sit with you in service? Sit at the back and take her out If she becomes disruptive. Since your husband works at the church, can he talk to the nursery/children's church coordinators?

[merry gardens]

While not all of mine have special needs, all have been babies and toddlers. For what it's worth, here are some things that work for us.

 

Make it part of a regular routine. We go to church every Sunday without fail, (except in the case of illness.) Following church service, we usually have brunch at home. I know of other people with routines that include donuts or other special treats after church. It's not exactly a bribe; it's more like church get associated with nice things.

 

Dress up--but make sure it's comfortable! Nothing itchy or stiff, but simply nicer clothes than everyday. Pay attention to any particular sensory issues. Silky fabrics might be more enjoyable for some children--my neuro-typcial daughters love it. Schools that require uniforms claim better clothes bring out better behavior--and I think that can be the case in church too.

 

Be ready to exit if needed, but not too quickly. It's a fine line. You don't want to teach them that if they act up, they get to leave...but then again, you want to teach them to behave in church and don't want to annoy everyone around you.

 

Sit in front. I know, it may seem counter-intuitive, but by sitting in front, children can see what's happening. That's more interesting than the back of someone's head.

 

I don't know your theological viewpoint on art in church, but I find art in church generally to be very special needs friendly. My church fills our worship spaces with interesting and beautiful art that tells the gospel story without words. A child (or adult for that matter) who is illiterate or unable to follow along with the words in the sermon, readings and prayers can look at pictures and images.

 

Nursery or cry room. I have mixed feelings on those. I use them as a last resort, but there have been times when we regularly used them.

 

I hope some of this helps. :)

Edited April 22, 2012 by merry gardens

[PeterPan]

:001_unsure: Church...my little one & I haven't been in months due to her "issues." I really also feel like my church (and more than likely most others) is not conducive for nor equipped for serving the special needs community. Any suggestions/ideas? BTW, I'd love to trade off with my husband & take turns staying home with our daughter, but he's an integral part of most of what takes place at church. Help!

 

Well you might look further outside of your tradition to see if there's a church with an environment where she *could* fit in. Some churches are a little more casual, have chairs instead of pews, or tolerate more noise (thanks to a noisier service). Alternately, see if you can connect with a women's Bible study or monthly moms meeting that would offer child care. That way you would have something for *you*.

 

If this is an ongoing thing and not because of your only health, only the dc, I'd probably have a chat with the dh about alternating. ;)

[Heathermomster]

:001_unsure: Church...my little one & I haven't been in months due to her "issues." I really also feel like my church (and more than likely most others) is not conducive for nor equipped for serving the special needs community. Any suggestions/ideas? BTW, I'd love to trade off with my husband & take turns staying home with our daughter, but he's an integral part of most of what takes place at church. Help!

 

Is your DH a Pastor or youth leader? Leadership should be helping your family. Can't your Church secure a paid worker?

 

ETA: My Church hires women that attend the local 7th Day Adventist Church. These sweet ladies worship on Saturday so we aren't taking away from their worship time.

Edited April 23, 2012 by Heathermomster

[funnygirl]

One of my college roommates writes a blog about special needs ministries. You might browse through her stuff and see if you find some ideas.

 

http://theinclusivechurch.wordpress.com/

 

Now that my dd is in the youth group we haven't been active. She LOVED our children's ministry, which was VERY hands-on. Youth activities have unfortunately been much more "adult", mostly due to our youth minister. He has just resigned, though, so I'm hopeful we might get someone doing more "fun" things again. We need to be at church, I just can't get there.

[Gisele Marie]

Is it a large church? Maybe you can post in the bulletin -looking for other parents of special needs to get ideas on how to serve each other. Or- maybe you can post to find someone with a big heart who can help you on Sundays!

Bless you!

[Finnella]

I ended up changing churches (and denomination) for a better church environment. My old church wasn't child friendly for any children. It was awful taking my older son there. My younger son was very hyperactive as a toddler and taking him anywhere near the church was not possible. (There was the disastrous Christmas Eve service when they closed the cry room, and I spent the entire service in the rec building for over an hour. He never stopped screaming.)

 

We're not active now because of my health, but we were fortunate to find a small church near us that was very welcoming and accommodating. My DS didn't need lots of special support at that age, but we got what we needed. For example, he still wanted to leave with the little kids after the children's sermon so he would spend the rest of the service with the kids and not in the sanctuary. No one minded, and he eventually decided he'd stay with his older brother.

 

In my experience, bigger churches can provide more programs. That can be a plus if you need lots of support and accommodations. Smaller churches give more opportunity for connecting with other individuals. In the smaller church, my child wasn't a "problem" anymore. He was the sweet kid who'd follow the big kids to the front of the church to sing along with them.

 

My only regret is not changing churches sooner. My older son had some negative experiences that carried over into his attitudes towards church in general and Christianity.

[LostSurprise]

There seem to be two paths to this: a large church with an organized special needs program (usually because someone with knowledge of this subject begins, organizes, and works it) and smaller churches who strive to be inclusive by being completely accepting. In the second type there are no special classes or lessons, but people are very accepting of the individuals and situations they present.

 

We currently attend the first church. There is a special needs Sunday school and lots of other support. Unfortunately this is pretty rare. It takes volunteers and someone who has the knowledge AND time (rare) to run it. The other kind are more numerous. I've known several churches like that...it takes a certain culture. And even when everyone is really accepting that doesn't mean that classes and clubs will be held at the child's level (or that all teachers will be comfortable with your child's needs.

[freeindeed]

Thank you all for the replies. It's kind of hard to describe our church situation. We are a new church plant, very small in number, don't even have a building (although we have one in which we usually meet), my dh is not a paid worker, and lots of other "stuff" is going on as well. Currently we're praying about making a switch...but it's hard. There are some other things as well, but I don't feel comfortable sharing them on a public forum. Once again thank you all. You have definitely given me some food for thought.