Lovedtodeath Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 What to do? We want to help this kid but he/she is the only bad influence in my kids lives. I feel that he/she comes over too often... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I was in that situation w/Diva a few yrs ago. I knew the kid's home life wasn't the greatest...parents bought her everything, but never spent time w/her at all. I tried to help...had her over, did things w/her and Diva, but when I caught her making nasty remarks about Wolf and I, then trying to bully the Littles, it was game over. I also heard her bragging about talking her boyfriend into letting her perform o**l s*x. I banned her. Diva wasn't happy at first, but as time went on, and this kid got more and more out of control, she came to me and thanked me. My first responsibility is to my children. I can't sacrifice my kids happiness and well being in an attempt to help someone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 I knew the kid's home life wasn't the greatest... I tried to help...had her over, did things w/her and Diva, but when I caught her making nasty remarks about Wolf and I, then trying to bully the Littles, it was game over. Yes to all of the above, plus exposing DD to talk about kissing, boyfriends, sex... things my daughter gets no other exposure to. She has no dad, gets very little attention from her mom, who sleeps a lot, and also misses meals. We have tried to help her but the bad situations are just getting worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I let them know the house rules; when they break them, they are sent home and they are not invited back for several months. Older ds has a male friend who wants to talk about sex. It's quite common in his culture to do so, but if he wants to be a guest in my home, he has to learn to go by my culture's rules. He also likes to brag about speeding etc, so my kid is banned from being a passenger of his. His parents are appreciative of my help in getting the kid to realize that when one is operating in another culture, there are consequences to not obeying the rules. We will all be happy when the teen knucklehead phase passes, but it makes us sad that it is affecting his college choices. If it had been just inappropriate discussions, I would have likely followed the same as you've done. But, when someone makes my Littles afraid, buh bye. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 I've banned wanna-be friends for violence, mostly towards a sibling of the child they are visiting. So many parents just do not teach conflict resolution or emotional control....I don't have the time to do it for them.I am thinking that if I step in to parent this child more it will help one way or another. Either she will start to respect me or she will stop coming by so often. ;) What do you think? Another problem though is that I never get a break from my kids and usually a playdate is somewhat a break because they have someone else to etertain them. This kid though adds to the noise, stress, workload instead of reducing it like most kids who come to play. Can anyone relate to that at all? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I am thinking that if I step in to parent this child more it will help one way or another. Either she will start to respect me or she will stop coming by so often. ;) What do you think? Another problem though is that I never get a break from my kids and usually a playdate is somewhat a break because they have someone else to etertain them. This kid though adds to the noise, stress, workload instead of reducing it like most kids who come to play. Can anyone relate to that at all? I can identify with the part about getting a little break by having more kids in the house. That's why I happily host a monthly HS play date at my home for people in our neighborhood who HS. When I arrange smaller (not 30 kids and their 4-6 moms) play times, I do bring over children who can be a bit much as far as they way they talk or act, but I make those "dates" every couple of months and work on my kids' tendency to pick up negative characteristics in between. If the kid in question were like the ones mentioned above, no way Jose! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 Thanks. I am just trying to be charitable toward her, (oh and we do love her, she tries to be sweet despite her terrible upbringing) but I feel it is negatively impacting us in almost every way at this point. My daughter even said that she is afraid that this girl will ruin her birthday party by being mean. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 There have been a few kids that we have banned. More often it is my kids that are perceived to be the bad influences. With those families they have agreed to not ban my kids, often their kids are the only friends they have. So instead they impose rules about days. For example, ds seldom ever has more than 1 friend at a time. He doesn't understand that his friend would not want to hang out every day. SO the families usually say something like he can come play on Tuesdays and Saturdays (or their child comes here). That limits contact without banning him completely. He is not being a bad influence due to a lack of an involved parent etc it is because he struggles with social cues/norms, impulse control etc. Which means he gets into trouble at times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 Thank you so much for that perspective. I have been praying about it and did talk to her mom and we have agreed to limit the amount of time she spends here. DH and I will also make sure to keep a close eye on the kids, being in the yard or rooms with them and involved in what they are doing. Which yeah, is the opposite of what I expect from a typical playdate, but we just need to realize that is our choice to sacrifice for her and to teach our children how to be true friends and make peace with that instead of being resentful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
April Walker Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Your children should come first. I also have banned a "bad influence". It can be hard for them to understand Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted April 19, 2012 Author Share Posted April 19, 2012 The parent is welcome to stay and supervise/coach if the children want to play more.Oh no, I would rather I be the one teaching. ;) Yes to the rest though, thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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