Debbi in Texas Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 So sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellers Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I think the way you are feeling is completely normal. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 To Kari and everyone who has lost children, my thoughts are with you. My dh lost his father when he was 9. Even as an adult he would have bad trigger days. I don't think his family talked about it much, he never had a chance to process the grief. All these years later, he still has moments, but they come with a reflection of good memories. Sending you many ((HUGS))). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 Oh, Kari :grouphug: I also lost a son. Grief knows no logic, no timetable, no normal. It has been 16.5 years for me, and honestly, last year kicked me harder - out of the blue - than just about any other. It is something that no-one can ever really understand unless they have experienced it. I am praying for you. I am so sorry about your son. You are correct in that it is so hard to understand. One day or minute I have accepted this is my life and the next I am screaming in my mind that this simply cannot be true. Thank you so much for being so kind! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 :grouphug: I'm sorry. We just started year two. Our son died March 2011 in a car accident. Grief sucks. Everything sucks. I'm sorry. My son was killed in a car accident in May of 2010 as well. You are right - it just sucks! Thank you for your kind words. They do help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 :grouphug: Kari, there are no words. :grouphug: Remember when we agreed to pray for each other's boys? I still have your name beside Tyler's in my prayer journal, and continue to pray for you daily. I wish there was more I could do. I think of your son often. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 My heart goes out to you, Kari. I know you know how hard it is. I wish there was something we could do to make it better, but knowing I am not alone some how helps. Thank you for your kind words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Kari, I am so sorry for your loss. I am sad for you and will pray for peace and comfort for you in the midst of this difficult time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
runmiarun Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Praying for you today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 :grouphug: It's not irrational. The smallest realizations can be a locus of grief. I remember bursting into tears that I would never brush my little girl's hair. It doesn't seem like much would hang on that particular point, but that just seems like a sweet, nurturing action for a mother to brush her little girl's hair and it pained me to miss out on it. You are so right. There are all sorts of little things that make me nuts and some days I can deal with them. Then there are the others where I find it completely impossible to cope with them. Many blessings to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 :grouphug: You are living my nightmare. I am so sorry you are hurting. I also just turned 40, and knowing that my son will have an unnaturally short life and never see 40 himself weighed heavily upon me that day. He's only 11, but his muscular dystrophy has already robbed him of his ability to walk and will eventually attack his heart. I KNOW I'm blessed to still have him, but life is cruel and so very unfair. I am sorry for you today. I am so sorry. I do not wish this path on anyone. I can find and see joy despite it. I don't know why God had this in our plans, but I do trust that I will understand some day. Lots of hugs for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 I am so sorry for you. I never had that many years with my little boy so I don't know which hurts more. Imagining him here now or actually knowing what it was like. I just know your not alone and I hope your grief can be overshadowed by all the wonderful times you had with him. :grouphug: Thank you. I think it doesn't change your love and hurt if your child was young or older. We are both moms that miss our kids. Lots of hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 Kari, you've been coming into my mind a lot lately - the mom of Tim, who is 'fovever 21'. Did you celebrate his 21st? I'm so sorry that you're feeling the hurt badly right now...:grouphug:. Maybe you could celebrate his birthdays still with the ones that knew & loved him? Or write a letter or card each year chronicling your feelings for him, and keep it with your mementos of him. Someone on the other thread where a mom was missing her child, mentioned their tradition of letting balloons go on their child's birthday. But, please do know you are thought of, that even strangers think of you, and wonder how you are doing. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I was not able to be with him on his 21st birthday. He was stationed in the Army in Alaska at that time. He was killed a couple months later in a car accident. His last actual birthday that he was home was his 19th birthday. My mom and him share the same birthday. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 Happy Birthday Kari.My sister and I went out for a pub meal two weeks ago to celebrate my eldest's 18th. She didn't quite make it to her 17th after a very long illness. Today I had another crying day. I'm on my own today and looked through photos of my girls together' date=' listened to sad songs and just let the tears go most of the day. I need days like today though I'm publicly fine. I know nothing stops that empty ache.[/quote'] I am so sorry. You know exactly how I feel and I so wish you did not. I have so many good days, but it is always there. The feeling never leaves. I compare it to the feeling of when you lose your child in the store - that panicked, frantic feeling. It is always there - just sometimes hidden deep inside. Thank you for being so kind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 I am so sorry I didn't get back here to respond to your many kind and amazing responses. I did have a very nice day despite my heart. My daughter had an wonderful competition and afterwards we went out to dinner with our family and my mom and sister. I have so many people that love me no matter how crazy I am, but I just felt like if I came here - I wouldn't worry any of them even more. Thank you for being there for me. It means so much to have this place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Praying for you :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elinor Everywhere Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Kari, I'm so, so sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BridgeTea Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Dear, dear Kari. :grouphug: I think of you often, as I know others do. Celebrate, and grieve. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carpe Diem Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I remember. I am so sorry. Cyber hugs and real prayers for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I think of you almost daily. I am so sorry you are in such pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I am sorry to hear this. Will pray for your peace in your pain:grouphug::grouphug: Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I am trying so very hard to get through this day. I felt this way last year on my birthday too. This one is harder because I keep thinking he won't have a 25th or a 30th or a 40th. I know it is somewhat irrational. I realize that it is just a mark on the calendar. I know all the logical things. My heart doesn't though. I am a big birthday mom. Did parties every single year for each of my kids. And I just really wanna run away, but I can't. My daughter has a gymnastics competition in an hour and we are all going to celebrate that and then go have dinner. My family and friends are amazing and I have nothing to complain about in the world. But my heart hurts. So - instead of burdening my family more - I am just writing it here. Thanks for listening. ETA - and in one month from today he has been gone for 2 years. I guess it is just all coming in on me. :grouphug: So sorry. You are not irrational. You are a normal mom grieving the loss of her child. I am sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*LC Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 A friend whose son died as an infant once told me she often found the anticipation of the anniversary of the death, birthday, holiday, whatever day, worse than the actual day. I found that true this year as I faced a big anniversary where all the key dates fell on the exact same dates. This anniversary of his death was as "bad" as I feared it would be. Of course, it wasn't a good day, but it could have been worse. I am glad your birthday went okay. I will be praying for your extra hard as the anniversary of Tim's death approaches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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