WWYD? Professionals "opinions" and homeschooling

[Ecclecticmum]

Right now, I'm taking the higher road...that is avoiding the person :lol: and DH sees them instead, which he just sits their quietly.

 

BUT after what I was summaried about the last visit, I am :mad: seeing red. If I was their, I probably would of gone off my nut, which probably wouldn't have gone down well. Probably would of made things a lot worse actually, but I don't udnerstand what to do now.

 

Heres the recap:

 

My daughter has type 1 diabetes, so she has a diabetes educator. Shes been diagnosed for over a year and a half, so I don't understand why we still have an "educator" instead of just the doctor and rest of the team, but thats neither here nor there.

 

This lady gets my back up, as such, I decided its best to let DH deal with all visits with her. She doesn't know I have CFS as well as a host of other medical problems (IMO its none of her business), and basically blames any problems on me (without actually saying it, but you know the sort, holds eye contact/glares at you when re-iterating stuff etc), so she doesn't know/understand my daughter is not the only one with medical problems, and apparently we should be doing "rainbow" with everything, and be perfect. But we are not.

 

Anyhoo The Problem at hand:

 

Last session DD went in there for her checkup, and the lady seemed to spend most of the time interrogating my daughter! Asking her questions, and basically trying to make her perform like a gosh darn monkey!

 

Asking if we were still homeschooling (yes, just like we were the last time you asked), asking her if she could count (poor DD just started counting 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 etc) and asking if she could read! Then obviously getting annoyed because she couldn't! If she were in school, she probably wouldn't be reading either! and if she was, it word be sight words (DD went through ETC primers last year and is due to start AAR soon, she has some drama blending, we are hoping AAR will get her into reading). She directed all questions at DD totally ignoring DH (DH just stood back and let her interrogate DD, but I know DH just remains quiet in these sorts of settings, its basically why I prefer him to go). She just kept asking her more and more forcing questions, obviously trying to find everywhere we are failing and to show how bad a job we are doing!

 

I don't know what to do?

 

If I stay quiet about this, that means that its okay for her to just interrogate and use my daughter as a performing monkey (and that is NOT ok), BUT given who she is, we have to "make nice" to her, as she can make our lives a living hell. I also need to show some semblance that DD is doing well with homeschooling as elsewise she WILL find what she accounts as failings and will look into getting the head doctor to speak to us to try to talk us into putting DD into school.

 

Basically I have to try to find a way to appease her a little, make sure she knows DD IS learning, so she calms down on the whole forefront, without making too many waves.

 

Can anybody help?

 

UPDATE!! (ADDED IN AFTER INITIAL REPLIES)

I will add this into the initial post as well.

 

We take good care of my daughter. Everything is strictly controlled, our first and foremost thought is her health. Because of her age, she is constantly going on/off through growth spurts, which means she eats a lot more, dosage has to be adjusted etc (we adjust it ourselves now) basically we know exactly whats going in each and every day, but SHE doesn't. So she runs through each and every single meter readin asking why about each one that is not absolutely perfect (between 6-7.5 in her opinion, but its fine for the child to have anywhere from 4.5-10) and any readings above that mark were usually within the two hour time frame of eating (we may of taken a reading because she looked low, or to double check things etc)

 

I am sorry to those who have taken upon themselves to believe that the reason I wrote this was because I was NOT taking care of my daughter. I do not get where those assumations can from? :001_huh:

 

The reason surrounding the educator and the whole question: We live in Australia, so rules may be different here, I am honestly not sure why we still have an educator, and I don't really want to say something truely bad about her, but she does seem to be one of those people who likes to "micro-manage" when its not needed. She also was supposed to help us out at the very very beginning, and told us to contact her 24/7, half the time her phone was off and she wouldn't ring back till a day or two later and the other half the phone just rang out. She seems to like being in control of every possible situation, and really we are supposed to be seeing the doctor "her boss" more often, but apparently, he's a very busy man, so we see him twice a year, if that, shes the one who seems to take over the doctors duties. Any appointment that is supposed to be with him, is more likely to end up being with her. She is also in control (somehow, even though shes "not" on the official documents) of the rest of the team. So basically unless I can get ahold of the actual Dr (pretty impossible) she's the head honcho. We are also in a country area, making it hard to get to anywhere else, I believe this is the only Diabetes team for about 2 hours.

 

Reasons why we homeschool: Not that this seems to have anything to do with it, but ONE of the many, many reasons why we homeschool is that the school cannot legally inject with glucagon. If my daughter passes out, they would have to call an ambulance. There is also many other diabetes related problems with sending her to school. (BUT these aren't the only reasons we homeschool).

 

So: Above is all the info. She is basically head-honcho, I am just trying to diffuse the situation in a small town, without making it harder on my daughter or husband. I can look into trying to let her out of the loop, but until then I just need some strategies to :chillpill: her out. We have tried to go above and beyond, I spoke to her about getting a diabetes curriculum together for DD, to teach her all the things she needs to know, and help her start being a bit more independant, the educator originally was excited about this idea (or her version of excited anyway :tongue_smilie: ) but then never finalised/responded.

 

Other Notes: DD has become excited about Ancient Egypt so I managed to get a scrapbook kit, and am making her, her very own little log book, so she can start keeping accounts of her own on her levels, food etc (cause shes not reading yet, I have made sure to make it okay for pre-reading (draw what you ate for lunch, breakfast clipart so she knows where to put the meter level for that, and one area for carbs (mummy tells her, and she writes), and one notes section (she dictates her thoughts, events to me and I write it down)

Edited April 2, 2012 by Ecclecticmum

[PRTGSw2K]

I'm confused. Why is the diabetes educator drilling a 6 year old about homeschooling? What does that have to do with her diabetes? I apologize if I missed a previous post on this topic.

[Irishmommy]

Is this your six year old? What grade is she in? 1st? Who has appointed this educator? And is she only supposed to be evaluating your child's diabetes? (control of meds, etc?) If I could, I would call whomever and file a complaint about the interrogation. Let them know that you find it unprofessional for the lady to grill your dd about reading, and that her questions are making dd anxious.

 

Sorry you are having to deal with this. :grouphug:

 

Usually people leave me alone because I have a certification. I feel sorry for mamas that feel like they have to "prove" homeschooling is the right choice. Chaps my hide!

[Ellie]

!

 

I don't know what to do?

 

If I stay quiet about this, that means that its okay for her to just interrogate and use my daughter as a performing monkey (and that is NOT ok), BUT given who she is, we have to "make nice" to her, as she can make our lives a living hell.

Why?

 

 

I also need to show some semblance that DD is doing well with homeschooling as elsewise she WILL find what she accounts as failings and will look into getting the head doctor to speak to us to try to talk us into putting DD into school.

Why?

 

Basically I have to try to find a way to appease her a little, make sure she knows DD IS learning, so she calms down on the whole forefront, without making too many waves.

WHY??? In what way can this woman make your lives "a living hell"? Is homeschooling legal where you are? Are you obeying the law? Is your dd's health compromised in any way?

 

IMHO, it's time to tell this woman to take a hike. Do whatever it takes to NEVER have to see her again.

 

Y'all gotta man up.

[Mrs Twain]

I would call HSLDA and ask if they could help you, and join if you haven't already. If you have an attorney deal with her, she may shut up.

 

Besides, I don't see what business a diabetes educator has asking any questions about your child's academics. Next time you see her, you might ask her what credentials she has which qualify her for evaluating your child's academic progress.

[WTMCassandra]

My daughter has Type 1 diabetes and has no diabetes educator. I would start at the top of the list with the most stringent option and then work my way down if I was truly unable (for some reason I currently cannot fathom):

 

1. Call the doctor and say you are discontinuing the educator. Boom. I fail to see why you are "required" to see one in the first place. I think the worst that can happen is that it would be covered by your insurance but that you decline to take advantage of it. If the doctor balks, ask, "Is my daughter in compliance according to her last checkup?" Honestly, if the doctor balked, I would find another. And I know the possible cost of that. We have only one pediatric endocrinologist in our town--the next nearest is 2.5 hrs away. I wouldn't want to switch, but I WOULD if I were encountering what you are. The worst we have had to put up with is the doc having to be told Every Visit even after almost three years that, "Yes, we homeschool."

 

2. Take a letter from a lawyer stating that you are in compliance with the homeschooling law and that she is to cease and desist from interrogating your daughter. I don't think it would be out of bounds to state that stressing your daughter with continued interrogation not only makes obtaining answers that truly reflect her learning ability impossible, but that the interrogation risks her health because severe stress can send blood sugars out of control. I think a veiled threat that it might be actionable for a health-care worker to endanger a child's health might not be out of bounds either, although I would do some legal research first.

 

3. Take a letter signed by you and your husband stating that you are in compliance with the homeschooling law and that she is to cease and desist from interrogating your daughter. I don't think it would be out of bounds to state that stressing your daughter with continued interrogation not only makes obtaining answers that truly reflect her learning ability impossible, but that the interrogation risks her health because severe stress can send blood sugars out of control. I think a veiled threat that it might be actionable for a health-care worker to endanger a child's health might not be out of bounds either, although I would do some legal research first. If I were doing this on my own rather than through a lawyer, I would cite state or federal statutes chapter and verse.

 

Honestly, I would not go "lower" or less severe than these options. I think this is something up with which you should not put ; ).

 

Hugs to you. How horribly stressful.

Edited April 2, 2012 by WTMCassandra

[melmichigan]

I would call and cancel the diabetes educator. If you have to keep one for some unknown reason than I would call the doctor and state that you want conversation relevant to the diagnosis and that is all you are there to discuss.

[WTMCassandra]

state that you want conversation relevant to the diagnosis and that is all you are there to discuss.

 

I like this wording, but I would like even better if you can arrange never to see that woman again!

[KirstenH]

I'm confused. Why is the diabetes educator drilling a 6 year old about homeschooling? What does that have to do with her diabetes? I apologize if I missed a previous post on this topic.

 

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that OP is in England or another country with government-run health care.

 

"Boundaries" don't always exist in that kind of setting.

[Rivka]

My daughter has type 1 diabetes, so she has a diabetes educator. Shes been diagnosed for over a year and a half, so I don't understand why we still have an "educator" instead of just the doctor and rest of the team, but thats neither here nor there.

 

This lady gets my back up, as such, I decided its best to let DH deal with all visits with her. She doesn't know I have CFS as well as a host of other medical problems (IMO its none of her business), and basically blames any problems on me (without actually saying it, but you know the sort, holds eye contact/glares at you when re-iterating stuff etc), so she doesn't know/understand my daughter is not the only one with medical problems, and apparently we should be doing "rainbow" with everything, and be perfect. But we are not.

 

It sounds from this like you have a diabetes educator (instead of just a doctor) because your daughter's diabetic control is not that great, and there are aspects of her program that you have not been following because your own health issues have gotten in the way. Is that what you mean by not being "rainbow" (I don't know what that means) and perfect?

 

Is her control good, and are you following the diet/testing/insulin protocol correctly every time? If not, I understand why her medical team is concerned and why they have assigned an educator to help your family get your daughter's daily care straightened out. It's unfortunate that you're not willing to discuss the barriers you have to following the plan "perfectly," because her job is to help you find ways of working around those barriers.

Last session DD went in there for her checkup, and the lady seemed to spend most of the time interrogating my daughter! Asking her questions, and basically trying to make her perform like a gosh darn monkey!

 

Asking if we were still homeschooling (yes, just like we were the last time you asked), asking her if she could count (poor DD just started counting 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 etc) and asking if she could read! Then obviously getting annoyed because she couldn't!

 

I honestly don't think she's doing this because she is hostile to homeschooling.

 

She's been assigned to help your family manage a chronic health problem that needs daily care, a problem that your daughter will eventually need to manage herself. She needs to understand whether your daughter can count, read, tell time, etc. so that she knows how to provide her with appropriate diabetes education and what aspects of her condition she can learn to manage. Can't read? Can't give her a set of written instructions. Can't tell time? Need another way to know when it's time to test. Et cetera. If she seemed annoyed about the things your daughter doesn't know, it may be that she's more used to working with adults and was thrown off balance realizing that she will need to come up with new methods/techniques.

 

Kids who go to school have their own set of diabetes management issues, which is probably why she wanted to confirm that your daughter is still homeschooling.

 

Honestly, it sounds like you feel really bad about not having your daughter's diabetes totally under control, and mad that someone has been assigned to try to help you guys improve. I understand that it is not at all fun to feel like someone is watching your family and judging how you do things. But as you know, poor diabetic control can have incredibly serious consequences. Her medical team is concerned about her health, not about proving that you're "bad." They just want her control to improve.

[ChandlerMom]

I'm lost why this "diabetes educator" has any power to "make your life a living hell" and I agree the FIRST thing I would do would just be to tell her that you are only there to discuss her disease and that if she cannot limit herself to that topic could she please recommend a different practitioner?

 

I don't understand the responses suggesting you need to contact HSLDA (huh?) or a lawyer for that matter. Why go all nuclear over this? Do what you would teach your child to do: when you have a problem with an individual, talk to them first. If that doesn't work THEN talk to their boss or find a different professional. You might even ask her Dr if she still needs to see a diabetes educator.

 

Deep breaths and a cup of hot tea. You cannot control their person's beliefs, so why worry about it? You CAN expect her to act professionally and to respect your wishes to NOT discuss homeschooling -- but how is she going to know if you haven't told her it bothers you? Sounds like the novelty of her being home schooled has blinded her to her faux pas. If you just cannot manage to be civil with her, ask to be referred to a new diabetes educator.

 

FWIW, my mom is an RN and worked as a diabetes educator, but her job was to help educate patients to better manage their disease, NOT to interrogate them. ;)

[GingerPoppy]

It sounds from this like you have a diabetes educator (instead of just a doctor) because your daughter's diabetic control is not that great, and there are aspects of her program that you have not been following because your own health issues have gotten in the way. Is that what you mean by not being "rainbow" (I don't know what that means) and perfect?

 

Is her control good, and are you following the diet/testing/insulin protocol correctly every time? If not, I understand why her medical team is concerned and why they have assigned an educator to help your family get your daughter's daily care straightened out. It's unfortunate that you're not willing to discuss the barriers you have to following the plan "perfectly," because her job is to help you find ways of working around those barriers.

 

 

I honestly don't think she's doing this because she is hostile to homeschooling.

 

She's been assigned to help your family manage a chronic health problem that needs daily care, a problem that your daughter will eventually need to manage herself. She needs to understand whether your daughter can count, read, tell time, etc. so that she knows how to provide her with appropriate diabetes education and what aspects of her condition she can learn to manage. Can't read? Can't give her a set of written instructions. Can't tell time? Need another way to know when it's time to test. Et cetera. If she seemed annoyed about the things your daughter doesn't know, it may be that she's more used to working with adults and was thrown off balance realizing that she will need to come up with new methods/techniques.

 

Kids who go to school have their own set of diabetes management issues, which is probably why she wanted to confirm that your daughter is still homeschooling.

 

Honestly, it sounds like you feel really bad about not having your daughter's diabetes totally under control, and mad that someone has been assigned to try to help you guys improve. I understand that it is not at all fun to feel like someone is watching your family and judging how you do things. But as you know, poor diabetic control can have incredibly serious consequences. Her medical team is concerned about her health, not about proving that you're "bad." They just want her control to improve.

:iagree:

[Ecclecticmum]

I will add this into the initial post as well.

 

We take good care of my daughter. Everything is strictly controlled, our first and foremost thought is her health. Because of her age, she is constantly going on/off through growth spurts, which means she eats a lot more, dosage has to be adjusted etc (we adjust it ourselves now) basically we know exactly whats going in each and every day, but SHE doesn't. So she runs through each and every single meter readin asking why about each one that is not absolutely perfect (between 6-7.5 in her opinion, but its fine for the child to have anywhere from 4.5-10) and any readings above that mark were usually within the two hour time frame of eating (we may of taken a reading because she looked low, or to double check things etc)

 

I am sorry to those who have taken upon themselves to believe that the reason I wrote this was because I was NOT taking care of my daughter. I do not get where those assumations can from? :001_huh:

 

The reason surrounding the educator and the whole question: We live in Australia, so rules may be different here, I am honestly not sure why we still have an educator, and I don't really want to say something truely bad about her, but she does seem to be one of those people who likes to "micro-manage" when its not needed. She also was supposed to help us out at the very very beginning, and told us to contact her 24/7, half the time her phone was off and she wouldn't ring back till a day or two later and the other half the phone just rang out. She seems to like being in control of every possible situation, and really we are supposed to be seeing the doctor "her boss" more often, but apparently, he's a very busy man, so we see him twice a year, if that, shes the one who seems to take over the doctors duties. Any appointment that is supposed to be with him, is more likely to end up being with her. She is also in control (somehow, even though shes "not" on the official documents) of the rest of the team. So basically unless I can get ahold of the actual Dr (pretty impossible) she's the head honcho. We are also in a country area, making it hard to get to anywhere else, I believe this is the only Diabetes team for about 2 hours.

 

Reasons why we homeschool: Not that this seems to have anything to do with it, but ONE of the many, many reasons why we homeschool is that the school cannot legally inject with glucagon. If my daughter passes out, they would have to call an ambulance. There is also many other diabetes related problems with sending her to school. (BUT these aren't the only reasons we homeschool).

 

So: Above is all the info. She is basically head-honcho, I am just trying to diffuse the situation in a small town, without making it harder on my daughter or husband. I can look into trying to let her out of the loop, but until then I just need some strategies to :chillpill: her out. We have tried to go above and beyond, I spoke to her about getting a diabetes curriculum together for DD, to teach her all the things she needs to know, and help her start being a bit more independant, the educator originally was excited about this idea (or her version of excited anyway :tongue_smilie: ) but then never finalised/responded.

 

Other Notes: DD has become excited about Ancient Egypt so I managed to get a scrapbook kit, and am making her, her very own little log book, so she can start keeping accounts of her own on her levels, food etc (cause shes not reading yet, I have made sure to make it okay for pre-reading (draw what you ate for lunch, breakfast clipart so she knows where to put the meter level for that, and one area for carbs (mummy tells her, and she writes), and one notes section (she dictates her thoughts, events to me and I write it down)

[MomatHWTK]

I think the description of the whole system was just confusing for us here in the U.S. We don't get assigned doctors, etc. so if we don't like their attitude, we fire them. Or at least we still have that option for now. :glare:

 

I think probably the only thing I'd attempt in your situation would be to tell DD to just say, "I'm sorry I can't do that yet." Then make sure DD knows that it's OK that she can't do all the stuff this lady is asking about. Suppose it would be wrong to teach DD to burst into tears the minute the woman starts asking about school.:sneaky2:

Edited April 2, 2012 by MomatHWTK

[GingerPoppy]

I do think your original post felt a bit confusing. I didn't so much think that you weren't caring properly for your dd, just that the diabetes team perhaps thought care was not quite up to par. You seemed to imply (with the info about your own illnesses, plus the word "rainbows") that diabetes care was not going as smoothly as it otherwise could. I'm sorry if that was taken wrongly.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I think the description of the whole system was just confusing for us here in the U.S. We don't get assigned doctors, etc. so if we don't like their attitude, we fire them. Or at least we still have that option for now. :glare:

 

I think probably the only thing I'd attempt in your situation would be to tell DD to just say, "I'm sorry I can't do that yet." Then make sure DD knows that it's OK that she can't do all the stuff this lady is asking about. Suppose it would be wrong to teach DD to burst into tears the minute the woman starts asking about school.:sneaky2:

 

Actually it is not always true that in the US we get to fire doctors in the sense that if you are on medicaid, then you often may have a very limited supply of doctors to choose from:( Also, if you have no insurance and no money, then your choices are even more limited. Unfortunately, these scenarios apply to millions and millions in our country which is why I am for medicare for all.

[Hunter]

:grouphug: You are having a tough a time right now, and seeking help here is making you even more uncomfortable?

 

I'm not sure what the rules are where you are. I have SEVERE Post Trauma issues and lots of severe medical problems, and at times it gets really scary and uncomfortable when I have team members I am at odds with. I've found in GENERAL that it pays to stand up to them and set some clear boundaries. The more I retreat, the more they seem to advance and push. Retreating and trying to suck up just seems to bring MORE problems, in the long run.

 

I've got an issue right now, that could get REALLY sticky if I don't play things right.

 

The biggest breakthrough for me was finding out about the Declaration of Human Rights. I've learned them and quote them. Even when I am SO scared, I try and stand my ground, quote my rights, and feel I deserve my rights. I try and sit up straight and stare them in the eye and lean forward and not backwards. It's hard for me, really hard. These "helpers" seem to trigger my trauma more than help.

 

Good luck! Not knowing your country's rules and laws, I can't offer much advice, so am just sending another :grouphug: As much as you can, I'd try REALLY hard to keep your daughter's education and medical care separate to the people who are an expert in that area. Being an expert in one area, certainly doesn't make someone an expert in another! And the more someone "knows" personal info about your daughter, in an area they have no expertise in, the worse it can get :-(

[Ecclecticmum]

I do think your original post felt a bit confusing. I didn't so much think that you weren't caring properly for your dd, just that the diabetes team perhaps thought care was not quite up to par. You seemed to imply (with the info about your own illnesses, plus the word "rainbows") that diabetes care was not going as smoothly as it otherwise could. I'm sorry if that was taken wrongly.

 

It probably was. I'm looking through a rather pink haze at the moment LOL. I didn't really think we have an option, basically from the moment she was diagnosed, we were "assigned" a team. I have never even met the supposed "doctor". Basically from the moment she stepped in, it felt akin to constantly being on what would amount to a strong CPS radar in the US lol. She's just made me feel consistently like I am not doing enough, and I could always do better, like I must be perfect in every way :glare: which hurts, as I am always putting DDs health first, but it never seems to be enough for her "perfect eyes". She seems to think (which in a way she does, hence the overflow of my post) that she can interfere and nose into every aspect of our lives, all the time, its similar to being in a fishbowl. And honestly, because of what I seem to have counted about the law out here (goodness, someone correct me if I am wrong and can end this situation somehow) it feels like it will never end, and we will constantly be viewed under a microscope, no privacy.

 

In a way I would actually prefer something like CPS, at least if they feel their is some kind of problem, they check up, realize their isn't and thats the end of the story.

 

I am sorry if anything felt harsh :grouphug: I honestly didn't mean to be, but it hurts to constantly have to defend every action I make, and to have been under this scrutiny for 18 months is just starting to make me both teary and angry. If there is another option, I am all ears.

 

So I am big-time apologizing for my all over the place writing, and for any harsh words, obviously I am too emotionally wrought to come at this from my normal logical perspective, so it seems to be screwing with my writing skills as well.

 

xxx

[Hunter]

It's hard to lose your privacy and have to explain every little thing you do. And you shouldn't have to.

 

And then to kind of have a bit of the same thing, recreated here, wasn't fun. You are doing fine :-)

[GingerPoppy]

It probably was. I'm looking through a rather pink haze at the moment LOL. I didn't really think we have an option, basically from the moment she was diagnosed, we were "assigned" a team. I have never even met the supposed "doctor". Basically from the moment she stepped in, it felt akin to constantly being on what would amount to a strong CPS radar in the US lol. She's just made me feel consistently like I am not doing enough, and I could always do better, like I must be perfect in every way :glare: which hurts, as I am always putting DDs health first, but it never seems to be enough for her "perfect eyes". She seems to think (which in a way she does, hence the overflow of my post) that she can interfere and nose into every aspect of our lives, all the time, its similar to being in a fishbowl. And honestly, because of what I seem to have counted about the law out here (goodness, someone correct me if I am wrong and can end this situation somehow) it feels like it will never end, and we will constantly be viewed under a microscope, no privacy.

 

In a way I would actually prefer something like CPS, at least if they feel their is some kind of problem, they check up, realize their isn't and thats the end of the story.

 

I am sorry if anything felt harsh :grouphug: I honestly didn't mean to be, but it hurts to constantly have to defend every action I make, and to have been under this scrutiny for 18 months is just starting to make me both teary and angry. If there is another option, I am all ears.

 

So I am big-time apologizing for my all over the place writing, and for any harsh words, obviously I am too emotionally wrought to come at this from my normal logical perspective, so it seems to be screwing with my writing skills as well.

 

xxx

:grouphug: That does sound frustrating and awful! I wish I had some good advice.

[WTMCassandra]

It probably was. I'm looking through a rather pink haze at the moment LOL. I didn't really think we have an option, basically from the moment she was diagnosed, we were "assigned" a team. I have never even met the supposed "doctor". Basically from the moment she stepped in, it felt akin to constantly being on what would amount to a strong CPS radar in the US lol. She's just made me feel consistently like I am not doing enough, and I could always do better, like I must be perfect in every way :glare: which hurts, as I am always putting DDs health first, but it never seems to be enough for her "perfect eyes". She seems to think (which in a way she does, hence the overflow of my post) that she can interfere and nose into every aspect of our lives, all the time, its similar to being in a fishbowl. And honestly, because of what I seem to have counted about the law out here (goodness, someone correct me if I am wrong and can end this situation somehow) it feels like it will never end, and we will constantly be viewed under a microscope, no privacy.

 

In a way I would actually prefer something like CPS, at least if they feel their is some kind of problem, they check up, realize their isn't and thats the end of the story.

 

I am sorry if anything felt harsh :grouphug: I honestly didn't mean to be, but it hurts to constantly have to defend every action I make, and to have been under this scrutiny for 18 months is just starting to make me both teary and angry. If there is another option, I am all ears.

 

So I am big-time apologizing for my all over the place writing, and for any harsh words, obviously I am too emotionally wrought to come at this from my normal logical perspective, so it seems to be screwing with my writing skills as well.

 

xxx

 

First of all, :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:.

 

It helps to know that you are in another country.

 

YOU HAVE RIGHTS!

 

They might look/sound different from what we are used to in the U.S., but you still have them.

 

I think NOW is the time to investigate them. If nothing else, they will empower you. And I suspect that you have more rights than you are being granted, so I think they will help clarify the situation for you.

 

I would, for now, start with the language that melmichigan recommended, that "you want conversation relevant to the diagnosis and that is all you are there to discuss." I would repeat this mantra, calmly and with a smile, EVERY time you are there to see this woman.

 

I would be furiously investigating my rights in the meantime, both medical and homeschooling. I might even make a copy of the homeschooling law to take in to her if you think it will help.

 

Honestly, it sounds like the woman is on a power trip and might even be a narcissist (in the clinical sense) who has the whole organization cowed. The only way to deal with these types is to stand up for your rights but be very calm and boring. You also have to know EXACTLY where you stand with the law. I would be ready to literally quote chapter and verse, possibly backing it up with a handout.

 

I would also talk to other diabetes parents. First I would look for other homeschooling diabetes parents, and failing that, just diabetes parents. You said it was a small town--this should work in your favor. Find out how they keep a positive relationship with this person. They might be as fed up as you are, and if you band together, you might get something changed.

 

Failing all of that, I would take more drastic action if I can back it up through Australian homeschooling and medical law. You cannot just be bullied your entire daughter's childhood by this system. If I cannot do anything else, I do think I would pull her and try the other system two hours away.

 

I am personally appalled that you have never met the doctor. You are using a different scale than I am used to. In the U.S., the target blood sugar levels are between 70-120 during the day, but they shoot for 140 at bedtime. But, no one gets too worried unless the blood sugar is over 200. Sure, they won't want to see long strings of 200s as a pattern, but no one gets their shorts in a knot. In fact, if we've only had one or two low 300s a month, the doctor doesn't bat an eyelash. He has very reasonable expectations. It's tricky--if you try to control the child too too tightly they end up not wanting to manage it at all and go off the rails.

 

But it sounds like to me that this educator is being way more strict with "acceptable" blood sugar levels than is warranted. Have you asked her on what medical basis or authority she is narrowing the "acceptable" range so drastically? Any educator worth her salt should know that there are trigger foods; unexpected results from stress, exercise, or even cold/hot temps; and sometimes just downright unexplainable outliers. And a 6yo cannot even tell reliably whether she "feels" low or high, so it's tougher with small ones.

 

I would also consider keeping a food diary with each and every reading and what was eaten or why you took it. If all else fails, maybe you can overwhelm her with data. I cannot imagine having to try to "remember" the circumstances and food every single finger stick over any period longer than a week. So I would go the documentation route if I were forced to.

 

I would also start inquiring into her credentials. With a smile, and nicely, but inquire nonetheless. It seems to me that she is stepping way over the educator line when you want to see the doctor but get her instead. Is she a nurse practicioner in addition to being an educator? Otherwise, what are her medical credentials for taking over the child's care to this extent?

 

Again, you need to determine your rights and stick up for them firmly, for the sake of your own mental health and your daughter's. Appeasing tyrants never works. It's not comfy, but ya gotta.:grouphug: Maybe you can bombard her with so many questions asking her on what medical basis she is asking/requiring all of those things so that she doesn't have TIME to interrogate your daughter!:tongue_smilie:

Edited April 2, 2012 by WTMCassandra

[WTMCassandra]

I've found in GENERAL that it pays to stand up to them and set some clear boundaries. The more I retreat, the more they seem to advance and push. Retreating and trying to suck up just seems to bring MORE problems, in the long run.

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Ecclecticmum]

Thank you for the replies!

 

I am nearly finished with the new logbook, so A and I will be able to fill that out together.

 

Next time she has an appointment, BOTH DH & I will go. This solves a few problems at once:

 

1. I can be their to re-direct any conversation

2. That means the other two kids will come, the educator went a bit bewildered before when the other two monkeys were there, so it may work in our favour to off-set her a bit.

3. I will "prepare" A before the next visit, so she knows the sorts of things the doctor will ask, and can reply with ease (she really doesn't count school as "learning" just fun LOL, so although she can count, does maths, & LA, if someone asks her "does she know?" her answer is usually "no" . She even does it to me, I'll say do you know the alphabet sounds? "no" I'll point to each letter and she'll do the sounds, she just doesn't realize the "connection" in relation to questions like that, even after I say "see! you do know the letter sounds" :001_huh::D

4. She's bubbly and wonderful, but she doesn't like questions fired at her like that. MIL did the very same thing and ended up traumatising her. So I can be there to diffuse any situation that it might make her upset.

5. A can take her log, and a school project with her on the next visit, I will tell her to show the Educator and tell her all about her school stuff. If I get A to talk to her, A will babble incessantly on and on about all the great things she did. Then the educator won't have to ask questions lol.

6. Before the next visit, I will look into our rights, know where we stand with the appointed team. If its something we are doing wrong, and thats why we still have her, in all honesty why doesn't she just say "you are doing such and such wrong" because then I would have some sort of guideline and re-adjust :tongue_smilie: . Hopefully I can also come up with a mantra to babble under my breath to keep me calm focused and not get upset.

7. I will look around for local diabetes groups. You know, for some reason I never thought of this? :001_huh: derp! :lol: If theres a team, then there must be people LOL!. It would be nice for A to have a friend with diabetes, as her only diabetes friend is "Ruby" the bear (from JDRF).

 

8. A very big thank you! :D I just really couldn't see anything logically, hence why I posted here, usually I can step back from the situation and figure it out, but this last session was sort of like the fly on the elephants back, and it reminded me too much of the situation with MIL. I get really upset when people direct that sort of thing at my children, I really prefer them to direct it at me. And I don't do good with subtle type manipulation, I really prefer it when people put their cards out on the table, at least then I have something to answer back to, although I can imagine that conversation.

 

Her: I do not like you

Me: Why?

Her: I just don't

Me: Okay then, good to know :D

Her: You shouldn't be homeschooling!

Me: Why?

Her: You just shouldn't!

Me: Right. Thank you for letting me know.

Her: You don't do a good job with A!

Me: How don't I?

Her: You just don't!

Me: Ok. Good good. Nice chat.

 

I don't think that would solve the situation somehow, especially seeing as I can actually hear her giving those answers! :lol:

 

P.S. On a totally unrelated note - why does my "there" keep coming out written as "their"? LOL. Very weird. Obviously this computer is going even more broken then normal

Edited April 2, 2012 by Ecclecticmum

[Tanikit]

I definitely think it is best if you go along - simply because if you are there you can hear how she asks your daughter the questions and see her body language - it is normal for people to ask small children questions about what they know and doctors do it a lot too - not so much to find out what they know but to relax them (when I was going under anaesthetic when I was 9 years old I was quizzed on times tables to get me to talk to make the gas work - they wouldn't have cared less if I hadn't known any of the answers)

 

It will also help for you to change the subject - if she wants to ask lots of questions rather diffuse it by asking your daughter to tell her about something fun she has done in the last week that has nothing to do with academics.

 

I actually would NOT take her school projects along - her schooling has nothing to do with this woman - she is surely there to educate your daughter about how to handle her diabetes. I think the woman may also be a bit confused about what to do with a homeschooled diabetic as much educating is often about how to cope at school and what to do if you are hypo or hyperglycaemic and how to explain to friends why you inject youreslf and why you test yourself - perhaps she feels she doesn't know what to discuss with your daughter since she is homeschooled.

 

I am a type 1 diabetic and when I became one I was just sent back into the public school - no one taught me how to deal with it and I coped fine. You will need to work on emotional issues with your child - if she is asking why levels are not "normal" then she needs to be reassured - this will be a life long battle of "abnormal" levels - things cannot be 100% else she wouldn't have diabetes in the first place - she mustt never be allowed to think that it is because of something she has done that the levels are "wrong" - even if she has eaten cake that is the cause of high levels, but it is because her body is not working correctly and there are far more reasons for sugars to adjust than just what gets put in her mouth (stress, hormones, growing, food, exercise and rest and so on) Is she on a pump or multiple daily injections as this can also influence how good the control is.

 

Maybe try to find out from this woman's point of view why she is testing your daughter - I think you are on the defensive about the homeschooling so may be seeing things that are perhaps not there - she may very well just be trying to relax your child in an odd manner or not know what else to ask her since she feels she cannot ask about school and friends. Then again she may have a vendetta against homeschooling, but will perhaps not bother to follow it through at all besides tell you she doesn't agree with homeschooling - she is entitled to think that as long as she doesn't infringe on your right to do so.

[Princess Peach]

It sounds like you have a good plan for next time. Make sure you go in with your head held high. Since you know that you are doing everything you should be doing, be confident. Confidence goes a long way. Your DD will sense it, too. :grouphug:

[SunnyDays]

I'm sorry you're going through all this! It's so frustrating to be second guessed on things that an "expert" knows nothing about!!

 

I agree that I would not take her school work in. That's just giving authority to this woman that she doesn't, and shouldn't, have. Take her logs, keep it as focused as possible on DD's health.

 

You know, long ago I used to work with a woman who had a phrase: "Help me understand." So, when she really wanted to say, "That is such a dumb idea, and you're clearly incompetent," instead she would say, "Help me understand why we're doing it this way." Things like that. So, in your situation:

 

"Help me understand how DD being homeschooled might affect her diabetes management." (And if she says it doesn't, then "Oh, you were so interested in her education, I figured it must play a role.")

 

"Help me understand your role as an educator and how long you expect us to be meeting together."

 

"Help me understand your questions to DD - are you trying to figure out how to best help her, and what else can I tell you that will help us manage her health?"

 

All said, of course, with a smile and genuine concern for your daughter. This shows her that you're involved and asking questions, but that you're not going to just let her take over and bully you all through this.

 

Many hugs to you... keep us posted!!

[WTMCassandra]

I'm sorry you're going through all this! It's so frustrating to be second guessed on things that an "expert" knows nothing about!!

 

I agree that I would not take her school work in. That's just giving authority to this woman that she doesn't, and shouldn't, have. Take her logs, keep it as focused as possible on DD's health.

 

You know, long ago I used to work with a woman who had a phrase: "Help me understand." So, when she really wanted to say, "That is such a dumb idea, and you're clearly incompetent," instead she would say, "Help me understand why we're doing it this way." Things like that. So, in your situation:

 

"Help me understand how DD being homeschooled might affect her diabetes management." (And if she says it doesn't, then "Oh, you were so interested in her education, I figured it must play a role.")

 

"Help me understand your role as an educator and how long you expect us to be meeting together."

 

"Help me understand your questions to DD - are you trying to figure out how to best help her, and what else can I tell you that will help us manage her health?"

 

All said, of course, with a smile and genuine concern for your daughter. This shows her that you're involved and asking questions, but that you're not going to just let her take over and bully you all through this.

 

Many hugs to you... keep us posted!!

 

I too agree that I would not enable the woman's seeming entitlement to see/hear about school work.

 

But even better are these "Help me understand" questions. These are brilliant!!! :iagree::iagree::iagree:

[JessieC]

It sounds from this like you have a diabetes educator (instead of just a doctor) because your daughter's diabetic control is not that great, and there are aspects of her program that you have not been following because your own health issues have gotten in the way. Is that what you mean by not being "rainbow" (I don't know what that means) and perfect?

 

Is her control good, and are you following the diet/testing/insulin protocol correctly every time? If not, I understand why her medical team is concerned and why they have assigned an educator to help your family get your daughter's daily care straightened out. It's unfortunate that you're not willing to discuss the barriers you have to following the plan "perfectly," because her job is to help you find ways of working around those barriers.

 

 

I honestly don't think she's doing this because she is hostile to homeschooling.

 

She's been assigned to help your family manage a chronic health problem that needs daily care, a problem that your daughter will eventually need to manage herself. She needs to understand whether your daughter can count, read, tell time, etc. so that she knows how to provide her with appropriate diabetes education and what aspects of her condition she can learn to manage. Can't read? Can't give her a set of written instructions. Can't tell time? Need another way to know when it's time to test. Et cetera. If she seemed annoyed about the things your daughter doesn't know, it may be that she's more used to working with adults and was thrown off balance realizing that she will need to come up with new methods/techniques.

 

Kids who go to school have their own set of diabetes management issues, which is probably why she wanted to confirm that your daughter is still homeschooling.

 

Honestly, it sounds like you feel really bad about not having your daughter's diabetes totally under control, and mad that someone has been assigned to try to help you guys improve. I understand that it is not at all fun to feel like someone is watching your family and judging how you do things. But as you know, poor diabetic control can have incredibly serious consequences. Her medical team is concerned about her health, not about proving that you're "bad." They just want her control to improve.

 

As the mother of a child with diabetes, I just want to point out that type 1 diabetes is NEVER really in complete control. We work with a team of experts and do our best, but on any given day our daughter's blood sugars can range from the 50s to the 300s (or higher). I think if you looked at the meter of any type 1 diabetic, you would see a huge range of numbers. It is not always about control either--as OP pointed out, she may have tested her child right after eating for some reason, which would likely be a high number. From OP's post, it sounds like she is on top of things, so I really would not jump to the conclusion that she has poor control.

 

There are just so many factors going in to control of type 1 (not just carbs eaten, but protein/fat count in the food, how much exercise has been done, growth spurts, low-grade viruses, colds, and countless other factors).