Xpost: Borderline personality disorder

[sweetsouthern]

i need to know everything there is about it.

 

ive suspected my dh has it (as does his mother), but several months ago it was brought up in my younger dd's therapy session for her and now today it was brought up in my older dd's therapy session (different therapists & neither know of the others "issues" per say).

 

im REALLY concerned about my children with it. there still young enough to work with them on things and i would love to know what to try, do and not do. my dh refuses to acknowledge it in himself and will yet agree that his mother is bipolar (but i think its more BPD & narcissistic truly).

 

thanks so much for any help, thoughts, suggestions or even stories!! :grouphug:

[herekittykitty]

Well, I'm a licensed counselor and know a decent amount about BPD. People with BPD have a really unstable sense of themselves and who they are - so anytime any someone rejects them or gives them negative feedback, it leads to negative thinking about themselves and often self destructive behavior (ie cutting, suicide attempts). They lack an ability to manage their emotions and can become unstable very quickly. They also have a very strong fear of abandonment and will become emotionally frantic if they believe abandonment (like the ending of a relationship) is likely. Often they experienced some sort of abandonment as a kid. I've heard it said that there is no rage like a borderline's rage. Often borderlines go pretty quickly from idealing people in their lives (viewing them as a hero, the best, etc) to quickly seeing that same person as a villain, with themselves as the victim. Those are things just off the top of my head. I work pt at a college counseling center and we see a lot of these traits in young women.

 

I will say that BPD is more common in women than men, and in my professional opinion your kids would be too young to receive such a diagnosis or any personality disorder diagnosis. Usually personality disorder diagnoses are not given to anyone under 18. Obviously there are exceptions and I don't know the specifics, but often the changes and emotions that happen in adolescence can have BPD like features without being BPD.

 

Hope that helps on some level!

Edited March 30, 2012 by herekittykitty

[elise1mds]

Everything herekittykitty says is exactly what I have seen in my BPD MIL. I love her, but she can be really difficult to deal with.

 

She has four sons. My DH is the eldest, and he is her oft-proclaimed favorite... has been since he was small. Yes, she says this regularly. He is probably the one person in her life that she has never hated for very long. She claims to love me like a daughter, but I am very well aware that my status as favorite DIL only lasts for as long as I toe whatever line she wants toed at that particular moment. She's made several suicide attempts, most recently about a month and a half ago, in which she called up her youngest son and informed him that he was why she was making the attempt (she had "reasons"). She's got a long, LONG history of cutting. In other words, she's a textbook case. I often joke that Jerry Springer couldn't make the stuff up that she does and/or puts the family through, and it's probably not the nicest thing to say, but it's true.

 

If you DO have BPD in the family, there will be no reasoning with them without SERIOUS counseling. Even with counseling on a regular basis, my MIL can delude herself 100 ways from Thursday if she wants to... and totally believes it all. One day she'll be convinced that she's a Christian and she'll plop herself down in front of a priest and want absolution for everything, and the next day she'll be convinced that there is no God and she's on her own and can do whatever she wants. It's a tough road for everyone. I don't envy anyone who has to deal with it. Hang in there and assume that the diagnosis is anything BUT BPD for as long as possible. :)

[Finnella]

I will say that BPD is more common in women than men, and in my professional opinion your kids would be too young to receive such a diagnosis or any personality disorder diagnosis. Usually personality disorder diagnoses are not given to anyone under 18. Obviously there are exceptions and I don't know the specifics, but often the changes and emotions that happen in adolescence can have BPD like features without being BPD.

 

I had to turn to my own therapist when I was dealing with someone with BPD. I remember she also said it wasn't diagnosed until 18. (Doubtless this falls under "there's an exception to every rule.")

 

I'm glad you're taking their problems seriously and have them in counseling. I wish I could offer more help, but my relationship with my friend with BPD was deteriorating rapidly and could not be saved.

 

:grouphug: