What am I doing wrong? (warning:vent)

[desertmum]

Before anything: yes, I know ds is "only" 5 but...

 

1- Why does he whinge so much when we do school?

 

2- Why do I feel he forgets his sounds so we have to redo the same phonics lesson over and over?

 

3- Why does it feel I'm pulling teeth everytime we sit down to do school work? He starts yawning after 5 minutes!

 

It is getting harder and harder to get ds to do school work. We are so far behind I don't think we can recoup time lost unless we work flat out straight through summer (and we can't because we have a trip planned to attend a family wedding).

 

DS will do science, and math -the rest is like pushing a large boulder up the hill, just to see it roll back time after time. I'm even keeping lessons short because of his age. What is going on???:confused: :confused:

 

Maybe I'm not cut out for hs? I go to the local hs meeting and every one else seems so well organised, and motivated, and focused, so cheerful and above all, on schedule! I feel I'm the runt of the litter.:glare:

 

Yes, I'm venting because it is easier to vent than go out in the street, get on the first bus that comes along and ...

 

Could any of you email me some prozac or something?

[Lily_Grace]

:grouphug:

 

He's telling you he's not ready. Follow his interests for now and pick it up again in September. When a kid is ready they grasp things quickly, when they're not, they won't. Why do you think we have "learning toys" for 0-5yos to teach them letters and sounds? They can understand and memorize them well once they're school age without 5 years of nonsense and flinging letters at their heads.

[jennsmile]

He if 5 and not ready.

 

I did school with my oldest and he wasn't ready. He started really reading at 8.

 

I should have just taken one of these :chillpill:

 

His attention span my be 5 minutes.

[Ester Maria]

He is probably not ready. There is a reason why many school systems have kids start at 6-7 years old, and particularly boys often profit from an additionally delayed entrance. Put the books aside for a few months, or for the rest of this year, and start anew when he matures a little.

[kroe1]

His brain has not developed the ability for phonics yet. Kiddos develop this part of the brain at different times. It doesn't mean your kiddo will never read, has learning disabilities, or any other bad things. It's no different than a kiddo who potty trains at 3 instead of 2 1/2.

 

So that you can feel like he's still progressing in reading, why not buy a Dick and Jane book. Then let him learn some sight reading since that part of the brain develops so early. You and he will both feel better.

 

:)

[Parrothead]

Agreeing with the others. If he isn't holding on to those sounds he isn't ready. Give both of you a break and work on just science and math for a while since that is what he is ready for and enjoys.

[bbmom]

I agree-he isn't ready to read yet-for many boys, that developmental leap doesn't come until 6 or 7. Keep up with the math and science and change the reading to you reading some great books to him. Things like nursery rhymes orDr. Seuss will help with phonemic awareness and the Leapfrog Letter/Word Factory DVD's can be a good re-enforcer of the letter/letter sounds for now. Other fun, less stressful options are readingeggs.com, starfall.com (both computer based so they feel like 'play' to those 5 year old boys) or zoophonics, which I think works well especially for boys and has a homeschool program. Pick up the direct phonics instruction again in the fall and see if he is ready then.

[kwg]

When my ds9 was in first -our first year homeschooling-, we read a lot of books and did miquon math. We did not do math every day but I kinda wish we had. He could have cared less about history, grammar, etc. and I am so glad we did not push it. My goals then were one hour of reading aloud to him and 2 hours of being outside daily, and we had baking day, art/craft day, help with dinner, etc. Honestly. I do not regret any of that. Last year I had him tested and he tested several years above level fwiw in reading and math. I think boys just need time and that is the beauty of homeschooling. :grouphug:

[desertmum]

Thank you for the replies.

 

I believe you may be right. DS is so bright in science sometimes I forget he is only 5.

 

I think I feel pressured because in the UK the National Curriculum is very heavy on academics. I always thought this to be slightly crazy as it has proven it doesn't mean students are brighter, or more advanced than students in say, the Nordic countries, where they only start at 6 or even 7yo.

 

I know that if ds goes back to school they will simply put him in whatever grade he is supposed to be in and expect him to be on the same level as his peers (the UK school system does not believe in holding back -you swim or you sink). This would not be a problem if I knew we will be hs for a few years but dh is not convinced at the moment.

 

Edited to add: This board moves fast! I'm so glad I'm came here for advice. I was about to throw all hs books out of the window (literally) since I tried jumping out but found the window safety system too good even for me to crack (ok, don't take this literally).

Edited March 28, 2012 by desertmum

[elegantlion]

Before anything: yes, I know ds is "only" 5 but...

 

1- Why does he whinge so much when we do school?

 

 

Maybe I'm not cut out for hs? I go to the local hs meeting and every one else seems so well organised, and motivated, and focused, so cheerful and above all, on schedule! I feel I'm the runt of the litter.:glare:

 

Yes, I'm venting because it is easier to vent than go out in the street, get on the first bus that comes along and ...

 

Could any of you email me some prozac or something?

 

No need for prozac, he's 5. I'll give you a hint, the focused, cheerful, and motivated is an illusion. No one is that all the time, especially 5 year olds. If you read my blog it's only in the last year I'm blogging about some of my frustrations and my son is 14. I don't discuss many of his challenges with others IRL, it's just not worth it.

 

My son went to private school for prek and K. We wrote checks each month that ate into a large part of our budget. I'd pick him up from school and ask what he didn't that day. "I don't know" "I don't remember" were daily replies. It was irritating. I never knew his development until I contacted the teacher.

 

It was nice when we started homeschooling to see the learning, even if we had to repeat things over and over.

 

Read good books to him, snuggle on the couch, go on nature walks, and if his attention span is five minutes, then it's five minutes of seatwork. Reading and nature walks are the two things I wish we'd done more of at that age. The wonder of the world to a five year old is the things around them, not just what is in a book. Help him discover and hold that wonder, it's worth it. And keep a nice adult beverage on hand for those hellish type of days.

[Lizzie in Ma]

His brain has not developed the ability for phonics yet. Kiddos develop this part of the brain at different times. It doesn't mean your kiddo will never read, has learning disabilities, or any other bad things. It's no different than a kiddo who potty trains at 3 instead of 2 1/2.

 

So that you can feel like he's still progressing in reading, why not buy a Dick and Jane book. Then let him learn some sight reading since that part of the brain develops so early. You and he will both feel better.

 

:)

 

:iagree: :grouphug:

I know it is hard, especially sometimes around other homeschoolers, but you know him best.

When I hit walls with mine when they were little, developmental issues were usually the issue. Back off and start again later and voila, no more issues.

[ma23peas]

It doesn't mean stop educating him..just stop what you were doing...at five his day should be no more than 30 minutes to an hour of read alouds...lots of them!

 

Spending time outdoors discovering things (we spent hours at parks chasing ant lines, finding holes where squirrels burrowed, identifying birds..we'd have a check list of birds to spot...my kids loved finding that new bird we'd never seen)

 

Create! I used to have bins full of differnet shaped (really scraps) construction paper...We would put glue stick all over a hard piece of paper and just start sticking on their any collage...it was amazing what their minds would create...we had a string going across the top of a room where we'd clothespin all the creations..they loved seeing those things!!

 

But, math/science/phonics? Really? I'd be yawning, too! :) ENJOY this time with him...be amazed what a 5 year old can do! :)

[desertmum]

No need for prozac, he's 5. I'll give you a hint, the focused, cheerful, and motivated is an illusion. No one is that all the time, especially 5 year olds. If you read my blog it's only in the last year I'm blogging about some of my frustrations and my son is 14. I don't discuss many of his challenges with others IRL, it's just not worth it.

 

My son went to private school for prek and K. We wrote checks each month that ate into a large part of our budget. I'd pick him up from school and ask what he didn't that day. "I don't know" "I don't remember" were daily replies. It was irritating. I never knew his development until I contacted the teacher.

 

It was nice when we started homeschooling to see the learning, even if we had to repeat things over and over.

 

Read good books to him, snuggle on the couch, go on nature walks, and if his attention span is five minutes, then it's five minutes of seatwork. Reading and nature walks are the two things I wish we'd done more of at that age. The wonder of the world to a five year old is the things around them, not just what is in a book. Help him discover and hold that wonder, it's worth it. And keep a nice adult beverage on hand for those hellish type of days.

 

Thanks for the personal experience talk. Much appreciated.

 

I remember thinking ds would neve be potty trained. At 3 I tried and it was pretty much a disaster. Then I stepped back, chilled, waited and tried again at 3 1/2. DS was potty trained in one week. No accidents day or night. Maybe I should take the same approach to academics? :tongue_smilie:

[kalanamak]

 

Read good books to him, snuggle on the couch, go on nature walks, and if his attention span is five minutes, then it's five minutes of seatwork. Reading and nature walks are the two things I wish we'd done more of at that age. The wonder of the world to a five year old is the things around them, not just what is in a book. Help him discover and hold that wonder, it's worth it. And keep a nice adult beverage on hand for those hellish type of days.

 

:iagree:If you follow this advice, adult beverages are no longer necessary.

 

My goal at five was to have 5 GOOD minutes of seat work and then STOP while everyone was still smiling. Lots of running, pounding, sweating, muddy FUN.

 

Get to know the world and what is physically possible. Sprout some seeds and look at the roots in wonder, but don't make him draw them or do anything more than hear to you say the parts of the seedling, and perhaps repeat it. Go swimming. Laugh. Listen to classical music (my son loved the Vox Music Masters at 5, and they are full of good language, too). Color. Do Kumon mazes. Introduce the word parts kinetically. Run around touching all the nouns in the house. Then do verbs: laugh, run, twirl, crouch, hop, chew, etc. Chant out synonyms: laugh, chuckle, chortle, guffaw, etc. Kids love to watch you make all those noises.

 

Read aloud. I read 2 hours a day at that age: E B White, My Father's Dragon, Island of the Blue Dolphin (kiddo loved the Tantoo Cardinal reading of that book), MPO's Odyssey, Maroo of the Winter Caves.

By being creative and FUN, your child will "catch" the joy of learning. Don't overthink it, just think like a kid with a grown up's experience. Mix vinegar and baking soda and whoop with amazement.

[ssavings]

Thanks for the personal experience talk. Much appreciated.

 

I remember thinking ds would neve be potty trained. At 3 I tried and it was pretty much a disaster. Then I stepped back, chilled, waited and tried again at 3 1/2. DS was potty trained in one week. No accidents day or night. Maybe I should take the same approach to academics? :tongue_smilie:

 

Yes! Exactly like that. Things work better when kids are developmentally ready.

[1bassoon]

I go to the local hs meeting and every one else seems so well organised, and motivated, and focused, so cheerful and above all, on schedule! I feel I'm the runt of the litter.:glare:

 

Can I just pick up on this part of your post?

 

Honey, you just see that because that's the public "face". You don't know what goes on in their house, you don't know their private struggles.

 

You keep your eyes on what YOU are doing. Learn from other people, sure, but never, ever, EVER compare yourself. Ever. It will be your undoing every. single. time.

 

(fwiw, I blogged about this very subject just a few days ago. It may or may not be helpful.)

[JessReplanted]

Before anything: yes, I know ds is "only" 5 but...

 

1- Why does he whine so much when we do school?

 

2- Why do I feel he forgets his sounds so we have to redo the same phonics lesson over and over?

 

3- Why does it feel I'm pulling teeth everytime we sit down to do school work? He starts yawning after 5 minutes!

 

1. He's 5.

2. He's a boy.

3. You are.

 

:grouphug: I remember K with my son - it was SO hard. We spent a lot of time on the couch going over letter sounds and blending sounds. And then, when he actually started reading, it took nerves of steel on my part to sit there with him and let him sound out the same words over and over.

 

Reading came so s l o w l y for him. And, school was just hard. I tried to focus on just one task at a time for about 15 minutes. Take a break to at least stand up and stretch (or having him do jumping jacks) in between each interval.

 

Eventually, my son did learn to read. Now at 9, he is up past his bedtime reading through the Harry Potter series. Hang in there! You can do it!

[In the Rain]

I'll echo the words of so many other posters, and say he doesn't sound ready for as much as you are trying to get him to do. I know it is hard when everyone around you has kids reading and writing paragraphs, but it is still okay. :grouphug:

 

My youngest dd had *zero* interest in school as a 5yo. She basically spent all fall playing. It was close to her 6th b-day before she really showed signs of readiness. If you think people pressure boys to be ready at 5, you should hear what they say about girls. :tongue_smilie: Her reading didn't take off until close to her 7th b-day. She'll be 8 next week, and she has made huge strides this year- without much effort. I guess she was just a late bloomer. She went from primer reading to about a 4th grade reading level in well under a year.

 

Give your son some time, and be thankful he likes math and science. Seriously, my 5yo just wanted to work puzzles and play with her Calico Critters. ;)

[SailorMom]

:grouphug:

Just agreeing with the 'not ready' advice.

Our society pushes academics so young now. Those ridiculous "Your Baby Can Read" infomercials make my point for me.

Trust me - most kids learn to read when they are ready - be that 4 or 8 or even 9, and by the time they are all in about 4th grade - you can't tell which kid was which anymore.

Let him have fun with science, read aloud - a lot! Have him look at the book while you read it and follow with your finger as you go. You'll be amazed at what he might just pick up.

Kids at that age learn so much more from hands-on learning anyway. You teaching him phonics sounds probably sounds to him like those adult voices in Charlie Brown cartoons :)

 

And, btw - I'm totally panicking about our schedule. See that list of stuff for my son in my siggie? Yeah - we're behind in almost everything. Trying like crazy - but it's just all taking longer than I thought, I guess. You're not alone :grouphug:

[Desert Rat]

Can I just pick up on this part of your post?

 

Honey, you just see that because that's the public "face". You don't know what goes on in their house, you don't know their private struggles.

 

You keep your eyes on what YOU are doing. Learn from other people, sure, but never, ever, EVER compare yourself. Ever. It will be your undoing every. single. time.

 

 

 

:iagree: Exactly what she said.

 

And I'd like to add that my oldest was reading at a 5th grade level by age 5. I figured teaching my younger to read at 5 was going to be cake. Ha! He just turned 9 and finally (FINALLY!) learned the difference between short i and short e. When he was 5, I continued the math and science that he liked and backed off a bit on the phonics. I hit it again 6 months later and he was a bit more receptive. Just a bit. It was a slow, slow process. But, he's reading okay now.

[desertmum]

Can I just pick up on this part of your post?

 

Honey, you just see that because that's the public "face". You don't know what goes on in their house, you don't know their private struggles.

 

You keep your eyes on what YOU are doing. Learn from other people, sure, but never, ever, EVER compare yourself. Ever. It will be your undoing every. single. time.

 

(fwiw, I blogged about this very subject just a few days ago. It may or may not be helpful.)

 

Thank you for the link to your blog. Yes. I guess this morning I saw a puddle on the floor in the kitchen and I assumed the worst. :svengo:

 

I also need to hug hubby because he came home from lunch and found me in a less-than-attractive mood. :ack2:

[dangermom]

Echoing everyone else: quit with the phonics, stop trying to get him to read, but read aloud a lot. I mean, a lot. He will be able to listen to lots of wonderful stories that are much more complex than anything a 5yo could read, and his mind will be filling up with language. When the reading part of his brain clicks, he will read.

[dragons in the flower bed]

DS will do science, and math -the rest is like pushing a large boulder up the hill, just to see it roll back time after time. I'm even keeping lessons short because of his age. What is going on?

 

It's great that he's interested enough to do math and science. Keep doing that with him.

 

Everything else, stop doing. Right away.

 

Then, every four weeks, give him one lesson to see how he does with it. He may be good for one lesson, or two, or even five, and then hit a wall with it again. Just set it aside for another four weeks and try again after that period has passed.

 

Eventually you'll sense a shift and realize he's ready to do that kindof schoolwork everyday.

 

Right now, though, he's clearly not.

[Kathleen in VA]

Read good books to him, snuggle on the couch, go on nature walks, and if his attention span is five minutes, then it's five minutes of seatwork. Reading and nature walks are the two things I wish we'd done more of at that age. The wonder of the world to a five year old is the things around them, not just what is in a book. Help him discover and hold that wonder, it's worth it. And keep a nice adult beverage on hand for those hellish type of days.

 

:iagree:Absolutely this!

 

It's great that he's interested enough to do math and science. Keep doing that with him.

 

Everything else, stop doing. Right away.

 

Then, every four weeks, give him one lesson to see how he does with it. He may be good for one lesson, or two, or even five, and then hit a wall with it again. Just set it aside for another four weeks and try again after that period has passed.

 

Eventually you'll sense a shift and realize he's ready to do that kindof schoolwork everyday.

 

Right now, though, he's clearly not.

 

:iagree:And this.

 

When ds23 was 5yo he was not getting phonics at all. I was convinced it was the phonics program I was using and was distressed that I had spent a lot of money and was going to have to buy something else. This was before the Internet and having the convenience of selling what wasn't working (yes, I'm old). I fretted and fussed. Then the holidays came and I just didn't have time to think about it. January came and we all got majorly sick for the entire month. I picked the book back up in February and he started flying through it. He just needed time.

[Briartell]

You have received lots of lovely advice. I wish I had heard it when my son was 5. I put my son in K PS even though he clearly wasn't ready for it. He struggled hard. He developed a negative attitude about school because of this. I should have waited one year.

[Tammyla]

:iagree: With the other posts. :grouphug:You aren't doing anything wrong, just some of it a little too soon. Keep going with the math and science that he enjoys and read to him. You might even consider a different schedule with plenty of days and time off, just to play and explore his world.

 

He sounds like a great kid; a normal 5 y/old boy imo.

[Terrilth]

I blogged about this too. This is my personal philosophy (and backed by research). It may resonate and help you relax some.

http://www.homeschoolinflorida.com/why-play-should-be-an-integral-part-of-your-home-school/

[maddykate]

I would encourage you to read the book, "Better Late Than Early", by Dr. Raymond Moore.

[desertmum]

You have received lots of lovely advice. I wish I had heard it when my son was 5. I put my son in K PS even though he clearly wasn't ready for it. He struggled hard. He developed a negative attitude about school because of this. I should have waited one year.

 

I hear you. Loud and clear.

 

I would encourage you to read the book, "Better Late Than Early", by Dr. Raymond Moore.

 

I will.

 

Thank you again folks for the help. You have saved my sanity today and maybe my marriage. Sipping wine here while dh helps ds write a congrats card. I wish I could :grouphug: all of you.

 

Words of wisdow. I will be reading the blogs now and chilling, and being nice to dh.

[Lacie]

I would agree with the previous posters that said he just isn't ready yet. But if you want to study phonics with him, try something more entertaining. The leap frog dvds have been a big hit with my little ones, they love it. They go around singing the songs and they don't even think about it as "school".

[LaxMom]

I agree that he's five and it's entirely likely that he's just not ready to hold onto and apply those sounds. However...

 

I will share that my very math-competent boy children randomly forget how to add. Or subtract. We assume they're trying to see if our heads will actually spin around, or if it's just an idle threat. There are days, however, when math leads to fantasies of taking up drinking as a hobby.

[desertmum]

I agree that he's five and it's entirely likely that he's just not ready to hold onto and apply those sounds. However...

 

I will share that my very math-competent boy children randomly forget how to add. Or subtract. We assume they're trying to see if our heads will actually spin around, or if it's just an idle threat. There are days, however, when math leads to fantasies of taking up drinking as a hobby.

 

:lol::lol::lol: :iagree:

 

Well, my head DID spin around (and yes, it did look scary). My body followed and went straight a bottle of wine I was saving for when having people around. Sipping some lovely burgundy right now -poor guests will have to drink tea. :D

[freerange]

if he did go back into school, how far ahead do you think you would know that was where he was headed?

If[/COD[i][i][/i][/i]E][/i] he was going into school, and if at that stage he had areas where he was ' behind' could you work intensively on that part to get him up to speed? I

[TranquilMind]

:grouphug:

 

He's telling you he's not ready.

 

This. Only this. Don't worry. It isn't you. Relax and try again later. Do fun stuff. He's only FIVE!

[Mommy22alyns]

1. Because he's 5.

2. Because he's 5.

3. Because he's 5.

 

:)

[ktgrok]

because he is 5 and a boy. Read Boys Adrift, to understand more, but he probably isn't ready yet. The part of the brain that is needed for learning phonics often matures later than that for boys. I had the same experience you are having, when my son was 5. It was awful. But by 3rd grade he was reading 3 grades ahead, and now in 6th grade has a nearly perfect reading comprehension score on the ITBS and places at a college level in reading. Waiting a year was all that he needed.