Lessons, chores and dinner done by 6 pm?

[LMD]

Can you give us an idea of your schedule because I think its totally doable with your kiddos being older and 1 pretty independent. They can do a lot.

 

Maybe what you need is a week off to declutter the house and clean it. If you all pitch in you could get it done in a few days. Pitch all the clutter.

 

Then set a cleaning schedule and chore list.

 

Next add in your school schedule.

 

Then make a meal plan and utilize your crockpot and make some freezer meals. Also I try to take a few hours on sat or sun to prep all the food for the week (chop veggies, make taco meat, thaw whatever you need, etc.)

 

 

I think that it is not an unreasonable request as long as he is not looking for perfection and that this is attainable most days but not all days.

 

 

Kwickimom - I think you've just hit on a great business idea! Do you have a cleaning schedule & chore list that you'd like to share? :bigear: I keep meaning to do one... but... cleaning... you know :lol:

 

OP - my DH and I came to an understanding, he told me specifically what he needs to be done before he gets home to help him feel calm when he walks through that door. Not something lofty like 'spotless house' but specific 'clutter cleared of x area' stuff. That I can handle!

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Not necessarily. :confused:

Actually, I don't think that's unrealistic at all. We're all home maybe 2-3 evenings a week, but on the nights that we're home, we don't have anything to do. I'm not running people around doing stuff all evening. I guess I just don't see what else we would be doing?? Once dinner is done and the dishes are loaded into the dishwasher, and one boy has cleaned their room and the other has cleaned the table and picked up toys in the living room, we don't really have any set plans for anything.

I guess I always just assumed that was normal, with varying numbers of nights at home.

 

In addition to outside activities, like church or Cub Scouts or sports, I'm talking about making sure people have bathed/showered, brushed teeth, cleaning up after dinner, and all the other things that the kids and house require of us in the evenings. I really don't know anyone with kids who just sits around in the evenings doing nothing.

[Excelsior! Academy]

In my house, when people make requests like that, they'd better be prepared to help make it happen.

 

:iagree:

 

 

It depends on exactly what you mean. School for us is what we can get done in a day. Sometimes interruptions happen and x doesn't get done, but I still feel like we accomplished school for the day. Dinner is pretty consistent, although we have compromised somewhat. Tuesdays are always tacos for lunch and enchiladas for dinner, Wednesday is always sandwiches for supper, etc. It is routine, but doable by 5:30 or 6. We have an afternoon chore time scheduled. Everyone stops what they are doing and does a 15 minute pick up of the house focusing on the public areas, then they are off to play. Dinner is started at this time as well. When dh walks in it is to a reasonably picked up house, dinner in process, and children playing or at least finishing their daily activities in a somewhat organized fashion. It took a while to get to this point, but it has been worth it. This afternoon pick up time was *my* focus until it became routine for everyone.

Edited March 27, 2012 by Excelsior! Academy

[lmrich]

I can have the chores done for that day and dinner made by 6:00. I am done with the kids school by 2:00. HOWEVER there is so much to do why would you want nothing to do? My kids have activities; I have volunteer activities or crafty pursuits. What is the problem if the kids still have reading left after dinner? Or as family you work on a math problem together. Life happens - embrace it.

[Colleen in NS]

DH would like for all lessons, chores (floors swept, laundry rebooted, dw empty) and dinner ready by 6 pm. I'm not getting it all done. Are you guys able to do this?

 

J

 

No. This is why dh and the kids do many of the cleaning chores.

 

I really want to try to do this. But, everyday I feel very defeated. No, DH can't help with any of this. He is at work.

 

He his getting irritated with us.

 

You are at work, too. You teach kids and organize their education. You just don't get paid for it like he does.

 

I agree with Barb - he married you; he didn't hire you. If he's home by 6, he can certainly help with a chore or two. After all, you are both working full-time jobs every day.

 

DH wants calm relaxed evenings with nothing to do.

 

While raising a family and you both working full-time, this is completely unrealistic.

 

For this to work everyone needs to be well and focused. If one thing goes wrong, the whole day is thrown off.

 

If this is the case, then you have too much expectation on each person. Life happens. Schedules are to be our slaves to obtain what we want in life, not our masters.

 

I think we can be done by 6 today, but our day wasn't enjoyable at all. I feel like crying. I nagged all day. Bleh!

 

If this is going on every day, your husband will never have the quiet calm evenings he expects. It's not fair to you or the kids, that you feel you have to nag all day long in order to give your husband calm evenings.

 

You are a worthy person, too - value your own self, alongside valuing your family.

 

Odd man out. Yes, we're finished by then.

 

But you aren't homeschooling and taking care of kids anymore!

[Tarreymere]

I agree that homeschooling is a full-time job. I'm fortunate that I can do it at home, which in my house means that I can get some chores done during the day. The kids do help with chores, but we don't have 'assigned chores' or anything like that. I'm too old and cranky to be going to all the effort to 'train' kids to be responsible. I find it easier to just order them around. :D

 

I make 'em pitch in after breakfast and help clean that up. I call 'clean up time'. We all work together for about fifteen minutes with each of us doing a different task. Usually they sweep the floor and take out the trash while I wash dishes. Then we start school. They know they have to be clean, combed, and have clean teeth and two sharpened pencils to start school.

 

I make 'em pitch in again at lunch time. We work together then also and it takes about ten minutes or so. We sweep again, put away morning school stuff, take the dog out, pick up after the grandbaby du jour (I always have at least one of those in the house, sometimes more).

 

I usually swap and start laundry during the day as we go. There are always a few minutes here and there to do that kind of thing. I throw it all in together, no sorting. Hey, they're lucky its clean, right?. The kids all can swap and start laundry too, except the five year old. He can only swap. I might even fold it right on the kitchen table during school. I don't have a dishwasher so it isn't unusual in my house to have a kid standing by the sink reading me her work while I get some dishes done. I like to have a clean sink before starting dinner.

 

Right before Dh gets home I make 'em jump up and run around picking things up and straightening the place up all over again. The floor is swept again and I run one of those swiffer mops over it. The kids pick up and put away things. If I folded laundry they run it to the appropriate bedroom. I almost always have supper started by then. We all pitch in again, and I give the orders to tackle the worst looking areas in the time we have to do it, which is usually again about fifteen minutes. Then Dh comes home around 4:30 or 5 and we eat around 5 or 5:30.

 

I guess I manage by time. I have those three designated clean up times a day and everyone has to get up and pitch in. But those times never go longer than fifteen minutes so it is very manageable for us. In the past I've even set a timer and what could get done got done and what couldn't I didn't worry about. Chores, however, are never DONE. I can manage straightened up, swept, dishes done, and supper cooking. Stuff like dusting or scrubbing the bathroom have to happen on the weekend, and Dh gets to help with those things. Because it is MY time off too. Being a SAHM doesn't get him a 24/7 live-in slave.

 

I'm very lucky that my Dh was a SAHD for a few years, so he is very well aware of all that goes into keeping a home. He didn't homeschool during that time so that makes him all the more appreciative of what I do. I can't imagine him criticizing me, that would be like me telling him I thought he could do his job better.

 

Does your Dh really expect your house to be spotless every day? Or does he just want to come home to a place that is reasonably picked up and swept? You can do that! You would be surprised how helpful even the youngest kids can be in fifteen minutes. You can make a game of it with them. Your Dh is probably hungry and cranky when he gets home. Can you make starting dinner a priority so he can smell something cooking? Maybe see if he would like a snack of cheese and crackers or something set up for him on a plate like an afterschool snack to tide him over. And do the fifteen minute crazy clean thing with the kids right before you expect him so things are at least looking a little bit under control?

 

Good luck. I hope your Dh is a reasonable man and you two can find a way to make this work out.

[freesia]

 

OP - my DH and I came to an understanding, he told me specifically what he needs to be done before he gets home to help him feel calm when he walks through that door. Not something lofty like 'spotless house' but specific 'clutter cleared of x area' stuff. That I can handle!

 

This is an excellent idea. I know of other women who've asked that. Sometimes a dh has something in particular they want like "swept floors" or "no laundry in the living room." I actually did ask that question and he said, "a wife who is not stressed out and who speaks kindly to me when I come in the door." He understood that, in order to have that, the house would have to be a bit rumpled.:D

[CalicoKat]

I'm in charge of the daily lessons so I modify to make it fit. We're done with school by 3 because that's all I can do in one day. Then I do the rest of the stuff. Right now I'm working on making the amount of laundry fit the day too, he he he he he he! That involves a garbage bag or 4!

 

I apply the same solution to the house cleaning. :))

[Colleen in NS]

Not necessarily. :confused:

Actually, I don't think that's unrealistic at all. ...

I guess I always just assumed that was normal

 

Things change...see below.

 

However, as the kids have aged, and I am now schooling 3, the days have gotten longer. Schooling 3 school aged kids is a full time job (and I used to teach in school so I know this!) Fitting housework in between everything is possible as a "goal" but not realistic as an everyday expectation.

[Karen in CO]

Thanks for all great responses!

 

We have three kids 15, 11, and 8. We all do chores. We rotate dishwasher emptied, floors vac/swept, trash taken out and laundry washed, dried and sorted into 5 baskets.

 

DH wants calm relaxed evenings with nothing to do. He and I would like to retire to the bedroom at 9. It hasn't been happening because we aren't getting up early enough and getting every thing done.

 

Several months ago, we all sat down and made a schedule for each person. For this to work everyone needs to be well and focused. If one thing goes wrong, the whole day is thrown off. DD 15 still needs me for math, but otherwise she's on her own. The other two kids need me for almost everything. I feel like I'm a slave to the clock. I push and push. I remind. I hurry up.

 

I don't mind that he has the expectation. And I don't know if it's reasonable.

 

We've hs'ed for 7 years. The house is "lived in". Right now, I need to get the roast in the oven and load the dishwasher and do the laundry. School books are still out. DS 8 has swept. He will miss judo today because we weren't finished by 330.

 

I think we can be done by 6 today, but our day wasn't enjoyable at all. I feel like crying. I nagged all day. Bleh!

 

Just a couple of questions and ideas. What time do you typically have supper ready? I'm pretty strict 6pm dinner person - except Mondays Tap dance doesn't get out till nearly 7, Tuesday art class isn't done until 6:30, Wednesday is easier because cello is done by 5:45 but dinner still needs to walk itself to the table, Thursday is Judo which gets us home at 5:45, Fridays we make pizza which we start at 6. Other than that, I am really strict about a 6pm dinner. ;)

 

I used to have a lovely babysitter that homeschooled with 8 kids of her own and ran a daycare (she likes kids way more than I do). Right after the last daycare kid left and shortly before her dh came home from work, they would all spend 15 minutes getting the house back together. They'd sweep, pick up, wipe down and vacuum amazingly fast. She said it kept her sane and turned her house from a business and a school back into a home. I've taken that lesson from her. We pick up and put the house back together at the end of the day. It helps us to relax. The laundry is a whole different story, it is constantly going and will not stop just because it is 6pm.

 

If you want to come closer to something what your dh "suggested", I'd pick one area to focus on getting more routine and choose which would would bring the most order and visible results. After that success, look at something else that you could improve if it makes sense.

[jennsmile]

I cook dinner every night. Most nights it is done by the time he gets home, sometimes not. Sometimes I know he will be heading on a bike ride before dark and sometimes it is due to a baby needing Mom.

 

I try to have my front room cleaned as when he comes in he does like a clean house. He isn't the one doing the laundry so I can do that whenever as long as his clothes are clean for work.

 

Your kids are older. My oldest is 9 and we have toys, legos, and such, but my boys know how to pick up and sweep the front room and I can suggest things to tidy up before daddy comes home.

 

My house is by no means perfect, we live here but we do try to have a few clean spots and 15 minutes worth of messy not 15 hours.

[Bluegoat]

Thanks for all great responses!

 

We have three kids 15, 11, and 8. We all do chores. We rotate dishwasher emptied, floors vac/swept, trash taken out and laundry washed, dried and sorted into 5 baskets.

 

DH wants calm relaxed evenings with nothing to do. He and I would like to retire to the bedroom at 9. It hasn't been happening because we aren't getting up early enough and getting every thing done.

 

Several months ago, we all sat down and made a schedule for each person. For this to work everyone needs to be well and focused. If one thing goes wrong, the whole day is thrown off. DD 15 still needs me for math, but otherwise she's on her own. The other two kids need me for almost everything. I feel like I'm a slave to the clock. I push and push. I remind. I hurry up.

 

I don't mind that he has the expectation. And I don't know if it's reasonable.

 

We've hs'ed for 7 years. The house is "lived in". Right now, I need to get the roast in the oven and load the dishwasher and do the laundry. School books are still out. DS 8 has swept. He will miss judo today because we weren't finished by 330.

 

I think we can be done by 6 today, but our day wasn't enjoyable at all. I feel like crying. I nagged all day. Bleh!

 

 

Assuming there are no gross inefficiencies in your schedule, I think it's important to realize that it is not possible to have a day where everyone is focused and everything goes as planned, every day. Sometimes school will take longer, sometimes you'll need to do an errand or extra household task, and sometimes you'll want to do something like all go for a walk on a nice day. A schedule that doesn't allow for those things is a bit like a budget that has no room for incidental expenses or the occasional cup of coffee.

 

Most of the chores you mention don't seem terribly intesive. The exception I would say is laundry - it sounds like there is a lot. I would look at how often things are getting washed, and I''d look at reducing the items to be laundered. Big wardrobes seem to create a ton of laundry.

 

You could also look at simplifying the school day somehow.

 

I think the advice of others to talk to your dh about what specifically he'd like done would be a good idea.

FWIW, am pretty strict about eating dinner on time, and I rarely do any chores other than clean-up and bedtime routine after. But, I very rarely get laundry finished - I hate putting it away and so it tends to languish in the basket. But I only have one in school so far.

[txmom23]

He wants floors swept, laundry clean and in baskets, dinner done or almost done, and trash taken out. He wants everything put in it's place. Nothing left on the horizontal surfaces in the living room, dining room or kitchen. He doesn't mind if the kids have reading to do because it can be done later in their bedrooms without me.

 

In fairness, his motivation is sincere. He wants us to have the evenings free for family time and us time. He gets home at 6, sometimes 7. That only leaves 2 hours to spend with the kids. He doesn't want them busy doing chores and lessons because he wants to be with them too. He doesn't want me busy about the house cooking and cleaning after he gets home. He wants me settled down watching TV with them or in our bedroom making "tea" or watching a movie with him. If I haven't managed our day well, it all falls apart. He watches TV alone, while we pay catch up.

[melissad2]

I think maybe my dh and I have a different kind of relationship than most. He doesn't "expect" me to do anything. If I cook dinner that's great if not the he knows where the kitchen is. If the laundry gets done fine if not then it will still be there in the morning. He would never tell me to make sure the house is clean and dinner cooked by the time he got home. In fact, I think he would be afraid that if he did he might find his belongings in a big heap in the front yard when he got home :D. I do the best I can with a 5yo, 2yo and newbie on the way.

 

We live in our house and if someone doesn't like then they don't have to come in. If we are expecting company then we all pitch in and clean everything up. No one except my mom drops in without notice.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

He watches TV alone, while we pay catch up.

 

Why doesn't he help you catch up, so then you could maybe spend an hour or so of "free" time together?

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I think maybe my dh and I have a different kind of relationship than most. He doesn't "expect" me to do anything. If I cook dinner that's great if not the he knows where the kitchen is. If the laundry gets done fine if not then it will still be there in the morning. He would never tell me to make sure the house is clean and dinner cooked by the time he got home. In fact, I think he would be afraid that if he did he might find his belongings in a big heap in the front yard when he got home :D. I do the best I can with a 5yo, 2yo and newbie on the way.

 

We live in our house and if someone doesn't like then they don't have to come in. If we are expecting company then we all pitch in and clean everything up. No one except my mom drops in without notice.

 

:iagree: This is how our marriage is too. I wouldn't make demands on dh that he do his job a certain way, or make a certain amount of money, or that he finish all his work by 6 PM, so that we could have family time. Dh is often talking to clients on the phone in the evenings and working from his laptop on weekends. I guess this is why I'm having such difficulties wondering why your husband has these expectations.

[Sukale]

If your dh expects you and the kids to do all of the things you listed what is he expected to do besides going to work?

 

If my dh wanted our house to run like this everyday the he would need to hire out side help. I wouldn't wear my self out every day trying to do all of those thing. I would not nag and rush my kids like that either.

[Mommyof4ks]

No. Chores and cleaning are never ALL done.

 

:iagree: I can get everything on my list done by 6 including dinner, but the house is never spotless with all chores done.

 

ETA: I just read your updates. No, those expectations are too high unless he is willing to help out. My dh does not expect me to do anything, so I do not know what it feels like to have to get all of that done every day. Hugs.

Edited March 27, 2012 by dwkilburn1

[*Inna*]

Well, I try to have everything done by the time my husband comes home. He works long hours and I want the time he's home to be our, not stressed time. When the house is cluttered and things still need to be done, I'm stressed too.

 

My kids are young though and we don't have as much schoolwork to do.

 

I like the idea of listing everything you do in a average day and asking his opinion on what can be done to improve. This way it's not "us vs. them" kind of thing, but working as a team. And maybe a little attitude adjustment for him as well. ;)

[Bluegoat]

He wants floors swept, laundry clean and in baskets, dinner done or almost done, and trash taken out. He wants everything put in it's place. Nothing left on the horizontal surfaces in the living room, dining room or kitchen. He doesn't mind if the kids have reading to do because it can be done later in their bedrooms without me.

 

In fairness, his motivation is sincere. He wants us to have the evenings free for family time and us time. He gets home at 6, sometimes 7. That only leaves 2 hours to spend with the kids. He doesn't want them busy doing chores and lessons because he wants to be with them too. He doesn't want me busy about the house cooking and cleaning after he gets home. He wants me settled down watching TV with them or in our bedroom making "tea" or watching a movie with him. If I haven't managed our day well, it all falls apart. He watches TV alone, while we pay catch up.

 

 

He needs to help out when he gets home, or you all have to decide to leave things the way they are once supper is over and not do any more work.

[KungFuPanda]

DH would like for all lessons, chores (floors swept, laundry rebooted, dw empty) and dinner ready by 6 pm. I'm not getting it all done. Are you guys able to do this?

 

J

 

:lol::lol::lol: Have him show you how it's done while you take notes.

[txmom23]

He has this expectation because he he could do it. So, therefore, I can too. It is just a lack of self discipline. We need more structure to our day, for sure. It's not my natural bent though. The time change has messed me up too.

 

I cook dinner 5 nights a week. It is usually ready by 6, but with the time change I'm running later. It pushes everything later. We aren't getting our alone time from 9 to 10 like we would like.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

He has this expectation because he he could do it. So, therefore, I can too. It is just a lack of self discipline. We need more structure to our day, for sure. It's not my natural bent though. The time change has messed me up too.

 

I cook dinner 5 nights a week. It is usually ready by 6, but with the time change I'm running later. It pushes everything later. We aren't getting our alone time from 9 to 10 like we would like.

 

Well, like I said before, I'd invite him to go ahead and do it, then. I'm just not a big fan of people putting expectations on other people when they haven't actually walked a mile or two in that person's shoes.

[txmom23]

If your dh expects you and the kids to do all of the things you listed what is he expected to do besides going to work?

 

If my dh wanted our house to run like this everyday the he would need to hire out side help. I wouldn't wear my self out every day trying to do all of those thing. I would not nag and rush my kids like that either.

 

There are no "hard expectations" for him. We share mowing the grass and yard work. He does home repairs when needed. He will load the dinner pots and pans into the dishwasher, if it's unloaded.

[Colleen in NS]

He has this expectation because he he could do it. So, therefore, I can too. It is just a lack of self discipline. We need more structure to our day, for sure. It's not my natural bent though. The time change has messed me up too.

 

How about you go away for a weekend sometime, or even a week if possible, and let him live your daily life for more than just a day or two? I just want to challenge the idea that you are portraying that this is all your fault and responsibility.

[Bluegoat]

He has this expectation because he he could do it. So, therefore, I can too. It is just a lack of self discipline. We need more structure to our day, for sure. It's not my natural bent though. The time change has messed me up too.

 

I cook dinner 5 nights a week. It is usually ready by 6, but with the time change I'm running later. It pushes everything later. We aren't getting our alone time from 9 to 10 like we would like.

 

Not everyone is the same. People don't all work the same way. He might get it all done, but it would still not necessarily be done in the same way you would do it.

 

If he is getting annoyed you haven't yet adjusted to the time change, that is silly. It will happen, but it isn't surprising - my kids sleep schedules are still not right either. It will adjust itself eventually.

 

It's important to try and run the family in a way that makes everyone comfortable. But you also have to leave people to manage their area of responsibility in the way that works for them. That means you don't get to micromanage the way he does his job, and vice versa.

[JudoMom]

I do think it's possible. My house is picked up and and clean every day except for Thursday (that day it looks like my house threw up because we have Judo, piano, and gymnastics).

 

We eat later than 6, usually, but on the nights we need to eat at 6 it can be done. Once we start eating, the rest of the evening is devoted to family time (Bible memorization, hanging out, reading aloud, maybe watching Little House on the Prairie or Phineas & Ferb).

 

We school from 8:30 until at least 3:30, but later if we don't have an activity (I cut us off at 4:30 or 4:45), but that's just a result of having 5 school age kids.

[SonshineLearner]

Maybe by 6pm on days he wants to stay and help. Or maybe he wants to clean all wknd? (Or hire you a maid?) I do think having cereal for dinner would help :) Or maybe scrambled eggs and toast. My husband would not like it if I tried to achieve this goal....

[JudoMom]

There are no "hard expectations" for him. We share mowing the grass and yard work. He does home repairs when needed. He will load the dinner pots and pans into the dishwasher, if it's unloaded.

 

Have you asked him, specifically, what is most important? Does he like it when the kitchen is cleaned up? Or does he prefer the floors to be vacuumed more? Does he just like clutter picked up? I'd have him make a list of the top 5 or 10 things he'd prefer you get done during the day, and really focus on those specific things in addition to schooling and laundry.

[Barb_]

He wants floors swept, laundry clean and in baskets, dinner done or almost done, and trash taken out. He wants everything put in it's place. Nothing left on the horizontal surfaces in the living room, dining room or kitchen. He doesn't mind if the kids have reading to do because it can be done later in their bedrooms without me.

 

In fairness, his motivation is sincere. He wants us to have the evenings free for family time and us time. He gets home at 6, sometimes 7. That only leaves 2 hours to spend with the kids. He doesn't want them busy doing chores and lessons because he wants to be with them too. He doesn't want me busy about the house cooking and cleaning after he gets home. He wants me settled down watching TV with them or in our bedroom making "tea" or watching a movie with him. If I haven't managed our day well, it all falls apart. He watches TV alone, while we pay catch up.

 

Then maybe you both need to adjust your expectations. If you want to be done by 6, then be done by six. Whatever isn't finished can wait until tomorrow. He his able to leave his work for another day when he leaves the office, so you both need to cut you some slack. No more playing catch up. No more complaing. Everyone wins.

 

One day you will have an empty house and no more chores to fill your time. This is the time for growing your children. You can have the clean house and all the quiet time you want in the next chapter.

[Oakblossoms]

I told my dh the biggest turn on he could ever do is to finish the chores up for me. I don't get hot for the same things anymore. We have five kids now. Nothing hotter than a broom in hand or freshly made bed;)

[Colleen in NS]

He wants us to have the evenings free for family time and us time. He gets home at 6, sometimes 7. That only leaves 2 hours to spend with the kids. He doesn't want them busy doing chores and lessons because he wants to be with them too. He doesn't want me busy about the house cooking and cleaning after he gets home. He wants me settled down watching TV with them or in our bedroom making "tea" or watching a movie with him.

 

What is his daily schedule like, from wake-up til going to sleep?

[BakersDozen]

We have chores, school/lessons and dinner done by 6pm but that is because that is what I want. If my dh expressed a wish for something like that then he'd better be right in there helping out. ;)

 

I have the 6pm goal because I want to be done with my day. Lessons/school actually is done by 4pm and chores are done first thing in the morning, evening cleanup is done at 5pm.

[GraciebytheBay]

Oh my, no, I cannot get everything done by 6. Ahhh...(that's me dreaming of having a "quitting time"!) I don't have littles anymore, so I have more running around for piano lessons, Latin study sessions, etc., but I don't have toys all over anymore either. I still can't get all that done. In fact, I never have been able to get it all done by 6! Honestly, we're lucky if we've eaten supper and everyone is where they need to be by 7. Of course, dh and I finally say hello to each other around 9 (slight exaggeration, sort of), so I guess it's a trade off.

 

I hope you get some good advice. If you figure out how to get it all done, please let us know. I'd be interested to hear your schedule!:)

[txmom23]

What is his daily schedule like, from wake-up til going to sleep?

 

He is up between 4 or 5, at the office by 7. He has a two hour commute. Leaves the office around 4 or 5, another two hour commute, home by 6 or 7. He would like to be asleep by 1030. Most nights he is.

[justLisa]

I'm trying to imagine my husband actually having the ***** to ask/tell me this. If he has ever thought I didn't do enough in a day he's never told me, though he tells me every day how hard I work. I do everything, not always at the same time, but I'm the mom, a (darn good) wife LOL, cook, maid, gardener, teacher, etc. The kids have chores, but school comes first and I really hold value in making sure they have enough free/play time so if it comes down to it, yes, I think it's more important than chores. Sometimes I'm just worn out and don't put the laundry away and sit on my butt with a book instead.

 

ONCE, I had every last stitch of my laundry done. I thought it was great for a second and then I realized I don't feel any different :lol:. So for now, so long as I keep it to a reasonable pile, i'm good.

 

So in my house, yes, we are done by a certain hour, but that doesn't mean that the house is spotless and everything that COULD be done is done. It's done because the hour has come where everyone wants to relax.

 

I'm a pretty good speed cleaner. I scrub the shower while i'm taking one. I run around the house and scrub all toilets at once. My kitchen floor gets scrubbed often enough because someone is always spilling water or something on the floor. Once a month I spend several hours on a weekend when kids are at grammas and do a deep cleaning/dusting etc.

[Susan in KY]

Your post made me :lol:

[Colleen in NS]

He is up between 4 or 5, at the office by 7. He has a two hour commute. Leaves the office around 4 or 5, another two hour commute, home by 6 or 7. He would like to be asleep by 1030. Most nights he is.

 

Well, that info. changes my thinking somewhat, lol!

 

I still think you should talk with him about expectations, though. He still might have to lower some, so that you are not nagging and crying your way through the day. You might have to lower your expectations of yourself, too. And change some things around in your schooling, and redistribute the chores among you and the kids?

Edited March 27, 2012 by Colleen in NS

[*Inna*]

I told my dh the biggest turn on he could ever do is to finish the chores up for me. I don't get hot for the same things anymore. We have five kids now. Nothing hotter than a broom in hand or freshly made bed;)

:lol: Hear! Hear!

[katilac]

He is up between 4 or 5, at the office by 7. He has a two hour commute. Leaves the office around 4 or 5, another two hour commute, home by 6 or 7. He would like to be asleep by 1030. Most nights he is.

 

egads, I'd work on shortening that commute! If he had two more hours every day, he could certainly help more :lol:

[Sukale]

What time do you and the kids start your day? Knowing what long hours you dh is gone I can more understand him wanting a relaxing evening. Could you have school done by 4 and have every one clean for 1 hour? Then at 5 start dinner and have the kids do their reading at that time?

[Parrothead]

It happens at my house, but I have one child and a cleaning lady. ;)

[jujsky]

Nope. Not even close to getting all that done most days.

[MomatHWTK]

I would ask him if perhaps the chores could wait until later so that you could focus on school and getting dinner together for everyone. Then commit to getting them done. (Though in our house, chores get done when they get done and sometimes that would be "never".) :tongue_smilie:

[mlktwins]

He is up between 4 or 5, at the office by 7. He has a two hour commute. Leaves the office around 4 or 5, another two hour commute, home by 6 or 7. He would like to be asleep by 1030. Most nights he is.

 

This is my DH's schedule (including the commute) except that he doesn't get home until 7:40 every night. He does not have expectations of me other than to school the kids (which was my choice to do so) and make sure they are well taken care of. We both carry our weight in the relationship and I appreciated him before this thread, but I appreciate him even more now :tongue_smilie:. Goodness...

[melissad2]

I'm trying to imagine my husband actually having the ***** to ask/tell me this. If he has ever thought I didn't do enough in a day he's never told me, though he tells me every day how hard I work. I do everything, not always at the same time, but I'm the mom, a (darn good) wife LOL, cook, maid, gardener, teacher, etc. The kids have chores, but school comes first and I really hold value in making sure they have enough free/play time so if it comes down to it, yes, I think it's more important than chores. Sometimes I'm just worn out and don't put the laundry away and sit on my butt with a book instead.

 

ONCE, I had every last stitch of my laundry done. I thought it was great for a second and then I realized I don't feel any different :lol:. So for now, so long as I keep it to a reasonable pile, i'm good.

 

So in my house, yes, we are done by a certain hour, but that doesn't mean that the house is spotless and everything that COULD be done is done. It's done because the hour has come where everyone wants to relax.

 

I'm a pretty good speed cleaner. I scrub the shower while i'm taking one. I run around the house and scrub all toilets at once. My kitchen floor gets scrubbed often enough because someone is always spilling water or something on the floor. Once a month I spend several hours on a weekend when kids are at grammas and do a deep cleaning/dusting etc.

:iagree:

I'm with you!

[KungFuPanda]

Well, here you go. This is the problem. In a nutshell. I don't know of anyone who has kids living at home who has calm, relaxed evenings with nothing to do. There is the unrealistic expectation.

 

I try to do nothing on evenings and weekends, but I run in high gear during the day and I have a talent for ignoring the mess if I crash before it's dealt with.

 

Can you give us an idea of your schedule because I think its totally doable with your kiddos

 

 

I think that it is not an unreasonable request as long as he is not looking for perfection and that this is attainable most days but not all days.

 

Her kids are old enough to help, but they're also old enough that it's impossible to finish schooling by lunchtime. One hard fact we learned about high school is that it really does take a full school day to get it all done.

 

 

He wants floors swept, laundry clean and in baskets, dinner done or almost done, and trash taken out. He wants everything put in it's place. Nothing left on the horizontal surfaces in the living room, dining room or kitchen. He doesn't mind if the kids have reading to do because it can be done later in their bedrooms without me.

 

In fairness, his motivation is sincere. He wants us to have the evenings free for family time and us time. He gets home at 6, sometimes 7. That only leaves 2 hours to spend with the kids. He doesn't want them busy doing chores and lessons because he wants to be with them too. He doesn't want me busy about the house cooking and cleaning after he gets home. He wants me settled down watching TV with them or in our bedroom making "tea" or watching a movie with him. If I haven't managed our day well, it all falls apart. He watches TV alone, while we pay catch up.

 

OK, hold the phone. Does he want this stuff done, or does he just not want you scurrying about trying to do it during family/alone time? Those are two different things. I find a regular tea time distracts a husband from the state of the house and requires a lot less effort on my part that flawless housekeeping.

 

It happens at my house, but I have one child and a cleaning lady. ;)

 

CHEATER! I've actually decided to funnel some dance teaching money into a housekeeper. I'd rather dance than scrub grout! This plan goes into effect mid-April because I wanna be a cheater too!

[Desert Rat]

I would gently remind him that he didn't hire you; he married you.

 

Well said, Barb.

OP, you might think your dh is being oh-so-sweet by wanting to get all "your" chores, etc. done by the time he gets home so he can spend time with you. But really, he's making you feel like a failure and isn't contributing to actually helping you get things done. This would be unacceptable to me.

 

To answer your question, yes, I do have everything done by 6pm. BUT, that's because I'm just dang crazy and OCD. I can't imagine my dh ever even making a comment like your dh said. Never. It's just not respectful to criticize you when you are really doing your best at a tough job, regardless of how sweet he presents it. (And it really was in no way a nice thing to say.) Dh and I are a team and we work as a team to reach a common goal. It sounds lik you dh isn't a team player.

 

You need your dh to be supportive of what you HAVE accomplished during the day, not critical of what is left undone. And hire a maid to help you.

 

I guess I would just be so hurt if he said tha.

[ErinD]

He watches TV alone, while we pay catch up.

 

Wow. My husband would be lucky if the tv wasn't in pieces if he tried that.....and no chance he'd be allowed in the bedroom for quite a while!

If it's not done why isn't he in there helping you finish up? Are you not as entitled to downtime as he is?

 

Ok, that was not even gentle, but ...just, wow. He needs to value you more.

[txmom23]

Does he want this stuff done, or does he just not want you scurrying about trying to do it during family/alone time?

 

Both. He is a neat and tidy person. He is tired of the "lived in" look. He wants this work done. He wants it done on the schedule, so we don't "get behind". You know, do a little bit all the time. Don't let the house get outta hand. If the house is tidy, our homeschool does function better. Thus, our "school" day will end on time too.

 

He doesn't want any of us doing any work in the evenings. He thinks if we have a good daily schedule of lessons and chores before ANYTHING else, our evenings will be just for us.

 

He wants a neat house and he wants it done by 6pm.