What is WRONG with being an introvert????

[J-rap]

I think being an introvert is only a problem if it prevents you from doing things that you really want to do.

[susankenny]

I think being an introvert is only a problem if it prevents you from doing things that you really want to do.

 

Yes, but even then that isn't a problem that exist because you're introverted. That has more to do with social anxiety and shyness. Although you can be all of those things together of course, they aren't mutually exclusive.

 

i loved this article that states:

 

Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.

 

Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."

 

When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective.

[hsmom2011]

I am an introvert who has absolutely no trouble spending time alone. Most of the time I prefer it that way.

 

Being in a large group of people only gives you more opportunity to feel left out and isolated. Public school (or private school or a large co-op or a sports team or any other activity that requires being around lots of people) will not necessarily make your ds feel more social but it could very well make him feel more alone.

 

jm.02

 

:iagree: I am very shy, and so is my youngest dd. I went straight through the public school system, and always felt totally out of place in a classroom full of so many kids. It did absolutely nothing for me, but make me uncomfortable. I always had just one or two friends and was very content with that. I wish I could have been homeschooled, I know I would have done much better in a HS setting. Knowing what I experienced over the years, it gives me so much joy to watch my dd learn in an environment where she can be herself. :001_smile:

[Zebra]

I think going out in the world and being forced to interact with the cashier at the grocery store, or having a part time job would teach your dc a lot more social skills than public school. You go to school to get an education, not learn social skills, IMHO.

 

Obviously people will disagree with me. But, any real life social skills you learn in school happen after school or at activities. Maybe getting involved in some sort of club would be good, but public school isn't going to teach (particularly an introvert) real life social skills.

[1bassoon]

There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. I've got 2 on my hands. :0)

 

The thing that does happen, however, is that without the practice of social skills, because of the tendency toward alone-time, social ineptness can become a barrier. It's not that introverts are BY NATURE socially inept; it's just that they don't get the practice of interaction the way extroverts do.

 

The trick is to teach the social skills and give plenty of practice in the introvert's normal life.

 

"Honey, when someone introduces himself to you, you say thus and so."

"If you want to have friends, you need to make an effort. Let's go call Michael and ask him over for some pool."

"When someone comes to the door to pick you up, ask her in."

 

That sort of thing.

 

I read a really good piece on this awhile back and it made sense. Nothing wrong with being introvert; you just need to pick up the slack on some of the things you won't naturally practice.

 

(You can also reverse this: "Nothing wrong with being extrovert; you just need to practice the things that don't come naturally to you, like knowing how to be alone for 3 minutes at a stretch and not having every thought in your head come out your mouth." I'm semi-quoting the author of that article.)

 

This is great, Patty Joanna.

 

Our oldest dd is now at college, and makes a point of telling everyone she's an "extreme introvert". :glare: We've had to work with her on - well - honestly - rudeness. She tends to use introversion as an excuse for "I'm not going to talk to anyone at this social event."

 

Like the previous post, we've had to coach her - and sadly, I did NOT do enough of that when she was in middle school and high school. Add to that a move at age 13, and she has really struggled to make friends. Now, finally, in college, actually BEING around people has helped her understand how to function. As in, "Maybe you should ask other people how they are" or "Why don't you text your friend and see how their break is". One thing that helps - she has a guy friend (:D) who is very thoughtful, and always asking about other people - especially her younger siblings when he comes for a visit. That has been good modeling for her.

 

She's getting there, slowly. And honestly, I wish I had enrolled her in a co-op, so she had more opportunity to practice interacting with similarly aged peers. And yes, she has shared with me that she feels totally socially inept. I think it is more a lack of practice for her!

 

There's more to this story, but I think you get my point :)

[Denisemomof4]

:iagree: absolutely. Ds20 is not an introvert, but he is different from others his age (in a ggod way) with very different interests, more mature. He communicates perfectly with adults but not as well with peers. Not sure why.

 

While he did make friends in school, school showed him how different he was, and I do believe it made him feel much more alone. It also showed him how ugly people can be. I would suspect it would be different in your country.

 

I felt really bad with ds at home. High school was the best time of my life and I wanted the same for him. Sadly, it was not a good time for him. :(. The girls all loved him and that is where he met his girlfriend of two years.

Yeah, I regret putting him in. I wish I enjoyed my time with him home longer.

 

I didn't type out what I wanted to with the red paragraph above. What a surprise. :tongue_smilie:

 

What I *MEANT* to say was that I wanted ds in high school so he could have a great time with friends, just like I did. I projected what I wanted for him, my experience, onto him, and honestly, it was definitely a mistake.

 

I can understand your husband. He is wanting for your son by what he himself likes. This is what I did.

 

Trying to change your son could make everyone miserable, especially your ds who loves to retreat into his own world (which I have become more like in the past five years or so), and also your dh, who will still feel bad when your son doesn't change.

 

I understand your husband's thoughts on this. Until I met a loner who was very happy with his own company, I never knew anyone did this by choice. Really. I was 18 at the time. My dh could care less if there were a person in the world outside his family. He is happy and content. He socializes when I get us together with other couples/families, otherwise it's just not his thing. He wants to be with us, and especially with me. :thumbup:

[momtoamiracle]

my dh is an introvert. He's 46 years old and has not ever learned to like being in a crowd.

 

I thought somethign was wrong with him until I read the book Raising The Spirited Child. Lots of info on introverts and extroverts. Very eye opening to me about my dh, my son, and myself.

 

nothing wrong with being either, but allowances need to be made for that type personality. It can be torture for an introvert to be forced into social settings they are not comfortable with.

 

 

(haven't read any replies so this may be a repeat...)