swellmomma Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 I am so tempted to give them a taste of their own medicine but that of course will cause more problems for me than I need right now. I have posted in the past about the torment these punks in my town put the kids through. Most recently was dd being ambushed and having rocks thrown at her. 2 days ago all 4 of my kids went to the neighborhood playground with a couple friends. My dd12 and friend played in the park, My other 3 and 2 friends went to build a fort in the trees nearby. The bullies cornered them there, wouldn't let them leave, threatening to hurt them etc, even my dd4! They ran like h*ll when I drove up to pick up my kids. Last night my 3 kids were coming home from a friend's house. The same group of punks blocked the road (there is no sidewalks) so ds8 couldn't get by causing him to fall off his bike and his bad leg that JUST got the cast off to smash into the curb. It bruised and and swelled up instantly, so off the ER we went. Just before leaving the kids informed the family of 2 of the little sh*ts that Hunter's leg was hurt. The 1 says (right in front of his stepdad) if is isn't broken yet we'll break it tomorrow. The dad actually laughed at that comment. This is the same dad that I called the cops on in the fall for uttering death threats towards ds8. They live 3 doors down so we can't even play in the yard without problems from them. The guy then says "go ahead and call the cops, we'll just alugh about it with them like last time" The verdict at the hospital, not rebroken but the bone is bruised. He is back in the cast for 4-5 days until swelling and bruising go down. I am furious and fed up. Calling the police has done very little to help things in the past. I am starting to think the only thing that will work is to start suing the families that allow and encourage their kids to bully others. I have no interest in the money, I would donate it away, but maybe if it starts hitting their wallets they will see how wrong bullying is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 I agree! I'd be down at the county court tomorrow filing a claim for hospital costs and damages. Gotta get tough and hurt them in the pocketbook for sure. I would also make a point of hanging around for a while when the kids are out or having them use a phone or monitor so they can call you when they see trouble coming. Then I'd head out to intercept the bullies and let them know the police will be there if they EVER even consider messing with others again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Keep reporting it to the police. Consider a lawsuit as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 I think you have to call the police and report it, every.single.time. Let them see that you won't tolerate it, ever, that you're done messing around with them. Let them get so sick of the police showing up at their house, that they eventually tell their kids "just ignore those kids, we're sick of the police coming here" if nothing else. Andi f you file a report about what happened yesterday and today, by all means you can go try to file a claim at the courthouse for the ER costs for today if there are any, or have a lawyer pay them a visit on top of the police. Or see if there's a way you can get some sort of video of any of this bullying to use against them if possible, or go over there with a voice recorder and have a conversation with the dad about what happened and ask him to keep his kids away from your kids and see if you can record him making inflammatory comments about how he doesn't care what his kids do to your kids, and let the police hear THAT... something's got to give, your poor kids shouldn't have to keep living with this, how awful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I think you have to call the police and report it, every.single.time. Let them see that you won't tolerate it, ever, that you're done messing around with them. Let them get so sick of the police showing up at their house, that they eventually tell their kids "just ignore those kids, we're sick of the police coming here" if nothing else. Andi f you file a report about what happened yesterday and today, by all means you can go try to file a claim at the courthouse for the ER costs for today if there are any, or have a lawyer pay them a visit on top of the police. Or see if there's a way you can get some sort of video of any of this bullying to use against them if possible, or go over there with a voice recorder and have a conversation with the dad about what happened and ask him to keep his kids away from your kids and see if you can record him making inflammatory comments about how he doesn't care what his kids do to your kids, and let the police hear THAT... something's got to give, your poor kids shouldn't have to keep living with this, how awful! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I would try to find some really big kids in another neighborhood pay them to act bully! :lol: Report it to the police and say you wanna press chatges for claims court. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I think you have to call the police and report it, every.single.time. Let them see that you won't tolerate it, ever, that you're done messing around with them. Let them get so sick of the police showing up at their house, that they eventually tell their kids "just ignore those kids, we're sick of the police coming here" if nothing else. Andi f you file a report about what happened yesterday and today, by all means you can go try to file a claim at the courthouse for the ER costs for today if there are any, or have a lawyer pay them a visit on top of the police. Or see if there's a way you can get some sort of video of any of this bullying to use against them if possible, or go over there with a voice recorder and have a conversation with the dad about what happened and ask him to keep his kids away from your kids and see if you can record him making inflammatory comments about how he doesn't care what his kids do to your kids, and let the police hear THAT... something's got to give, your poor kids shouldn't have to keep living with this, how awful! :iagree: Daily, if needed. What about your ex? These are his kids. Would he go over and talk to the guy? What about the media? If the police really won't do anything, maybe some pressure from a news report would help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrayAlice Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I agree! I'd be down at the county court tomorrow filing a claim for hospital costs and damages. Gotta get tough and hurt them in the pocketbook for sure. I would also make a point of hanging around for a while when the kids are out or having them use a phone or monitor so they can call you when they see trouble coming. Then I'd head out to intercept the bullies and let them know the police will be there if they EVER even consider messing with others again. :iagree: Sounds like lawsuit time to me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 When you've called the police in the past, have they just gone to the bully house, or have the come to your house as well? If they haven't paid you a visit as well then the police only have half the story, regardless of what you've told them over the phone. Document every instance you can remember, as well as all the times the police have been called. Ask your ds's friends if they wouldn't mind being "witnesses", then take your file down to the station in person and see what can be done. Then, if the police reaction is still not satisfactory, go to a lawyer and see what can be done. :iagree: All of this. Many :grouphug:s. We've dealt with bullies but what you are going through is EXTREME. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Some times you have to get hardcore with people like this. Use your imagination. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I think you have to call the police and report it, every.single.time. Let them see that you won't tolerate it, ever, that you're done messing around with them. Let them get so sick of the police showing up at their house, that they eventually tell their kids "just ignore those kids, we're sick of the police coming here" if nothing else. Andi f you file a report about what happened yesterday and today, by all means you can go try to file a claim at the courthouse for the ER costs for today if there are any, or have a lawyer pay them a visit on top of the police. Or see if there's a way you can get some sort of video of any of this bullying to use against them if possible, or go over there with a voice recorder and have a conversation with the dad about what happened and ask him to keep his kids away from your kids and see if you can record him making inflammatory comments about how he doesn't care what his kids do to your kids, and let the police hear THAT... something's got to give, your poor kids shouldn't have to keep living with this, how awful! :iagree: I would go in person with your kid in the cast to file the report with the police. I would also file a claim at the courthouse right after you leave the police station with the police report in hand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I agree! I'd be down at the county court tomorrow filing a claim for hospital costs and damages. I agree. If I couldn't stop it any other way, I'd do that, just in the hopes of making them care. But if your kid is physically injured by them, can't you press assault charges? Some obnoxious kid chased my nine-year-old out of a park, hitting him, early this week. I went back down with just my cell phone and snapped a picture of him, not saying a word. He freaked out, ran home yelling, "his mom took a picture of me! she took a picture of me!" I figured it would make him feel like what he does has consequences, help him remember that people are taking note of his behavior. I'm not going to do anything with it. Hopefully that puts an end to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 :iagree: Daily, if needed. What about your ex? These are his kids. Would he go over and talk to the guy? What about the media? If the police really won't do anything, maybe some pressure from a news report would help. I do call the cops every single time, that's why the dad was making the comment. THe cops have done very little. Small town the cops are friends with the punks kids. I still call every single time. My ex is an idiot and think bullying builds character, not to mention he is not ds8's dad. He does nothing to protect his own kids he certainly would not step up to protect ones that are not. I did write a letter to the editor today about the bullying issue in this town. Many of these wore the pink shirts for anti bullying 2 weeks ago and bullied my kids in the afternoon while still wearing them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 When you've called the police in the past, have they just gone to the bully house, or have the come to your house as well? If they haven't paid you a visit as well then the police only have half the story, regardless of what you've told them over the phone. Document every instance you can remember, as well as all the times the police have been called. Ask your ds's friends if they wouldn't mind being "witnesses", then take your file down to the station in person and see what can be done. Then, if the police reaction is still not satisfactory, go to a lawyer and see what can be done. They have come to mine first and gotten a statemnet and then gone to the bullies. 1 kid has been hauled into court twice for using weapons, this last time he was with someone else that threw the rocks and uttered death threats to dd. He is not being charged, the girl that did it has left town. For the most part the cops come here, go to the bullies house and then come back to me and say it is a he said, she said situation. When they is no weapons or serious injury they will do absolutely nothing. This injury last night was serious enough to call so we will be filing against the punks again. It is 2 groups of kids, that know each other from school, but generally don't all hang out. In the 1 group the main boy is the one that has been to court twice about this. He is generally backing off now, and his "posse" usually follows his lead. This other group is a made up of 4 boys from 2 families and the main leader seems to be this dad who is on the volunteer fire dept and is buddies with the only cop that lives in town. SO I keep calling and getting no where. We had 1 other bully last year but once I warned his mom that court for a civil suit was next she kept her boy away from us. The problem is in this town there is very little supervision. In fact there has been articles in the paper every month from spring to summer about the "gangs" of unsupervised kids roaming the streets. There is no afterschool activities and no sports, and no where to go even the library is only open 3 days a week. The kids roam around bored with no supervision and get into trouble. My kids are seen as targets because we are the only homeschoolers and because of the kids issues. They even got beat up on the school grounds when school let out in front of a teacher and we were told by the school there was nothing they could do because my kids were not students. It is a really bad mentality out here, and the kids act like the kids in lord of the flies, a savage bunch of barbarians. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 When the cops came last time about dd's assault I warned the officer that I was done playing with this and that if I had to I would be going vigilante on them. I told the officer that I can only take so much and when people continue hurting my kids it is time for them to learn to fear my wrath. HE didn't say a word to dissuade me but he is the first to take us seriously. THe first officer didn't want to do anything about it, not even talk to teh kids/parents that were involved. this one that came was young and new. Last I heard he tracked the girl down in a different town that she moved to, and gave the file info the police there. They talked to her and gave her a heads up that this has followed her and how serious it was. Because the file is there now if she does it to someone there it will prove a pattern and she will get slammed. I was told charging her out here will be tough to do because we have not had a run in with her before on record (we have had issues with her before but I thought she had stopped). Seriiously the worst part is the kids were safer in out drug and gang infested neighborhood inthe city than they have been in the tiny rural town. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momoftwoinga Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Poor kids, I'm so sorry. :grouphug: I definitely would have been in jail by now. Please keep us posted. I'll keep you guys in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Your cop has a boss, somewhere. I would not be letting him get away with anything just because he's buddies with the Bully Dad. I'd keep going higher and higher until something is done about the kids AND the cop. With your ER visit today, you've definitely got enough for a police report and a visit with a lawyer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lailasmum Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I would be tempted to wire the kids with some sort of spy camera to get more evidence. There are really small ones that look like a badge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I am so sorry your family is dealing with this. :grouphug: I am always stunned to meet/hear about parents like this, and the lack of police attention to it. I agree with the other posters--be loud, be persistent and insist upon action. If you have to file a lawsuit to bring this to the attention of the court, do it. Leave a trail of reports, paperwork, dates, times, etc., to send a message to these kids and their useless parents that your family will not be intimidated. I hope you have peace soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 call the police, then call an anti-bullying group. See what they advise.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Could you now file a restraining order? You have a kid in a cast because of this I could see a judge ordering one over it. I would be livid and I would not be able to stay calm at this point. I read on a board forever ago or perhaps it was a blog I am not sure anymore. the mother drove over to the next town where her relations lived grabbed two older boys that were pretty big and had them bully the bully so to speak. Is there any men you know who could go over to talk that won't be all nice? This is not a pretty situation and the fact the father is laughing off his kid is just horrible. Sounds like not much is going to work. I would file a courts claim and ask for a protective order. Friends don't matter then if he breaks it they have to do something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeenagerMom Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 There are spy gear toys that actually have fairly decent video and audio quality. I would outfit the kids in those to at least get audio of the incidents. Then if the police still refuse to do something, I would be contacting the state Police Commissioner, the Attorney General's office, and and the media. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I do call the cops every single time, that's why the dad was making the comment. THe cops have done very little. Small town the cops are friends with the punks kids. I still call every single time. My ex is an idiot and think bullying builds character, not to mention he is not ds8's dad. He does nothing to protect his own kids he certainly would not step up to protect ones that are not. I did write a letter to the editor today about the bullying issue in this town. Many of these wore the pink shirts for anti bullying 2 weeks ago and bullied my kids in the afternoon while still wearing them. Your cop has a boss, somewhere. I would not be letting him get away with anything just because he's buddies with the Bully Dad. I'd keep going higher and higher until something is done about the kids AND the cop. With your ER visit today, you've definitely got enough for a police report and a visit with a lawyer. :iagree: This is what I was going to say. That cop has a boss. And his boss has a boss. If the cop is buddies with this guy, then you need to go over this cop's head and state that he is friends with the father of someone who is severely bullying your son and you feel he is not objective enough to do his job in this instance. I agree that you need lists of things that have happened to your kids, conversations that were had with the bully's father, threats that were made etc. They have come to mine first and gotten a statemnet and then gone to the bullies. 1 kid has been hauled into court twice for using weapons, this last time he was with someone else that threw the rocks and uttered death threats to dd. He is not being charged, the girl that did it has left town. For the most part the cops come here, go to the bullies house and then come back to me and say it is a he said, she said situation. When they is no weapons or serious injury they will do absolutely nothing. This injury last night was serious enough to call so we will be filing against the punks again. It is 2 groups of kids, that know each other from school, but generally don't all hang out. In the 1 group the main boy is the one that has been to court twice about this. He is generally backing off now, and his "posse" usually follows his lead. This other group is a made up of 4 boys from 2 families and the main leader seems to be this dad who is on the volunteer fire dept and is buddies with the only cop that lives in town. SO I keep calling and getting no where. We had 1 other bully last year but once I warned his mom that court for a civil suit was next she kept her boy away from us. The problem is in this town there is very little supervision. In fact there has been articles in the paper every month from spring to summer about the "gangs" of unsupervised kids roaming the streets. There is no afterschool activities and no sports, and no where to go even the library is only open 3 days a week. The kids roam around bored with no supervision and get into trouble. My kids are seen as targets because we are the only homeschoolers and because of the kids issues. They even got beat up on the school grounds when school let out in front of a teacher and we were told by the school there was nothing they could do because my kids were not students. It is a really bad mentality out here, and the kids act like the kids in lord of the flies, a savage bunch of barbarians. In all seriousness, with what you're describing, I'd very strongly consider moving if it was even remotely possible. I would not want to live in a place like that or around people like this. It sounds like a miserable existence where there's nothing for kids to do, my kids getting bullied all the time, the cops doing nothing about it. Of course, with that not possible, I'd also really be worried about what summer's about to bring in just a few short months when school's out for those kids all day long, so I would take this as far as I can now in a full blown effort to put a stop to it. More police reports, court, lawyer, restraining order, whatever I could think of to do.... I would be tempted to wire the kids with some sort of spy camera to get more evidence. There are really small ones that look like a badge. I think since you are saying nothing else has worked, it really might be a good idea to get PROOF of what is going on. Especially since the police are falling back on "this is a he said/she said situation." If you do this with your kids so that there IS video of them getting bullied, or hire an investigator to follow them around and get photos/video of them getting bullied, so you have an irrefutable witness, then you'd have proof for the police and for court. I really hope something gives before these kids are out of school for the summer and have even more hours to wander the streets looking for other kids to bully. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 :grouphug: So sorry you and your children are going through this. In our state there are lots of laws about bullying (an entirely different subject and the laws often work more against the kids being bullied if they try to stick up for themselves) but the schools punish kids even if they bully outside school time. I don't know if it would work for you since you homeschool and laws are different in every state but what about going to the school and letting them know what the bullies are doing? I would also suggest filing charges against those involved. Then see a lawyer about suing for damages. They sent your child to the hospital. It has gone beyond "kids being kids" imho. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwg Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Can you move? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 :grouphug: So sorry you and your children are going through this. In our state there are lots of laws about bullying (an entirely different subject and the laws often work more against the kids being bullied if they try to stick up for themselves) but the schools punish kids even if they bully outside school time. I don't know if it would work for you since you homeschool and laws are different in every state but what about going to the school and letting them know what the bullies are doing? I would also suggest filing charges against those involved. Then see a lawyer about suing for damages. They sent your child to the hospital. It has gone beyond "kids being kids" imho. One incident happened in front of a teacher on school property right after school and we were told there was nothing they could do since my kids are not students there. That is only 1 reason why the kids will never attend school in this town. I have been calling the cops and have filed charges numerous times. The only times it has gone to court was the 2 times with weapons charges were included. It has been beyond kids being kids since the first month this started. You guys have no idea. They targetted Austin mainly then branched out to my other 3. Last fall 1 of the boys even tried to frame Austin for a fire. Austin was with another adult and 3 kids at a farm behind the school. The kid (this is the family I outright announced I would take to civil court and it stopped after this incident), started a fire behind the school and then he and his buddies all said it was Austin, because Austin had been involved in some other fires a year earlier. At first those kids were believed and Austin got screamed at by other adults at the park, etc. I showed up at the park just as the police were getting ready to arrest him and that other aduult came running from the farm to state that Austin was with her and had nothing to do with that fire, though the rumors have continued saying he did. Because no one saw the other boy set it we couldn't prove he was framing Austin, but since we had been having daily issues with him already I let his mom know how I would handle even 1 more infraction by that boy. Up until then she kept claiming she was a single mom and too busy working to keep track of what he was doing, after that she suddenly could make sure he left the kids alone. The problem that we learned too late after moving here is how closed off this town is to outsiders. If you were not born and raised here, along with your parents and grandparents you are not welcome. Everyone I have met in this town that has disabled kid have moved away because of the bullying towards their kids. THe only one that remains their family tree has root back to some of the original families of this town. Their son has CP and is wheelchair bound and nonverbal. The bullies leave him alone, but that may have much to do with the fact that he is never ever without an adult. Between teh bullies and the school's refusal to hire supports for disabilities any I have met have left town. I can't move because I own the house and nothing is being bought in this town. My neighbor's house has been on the market for over a year with barely any viewings. Not to mention my situation is stickier because my parents actually own the house, I pay them the mortgage and it comes out of my dad's account the next day to the bank. SO even if it sells I will still owe them the down payment etc. So we are stuck for at least a few more years until the market changes and I can do enough to the home to increase it's value and at least get back out of it what we initially paid. We just want to be left alone to do our thing. The kids finally started to make a new friend this week. We found out yesterday that bully dad went and had a talk with new kid's dad and bad mouthed my kids so much with complete lies that new kid's dad banned new kid from playing with mine. I had a talk with new kid mom and cleared up quite a lot of it, and she said she would talk to her husband but until he gives the approval new kid can not play with my kids. They were quite heartbroken last night. After 2 years here they have 1 friend they can play with on Saturdays, and 1 kid that comes to visit his mom every other weekend or so that they can sometimes play with. That's it. No other friends now that new kid can't play. New kid and boy across the street from new kid are who my kids have played with everyday this week until this news. My kids just want to be able to play and make friends and be kids and are not being allowed to by the idiots in this town. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curlylocks Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Could you now file a restraining order? :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 In all seriousness, with what you're describing, I'd very strongly consider moving if it was even remotely possible. I would not want to live in a place like that or around people like this. It sounds like a miserable existence where there's nothing for kids to do, my kids getting bullied all the time, the cops doing nothing about it. Of course, with that not possible, I'd also really be worried about what summer's about to bring in just a few short months when school's out for those kids all day long, so I would take this as far as I can now in a full blown effort to put a stop to it. More police reports, court, lawyer, restraining order, whatever I could think of to do.... I really hope something gives before these kids are out of school for the summer and have even more hours to wander the streets looking for other kids to bully. :( Last summer my 2 oldest spent 5 weeks away from home due to ds8's car wreck but it also gave them a needed repreive from the bullies. This summer will be much the same. I have found enough summer camps with suvsidies for low income to have them gone for 4 weeks worth of camps, my ex will take the 2 oldest for a week, and gramma is looking to take all 3 for a week, so that knocks 6 weeks out for the bigs, and 5 weeks for ds8 out of 8 weeks of summer vacation. Most of the weeks only 1-2 is gone at a time so I will still have kids home, but it will be easier to keep an eye on things and protect them. Based on their summer schedules it looks like they will each have approx 3 M-F weeks at home all summer so far less time for anyone to be causing problems for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 Small towns are like that unfortunately. What people are doing here is moving in with their clique from the old neighborhood. So now, we have cliques instead of just the original settler's descendents. The high school works very hard on diversity awareness and lowering barriers so that those not in the cliques have a chance to form friendships. Is there a church leader that can help? Around here the church, police, and school have formed groups to develop positive youth activities. The wandering stopped with the summer and after school enrichment programs as well as the school to work initiative. With the on school property incidents -- go beyond the school officials to the police, press charges, and get a lawyer. It's so routine to do this here that the school officials will hand the parent the office phone - it is the only real recourse anyone has as the school discipline plans weren't meant for criminals. The parents won't curb their children until the judge gives them the hard choice and their wallets take the hit. The school is doing nothing, even trying to encourage diversity would be hard, the high school classes all have 9-10 kids total, all white, no disabilites etc. You hit the nail on the head about cliques. We don't have a police station in town. We have 1 officer that lives in town, but the police station is in the next town over, they have a done a ton in their own town but nothing for here. We have a family community support services agency and what they are supposed to so is be the ones to create afterschool programs, and programs/activities for non-school days etc. Their office door says open M-F 9-4, you are lucky if they are ever open, you need to call ahead to ensure someone is there before you head over. They do put on the summer day camp in town, for grade 2-5, they run a 3 day a week summer camp. Nothing for older or younger. In the winter hockey is the focus, they have 4H in this town, and in the summer they sort of have softball and soccer. Meaning they never have actual games only practices. We go to the next town over to do guides/scouts/ soccer/ swimming/ music lessons and pretty much everything else. The kids have friends in that town but it is not easy for them to get together and play. Though it is a small town as well they are more welcoming. It is a huge difference. I walk into any store/park/school/activity in that town and know people and people are calling to us and waving us over etc. We are 100% accepted. In my own town we get flipped the bird more often than we are waved at. As for churches, we have 3 The United church with a congregation of 5. and the Community church which has a higher congregation of about 12 because it is the one that families can go to. Families can go to the other's, but the average age in them is 65, there is nothing for families. The last church is the lutheran, I have never been to it. Like most things in this town, most people go tothe next town over if they want a decent church and most end up at the alliance church. At this point there is no real sense of community. YOu are either in or you are not. And that is about it. Those that want to make a difference and volunteer etc go to the next town over because that is where the opportunities are. My whole current town is smaller than some of the highschools in my old city. I live in a town of about 750 people, so yeah it is like being stuck in high school all the flipping time. I keep meeting new people who move to town but they all keep moving away with in a year. Not necessarily duye to bullying but due to lack of opportunities etc. Many use this as a jumping point to save money to move into the next town over because rent is cheap in this town, so they live here for a year and save up than move to the next town and buy a place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I can't move because I own the house and nothing is being bought in this town. My neighbor's house has been on the market for over a year with barely any viewings. Not to mention my situation is stickier because my parents actually own the house, I pay them the mortgage and it comes out of my dad's account the next day to the bank. SO even if it sells I will still owe them the down payment etc. So we are stuck for at least a few more years until the market changes and I can do enough to the home to increase it's value and at least get back out of it what we initially paid. Have you talked to your parents about this?? I would hope they would be more worried about their grandkids' safety and work to maybe rent it out or help you sell it or something to get you guys to a safer area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 Have you talked to your parents about this?? I would hope they would be more worried about their grandkids' safety and work to maybe rent it out or help you sell it or something to get you guys to a safer area. :smilielol5:you have not met my parents. My parents knew I was being bullied in school and would not let me switch schools growing up. When I was a teen and being abused physically, sexually and mentally by my boyfriend I was told by my mom that if I just complied with what my boyfriend wanted he wouldn't treat me that way anymore. My parents are big on the whole safety thing. I have talked to my mom about it and told her if it kept up I was out of here and selling the place. I was informed they would take me to court for breach of contract and to recoup the down payment (which I would have continued paying off anyway). My parents (particularily my mom) are focused more on the almighty $$ than on anything else. After Hunter got hurt the other night I told my mom what happened and her response was that I should have been watching him more closely and blamed me for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvnlattes Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 We just want to be left alone to do our thing. The kids finally started to make a new friend this week. We found out yesterday that bully dad went and had a talk with new kid's dad and bad mouthed my kids so much with complete lies that new kid's dad banned new kid from playing with mine. I had a talk with new kid mom and cleared up quite a lot of it, and she said she would talk to her husband but until he gives the approval new kid can not play with my kids. They were quite heartbroken last night. After 2 years here they have 1 friend they can play with on Saturdays, and 1 kid that comes to visit his mom every other weekend or so that they can sometimes play with. That's it. No other friends now that new kid can't play. New kid and boy across the street from new kid are who my kids have played with everyday this week until this news. This is just crazy!!! I don't have any advice but I'm sorry this is happening to your family :grouphug: . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 (edited) I am so sorry for what you are going through. I had lots of advice, but when I read through all the posts -- about the schools, the police, the town, and so on -- I realized that my advice/experience was with very minor bullying in a town and state (NJ) that has strong anti-bullying protections. If you file a restraining order or sue, bullying could conceivably get worse. It's a horrible thought. I like the spyware idea. Oh, if you are documenting, it can be a good idea to write in a bound (non-looseleaf) book. If you are filling in past incidents, include the date of the incident and the date you wrote about it. For ongoing events, courts like it if your narrative is as contemporaneous as possible. Handwritten is better than computer printouts. Be wordy rather than brief, but stick to the facts of the situation, not comments about the town. Exact quotes are always good. Is there any way you could walk away, get housing elsewhere (subsidized if need be) and leave your parents with the house? Or, keep kids inside in your town, but do all your outdoor activities in other towns? Keep us posted. :grouphug: Edited March 16, 2012 by Alessandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woolybear Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 No advice, though it sounds like others have had some. BUT I am angry for you! So sorry your family is going through this.:grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 :smilielol5:you have not met my parents. My parents knew I was being bullied in school and would not let me switch schools growing up. When I was a teen and being abused physically, sexually and mentally by my boyfriend I was told by my mom that if I just complied with what my boyfriend wanted he wouldn't treat me that way anymore. My parents are big on the whole safety thing. I have talked to my mom about it and told her if it kept up I was out of here and selling the place. I was informed they would take me to court for breach of contract and to recoup the down payment (which I would have continued paying off anyway). My parents (particularily my mom) are focused more on the almighty $$ than on anything else. After Hunter got hurt the other night I told my mom what happened and her response was that I should have been watching him more closely and blamed me for it. WOW. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnificent_baby Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Living in that town does not sound physically nor mentally healthy for your family. Normally, I would not suggest running from a problem, but in this case since it does not seem like you even have police protection, I would be out of there in a heartbeat. Even if your parents own the house, and you have to repay them. This may sound really rude, but if my parents knew I was being physically or sexually abused in the past and allowed it to happen, I really wouldn't care if they had trouble selling the house or not. Let them take you to court if they need to. Your children's needs (especially physical safety) are a priority, and I think it is best if you get them out of that town. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 My ex is an idiot and think bullying builds character, not to mention he is not ds8's dad. He does nothing to protect his own kids he certainly would not step up to protect ones that are not. Well what about the 8yo's dad? What does he say about what these kids are doing to his son? Any chance he'll come talk to the parents? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 Well what about the 8yo's dad? What does he say about what these kids are doing to his son? Any chance he'll come talk to the parents? ds8 does not have a dad. I used a sperm donor for him and dd4. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 So...the mortgage is in your parent's name, not yours? And your parents couldn't care less that you were sexually abused as a teen, couldn't care less if your kids are being severely bullied, care more about money than people... I'd be seriously tempted to just walk away from it all and go rent a place somewhere else far from all of it and let them deal with the mortgage and selling the house and put my kid's mental and physical and emotional well-being and my own sanity first and screw everything and everyone else. Let them sue you if they're so inclined. What could they get from you? You're a single mom and I believe you mentioned you're low-income, and you certainly have a valid reason to have walked away from that town due to needing to keep your children safe. Even if the judge says you have to pay them back, fine. At least you'd be out. I know. A step like that would really be leaving your parents high and dry with a second mortgage but I'd be reaaaaaaally strongly considering it with those kinds of parents and the kind of extreme situation you've outlined here. It sounds like hell for your kids (and you) with no way out in sight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 :iagree: totally agree with walking away. Your children's safety is worth it. This whole situation is so awful for you. I'm so so sorry. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 So...the mortgage is in your parent's name, not yours? And your parents couldn't care less that you were sexually abused as a teen, couldn't care less if your kids are being severely bullied, care more about money than people... I'd be seriously tempted to just walk away from it all and go rent a place somewhere else far from all of it and let them deal with the mortgage and selling the house and put my kid's mental and physical and emotional well-being and my own sanity first and screw everything and everyone else. Let them sue you if they're so inclined. What could they get from you? You're a single mom and I believe you mentioned you're low-income, and you certainly have a valid reason to have walked away from that town due to needing to keep your children safe. Even if the judge says you have to pay them back, fine. At least you'd be out. I know. A step like that would really be leaving your parents high and dry with a second mortgage but I'd be reaaaaaaally strongly considering it with those kinds of parents and the kind of extreme situation you've outlined here. It sounds like hell for your kids (and you) with no way out in sight. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 So...the mortgage is in your parent's name, not yours? And your parents couldn't care less that you were sexually abused as a teen, couldn't care less if your kids are being severely bullied, care more about money than people... I'd be seriously tempted to just walk away from it all and go rent a place somewhere else far from all of it and let them deal with the mortgage and selling the house and put my kid's mental and physical and emotional well-being and my own sanity first and screw everything and everyone else. Let them sue you if they're so inclined. What could they get from you? You're a single mom and I believe you mentioned you're low-income, and you certainly have a valid reason to have walked away from that town due to needing to keep your children safe. Even if the judge says you have to pay them back, fine. At least you'd be out. I know. A step like that would really be leaving your parents high and dry with a second mortgage but I'd be reaaaaaaally strongly considering it with those kinds of parents and the kind of extreme situation you've outlined here. It sounds like hell for your kids (and you) with no way out in sight. Once again, :iagree: with Nance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Living in that town does not sound physically nor mentally healthy for your family. Normally, I would not suggest running from a problem, but in this case since it does not seem like you even have police protection, I would be out of there in a heartbeat. Even if your parents own the house, and you have to repay them. This may sound really rude, but if my parents knew I was being physically or sexually abused in the past and allowed it to happen, I really wouldn't care if they had trouble selling the house or not. Let them take you to court if they need to. Your children's needs (especially physical safety) are a priority, and I think it is best if you get them out of that town. :grouphug: :iagree: So...the mortgage is in your parent's name, not yours? And your parents couldn't care less that you were sexually abused as a teen, couldn't care less if your kids are being severely bullied, care more about money than people... I'd be seriously tempted to just walk away from it all and go rent a place somewhere else far from all of it and let them deal with the mortgage and selling the house and put my kid's mental and physical and emotional well-being and my own sanity first and screw everything and everyone else. Let them sue you if they're so inclined. What could they get from you? You're a single mom and I believe you mentioned you're low-income, and you certainly have a valid reason to have walked away from that town due to needing to keep your children safe. Even if the judge says you have to pay them back, fine. At least you'd be out. I know. A step like that would really be leaving your parents high and dry with a second mortgage but I'd be reaaaaaaally strongly considering it with those kinds of parents and the kind of extreme situation you've outlined here. It sounds like hell for your kids (and you) with no way out in sight. :iagree::iagree: what's the worst that could happen if you walked away? Do you have any assets a judge could come after? Hon, your and your kids' mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical safety is too important to remain in that environment. In my profession it is drilled into new medics' heads that their safety *always* comes first. It's how we stay alive (and I'm not being melodramatic). Take care of yourself and your kids. I'm really sorry you're going through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 But, by doing this she cuts herself aff from ANY future help from her family. I think the "run away" approach is appealing, but a little too easy to say than to do. I would continue to move up the police ladder and attempt to document this on film or voice recording, then take it to the courts. Call a social worker and ask them for help. Call a district attorney (I don't know what you have there in Canada). Call a police department in another city and see what THEY would do if you were in their city. Get advice/help from unbiased people. Lara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 ((((hugs)))) No advice, no solutions, just wanted to say you're a tough broad and you'll find your way through this mess just like you've toughened your way through messes in the past. When everything feels like it's spiraling out of control, just stop. Take a few deep breaths. Think. Plan. Do. No regrets, no second-guessing, no looking back. You'll be fine, but you'll work hard for it. Best wishes to you and yours, it's an awful spot to be in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 (edited) Living in that town does not sound physically nor mentally healthy for your family. Normally, I would not suggest running from a problem, but in this case since it does not seem like you even have police protection, I would be out of there in a heartbeat. Even if your parents own the house, and you have to repay them. This may sound really rude, but if my parents knew I was being physically or sexually abused in the past and allowed it to happen, I really wouldn't care if they had trouble selling the house or not. Let them take you to court if they need to. Your children's needs (especially physical safety) are a priority, and I think it is best if you get them out of that town. :grouphug: :iagree: But, by doing this she cuts herself aff from ANY future help from her family. I think the "run away" approach is appealing, but a little too easy to say than to do. I would continue to move up the police ladder and attempt to document this on film or voice recording, then take it to the courts. Call a social worker and ask them for help. Call a district attorney (I don't know what you have there in Canada). Call a police department in another city and see what THEY would do if you were in their city. Get advice/help from unbiased people. Lara Why would she WANT their help again?! I'm sorry, but I was HER children growing up. I was the wrong color in the wrong neighborhood. Bullied, threatened, followed, etc. It got so bad at one point that a teacher from my school had to pick me up and take me to school because it was no longer safe for me to ride the bus. My mom was a single mom, and I know it was hard for her, but I still sometimes have to swallow the hurt and resentment that well up because she STAYED and allowed it to keep happening. Edited March 17, 2012 by Dustybug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Truthfully? The whole thing (townies & OP's parents) sound toxic. If Swellmomma doesn't have any large assets, let the parents file a judgment against her as they won't get anything $$$. Her credit score may be screwed up, but in today's economy, everyone has lousy credit. Find another place. Move. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 If the mortgage is in her parents name only there is really nothing they can do. Mine is in my parents names and if I walked off well they would be stuck with the bill cause my name is NO WHERE on any deeds or papers. If my parents were like that I probally would stick it to them to be honest. If my parents were like that I would have cut contact the day I turned of age let alone let them near my children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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