Jump to content

Menu

Frustrated


Recommended Posts

What do you do when your children (7 and 5) refuse to clean their room? We have tried taking away everything that is in the floor for a while, picking up random toys and throwing them away because they were left out, and several other things, but nothing is working. We don't know what else to do. They trash their room, and every time we try to get them to clean up, they just go in there and start playing. I have cleaned it up myself and organized everything in boxes to make it easier for them, but it didn't help. Any advice?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I go and sit and direct daily at that age. Every afternoon before dad comes home the room has to get clean. That way it doesn't get so out of hand that they can't handle it. I do a deep clean about once a month and get rid of the junk.

 

Even my 10 and 12 yo will get in there and play instead of working some days.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I go and sit and direct daily at that age. Every afternoon before dad comes home the room has to get clean. That way it doesn't get so out of hand that they can't handle it. I do a deep clean about once a month and get rid of the junk.

 

Even my 10 and 12 yo will get in there and play instead of working some days.

 

:iagree:

 

You may be expecting too much. In order for them to clean their rooms, you need to be present. Tell them to clean, when they get lost, give ideas... pick up all the books and put them on the shelves, pick up all the toys that go in the toy basket, etc. My dd could do this at a very early age (preschool) my ds was well over 7 before he could clean his room on his own, probably more like 10 or 11. In his defense he is autistic spectrum and didn't have the ability to organize anything before then.

 

You need to teach cleaning and organizing just like you would teach anything else. It isn't a one time and done sort of thing. The room looks different each time they go to pick up. The more that is there, the more overwhelming it is and the harder it is to know what to do first.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with what others have said about not letting it get too out of control before making them clean it and also sitting with them and directing/training them (everything has a place and everything in it's place).

 

After those things have been done successfully, you still need to find their currency. My two 6 year olds have been cleaning all morning (made their beds, which they do every day, pick up their rooms, put away all of their clean clothes, emptied all of the small trash cans, cleaned up the upstairs play area and cleaned up the downstairs play area) simply because they want to have their screen time today.

 

Now they are done and I have to go inspect. Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I go and sit and direct daily at that age. Every afternoon before dad comes home the room has to get clean. That way it doesn't get so out of hand that they can't handle it. I do a deep clean about once a month and get rid of the junk.

 

:iagree: All good ideas.

 

I think there is a progression as they mature...

First: Direction + Supervision + Help

Second: Direction + Supervision

Third: Direction

Fourth: Independently doing it (taking initiative)

 

I think especially at 5 and 7, they still need lots of help, not just in the form of supervision, but even in the form of modeling. DS does much better at cleaning his room when I am in there cheerfully helping him. My theory is that if I want him to cheerfully clean his room, I need to show him a thousand times HOW to cheerfully clean it! LOL So that is the BEST way we get it done - I help him.

 

As I help, I also give him lots of direction. "Clean up your room," is just too vague. "Put the books on the shelf," works better for us. Then once that is done, "Put the dirty cloths in the hamper," then, "Put the Legos in the bin."

 

I feel like such specific direction shouldn't be *necessary*, but he does do MUCH better when it is given that way, so I chalk it up to "knowing his frame", kwim? So maybe it shouldn't be "necessary", but it is nevertheless **kind**, since it avoids placing a stumbling block in his path, preserving him from disobeying (at least as much as I can).

 

Sometimes I do try to give him direction and supervision without actual help. For instance, I might read to him while he cleans, keeping a careful eye on him and giving him specific direction when he gets distracted.

 

Sometimes I also try to give him specific direction but NO supervision - for instance, while I'm making dinner, I tell him to go upstairs and put all of his books away.

 

These last two scenarios are a little bit of a test for him. If he fails, he sometimes will be disciplined, depending on the circumstances (if he is just being squirrely and not controlling himself the way I know he can). But I also then try to back up to the first level again, to allow him time to keep learning and maturing how to manage himself and his time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Rewards seem to work better than punishments in our house.

 

However, they may just not know how to do it. You need to be there the first several times and instruct them.

 

Then, if they clean it to your satisfaction (we allow "fixing it" if it isn't up to snuff yet with me telling them exactly what needs to be done,) we give a reward.....screen time, special dessert, whatever.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My kids are the same way. Finally, at 10, they can clean their room reasonably well alone, but at the ages of your kids, I had to sit in there and give directions. "First pick up your [blah] and put it on the shelf. Now pick up your [blha] and put it in the closet."

 

I don't think you can expect a 7 and 5 year old to clean a room alone.

 

Oh, and my kids have a list on the wall of what constitutes cleaning a room. It's numbered. I remind them, "Start at 1. Then go to 2. Then go to 3. And etc."

 

Tara

Link to comment
Share on other sites

They are just little, so sending them in to do it themselves is unrealistic.

 

I would help them do a tidy before dinner and again at bedtime. On the weekend do one befor lunch too. Teach them to only take out 1 thing at a time. And when it is time to clean up be in their with them helping.

 

For kids that age seeing a whole floor scattered with toys is overwhelming. You have to model how to get it done by helping them. Break it into smaller peices. SO tell them "I will pick up the blocks, child A pick up the barbies, child B pick up the trains" (or whatever toys they are, you get it). You are in there actively helping them, and teaching them to tackle a smaller peice of the whole. Picking up the barbies is an easy task, when that is your focus as opposed to the 50 million items on the floor.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When you train for a job, your boss doesn't say "Just go do this" or "Go do that". You are paired with someone to walk you through the ropes, then when you know how to do everything, someone is doing it with you.

Training a child is no different. Training does not imply that you tell them what to do. Training means you have to show them, and do it with them...maybe for years until they are mature enough to do it on their own.

Besides, everyone knows that work is easier and more fun to do with a mentor!

I am a little disgusted with the Dr. Phil approach of "finding their currency". That is the lazy man's way of training and only breeds resentment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A clean room is tied into their weekend Wii time. No clean room, no Wii.

 

We had to divide their room chores so they don't complain someone's not helping.

 

My dd's share a room. One week dd11 cleans the room and dd 13 cleans the loft area & bathroom directly outside their bedroom. The next week they switch. And one week ds8 cleans the room while ds6 puts away their clean laundry neatly in their drawers. The next week they alternate jobs.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all for your replies. I do usually give them specific jobs (Pick up the cars and put them in their box). I do think they probably just need more supervision at this point. I also know they simply have too much stuff (the result of being the only grandkids on both sides of the family until 2 years ago). I think I'm going to have to go in there when they are not home and go through things because they will not choose anything to part with. I try to teach them that others don't have as much as they do and they should donate some for other little boys to be able to play with, but they insist that they absolutely love each and every toy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all for your replies. I do usually give them specific jobs (Pick up the cars and put them in their box). I do think they probably just need more supervision at this point. I also know they simply have too much stuff (the result of being the only grandkids on both sides of the family until 2 years ago). I think I'm going to have to go in there when they are not home and go through things because they will not choose anything to part with. I try to teach them that others don't have as much as they do and they should donate some for other little boys to be able to play with, but they insist that they absolutely love each and every toy.

 

Mine were able to pick their favorites long before they could pick what to get rid of. That's why I phrased it the way I did. They got to pick X number to keep. I just boxed everything else up.

 

It's very hard for my kids to get rid of things if they have to hold it and choose to toss it. Choosing what to keep is easier.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I made lists for my kids and they'd check off each step.

 

1) Pick up all dirty clothes, including bed linens.

2) Take out any dishes (and listen to mom get on your case about having them in your room!)

3) Pick up all stuffed animals (we really should own stock in Build-A-Bear).

4) Pick up all...(legos, blocks, match box cars, My Little Ponies, whatever).

5) Pick up any trash.

6) Dust.

7) Vacuum.

 

Naturally, tailor the list to your child's age and ability, but this is generally how I've done it. All they have to do is what's on top of the list. Once it's done, they do what's next. Just that one thing. Next thing you know, list is scratched off and the room is cleaned up and they're not as overwhelmed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...