I am pretty sure the leader of our hs groupnis mad at me

[Denisemomof4]

For dropping out of the group for the remainder of the year. She didn't respond to my email (she always does) and she sent a note out today saying that I can't lead book club in April or May.

 

In my email I told her of my concerns about the lice situation. I stated there were bug headed kids in November (this family swears they don't have lice. Two kids saw tons of bugs in the kids hair. What else could it be?) and then families got lice in Feb and Mar. There is one family who admittedly is doing no treatment, just picking everything away. And attending group. :glare:There is another family wo has done two treatments yet their kid still has lice. They are returning this week. Dd12 was giving a pigggy back ride last week to one of the kids who had visible bugs in November and now dd has lice. I told the leader that I think the problem is too widespread and that I just think more people have it than we realize. I also stated that I didn't want to take the chance of dd getting it again and spreading it to the elderly where she works. We are SO LUCKY to have caught it so soon.

 

The leader does so much for our group. I hate to upset her. still, I do not feel she is doing the right thing. People have NO idea why I will not be leading the book club. They have no idea about the lice situation because the leader ONLY sent out a short note to the group asking the parents to check their kids for lice, not come into close contact, keep coats and hats separated. Four people have lice, two have buggy heads. :confused: buggy heads in November, lice in Feb/Mar. Nobody is aware of that.

 

I can't risk dd getting it again. We are treating everyone in the house since dd combed dd8's hair witH her brush and she also used dh's.:glare: I especially won't risk dd getting it again and spreading it to others.

 

I don't understand why the leader isn't being more forthcoming.

 

Eta: the person not being treated for lice, just combing and picking, this is her second outbreak. I know the family and kow they live in a spotless home. The mom swears her kid got lice at our group. Inagree especially since two more kids, including dd, got it in the past coupke of weeks. Again,these are only the kids we knw about! My hairdresser checked dd, her friend found out when she went for a haircut.

Edited March 14, 2012 by Denisemomof4

[Remudamom]

Well, if someone asks you why you aren't doing the book club, tell them.

 

People equate lice with dirtiness. One little girl at a daycare where I used to work exposed us all to them and her parents were so ashamed they pulled her out.

[Denisemomof4]

Well, if someone asks you why you aren't doing the book club, tell them.

 

People equate lice with dirtiness. One little girl at a daycare where I used to work exposed us all to them and her parents were so ashamed they pulled her out.

 

I am ashamed now. We had to tell our other homeschool group dd would be out for three weeks while I treat her. I think people assume since we have a lot of animals we live like pigs. Not so. People have even looked surprised when they came to our house the first time and said, "it's so clean,". Or "you'd never know you have so many animals!" Or "I am surprised that there is no smell in here with so many animals!". I bet some people at the other group are making some assumptions but I can't worry about it.

:glare:

[RanchGirl]

Am I misreading this or does the leader seems to want to keep this a secret?? How many families are in the co-op? Those poor members that have no idea. They should at least have the information so they can decide whether to avoid the co-op, take precautions, or ignore it.

 

I think you should send a mass email saying you'll miss everyone but you're too worried about the recurring lice problem and you hope to come back once it is resolved.

Edited March 14, 2012 by RanchGirl

[Blueridge]

I am ashamed now. We had to tell our other homeschool group dd would be out for three weeks while I treat her. I think people assume since we have a lot of animals we live like pigs. Not so. People have even looked surprised when they came to our house the first time and said, "it's so clean,". Or "you'd never know you have so many animals!" Or "I am surprised that there is no smell in here with so many animals!". I bet some people at the other group are making some assumptions but I can't worry about it.

:glare:

 

Oh my gosh, that was SO rude of them. Bless your heart. :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

I think you should send a mass email saying you'll miss everyone but you're too worried about the recurring lice problem and you hope to come back once it is resolved.

 

:iagree:

[NorthwestMom]

The problem is, people feel shame about having lice and it is NOT shameful. Lice are little bugs that walk and are attracted to clean hair. Regular shampoo does not kill them, so a person can be extremely clean by our standards and still have a louse walk onto their body from a contaminated chair and start an empire. Having lice does not mean a person is dirty or their home is dirty. It means they are about to become terribly inconvenienced. :lol:

 

When people keep quiet about having lice out of misplaced shame, it allows the lice to spread. If I were you, I would state why you left the co-op very matter-of-factly. That allows others to make an informed choice.

 

I would have left too. In a heartbeat.

[catz]

Wow. I think the leader is being really irresponsible. School kids are kicked out until they are clear of lice. I wouldn't stress on your end at all. :grouphug:

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

My head is itchy just reading this :blink: I don't blame you one bit!

[Butter]

Don't stress about it. I'd make the same choice you are.

 

It's true that lice like clean hair and not dirty hair. Really, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Once, a few years ago when my daughter was around 8, her friend's dad called all apologetic because his daughter had been sent home from school with lice. That Saturday, before they knew she had lice, they had taken my daughter with them somewhere and the girls had passed a hat back and forth between throughout the day. By all rights my daughter should've gotten lice. Well, back then my daughter hated washing her hair. Getting her in the shower was an ordeal so we only insisted once a week on Saturday nights as long as she didn't get too dirty other times. Most of the time she barely washed her hair (it was a pick your battles sort of thing... and, luckily, she has outgrown that). Her hair was pretty dirty by that Saturday she spent with her friend's family. The result? No lice even though she was directly exposed. I can pretty much guarantee if she washed her hair then as often as she does now, she'd've ended up with lice that day.

[Denisemomof4]

Am I misreading this or does the leader seems to want to keep this a secret?? How many families are in the co-op? Those poor members that have no idea. They should at least have the information so they can decide whether to avoid the co-op, take precautions, or ignore it.

 

I think you should send a mass email saying you'll miss everyone but you're too worried about the recurring lice problem and you hope to come back once it is resolved.

 

There has been no mention of anyone having lice, just telling prople to do lice checks, no close contact, keep coats and hats separated. People who have been there a long time or who have a lot of friends are in the know. Many, many aren't.

 

I did two mass mailings in the past to inform people about a serious situation, neither with the group. I just can't put myself in that positin again. There is always fallout and I will take the brunt of it.

 

It is the leaders responsibility to inform people. Had I gotten the email about lice checks and hadn't already known the situation, I would have asked the leader about it.

[Catwoman]

There has been no mention of anyone having lice, just telling prople to do lice checks, no close contact, keep coats and hats separated. People who have been there a long time or who have a lot of friends are in the know. Many, many aren't.

 

If I received an email from a group leader that told me to do lice checks, have no close contact, and to keep coats and hats separate, I would assume there was a lice problem.

 

If the group leader is upset with you, let her be upset. She will get over it. You did what you thought was best for your family, and I'm sure you were very polite to the leader about the lice situation, so just forget about it and let it go. There is no need for you to stress about this.

[MariannNOVA]

There has been no mention of anyone having lice, just telling prople to do lice checks, no close contact, keep coats and hats separated. People who have been there a long time or who have a lot of friends are in the know. Many, many aren't.

 

I did two mass mailings in the past to inform people about a serious situation, neither with the group. I just can't put myself in that positin again. There is always fallout and I will take the brunt of it.

 

It is the leaders responsibility to inform people. Had I gotten the email about lice checks and hadn't already known the situation, I would have asked the leader about it.

 

I hate these kinds of situations and my heart goes out to you.:grouphug:

 

I took the brunt of a similar situation in the fall when I dropped out of our co-op. The leader (who at the time was what I would consider a VERY VERY close friend) pulled a stunt (via email, no less) and I guess I reacted in a way that she never anticipated - I sent an email to the entire co-op and told them our family would miss them all, but would keep in touch and we would not be attending any longer. Some folks emailed me and asked what had happened, and I told them (it was a bullying issue that the leader refused to address).

 

At the next co-op meeting, the leader announced that our family would not be there any longer because we were so overwhelmed with classical conversations. One of my friends excused herself for interrupting, walked to the front of the room, took the microphone, and told everyone why we really weren't returning.

 

I hope you have someone who will do that for you -- if not, don't stress out about it -- except for maybe two familes from the co-op, everyone else stopped bothering with us.

 

It s*cks -- it took me a month or so but I did get over it and I am thankful I am no longer involved with that group -- and, mind you, this group was the center of our universe.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

I hate these kinds of situations and my heart goes out to you.:grouphug:

 

I took the brunt of a similar situation in the fall when I dropped out of our co-op. The leader (who at the time was what I would consider a VERY VERY close friend) pulled a stunt (via email, no less) and I guess I reacted in a way that she never anticipated - I sent an email to the entire co-op and told them our family would miss them all, but would keep in touch and we would not be attending any longer. Some folks emailed me and asked what had happened, and I told them (it was a bullying issue that the leader refused to address).

 

At the next co-op meeting, the leader announced that our family would not be there any longer because we were so overwhelmed with classical conversations. One of my friends excused herself for interrupting, walked to the front of the room, took the microphone, and told everyone why we really weren't returning.

 

I hope you have someone who will do that for you -- if not, don't stress out about it -- except for maybe two familes from the co-op, everyone else stopped bothering with us.

 

It s*cks -- it took me a month or so but I did get over it and I am thankful I am no longer involved with that group -- and, mind you, this group was the center of our universe.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am sorry this happened to you, Mariann.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: there must be other groups in your area???

 

I have to say that I always back our leader 100%. This is the first time I totally disagree with how she is handling this. I haven't even told her that.

 

I am surprised that the people who DO know will be continuing to attend.

 

As long as dd12's friends still see her, which I fully expect, I love having the time off. I like the leader and some of the other women, but I can't say I consider any of them personal friends. Probably the leader the most... I love to hang out and gab, but.....

 

 

I did suggest suspending the group periodically or for the remainder of the year, and I also told the leader that I thought all teachers should be informed of the situation. I was respectful but I just think the leader is upset that I've backed out.

 

I am also on the youth team. I think we will go to the monthly youth activities but if lice returns, we will also drop that like a hot potato.

[MariannNOVA]

I am sorry this happened to you, Mariann.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: there must be other groups in your area???

 

I have to say that I always back our leader 100%. This is the first time I totally disagree with how she is handling this. I haven't even told her that.

 

I am surprised that the people who DO know will be continuing to attend.

 

As long as dd12's friends still see her, which I fully expect, I love having the time off. I like the leader and some of the other women, but I can't say I consider any of them personal friends. Probably the leader the most... I love to hang out and gab, but.....

 

 

I did suggest suspending the group periodically or for the remainder of the year, and I also told the leader that I thought all teachers should be informed of the situation. I was respectful but I just think the leader is upset that I've backed out.

 

I am also on the youth team. I think we will go to the monthly youth activities but if lice returns, we will also drop that like a hot potato.

 

We are doing fine -- have met tons of other people and noticed a few weeks ago at the Cotillion Ball that while our family's circle of friends has widened dramatically, the co-op leader family's circle of friends has stayed the same -- so I think we are doing fine.

 

I so hate this kind of stuff, and I totally feel for you -- I think that all of the suggestions you made and your actions are right on target. I often wonder about leaders sometimes and the decisions they make.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Amy in NH]

Can you post an email to the group letting everyone know what you know about the lice situation?

[JMDRAD]

All three of my girls had lice this past fall. It was mortifying at first as I thought it was a cleanliness issue. LOL But we quickly learned otherwise.

 

Anyways, I just wanted to share with you that after using the usual lice treatments with little success, we discovered that tea tree oil takes care of the little critters. I washed the girls' hair with shampoo and a few drops of tea tree oil. Then I sprinkled the oil through their hair and wrapped their heads in warm wet towels for about 15 min. Then washed again with shampoo with tea tree oil. Then I sat there for a long time picking out eggs. :lol: Every day for several weeks after that they used shampoo with added tea tree oil. They never came back after that.

 

Just a suggestion.:001_smile:

[beaners]

Can you post an email to the group letting everyone know what you know about the lice situation?

 

At the very least I'd share the information that you shared with the other group. "Hey, we're going to pull out of everything for a while. We seem to have picked up lice from one of our activities, and we'd hate for anyone else to go through this too." I don't see any fall-out or confrontation resulting from that. It gives other parents a warning and doesn't point fingers at anyone.

[mom2denj]

I would have pulled out too! Sorry she is upset. I would probably give her some time to cool off and then send her a message to let her know how much you appreciated what she has done, butthat you can't risk the head lice again. That's a huge deal. I guess maybe to some, it isn't. :confused:

[Lisbeth]

In my opinion not telling is unethical on the leader's part. Sorry but I would sing like a canary and email everyone about the lice situation.

[Denisemomof4]

All three of my girls had lice this past fall. It was mortifying at first as I thought it was a cleanliness issue. LOL But we quickly learned otherwise.

 

Anyways, I just wanted to share with you that after using the usual lice treatments with little success, we discovered that tea tree oil takes care of the little critters. I washed the girls' hair with shampoo and a few drops of tea tree oil. Then I sprinkled the oil through their hair and wrapped their heads in warm wet towels for about 15 min. Then washed again with shampoo with tea tree oil. Then I sat there for a long time picking out eggs. :lol: Every day for several weeks after that they used shampoo with added tea tree oil. They never came back after that.

 

Just a suggestion.:001_smile:

 

 

We are using Cetaphil. I have tea tree oil and will add it to the shampoo. Mplacing directly on the scalp wasnt tol strong?

 

Thanks!!!

[Denisemomof4]

At the very least I'd share the information that you shared with the other group. "Hey, we're going to pull out of everything for a while. We seem to have picked up lice from one of our activities, and we'd hate for anyone else to go through this too." I don't see any fall-out or confrontation resulting from that. It gives other parents a warning and doesn't point fingers at anyone.

 

There DEFINITELY would be fallout. I just can'ttake that on right now.

 

I agree with a pp. People should assume someone in the group had it because of what has already been emailed to the group. If I weren't in the know, I definitely would be asking the leader about it myself.

[Denisemomof4]

BTW, I have already shared with a few people we won't be returning this year because I fear the lice problem is more widespread than anyone realizes. If anyone asks, I will definitely be honest.

[Denisemomof4]

In my opinion not telling is unethical on the leader's part. Sorry but I would sing like a canary and email everyone about the lice situation.

 

AGAIN, an email went out to the ENTIRE group asking that people check their kids for lice, don't go if they have some, don't come in close contact with anyone, keep coats qnd hats separated. People know SOMETHING is up and it is up to them to get the information.

 

I do not have the energy to be publicly stoned AGAIN for being the one to stand up and do the right thing. Everyone that knows me and is friends with dd knows exactly why we have left the group.

[DesertDweller]

In my opinion not telling is unethical on the leader's part. Sorry but I would sing like a canary and email everyone about the lice situation.

 

 

:iagree:

[jujsky]

If she's mad at you, who cares? You did the right thing by leaving, Denise. The leader should be more forth-coming about the situation.

[justasque]

I assume the leader isn't sharing the information because she doesn't want to embarrass anyone who has lice. If she sends the "check their hair, don't share hats, etc" email, it's clear that there has been an issue, without naming names. I don't think anyone needs to know which family has the problem; they need to assume anyone there may have it and act accordingly.

 

That said, however, when I've encountered this problem in a co-op, we 1) checked each and every child before each day of co-op started, and 2) encouraged each and every child to cover their hair, all the time. These precautions went on for several months until the problem was well and truly put to rest. It re-occurred several times before we realized that several of the kids had gotten it from another co-op they attended, which wasn't policing it well. Once that co-op put into place measures to check the kids before they went into class, and to do a thorough cleaning of the facility with lice in mind, the problem stopped.

 

Part of the problem is that the lice have gotten resistant to the chemicals that used to be used to treat them, so they are ineffective and treatment is that much more labor intensive as mechanical means must be used. You need to 1) kill the live bugs, and 2) find and destroy any nits/eggs, otherwise you haven't solved the problem.

[DawnM]

When you choose to be a leader, you choose to LEAD, which means dealing head on (no pun intended) with given situations. Your leader is not doing that. That speaks volumes to me.

 

I am NOT a "buck stops here" type and although I can be a great support staff person, I chose not to go into administration because I knew I had no intention of being the last stop for complaints and problems.

 

This is not a reflection on you at all.

[teamturner]

Our co-op's policy regarding lice is no one in the family comes until everyone is lice free. We always send a note out to the group that a family has lice, without naming who it is, and that everyone should check their children's heads. My girls had it twice during the school year last year and each time I notified the leader and she sent out the info without naming our family.

 

I've gotten really good at getting rid of them since we've had them more times now than I can remember. If you have a good lice comb, Lice R Gone is my product of choice, and some preventative spray then they are pretty easy to get rid of and prevent. I use a spray that has peppermint oil, tea tree oil, and other essential oils. My problem is remembering to use it all the time. Now anytime I hear of someone having it, I just remember to spray everyone's head when we go out and about. And I check my girls heads all the time!!

 

Sorry this has not been handled well at your co-op and you feel you have to leave. That's a shame.

[fraidycat]

I don't understand why she would be mad. You joined that group by choice, you can leave the group by choice, also. Your reason for leaving is yours, alone. Lice, Life, whatever - it's not up to anyone else to decide what you should or shouldn't and can or can't do.

 

She made a choice, as the leader, to not deal with the lice problem until it is gone. You made the choice as a member of the group to no longer be a member of the group that doesn't deal with lice problems until they are gone.

 

Isn't freedom wonderful? :tongue_smilie:

[kwg]

I don't understand why she did not send an email out that says "one of our students has lice. Please check your child(ren) and treat them if necessary before returning to co-op. Please check make sure to check any child between the ages of A and E. "

 

That is the email I got this year from our leader and it was no big deal. I don't know who had it but I knew I needed to check the kids and myself.

 

I always get itchy reading things like this.

 

:grouphug: OP I hate when people are mad at me :tongue_smilie:

[Denise in IN]

Our co-op's policy regarding lice is no one in the family comes until everyone is lice free. We always send a note out to the group that a family has lice, without naming who it is, and that everyone should check their children's heads. My girls had it twice during the school year last year and each time I notified the leader and she sent out the info without naming our family.

 

I've gotten really good at getting rid of them since we've had them more times now than I can remember. If you have a good lice comb, Lice R Gone is my product of choice, and some preventative spray then they are pretty easy to get rid of and prevent. I use a spray that has peppermint oil, tea tree oil, and other essential oils. My problem is remembering to use it all the time. Now anytime I hear of someone having it, I just remember to spray everyone's head when we go out and about. And I check my girls heads all the time!!

 

Sorry this has not been handled well at your co-op and you feel you have to leave. That's a shame.

 

Michelle, what's the name of the preventive spray you use? We had a lice outbreak recently at church, so I'm trying to watch my daughter carefully!

[teamturner]

Here's the link to the place I buy it. It's called the TLS Mint spray.

 

http://texaslicesquad.com/products.html

 

If you don't have a comb like the one they sell, then I recommend getting it too. If I ever hear of someone having lice among our friends I usually just start combing. One time I thought we might have lice and it was at the beginning of VBS and I was the director, so needless to say I was a bit overwhelmed at the possibility. I went to the Texas Lice Squad, which is close to me, and had them check each of our heads. I watched how they used the comb on dry hair and flicked the comb into a clear plastic container full of water. They said the water magifies what comes off of the comb and makes it easier to see if there are nits/lice or not. I do that now myself whenever I am concerned. Plus I use it on wet hair when they have just washed and conditioned it, but I work in big sections. Almost like combing out their hair with it. I do that a few times thinking that if we did come into contact with lice I will put a stop to it before it has a chance to become an issue. At the Texas Lice Squad they recommend coming out your child's hair once a week (I don't do that) and anytime they sleep over at a friends' house.

 

I also keep tea tree oil shampoo on hand, but I don't like how it dries out their hair. This mint oil spray smells good and I keep it in the car.

 

Hope this helps!

[KungFuPanda]

Here's the link to the place I buy it. It's called the TLS Mint spray.

 

http://texaslicesquad.com/products.html

 

If you don't have a comb like the one they sell, then I recommend getting it too. If I ever hear of someone having lice among our friends I usually just start combing. One time I thought we might have lice and it was at the beginning of VBS and I was the director, so needless to say I was a bit overwhelmed at the possibility. I went to the Texas Lice Squad, which is close to me, and had them check each of our heads. I watched how they used the comb on dry hair and flicked the comb into a clear plastic container full of water. They said the water magifies what comes off of the comb and makes it easier to see if there are nits/lice or not. I do that now myself whenever I am concerned. Plus I use it on wet hair when they have just washed and conditioned it, but I work in big sections. Almost like combing out their hair with it. I do that a few times thinking that if we did come into contact with lice I will put a stop to it before it has a chance to become an issue. At the Texas Lice Squad they recommend coming out your child's hair once a week (I don't do that) and anytime they sleep over at a friends' house.

 

I also keep tea tree oil shampoo on hand, but I don't like how it dries out their hair. This mint oil spray smells good and I keep it in the car.

 

Hope this helps!

 

Does EVERY state have a Lice Squad? I've never heard of such a thing! I was happier not knowing.

[MariannNOVA]

Does EVERY state have a Lice Squad? I've never heard of such a thing! I was happier not knowing.

 

I don't know about Lice Squad but we use a place called Lice Happens. I call and they send someone to the house. We've used them twice, we have had the same person (we like her -- as much as one can like the Lice Professional) both times.

 

My daughter is in NJ and she called Lice Happens when her two dds had lice last year.

 

It is a huge growing business.:glare:

[EmilyK]

My kids' former school handled it exactly like this. I had several talks with teachers and the principal trying to understand why they handled it this way. I never could get completely to the bottom of it.

 

They also just said general things like "remember it is lice season!" without sending a note home saying "there are many kids in your child's kindergarten class who have lice -- be extra careful." The kindergarten teacher really resisted having us treat any of the blankets, costumes or pillows in the room. The whole thing was really baffling.

 

To the extent I got an explanation, it went like this:

-- We don't want to deal with a lot of parent questions and general kerfluffle.

-- We think it is not our responsiblity to deal with this. Who says you're getting it from this kindergarten where the kids are napping together and sharing costumes and hats? Maybe your kids got it in a restaurant or city bus.

-- We run the risk of shaming other parents by discussing it openly. Yes, we get you don't think it is an issue involving shame, but others do. The kindest thing is to say nothing.

-- The responsibility is on each family to check their own child constantly and to treat accordingly.

 

We really got tired of having bald kids and laundering everything in the house. Eventually we got a compromise going in my kids' specific rooms, but the official approach of the school never changed.

 

It was very aggravating. Sorry you are having to deal with something similar.