WWYD Co-op issues!!!!

[Spouty]

Ok, well then that makes me feel better:tongue_smilie:

 

I guess, because I don't want anyone taking this the wrong way. I have a lot of compassion for her, an I really tried to help. It was just TOO MUCH.

Thanks again for everyone's help and I will post what the responses are like.

I have a feeling it won't go over very unfortunately :/

[celticmom]

I have not read the whole thread so this may be a repeat of other suggestions.

 

Is it the girl in the wheelchair's family that wants the coop to start 1 1/2 hours later? If so I would start at the normal time and do the nature walk and movement first before she arrives.

 

I think that I would definitely simplify the backup plans. Basically when you have to cover because someone else dropped the ball I would do a very simple activity.

 

I would probably try to finish out the term but make it clear that something will have to change next term.

[5kidsforME]

Thanks Mimm, it WASa nice idea. And yes, I think I'll enjoy my new found freedom and time. It's too hard to be committed to something when other people are not.

 

I agree cancers tragic... I do have to say though that we watched her kids for 6 months before she even had cancer.... Cause she still didn't want to participate then either. My heart goes out to her, but at the same time, I have to think of my own family's best interest first. That includes my own well being, and this was ultimately more output, and I wasn't receiving anything, nor my dd either, than it was worth. Period. That goes for the coop as a whole not the lady with cancer.

Now if I could only find just a few COMMITED people wouldn't things be so different?! I've seen a lot of HS want/ expect things for free, and my dh says that if it's free, people will treat it like its free, unless we all have the same output invested whether its time or money. I'm willing to do say 65% of the workload but not 120%

I don't feel like the benefits are outweighing what I'm giving up any longer.

 

 

:glare: It's not like one day you are fine and the next day you all the sudden have cancer. Most likely she was sick for awhile and that is why she wasn't doing anything.

 

I am just hoping you are not explaining yourself well here on the interwebz. I get that. I don't always do such a good job conveying how i feel or the true story. All that said... it seems like you want people to empathize with you. Unfortunately all I can see is that your co-op had a hand in throwing out a lady with cancer. Someone that needed support at their worst point.

 

We all have a responsiblity to step up and help others in their need. I get that you are stressed out and have stuff going on in your own life. We all do. I pray I never walk on by another mom with cancer and say "Sorry, to busy and stressed. Go gotta take care of my own."

[kalanamak]

How in heaven's name are you supposed to make all the plans, have all the materials, and WATCH SOMEONE ELSE'S KIDS (in the woods) during the class that you are teaching?

 

 

:iagree: Making all the plans, having all the material and then just doing it with my own kid would tiring enough!

 

If you've reached the "tipping point", I'd back out and try to remember to enlist help/good rules/etc before I got this sucked into the next situation.

[justasque]

I love co-ops, and have been a part of many different ones over the years, some more successful and long-lasting than others.

 

I think, when you run a co-op, that you need to be very clear about what YOU want from the co-op, and what you are willing to do to get that. I've been in several different co-op situations over the years, and have found a number of things to work.

 

1) It is a reality that not everyone CAN contribute in a "take over an entire subject and run with it" kind of way. They just don't know how or don't have the skills or don't have the personality traits for it. That is just the way it is, and it's best to accept it and work with it rather than fighting it. So moms like that can often contribute in very specific ways, if you give them very specific instructions. Find what each mom's skills are, and work within them. Some moms are good shoppers and can pick up supplies, some are good at doing communications and reminder emails, some are good at teaching specific things, or teaching from specific materials, some make great snack moms, some are crafty, some have homes that make great meeting spaces, and so on. Some, quite frankly, can contribute more financially. Delegate, but do so from a position of working within each mom's abilities and interests and resources.

 

2) It is a reality that not everyone WILL contribute. In cases where it is unlikely that a particular mom will contribute, then you have some decisions to make. In some co-ops, we've said to certain moms - hey, we know you can't contribute because of XYZ. However, we value your kid and we'd love to have them in our co-op. If you can have the kid here on time, help them complete the homework or otherwise come prepared, and send a snack or a bit of money now and again, we're good with that. The up side, for us, is a) getting a great kid for the co-op, and b) having fewer people in the decision-making loop, which can make things a bit easier.

 

3) If you're going to be running it, make it work for you. If you're the sole organizer, or one of two or three, you can tailor the subjects to fit your interests or curriculum, the schedule to fit your week, the time to fit your preference, and so on. Don't make it on a day that's difficult for you, or a time that's difficult for you, or in a location that's difficult for you. If it's not working for you, you're going to burn out and that doesn't help anyone.

 

4) If you can find just one other family who will commit to planning and attending, you can set it up and know that at least your two families will show up, and then it's less important that the rest do.

 

5) Most of the time, homeschoolers socialize and co-op as families. However, as kids get older, it's OK to have more specific age/ability groupings. In the past, I've worked with several groups that coordinated schedules so that the older kids had a structured co-op class in one location, and the youngers had a less structured event in another nearby space. In other situations, I've been part of a co-op where kids were dropped off. Drop off means you won't have the mom to help, but you won't have the littles to fuss over either, and depending on your goals, it can be a good trade-off for all.

 

6) Don't be afraid to have uneven leadership roles in a co-op. If you and a friend are putting a co-op together, don't be afraid, if it fits the situation, to make it clear that you and the friend will take input from others, but ultimately it's your gig, you're doing most of the organizing and work and teaching, and others can decide if they're in or out with that understanding. More egalitarian co-ops are ok too, but be clear about which way your co-op will be. In some ways, it works better if a small group (2-3 people) has a clear vision and makes the decisions, rather than running every last thing by 8 or 10 different people before a simple decision can be made.

 

So that's my two cents. Maybe some of it will be helpful for a co-op in the future. Take what you like and leave the rest!

[tex-mex]

I'm trying to wrap my head around asking a mom with cancer to leave the group. It doesn't sound like there is much of a bond between the moms so of course one ends up doing anything. I cannot even imagine a situation where I would ask one of my friends with cancer to leave our homeschooling group and I am part of a small group. Did this group meet daily???

:iagree:

 

That broke my heart when I read that. If anything, I would hire an assistant to give some respite care to the cancer striken mom as a ministry or help for her. We just lost my MIL to cancer in 2011.

[Mom0012]

One more thing.... I would never keep this co-op open just for the lady with cancer just because she has cancer. My priority is to my dd her *burnout* I know is on a whole different level than mine I'm sure, but I have my own set of problems, and that doesn't make me obligated to continue doing something that is unhealthy for me, just because she has cancer.

So I'm not sure why I'm being attacked here when I stated that I have done everything to make this succeed for the group as a whole. Unfortunately the rest of the moms in the coop ignored their part of the deal. I can't change that. I think if you were in my position, you would want to drop this like a hot potato as well!

 

I wouldn't lose any sleep over it if I were you. It doesn't sound like you kicked her out because she had cancer but because between all the other stuff you were taking on, you were simply not able to take full responsibility for this ladies' children. If some of the other women would have stepped in and helped, then maybe it could have worked, but you are one person and cannot do everything. AND, you already helped her out many times by watching her children for her. I don't know of too many people that would do more than make a meal or do what you have already done for a casual acquaintance in those circumstances. I think many people would actually consider that pretty generous.

 

Lisa

Edited March 14, 2012 by LisaTheresa

[tex-mex]

I simply can not do all this any longer.

 

 

As I've stated previously, it wasn't a matter of kicking the lady out of the group. She was a part of our group even before she had cancer, we watched her kids for months before, and months after she found out she had cancer. She never participated in any way before... Nothing changed, except I couldn't physically prepare , and plan for hours, teach for hours for free, watch peoples kids in the woods for free. As I also said before, where's the co-op effect?

 

We didn't ask her to leave because he had cancer.... When you can't do something, you can't do something.

 

 

Cancer grows over time.

 

Most victims do not even know they have it in their bodies until it is TOO LATE. Most likely this was the case with the lady in your coop and this may explain her non-participation? Try to give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

I think you are missing the forest for the trees. The big lesson was for the entire group to learn about service or compassion at a young age. Nature studies could wait. Someone could have picked up her kids for coop. Or did a cooking day for her. I think in your exhaustion and narrow focus you missed the obvious. That is what is upsetting some of us. :glare: You come across as insensitive.

 

And if it helps, welcome to leadership. Where the 1% put in the sweat labor while the 99% profit off the results and do nothing. It is like this in churches, clubs, schools, and co-ops. You need to finish off the year and make a decision to continue next year. It sounds more like a paid class instead of a co-op. And with parents who are not interested in helping, an exercise in frustration? Sorry you had a tough year.

[5kidsforME]

 

I think you are missing the forest for the trees. The big lesson was for the entire group to learn about service or compassion at a young age. Nature studies could wait. Someone could have picked up her kids for coop. Or did a cooking day for her. I think in your exhaustion and narrow focus you missed the obvious. That is what is upsetting some of us. :glare: You come across as insensitive.

 

 

 

 

This.

[LucyStoner]

I agree with PP that it sounds like a mess. I think that you have a certain ideal in your head, were trying to orchestrate that in a carefully controlled setting, and that reality is not matching that ideal. Reality rarely does.

 

I personally would not want to be part of a group that did not rally to help the mom with cancer (moms could have rotated picking up her kids for her, meals could have been made by the kids etc) and the girl who is seriously injured. It sounds unfriendly and unwelcoming on the whole.

[5kidsforME]

I wouldn't lose any sleep over it if I were you. It doesn't sound like you kicked her out because she had cancer but because between all the other stuff you were taking on, you were simply not able to take full responsibility for this ladies' children. If some of the other women would have stepped in and helped, then maybe it could have worked, but you are one person and cannot do everything. AND, you already helped her out many times by watching her children for her. I don't know of too many people that would do more than make a meal or do what you have already done for a casual acquaintance in those circumstances. I think many people would actually consider that pretty generous.

 

Lisa

 

How is someone a casual acquaintance when you are doing a co-op together?

[Rosy]

Wow. One can help a friend with cancer without running a co-op for them. I would draw a firm boundary and offer to take my friend's kids on a different day. I've never had cancer, but I can't imagine that it's easy for her to get her three young kids there and hang out for hours waiting for them to finish their studies.

 

Commit to what you are able to do without bitterness, and then farm out or cancel the rest. Help the friend with cancer however you can. No way would I be doing all the planning/prep work out of guilt.

[Spouty]

I think the whole point of my posting has gone missing. This is not about the cancer lady. As many have said, I am only one person and have gone above and beyond what most people would do for a casual acquaintance. I really do feel for her as I've ha many close friends with cancer and it's terrible.

That said, Im one person, and I'm supposed to not only spend hours planning, hours teaching, And trying to keep other kids safe... In the forest no less, AND be willing to do it more and cook for her? I don't mean to sound insensitive but she's not a personal friend of mine, and she's not my family, I have a sickly dd of my own that requires my attention. She's the whole reason I started this in the first place. That's what a co-op is. A cooperative effort. I expected SOME help at least, I think that's reasonable. But evidently I'm supposed to be superwoman and do this as a public service. Sorry I can't see anyone doing a co-op for free like this. I tried as long as possible for my dd, but I do have boundaries and realize when people are stepping on them. Also this was not my decision, it's tough being a leader and considering the circumstances of everyone else, it was a group decision. We actually tried for about 3 months before asking her to SERIOUSLY make it work. We worked out a system where one parent would take the younger ones a bit away from the group and then play etc. (my idea) the moms ultimately wanted to be with their own children.

 

To answer other questions. I've tried over and over sending out reminder emails, asking nicely doesn't seem to get anywhere. They just want to show up. It's always an excuse or I forgot. Or I have something going on. But yet they still expect the same classes each and every time we meet. I even buy the supplies!

[Spouty]

I didn't know most of the moms before starting. Another mom and I actually first started this, and she backed out. 3 years ago. Since then we've advertised and have been very explicit about what type of coop it is, what our expectations are, and that it's not for everyone, because of the nature of it. You do your best to get a feel for somebody, and really gauge their interest but you can only tell so much through emails.

So yes this was really strictly for the kids. We pretty much just focused on them, decided to leave all holidays,religion, and politics out of co-op so as to keep out the drama as well. It worked for a while. And it was actually an awesome co-op for a while. Meeting in the woods, nature study, tree climbing, poetry, handiwork, books, show and tell. I actually really despise regular co-ops as I ha heard so many negative views about them. It's just not what I wanted for my dd. This was a great way to have a regular group to do our lessons with, in an unconventional manner, the moms and kids all loved it too...until recently with all the changes.

 

Sorry for the typos, I'm on my phone.

[Happy2BaMom]

OP, I recommend you e-mail the mods and ask for this thread to be deleted (you can do this). It has now become about the "cancer lady" and your supposedly inadequate and insensitive response to her. Regardless of what you post at this point, that's all a number of other posters will hear or comment on.

[lailasmum]

That said, Im one person, and I'm supposed to not only spend hours planning, hours teaching, And trying to keep other kids safe... In the forest no less, AND be willing to do it more and cook for her? I don't mean to sound insensitive but she's not a personal friend of mine, and she's not my family, I have a sickly dd of my own that requires my attention. She's the whole reason I started this in the first place. That's what a co-op is. A cooperative effort. I expected SOME help at least, I think that's reasonable. But evidently I'm supposed to be superwoman and do this as a public service. Sorry I can't see anyone doing a co-op for free like this. I tried as long as possible for my dd, but I do have boundaries and realize when people are stepping on them. Also this was not my decision, it's tough being a leader and considering the circumstances of everyone else, it was a group decision. We actually tried for about 3 months before asking her to SERIOUSLY make it work. We worked out a system where one parent would take the younger ones a bit away from the group and then play etc. (my idea) the moms ultimately wanted to be with their own children.

 

To answer other questions. I've tried over and over sending out reminder emails, asking nicely doesn't seem to get anywhere. They just want to show up. It's always an excuse or I forgot. Or I have something going on. But yet they still expect the same classes each and every time we meet. I even buy the supplies!

 

I found exactly the same thing. I ended up trying to be superhuman, doing planning of activities, practical stuff like hall hire, collecting keys, buying, bringing, pre-preparing all the supplies, handling all the money and actually setting up on my own, running activies and often being left responsible for watching everyones kids because a lot of parents turned up and tuned out.

 

It seemed that a lot of people would say yes they would help but never did. We had a meeting each year trying to pull together an idea of activities and split responsibilities but it was never followed through on, even the next session people would not do what they say they would. I also had the problem of people not turning up and treating it like a casual drop in and then complaining when it didn't meet their needs.

 

It was just too much and I dreaded it by the end.

 

I am helping a few new home educators in the area who are trying to get a small group going again but it is painful getting them to actually engage and make decisions.

Edited March 14, 2012 by lailasmum

[Lisbeth]

:iagree:

 

That broke my heart when I read that. If anything, I would hire an assistant to give some respite care to the cancer striken mom as a ministry or help for her. We just lost my MIL to cancer in 2011.

 

I believe it is more the job of the cancer mom and her family to hire respite care for her, not the leader of the co op. We are expecting too much of OP.

[elegantlion]

OP, I recommend you e-mail the mods and ask for this thread to be deleted (you can do this). It has now become about the "cancer lady" and your supposedly inadequate and insensitive response to her. Regardless of what you post at this point, that's all a number of other posters will hear or comment on.

 

May I reference this post: Think before you post http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=308423

[Mom0012]

How is someone a casual acquaintance when you are doing a co-op together?

 

I've done many group activities and I've done a coop where I see the moms each week, but we were/are not close. They know none of the private details of my life. I know none of the details of theirs. I do not consider them friends. We are friendly to each other, but things don't always much beyond the, "Wow, the weather sure has been great!, "How are your kids doing?" stage. I've been in a field trip group for years where I've known some of the moms since my kids were little, but since we only see each other once or twice a month during a busy activity, I don't know much about them nor do they know much about me. I would never call on any of them as friends. It is really more of what I would consider a coworker relationship. I'm sure there are coops where the people are all close friends, but that certainly does not sound like it was the case with this group.

 

And before you say there is something sad about that, I don't find it sad. That's not what I'm in those groups for. I have a few close friends and others I can call on. Coops and group activities just aren't always the way to bring out those types of friendships.

 

Lisa

Edited March 14, 2012 by LisaTheresa

[Mom0012]

I believe it is more the job of the cancer mom and her family to hire respite care for her, not the leader of the co op. We are expecting too much of OP.

 

I cannot agree more with this.

 

Lisa

[ma23peas]

You have to not overdo it yourself..pray about it, (if you're inclined to)....everytime I get into a pickle...I pray that God clearly shows me if this is what He wants for me. I started a troop 6 years ago with 8 girls, most the planning/heck everything ended up being taken on by me, like you I felt some responsibility since I was the one starting it. Many many times I felt like you did, but God did bring the right people..I never turned down anyone (I honestly believe that when we start 'choosing' to make it work, it fails)...also an important lesson for our children is how to love everyone, strengths/weaknesses. But, where you have failed is not making it clear for their expectations.

First, let go of the build up of resentment...it's not fair to them and will really not make you feel any better if you unleash it. (by the way, our troop now has 60 girls and over 10 moms who stepped up to the plate and do sooo much more than I ever expected!)

Second, make a letter to express how much you have appreciated each one of them (play Pollyanna here) but that if this next year is to continue and for you to be able to organize this program you need a commitment from each one. If this commitment can not be met, the group will need to take a year break. It's okay to take a year break! This will make them assess how much they can do. If they are not prepared to lead a class, then you just take your OWN family and tell the others class is cancelled.

We are all human, it is our nature to 'get by'...or take advantage even if not purposefully...I am one of those who likes to fill in all the gaps but boy it can be mentally draining if not physically!

Third, stick to your ultimatums...I have a writing class that some students consistently took advantage of my kindness/grace...I realized it was not helping them and set a no late work accepted...you should have seen their faces when they were shocked I would not accept this excuse or that excuse (I am reasonable, you break your leg, you get a pass, but if you have a 'busy' week and just could not get to it, or you left it at home :001_huh: you get a zero)..it was painful even for me, but now they know and there are no more issues with late work...Be kind, be firm, be reasonable...let the chips fall where they may.

[FaithManor]

I think many people heard the word cancer and instantly formed a judgment without reading ALL of the OP's posts.

 

The mother with cancer was bringing children to the co-op who were too young to even be eligible for the classes. She brought a toddler and expected the OP to take, if memory serves, three children below the age of the class (this toddler being one of them) into the woods, around a pond, in an area with rattlesnakes, etc. Though I absolutely have enormous compassion for someone going through cancer, one cannot sign up for a co-op class that has specific parameters of ages/grades, etc. of who can participate and who cannot and then use it for daycare. The OP can't teach classes in a natural setting and chase three extra young children who are not capable of the activities much less teach and keep them safe around water hazards and out of deep grass and still do the teaching any justice at all. This went on for several months. This was not a one time, "Oh my relative that was supposed to watch the littles couldn't do it at the last minute" thing. It was a co-op being used for a daycare drop. While I have 100% sympathy for that mom, I would not allow it to continue either because it short-changes EVERYONE and leaves me, the teacher, wanting do exactly what the OP wants to do, quit.

 

Of course, the whole thing is exacerbated by the other moms who are supposed to be planning and helping, now dropping their end of the responsibilities. But, I've often seen this in these types of groups where the group exists for a specific purpose, yet outside the confines of the bonds of personal friendship, and without a business policy. Once one person becomes the exception to the rule, they all intuitively begin to think, "I'm too busy - My dh is working long hours - I have a sick child - I'm pregnant - I....." you get the idea. Without that bond of not wanting to leave a personal friend in a lurch and the idea, "I'm paying for this so I should get the service I want and I signed a policy", "I" becomes the all encompassing thought and the justifications for not keeping up with responsibilities grows exponentially. The only way I've ever seen co-ops work really well is -

 

A. they are small and ALL of the parents are pretty tight personally so they go beyond the call of duty for each other and it isn't one sided. Since it is a personal friendship based group, they limit the size and don't admit strangers. While that makes them exclusive and cliquey, the reality is they get a lot done for their children because they didn't take on more than they can chew/more children than they can accomodate, and a bunch of parents who either don't view things the same way, or don't have a vested interest in keeping the co-op going.

 

B. Rather big and completely impersonal co-ops in which there are A LOT of rules, non-refundable fees up front and stout ones at that so people really feel like they've paid for something and they don't want to lose their place for rule violations. These groups tend to have a student and parent handbook with exact descriptions of what will happen if you don't do your part and behavioral contracts that allow them to dismiss without refund, children who refuse to comply or parents who refuse to handle their children appropriately. This keeps the teachers and helpers from becoming glorified daycare providers. As I said, this is the most common of the successful, i.e. long-lasting co-ops I've seen.

 

All the other groups I've encountered that were not based on a small core of friends, but also did not function like large, businesslike co-ops did not survive past the 2 year mark because the organizer ends up being completely run ragged and unappreciated.

 

OP, I'm sorry that i got so far off track. My advice is to divy up the supplies and disband the whole thing. Try to cultivate a personal friendship or two for your dd amongst other homeschool girls and then just offer to do this class with say, three little girls, once or twice a month at your own discretion. You can take the nature walks, keep the journal, and maybe have a once per month craft. Tell the other moms what supplies they'll need to bring and don't shop for them. If they want to do the project, they'll come prepared. Keep it very simple and based on a mutual friendship that has been cultivated. Make your expectations known up front and drop it without guilt if those moms start walking on you. Otherwise, I would just seek out park days, museum activities, etc. and allow your dd to be involved with other children, but in a less personal way.

 

My dd had chronic mono for 1 yr. in 5th grade...swollen spleen, white blood cell count out of whack, exhausted and yet wanting to participate, etc. I understand where you are coming from. You may feel compassion for others and you may want to do for others, but your dd and her needs and being there for her have to come first.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Faith

[simka2]

I think many people heard the word cancer and instantly formed a judgment without reading ALL of the OP's posts.

 

 

 

 

My dd had chronic mono for 1 yr. in 5th grade...swollen spleen, white blood cell count out of whack, exhausted and yet wanting to participate, etc. I understand where you are coming from. You may feel compassion for others and you may want to do for others, but your dd and her needs and being there for her have to come first.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Faith

 

You know when you have those threads that haunt your sleep a little? This has been one of those for me. Probably, because I am coop shopping at the moment. :D

 

I have read every post though, and I still cannot understand the op. Especially, when I read the part about doing Bible study with her dd. :confused:

 

Much of what has been posted, and being a Christian are antithetical to me.

 

I am not saying she should have become the cancer patient's caregiver or respite provider. It is okay for anyone to say, "This is what I am capable of doing and this is what has to happen. I need you to come up with a plan for the difference." Then the Cancer woman has a choice to leave or stay and the op is not making it for them. Calling everyone, but herself a flake is really off putting, especially for those of us who are very aware that real life just does not go as planned. Minister's wives do have a ton of expectations on top of their family life. If this group is extremely exclusive, it may be there is an issue with most of them being young. I know that in my younger years I had a really difficult time seeing, understanding, truly empathizing, and being able to adapt my own expectations to reality. (this point is made about the op, but also about the other moms as well)

 

I do agree with the bolded. The op should prioritize meeting her dd needs. But, this coop functioning EXACTLY like the OP envisions is more of a want than need.

 

I hope that makes sense. Honestly, I think this entire thread has been a great exercise in ethics. I know I will be using it as a discussion piece with my kids.

[love2read]

You need time to deeply reassess the situation independent of perceived obligations. It doesn't sound like you have to run the group weekly. Consider sending out a note stating that you need to take a month or longer off to focus on your children and to consider what direction the coop should take in the future. Don't over complicate this in your mind. You don't have to run this constantly and can return fees later if you decide not to continue the coop.

 

I've been in a similar situation and it was very hard for me to pull back, but when I did I realized the coop was no longer in my kids best interest. I didn't see that until after I removed myself from the situation. Best wishes. You're a generous person; keep in mind your first obligation is to your husband and children.

 

edited to add: you can help the friend with cancer and the girl in the wheelchair in other ways without having to plan lessons and watch multiple children.

[mommaduck]

*treading lightly*

I believe there is a balance here. No, not all co-ops create buddies. The one we used to be in was much larger and no one really became friends through it. You already had your friends or you didn't. Yes, you have limitations. However, this co-op doesn't sound like it was really set up for success or the ability to handle those that can't/don't keep up, for whatever reason. However, I think others are merely pointing out a tone they are reading in your posts (and I know tone is not an easy thing to learn to type into the internet). You point out the failures of the others without seeming to have understanding (as someone pointed out...cancer can have a person feeling like garbage for months before diagnosis, but you put the prior six months as though the mother was being intentionally lazy, when "how do you know?" It sounds as judgmental as what you are facing here).

 

I agree that this sounds like something that everyone needs to drop. May I ask though, is there another area that you can take nature walks without going through the woods or near water? (suggestion for you and your daughter or for those that may want to continue, but the woods are unsuitable for)

 

(still curious about the gender issue ;) you can pm me if it's too controversial)

Edited March 14, 2012 by Moderator
Removed quote from deleted post

[shinyhappypeople]

(gently. I'm not the enemy. I'm not judging you.)

 

I think you should consider changing (not necessarily "lowering") your expectations because you'll be happier and your DD will still have this social outlet.

 

Allowing things to continue on as they are is untenable, but it seems a shame to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

 

It absolutely stinks that you need to alter your original vision for the co-op. But, I encourage you to consider that a simpler class format (more "nature walk" meet-up, less structured class activities) could also be good. Maybe not perfect according to your vision, but still good and worthwhile.

 

 

I understand that it hurts to have strangers criticize you. Trust me, I've been there on THIS forum. I hope that's not how this post is coming across.

 

One last thought: Speaking as a recovering perfectionist, I strongly encourage you to examine your heart and see if this is an issue for you. I don't know you IRL, obviously, but from your posts it sounds like you struggle with "perfect or nothing" and "my way or the highway" thinking. If this is true (you don't have to tell me, just tell yourself :) ) then I would focus on working on that issue. Trust me, when I started learning to be more flexible and less "perfect" oriented, I became a much happier person. Working on this area of my character has been difficult, but the results have been nothing but positive. I'm still a work in progress, but it's so much better than it was.

 

:grouphug: I'm sorry this has turned into such an emotionally charged thread. But, if you hang around (and I hope you do!) we'll grow on you :D

Edited March 14, 2012 by Moderator
Quotes from deleted posts removed

[lmrich]

:grouphug:

 

Next time make it a class and get paid for it.

 

This is what I have done. I have also discovered that when people pay upfront tuition; they come. When I have made it a drop in class, people don't show up. When I only charged $5.00 for a semester of nature club (and yes I do this), people didn't show up or come with their notebook. The next semester I charged $25 and limited it to 8 girls within my daughters age and told the parents when to drop off and when to pick up. It was better.

 

I am sorry that people have let you down here and at home. That stinks!

 

Honestly, the best solution to your problem was to have someone pick up the dd of the mom battling cancer. I can't understand why she was even coming in the first place with that many kids. You must do a great job so that the dd really wants to come.

 

I have had the same results with book club. One year I didn't charge and made it family friendly - awful. I love little kids, but they are distracting. The next year I had each girl pay $10 for the year! They didn't read the books; it was playtime. Next year it will be $45 for the year, meet once a month, swap bringing snacks etc. Only the girls are invited. If you have not read the book; I will have you go home.

 

It takes a while to come to that point, but I have discovered some people want to be led.

[FiveOaksAcademy]

No, I strongly doubt they would!! My time is divided enough as it is, so running, planning, doing the work, babysitting, protecting, lesson-planning, e-mailing, stressing over a group of people's children when the parents don't really want to do the work, just doesn't sound like a wise use of time. Again, I stand by the idea that serving the mom with cancer is separate and apart from a co-op situation...two totally different issues!! If need be, you could cancel all of this and be willing to let her children get involved occasionally with what you do privately with your own children??

 

I'm older. I've been homeschooling for a while. Many of my pie-in-the-sky plans and dreams of a perfect setting or perfect co-op situation, perfect group of friends, etc., have been laid down for a heavy dose of reality!! I now assess and pray over things to the nth degree before I involve myself. If I foresee something taking away from my family, our home life, or the education of our children rather than adding to, I just don't do it!! It's much easier to say no now. I know other moms in my age range and homeschool experience range who feel the same way!! I have a couple of friends who just will. not. involve themselves ever again in a co-op because they don't want to have to deal with the immaturity, laziness, discipline problems, lack of shared vision, etc.

Edited March 14, 2012 by Moderator
quotes from deleted posts removed

[In the Rain]

:grouphug: It sounds to me like you have gone above and beyond what you agreed to do, and what is reasonable. I would divide up the supplies and disband the group. It sounds like a great idea though- and was probably fun when everyone did their share. :grouphug:

[NotAVampireLvr]

I agree with the poster that said that you've narrowed the field down so much on who can be included in this coop that it will make it very difficult to find people to join up.

 

What I've found easiest for us is to plan things with my own kids... and then invite a friend along to join in the fun.

[shinyhappypeople]

I've been thinking about this thread a lot this morning. It hit me that organizing and leading are two very different things. They're both important, but it's a mistake to assume that a talented organizer is an equally talented leader or vice versa. Just food for thought.