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Dealing with something diplomatically involving your kids that makes you furious

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I got an email from one of my ds7's teachers basically saying that his behavior was so terrible that I needed to be prepared to take him out and that they were going to refer us to another teacher who also had counseling experience if it continued. The thing is, I was there the entire time 7 feet away and did not see any of this, which they said was basically banging and playing with the footstool. What I saw was him trying to arrange the footstool and sit on his hands as asked so he could listen. I would have expected this email if he was throwing a tantrum, oppositional, not wanting to be there. He loves this activity and is very good at it and they got through the entire lesson in what appeared to me to be a very good session.


I am so angry and hurt on his behalf, I thought she loved having him as a student, she always gave us extra materials for him and spent a lot of time. We had resolved an issue he had of getting upset and not listYening and I thought he was doing beautifully.


I want to try to continue with the teacher as I had thought before this it was the perfect situation,and also he and his brother, who has the same teacher, would be very hurt. When we had the other (seemingly very minor) issue, I was the first to bring it up, have a solution, and work with him on it, and I am definitely not one to think my kid is an angel and ignore his faults.


If you have been in this situation, can I repair this? Should I try, or should we stop and find someone else? I am heartbroken and feel betrayed and cried for hours. I did respond and say we would work on being more still at lessons, but when I was talking about this with ds and working on it he was trying not to cry :( I don't know for sure if I can get over this. I know everyone is different, but I would really like to hear if this relationship can be repaired or if we should just move on.


Thanks for listening, I just really don't have anyone to talk to about this besides Dh. Maybe I am just venting, I don't know.

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If I'm in an emotional situation, I do two things. One, I talk about it with my best friend who is well known for being completely honest. There are times when she sides with me, but there are also times when she tells me I'm over-reacting. The other thing that I do, is to do nothing for at least 24 hours to calm down. :)


I may have misunderstood some things in your post, so feel free to clarify. if I were in your shoes, I would send a note to the teacher indicating that you were there and you saw no mis-behavior on your child's part. Then I would ask for clarification regarding what happened while acknowledging that you might have missed something (or it could be that your definition of 'not a big deal' is a big deal to the teacher).


There are several things that could probably be done to help. Tennis balls over the chair legs so they don't clatter as much, maybe some hand fidget toys if he can't stay still, etc. I would also schedule a face to face meeting with the teacher. Sometimes things in writing come out harsher than vocally.

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:grouphug: I'm sorry, I don't have any experience with it, but I wonder a few things. Has this teacher seen more of whatever behavior she says he's exhibiting at other times/sessions? Something you may not have seen? Her response just seems so extreme from what you described, I'd want to know if there was more behind it. If there was no other "behavior," did you explain to her in your email that from your perspective, you saw a young kid who was doing his best to settle himself, as was requested of him, rather than a kid who was being actively disruptive?


If you really want to stay in the class, I think I would send a second, very polite email with the above, stating that you're working on it and discussing it with him, and that he's sad and doesn't want to leave the class if there's any way he can...I don't know, make amends? Prove that he can behave as she's requesting in his class?


If you don't care to stay in the class, I'll say that I think her expectations of 7-year-old boys are rather stringent (based on what you've shared here and assuming there's no more backstory, anyway), and that she's overreacting quite a bit. I'd be tempted to send an email saying so. But I don't think that would serve the purpose you have in mind at the moment!


:grouphug: again. I hope others will chime in with more thoughts for you. It's so hard to talk Mama Bear down once she gets going, isn't it?

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