Rebecca Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 A dear, dear friend of mine is adopting a little girl from China. The baby turns 2 in August and they are supposed to travel for her in several months. 1.) Is it possible to adopt like this and not experience RAD? I am praying for them! 2.) What would be a meaningful gift to give this family? Thank you! Rebecca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Yes, you can adopt an older child and not experience RAD. It depends on the child, their situation, etc. We adopted a child who had been abused and neglected and came to us at age 7 and bonded very well with no behavioral issues. As to gifts--is this a first child or new addition to their other kids? Something like a nice soft doll, a nice small toddler blanket, etc. might be nice. If this is their 1st, maybe a few good toddler story books or those toddler picture dictionaries with photographs of common objects might be nice--esp. with a child learning a new language. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 My sister has adopted 3 children from India. Two of them were 2 yrs. old when they came home, and the last one was 4 or 5, they're not sure exactly how old she is. All three have serious health issues, but other than that are doing well and have adjusted to family life. For each of them, we got family members and close friends to write welcome letters to the child and put them in a scrapbook, along with pictures, drawings, etc. My sister loved it, and the kids like looking at them, too. It's kind of like a replacement for the traditional baby book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Another idea on this book is if you live in the same area, you could take pictures of their house, her bedroom, the playground/parks in the area, church, grocery store, etc.--sorta like a book of pictures of places and people she would meet and see regularly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaffodilDreams Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 (edited) It is absolutely possible, especially if the parents are informed and take steps to form strong, secure bonds from the moment the child is theirs. (that doesn't mean that this hard work is fail-proof, though) A friend of mine has two children adopted from China at ages 16 mos. and 4 yrs. They've both done beautifully. My Dd is also from China and came to us at age 9 mos. She doesn't have RAD, but she has had her share of challenges. With any child - bio or adopted - you just never know what difficulties you might face. There was another thread recently dealing with adoption gifts, but it's difficult to search for it on my phone. A meal or two after they arrive home would be heavenly. We had one friend take care of that for us, and it was much needed. Edited March 3, 2012 by kimmie38017 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 It is absolutely possible, especially if the parents are informed and take steps to form strong, secure bonds from the moment the child is theirs. (that doesn't mean that this hard work is fail-proof, though) . I would encourage them to try to stay LOW KEY for the first few weeks or more. LIMIT visitors and activities. I know that everyone will want to see the new one and play with her, hold her, etc. but at first, it is better for just mom and dad and then grandparents, etc. to do this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Oh, how exciting. I hope the rest of the process goes well. I'll be interested in reading the thread as it progresses, because I've been somewhat interested in adopting but have been discouraged somewhat by a friend who has done so because of the RAD difficulties that can occur. Thank you for asking the question. For a gift, have you seen the wall vinyl that you can design that are in the "subway" style? Here's a sample of what I'm thinking of. This can go on the bedroom wall. I have seen them for adoptive kids as well (with things like "China" and "born into our hearts" in place of some of the other words; you can choose whatever kinds of words/thoughts you want). This photo is at my FB page, so if you're interested in anything like this, PM me here or there. Best to your friends!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 How exciting. I haven't much to say about RAD, other than it just depends on their situation per-adoption. Regarding a gift, I'd say anything age appropriate, or maybe a clothing item a year or season ahead. I know when we've had showers you get inundated with stuff for now, and have little for later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Innocent Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 I would say, if you are close by, do what you would do for any new parents, i.e. send round a meal, offer to do their laundry. But with adoption I think, as someone else pointed out, you might need to keep your distance more than with a family with a newborn. Having said that my friend recently adopted an 18 month old boy, and was advised to keep visitors to a minimum to start with, but her little boy was so social and loved meeting new people so much that they had to scrap that plan and have tons of visitors. I think that is unusual though! So, treat as you would any family with a new child, but keep a respectful distance and tell them you will wait for an invitation. Emma x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brett_ashley Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 True RAD is very rare. When most laypeople say RAD they mean some form of attachment disorder. There is no way to predict RAD in a child, though some studies have pointed to neglect/abuse in the first year of life as the most common factor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 Thank you so much for the info and ideas. I feel a little relieved- but I am still praying that their little girl will be able to attach normally! These are great ideas! Thanks! Rebecca P.S. if there are any more- please share away- especially if you are an adoptive parent. What blessed you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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