How do you convince your kids to throw away their JUNK?!

[Tranquility7]

I just spent the last two hours doing a THOROUGH cleaning of my DS(5)'s room. UGH!!!!! SO MUCH JUNK!!!!!!!

 

He goes to Lowes every couple of week for a woodworkshop class with DH - it is fun, but EVERY TIME they bring home yet ANOTHER piece of junk. They are little wooden toys that they nailed and screwed together. Fun to do, but OH THE JUNK it creates! We have an entire trunk FULL of the 20+ things he has made.

 

Also, he keeps things he has drawn, cut out, etc. forever. Just cannot let it go!

 

Also, every little junky toy he gets from grandparents - which is a LOT - he gets all kinds of junky Easter basket stuff and keeps it forever!

 

All this junk drives me up a wall. I do not believe in throwing stuff away behind his back, but it is hard to convince him.

 

Ideas?

Edited March 3, 2012 by Glory

[Guest]

I tell my kids before birthdays and Christmas that they need to get rid of old junk to make room for their new toys. If they can't get rid of the junk, they don't have room for the new stuff.

[Pretty in Pink]

I used to just throw it away when they weren't looking, but I know you said that you don't want to do that.

 

We have recently embarked on a 'Zero Waste' journey...the idea being not necessarily that we produce absolutely no waste, but that we produce as little as possible. We have discussed with the kids what that means; specifically, not bringing in extra items that we do not have a place for, items that we will not use, items that have extraneous packaging (if it can be avoided), etc. My dh and I are trying to set a good example ourselves.

 

For this reason we cut out the bi-monthly trip to Lowe's to build stuff.

 

Perhaps you could replace that activity with something else, like a trip to the library or cleaning up trash at the playground, followed up by a picnic? I don't know.

 

I told my boys that if they would quit bringing home junk from the monthly AWANA shop then I would take them for pizza or ice cream instead.

 

You might make a rule that the following things will go in the trash:

 

broken toys

bits of paper or plastic

games with missing pieces

happy meal types of toys

 

Some families have a rule that, at holidays and birthdays when the children receive toys as gifts, they must select one old toy to donate in exchange for keeping the new toy.

 

I know certain relatives think we are cruel to our children by limiting the number of toys in our home. They insist on giving them those pre-packaged Easter baskets, Christmas stockings, and the like. My kids know that whatever cannot be eaten and is not useful will be donated, recycled, or trashed.

[SKL]

Talk hiim into giving it to charity or to a younger cousin? (After which someone will decide if it is useable or garbage, but your son doesn't need to know that?)

 

Set up a workbench for him in your DH's hobby territory, with bins and such for him to keep his stuff in?

 

Pretty these things up after he builds them and give them away as gifts? That's what I did with the coaster holder my kids made - it went to their teacher as a birthday gift or something.

 

If they are outdoor type things (like a birdhouse), put them outdoors and let the elements take care of them?

 

I have no qualms about throwing out my kids' papers (behind their backs) after they have had maybe a week to "enjoy" them. By then, they have forgotten about most of them. For a really special one, I might keep it with their "keeper" school papers in case they ask about it later.

[happi duck]

Hopefully my experience will be an encouragement. Both my kids grew out of holding onto everything by approx. age 8. At 5, the stuff-keeping was esp. bad.

 

In addition to the good advice you're receiving, continue to foster a clutter-free family culture, continue to encourage tidiness but know that developmentally it might not 'click' for a couple years.

 

hth

[Night Elf]

My ds15 is like that. It was much worse when he was little. I finally got him to box up stuff that he didn't even look at. We put the boxes in the attic. He liked that we weren't getting rid of stuff, but just relocating it and saving it for later. Yet he always forgets what's up there. At some point when I'm up there doing something, I'll bring down a box and show him. Occasionally he will want to keep something but the majority of things he's willing to take to Good Will.

 

One thing he holds onto is his Lego collection. He has a considerable amount in his room because he has a city layout on a 6ft long table. But he has many sets that we put in plastic bags, along with the directions, and keep them in a plastic box in the attic. They are there when he is in the mood to build and display them, but they don't need to sit in his room anymore. Whew!

[melissel]

I threw it away behind DD9's back! Seriously, it didn't hurt her. I was careful never to throw away anything she was attached to or would notice, but like you said, we had a CONSTANT stream of junk coming into the house, and she never even played with the majority of it. I would periodically pack up all the little things I thought she didn't care about and keep them in a bin downstairs. If she asked for something, I got it out. If she didn't, it eventually all left the house.

 

I used to feel bad about it, but when she had a meltdown over throwing out a popped, shredded Mylar balloon because it was her "favorite thing ever!" I stopped feeling conflicted. She just has this need to acquire things, and I don't think young kids with the pack rat gene can see beyond that need. Neither can they maintain that amount of stuff. Something has to give. While she was young, we talked and talked about the importance or lack of importance of "stuff" in our lives and our attachment to it, but I did the hard work of culling.

 

Now that she's older, she understands better about how nice it is to live in a clean, clear space. We visited an older (tweenaged) friend a few months ago, and at one point, we were up in her room. I pointed out to DD9 how pretty and nice and open DF's room was, and DD9 agreed enthusiastically. I then pointed out that her room could be that nice if we could clear it out, and we talked about important it was to DF to regularly bless others with things she knew she was never going to use again. A few days later, we spent an entire day dejunking DD9's whole room--drawers, under the bed, all the million baskets and receptacles, etc. We were brutal about it, and it was a little hard for her, but she was SO happy with the result.

 

With DD6, I don't have to do that. She's MUCH more practical about stuff--she'll try to keep it all, but when I say it's time to make some hard choices, she's right there with me. I do still get rid of some things without her knowledge, but even if she notices, when I talk to her about why I'm getting rid of things, she's like, "Oh. Did you at least Freecycle them? OK!" and runs off to play with the thousand toys she still owns :lol:

[Desert Rat]

I advise against throwing things away/getting rid of things behind kids' backs. It makes them want to keep things more. I deal with adults who hoard because their parents threw their things away. I woul hate it if someone came in and took a look at my vast book collection and decided to get rid of half. How would they know which ones were important to me!? It may not be important to them but it is to me!

My oldest has hoarding tendancies. One of the strategies I use is to lay out 5 things and say, "Pick 3 things to keep and 2 to go to charity." (or lay out 2 and have him pick one) I make sure they are similar items. This way, he's choosing and feels like I'm not making him toss everything. With art projects, I take pictures and make photo albums for him.

I let him keep what's important to him, but encourage him to learn to let go. It's a slow process with him, but this last time was much better and easier for him to let things go.

I also like PP's idea of boxing things up and putting them out of sight. Revisit in 6 months and see if the item still holds its value.

My boys make money on ebay when I sell their old toys for them. They really like that.

HTH

[SKL]

I deal with adults who hoard because their parents threw their things away.

 

Or maybe, their parents threw their things away because they were born hoarders?

[JFSinIL]

I'd take a photo of each creation as he brings it home, with appropriate ohh and ahhing over it - then keep the photo and toss the item after a week. He can have a photo book full of his projects!

[Desert Rat]

Or maybe, their parents threw their things away because they were born hoarders?

 

Perhaps. But I still disagree with this idea. You don't throw other people's things away without their consent. This makes the problem worse. Now, instead of just having a hoarding issue, you have trust issues on top of it.

 

Until I struggled with a grown woman about letting go of 25 empty kleenex boxes and 15 years (yes, years) worth of merchandise catalogs (BTW, 15 years of catalogs took up 5 van loads of boxes when she finally did let them go), and entire closets filled with plastic grocery bags, I may have just chucked my kid's "Junk", too. Now, I see how damaging and hurtful it can be to throw away someone's stuff without consent. It's not nice. And kids are people, too. Do unto others and all that. JMVHO

[melissel]

I advise against throwing things away/getting rid of things behind kids' backs. It makes them want to keep things more. I deal with adults who hoard because their parents threw their things away.

 

I've heard this before, and I do believe it if it's done in anger and with shame and with the child watching in agony. But when I refer to doing it without DD9's knowledge, I mean that she never ever missed a single thing I tossed--well, OK, one thing, a (cruddy, sucked on by other toddlers, falling apart, one of the hundreds she also owned) book. None of us can even remember which one now. Other than that, it wasn't traumatic for her because she knew nothing about it. Actually, what WAS traumatic for her was when I tried to do what you suggested. If she felt like I was forcing her to choose between any of her "prized" belongings, there was a meltdown of epic proportions, she was so anguished by it. The "give things away before birthdays and Christmas" tactic does not work here. It only manages to emphasize the connection to her.

 

Even now, the best way for her to get rid of things, even of her own volition, is to pack them up for a set amount of time. At the end of that time, we don't reevaluate. We just get rid of it. She has a bin in her room for exactly this purpose.

[melissad2]

IDK, but I sympathize with you. My 5yo has the nickname Sanford because he wants to save everything!!!! I purge his stuff when he's not looking :) its mostly trash and nothing he would miss anyway!

[2squared]

My oldest was a hoarder just like you describe. She used to have collections of garbage. Drove anti-clutter me crazy.

 

I used to help her clean her room every month. Part of that process was throwing out junk and putting unused items in storage. The storage items have never come out of storage. In between our monthly cleanings, I tossed things for her.

 

Miraculously at 9yo, she suddenly decided that she wanted a clean room. She asked me to help her purge, and ever since she has kept a nearly spotless room. She is almost obsessive about picking up her room every night before bed. I am utterly amazed.

 

I honestly believe that forcing her to toss things was good for her. She knew when I went in her room that things would leave in a garbage bag. It was hard for her, but she sees me do the same thing with the rest of our house. She knows what happens to clutter. We have talked and talked and talked about how clutter becomes controlling and depressing. She somehow internalized the message and came out stronger on the other end.

[Truscifi]

I think it depends on the kid. Some will never miss the things you toss. Others will search and search and be terribly upset that they can't find that one thing. For ds8 I instituted a policy of nothing new in unless the equivalent (or larger) volume goes out. He chooses what goes out, but it has to take up at least as much space as the new item. It has made him much more careful with his toy decisions.

[Pretty in Pink]

It's my understanding that true hoarding behavior (the kind described by a PP) is the manifestation of a mental health condition and most often predicated by a traumatic event in the hoarder's life. Am I mistaken?

 

I don't think sneaking into your child's room and tossing their happy meal toys and broken race cars is likely to turn them into hoarders. Perhaps I am mistaken. :confused:

[SKL]

It's my understanding that true hoarding behavior (the kind described by a PP) is the manifestation of a mental health condition and most often predicated by a traumatic event in the hoarder's life. Am I mistaken?

 

I don't think sneaking into your child's room and tossing their happy meal toys and broken race cars is likely to turn them into hoarders. Perhaps I am mistaken. :confused:

 

I am 100% sure that my mom threw away my stuff behind my back all the time - because I shared a tiny bedroom with 3 siblings and there is no other way we could have avoided suffocation. I was not traumatized; in fact, I'm very much a "less is more" person. I can't remember a time when I did not dislike clutter. It was with some effort that I learned to tolerate a degree of clutter for the benefit of other adults I live with.

 

Occasionally my kids catch me throwing stuff away. I explain to them that I cannot keep everything and that their school/art papers are meant to be reviewed and discarded by me. Otherwise they would not be able to walk through their room. They seem to understand this, although on occasion they do save a particular item from the recycle bin (and then promply forget about it). (If they give me an artwork as a "gift" then I do hold onto it for a while.) They have also never had trouble understanding that broken toys go in the garbage, and too-young clothes/toys go to the baby cousins. If they protest a particular toy donation, I will let them keep it a while longer. Sometimes they even mention in advance that such-and-such toy should not go to Baby Cousin yet, and I respect that. But they are OK with the fact that keeping everything is not an option. I think that if they were going to be hoarders as adults, I would be seeing signs of it now. I think it's natural for a little kid to want to keep his pretties for posterity or because "I might need that someday," but that doesn't mean they can't understand that it isn't feasible past a point.

[GingerPoppy]

I absolutely agree that you should find a way to include him in the clutter-reducing and decision-making process. Not so much because he would be otherwise traumatized, but rather because he needs to go through those steps and that thought process over and over with your help for him to internalize it.

 

I've gone through this with my dd10. The more times we do it and talk about it, the better she's become. I'm so proud of how she can let go of things without my prompting now.

 

I try to stop the flow from the other end, too. We talk about junk, and she has a pretty good idea of quality vs. junk now. We try not to bring too much of it into the house in the first place (like dollar store stuff and crappy little loot bag items). I think it's pretty awful that something is made on another continent only to be shipped here, trucked to stores, and taken home for mere minutes, hours, or days, then goes to rest in the landfill. So incredibly wasteful of resources! I hate junk.

[susankenny]

At age 5, I helped sort through it all. I give a lot of my own "junk" away frequently - so my kids have always seen my example. They definitely are asked to purge about 2x year. Then we drive & donate it together so they see it is going onto a better place.

 

Anyway, that's what works here.

 

 

Susan

[susankenny]

 

I don't think sneaking into your child's room and tossing their happy meal toys and broken race cars is likely to turn them into hoarders. Perhaps I am mistaken. :confused:

 

Good Lord I hope not!! Or I'm in trouble!:D

 

Susan

[Dustybug]

I tell my kids before birthdays and Christmas that they need to get rid of old junk to make room for their new toys. If they can't get rid of the junk, they don't have room for the new stuff.

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

I also purge through sometimes in between as well. It's necessary for us as all three of our children share one room. For instance, a few days ago, my DD got a couple of new purses from her aunt. We have one little rack for her to hang all of her purses on. There are now so many that many of them fall off. So, I told her that she had to go through them and clear off enough that purses could hang without falling off the rack. If we run out of storage space, then stuff has to go to make room.

 

For me, it isn't about convincing them(at least not at this age). Maybe I'm "mean mommy," but if I tell them it's time to clear out some stuff, they don't have a choice. It's an obedience thing. Around Christmas and birthdays, I will help them and will take similar toys and ask them to choose between them.

 

I don't agree with going behind their backs.

[Dustybug]

At age 5, I helped sort through it all. I give a lot of my own "junk" away frequently - so my kids have always seen my example. They definitely are asked to purge about 2x year. Then we drive & donate it together so they see it is going onto a better place.

 

Anyway, that's what works here.

 

 

Susan

 

My kids help me donate items as well. We've taken things to Goodwill, the local pregnancy care center, women's shelter, etc.

[Random]

I'd take a photo of each creation as he brings it home, with appropriate ohh and ahhing over it - then keep the photo and toss the item after a week. He can have a photo book full of his projects!

 

:iagree: Yes! This!

 

 

When I get overwhelmed by my son's refusal to purge things, I let him know that I will be going into his room on a certain day at a certain time to throw away what doesn't have a 'home.' Everything that is not neatly put away/doesn't fit will get thrown away. He then has time to organize and clean (with my help, if desired). He can then see that when he can't fit all of his 'stuff' in his room, some of it will have to go.