Help me critique dd's poem

[athena1277]

For reading today I had dd (9yo) read the next chapter of her book, then write a song or poem like the character in the story. The only requirement I gave her was that it had to have at least 4 lines. She decided to write it about the names of her and ds's toy dogs. This is what she wrote:

 

Dog Names

 

Badges, Sonnet, Milkey,

Sniffer Pugsly, Dog.

Rockey, Boxey, Puppy,

Poodle, Black Dog, Spot.

 

One part of me says it's not a real poem, but the other side says I could find something similar in a book of kid poems.

 

What would you do with this poem? Is it a keeper or does it need to be redone? Thanks!

[angela in ohio]

I don't critique their poems (or other creative writing) unless we are specifically studying a form of poetry, and that doesn't happen until high school. (Of course, I also don't assign creative writing, so I'm probably the wrong person to ask.) I think it's great. :001_smile:

[Ester Maria]

I don't critique their poems (or other creative writing) unless we are specifically studying a form of poetry, and that doesn't happen until high school. (Of course, I also don't assign creative writing, so I'm probably the wrong person to ask.)

Same here.

 

I have no idea what to think about it. I do not assess my kids' creative writing and I do not consider it "school". :)

[Pegasus]

I agree. She met your requirements and I think it is a fine poem. Much better than some published poems I've read/heard. My eldest DD would have written something similar at age 9. Here's one she wrote more recently for comparison:

 

Title - The Rocking Horse

 

One day a rocking horse was made

and thought itself quite fine

And what would one day happen to it

It never could divine.

 

For years it was quite happy

Moving from child to child.

So gentle it was with them

They never called it wild.

 

One day there was no children,

Just a single voice most coarse,

"It's doing us no good, so

let's get rid of this rocking horse."

 

And so it was that the rocking horse

Was brought to the end of his days

Though people who saw the fire still claim

That a horse jumped out through the haze.

[NanceXToo]

I would not really "critique" a 9 year old's poem. And you only gave one requirement- four lines. She did it lol.

 

At most, tell her it's cute and reminds you of something you'd see in a book of kid's poems for some positive reinforcement, and that next time maybe you want her to try one that has some longer lines, not just single words or names.

[meltf928]

Did she do that to be lazy and get the assignment over with b/c that's something my 10 y/o would do.

 

If you think that's what she did, then I would discuss it with her and in the future maybe give her some more criteria. 4 lines with 2 rhyming, etc.

[elegantlion]

I don't critique their poems (or other creative writing) unless we are specifically studying a form of poetry, and that doesn't happen until high school. (Of course, I also don't assign creative writing, so I'm probably the wrong person to ask.) I think it's great. :001_smile:

 

I agree.

 

She fulfilled the requirement and it's cute.

 

Hang it on the fridge or frame it.

 

I don't think you can be specific about poetry, unless you're looking at specific meter. Poetry is subjective.

 

If she can explain it, especially at this age, let it go and enjoy it.

[Alessandra]

I don't think it's great, but I wouldn't critique it, unless dd genuinely asks. I would try to keep her poems in a special place, such as an art portfolio book or in page protectors in a binder -- and include any illustrations she may have done -- even if she just googled and printed images of dogs that fit her names. Something to make her visualize her writing want to write more.

 

I might, however, read some related poetry to her -- "The Naming of Cats" or something like that.

[NanceXToo]

By the way, if you want her to get a bit better with writing poetry, here's a good book for that age range (like 4th to 8th grades).

 

It's called: Teaching Poetry, Yes You Can! by Jacqueline Sweeney.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Teaching-Poetry-Yes-You-Grades/dp/0590494198

[athena1277]

 

I might, however, read some related poetry to her -- "The Naming of Cats" or something like that.

 

Thanks for this! We will read it tomorrow!

[*********]

I agree.

 

She fulfilled the requirement and it's cute.

 

Hang it on the fridge or frame it.

 

I don't think you can be specific about poetry, unless you're looking at specific meter. Poetry is subjective.

 

If she can explain it, especially at this age, let it go and enjoy it.

 

:iagree:

 

Zee absolutely LOATHES poetry. We just did a unit on it in our LA program. It was absurd. The curriculum would ask things like 'Which word is MORE descriptive?', and 'Which word better describes the 'feeling' of the poem?'. Totally objective stuff. Yeah, we just discussed it. :tongue_smilie:

 

FWIW, I like her poem. :D

[Isabella]

I like it, too. It has a nice meter to it - repeat it a few times, and it sounds really catchy. Tell her to learn it by heart, and recite it to dad.

She'll grow and develop - it's great to encourage their efforts at this age!

Edited March 1, 2012 by Isabella

[Guest submarines]

Great rhythm! One thing that can really improve it, and this is something you can discuss with her, is to play more with the poem's title.

 

How would she recite it, if the title was "In the Night." Would the reader then imagine dogs howling?

 

Or if the title was "On the Beach." A very different idea in the readers' mind, right? Would she imagine dog owners feverishly calling their dogs, and little kids screaming and running to their mothers?

 

Or if it were called, "In my Yard?" Or "One big bowl." Or "And One Cat." Well, I'm really having fun here. The possibilities are endless. :D

 

With a poem like this, the title will really make it work. It has to add to the poem, provide that extra detail, that the reader will latch on and create his or her own understanding of the poem.

[Guest submarines]

:001_huh: Oh, nm, wrong thread entirely.