jenbrdsly Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 Has anyone been reading the Parenting with Love and Logic Books by Foster Cline and Jim Fay? If so, I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts. I've read the teenager book, and now the regular one so far. I also had a really funny experience in the airport the other day where I tried to use some of the Love and Logic techniques for avoiding arguments when the lady at the gate was trying to force passengers to check their carry-ons at the last minute. If you have read the books, what do you think is the most helpful advice? Does the Love and Logic approach really work for you? I'm really curious. We've always been a Positive Discipline household before now, but I'm definitely thinking about giving this new approach a try. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murmer Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 I love the idea of it...and it is so easy and true...BUT as with anything there are limitations to it. It did not work with my child with special needs...she was not able to handle it, choices sent her into a tailspin, having to think was to hard for her, she never adjusted to the if you are calm the door will stay open bit (from the early years book)...it just didn't work for her. She needs more time to process situations and warnings even though we don't get them in the real world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfatherslily Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 I read the early childhood one recently and liked it. My biggest obstacle is myself! I did have a few AHA! moments while reading, such as how to offer choices. I've heard the brilliant wisdom of offering choices to little ones, but MY little one will ALWAYS either choose something else or yell, "NOTHING! I HATE EVERYTHING!" or some overly dramatic thing like that. It was really helpful to see that I should just make the choice for him if he doesn't choose right away. One of those times when you're thinking, "Well, duh! Of course! Why didn't I think of that?" I've been saying, "Uh oh!" an awful lot lately. I've caught myself saying it when I'm completely alone! One of my new catch phrases. It's better than :cursing: ! Definitely one of the better parenting books I've read. An easy read with just the right amount of information I need to actually implement the strategies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathy_overman Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 I love to use their 'one-liners', see http://www.loveandlogic.com/documents/one-liners.pdf. I recently started saying some version of: 'I will help you when I feel respected.' It has been working wonders! Our DS8, said 'I think Mom found our weakness with her new I will help quotes.' It works for him! Like most things, take what works and leave the rest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 I wasn't a big fan of the book. I haven't read the teenage version, only the regular one, and most of it seemed sort of common sense. I felt like the authors had a bit of an attitude about it, like 'if you use love and logic and your kid doesn't turn out great, you did it wrong' as though it was a definite guarantee. I also thoroughly disliked that they suggested that a teenager should be free to choose whether or not they attend church with the family. That is non-negotiable, imo... but all books have to be taken with a grain of salt. So overall, I don't know that we use love and logic any more now than we did before...it just didn't have a name then. It just seemed like normal, common sense. disclaimer: I really don't like most parenting books. :) I just read Grace Based Parenting and I.hated.it. The guy is a total jerk. So anyway, take my opinion with a grain of salt :lol: ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 (edited) Since they changed their stated and written opinion on spanking several years back, I can endorse it. It is practical and useful, and not too much theory. (Such as you'd get with say, Alfie Kohn). I like Active Parenting materials (I was certified by them). I also like Effective Parenting. That is until my stuff comes out. ;) Edited February 29, 2012 by Joanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenbrdsly Posted February 29, 2012 Author Share Posted February 29, 2012 I love to use their 'one-liners', see http://www.loveandlogic.com/documents/one-liners.pdf. I recently started saying some version of: 'I will help you when I feel respected.' It has been working wonders! Our DS8, said 'I think Mom found our weakness with her new I will help quotes.' It works for him! Like most things, take what works and leave the rest. I hadn't seen this, and just printed it out. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ForeverFamily Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 I've been saying, "Uh oh!" an awful lot lately. I've caught myself saying it when I'm completely alone! One of my new catch phrases. It's better than :cursing: ! :lol: It quickly became one of my common catch phrases as well. I always seemed to get funny looks from other parents:lol:. I really liked the book. I was just thinking to myself the other day that I am due to read it again. I have read it twice. I really like the methods suggested in the book they make a lot of sense to me I just have a hard time implementing them. Habits are hard to break and good habits are hard to form. My plan is to read the book again and try using one method at a time and add more as I get better at them, I believe that is actually how the author suggests you should do it anyway. I really like the idea of the delayed punishment. Where rather then threaten something unrealistic in the heat of the moment as a punishment you tell the child that you will think about what he needs to do to make up for his misbehaviour and you will let him know. We have used this idea with our kids at various times and it has worked well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenbrdsly Posted February 29, 2012 Author Share Posted February 29, 2012 Okay, I'm so obsessed with thinking through this Love and Logic stuff that I probably sound like I joined a cult... But! Here are my latest musings: Would Your Teenager Cross the Street? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.Balaban Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 I have this book that I bought and haven't read it yet. Thanks for reminding me to go read it! I read a different one of their "Love and Logic" series and it was very good- so off I go to find that book... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest brainstewn Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 I'm looking for an active discussion board for love and logic parents. Anyone know of such a board? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
violamama Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 I like it but it can very easily become a bit sarcastic on my part and I must truly be disengaged from the emotion of the situation for it to work well. I also find that with my kids, using the exact same script all the time is not effective. They become frustrated and feel I'm not really engaged (and when I use the same words all day it does drive me nuts so they're right). So we take the underlying principals and then adjust for our own preferences. The best book by far is the one specifically for teachers. I thought the one for parents of littles was lacking in specifics. http://www.amazon.com/Teaching-Love-Logic-Control-Classroom/dp/0944634486 I found some audio of them speaking that was useful and easy to listen to on my headphones while making dinner, etc. I don't remember which one it was but I think I found it free somewhere. ETA: the one-liners get under the skin of my 6 year old (generally wants true engagement) and cause him to escalate like nobody's business. It took me a while to figure out that letting it drop and going silent and addressing it later was a better tactic for us both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 I read the regular book last year. It's pretty much exactly the way that I parent my kids. It isn't so much that I use the method as that the name describes us. I recommend it other parents, though I agree the tone is a bit obnoxious. That's true of all parenting books. Some of the examples are a bit extreme. I wouldn't give my dog array of my kid forgot to feed it. Some things are not negotiable. I have no problem saying that. I use a lot of one liners. They work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mbelle Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 I like it better than most parent books. For our family it seems a bit sarcastic and so we took a few great ideas and left the rest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doodlebug Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 I've read Love and Logic for Early Childhood at least twice. I think it can be a breath of fresh air for parents who grew up in punitive homes. In trying on some of the suggestions, I saw "something else" work. Big revelation, even though there were aspects of the book I strongly disagreed with. (Use of sarcasm in examples was one). This book is the one I most commonly suggest to friends with young children because it was such a practical help. Stella Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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