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:grouphug: We are somewhat going through this as well. I just told him that I don't want to hear ONE WORD about games, gaming, DS, etc....until after 3pm today. Any talk of gaming DURING school hours will result in a loss of gaming, period!

 

He threw some fits with school today, gave me attitude again, etc......workbooks are his last shot to remain a homeschooler. I just can't take much more. I KNOW he has Asperger's, but I still can't take it.

 

Dawn

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:grouphug: We are somewhat going through this as well. I just told him that I don't want to hear ONE WORD about games, gaming, DS, etc....until after 3pm today. Any talk of gaming DURING school hours will result in a loss of gaming, period!

 

He threw some fits with school today, gave me attitude again, etc......workbooks are his last shot to remain a homeschooler. I just can't take much more. I KNOW he has Asperger's, but I still can't take it.

 

Dawn

 

That's just it. I know ds has this and/or bipolar. We are finally getting him into a neurodevelopmental clinic (the one in the city I used to live we couldn't get in because he was thought to be pretty normal, they don't live with him, so instead we will be driving almost 3 hours away to one south of here). Just waiting for the ped to fax them the forms. IN the meantime I am left pickign up the peices everytday.

 

He is VERY particular about the pants he wears. He has 2 pairs that he wears almost exclusively. 1 is currently clean, 1 I have been trying to get from ds for 4 days, they are filthy. Those of course are the ones he MUST wear. The 2 yr old I babysit is potty training and had an accident. Ds had the misfortune of sitting in it before I got it cleaned up (I was running the little one to the bathroom). So since I was already about to start a new load of laundry I suggested this was a good time to wash them. He had already stripped them off but was carrying them around apparently until they dried to ensure I could not wash them, because he says washed pants feel weird.

 

So when I took them he grabbed my pyrex mixing bowl filled with the pancake batter I was cooking and smashed it on the floor.

 

I know he is already on a hair trigger for anger right now due to me taking away video games. But now I have been dealing with cleaning up shards of glass and batter for an hour and have pulled 6 peices out of the bottom of my foot. All the kids are fine and did not witness anything, dd is keeping them busy in the livingroom. I told them ds dropped the bowl.

 

Just waiting for the floor to dry from mopping before I vacuum again to make sure I did not miss any tiny peices.

 

Yesterday was my broom that got broken due to one of his fits after the kids went home and he realized there still would be no video games.

 

Of course he said sorry now and expects that all will be forgiven but in reality I am so tired of his carp I don't really want to even acknowledge his apology right now. He thinks as soon as he says sorry that everything is peachy and fine again. He has no grasp of the fact that he needs to prove himself with his actions that he is sorry, not just paying lip service.

 

I am considering sending him to live with his dad. I know that if I do any chance of him having a future are gone. my ex does not believe that there is anything wrong with ds, will not follow his restricted diet, will not give him his supplements, sure as heck would not give meds if needed (he called CPS on me years ago claiming I was drugging my son when he was put on a Rx for his moods), allows him to play M rated video games with no thought to it. Wants to buy him a gun for his birthday etc. Ds would be in ps with no services in his dad's town, because his dad doesn't think he needs them despite his testing showing otherwise. I left my ex due to his alcoholism, though from what I know he has not drank like that in a few years but he still drinks, he likes to get high on occasion too(a few times a year) not at all what things are like here.

 

I want the best for my son but I can't keep living like this. I feel like I am being put in a position that says I have to sacrifice 1 for the rest. That I have to give up on him completely.

 

Given that my ex doesn't even like the kids calling me when they visit and he hates my extended family, I suspect that ds will lose all contact with everyone that he currently knows as family.

 

I keep hoping that if I can wait it out until he gets used to the games being gone, and can get him into the neurodevelopmental clinic we can make it through until septemeber. Ds will be attending ps next year, there is no other way. His ped, therapist and I all agree that likely academically he will fail, that he will likely never get his diploma, we are looking at a special ed class that will give him life skills but no diploma, no college requirements, no apprenticeship like I planned etc. Just to get him out of the house for 8 hours a day. The rest will continue to homeschool. Again having to sacrifice 1 for the rest, but in that case only academically not completely. If he wants to do better he will have to figure it out for himself.

 

OVer all today's outburst was pittance, no one was hurt, it wasn't directed at anyone, but it is a pattern to his behaviour that I will not live with.

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:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Is there a residential treatment center where he could go?

 

The closest that we were told would accept him at this point is 7 hours away and is one that very much limits parental/family contact (limits visits per month, 1-2 phone calls a week).

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I am sure you have thought of these things, and some you might be opposed to but I am going to say them in case you missed any…….:grouphug:

 

-medication

-respite care. You might need to call children's aide society - they might be able to help

-does he have a social worker?

-naturopath - I am thinking homeopathy, allergies, gluten….it would not be my first line of defense but it cannot hurt (other than your pocketbook) and might help

-call up the autism or mental health society and ask if they have any resources or respite for parents before formal diagnosis. I have 2 autistic nephews (Quebec) - my sister has monthly respite, some sort of Saturday program and a camp. She pays for some of it, but considers it worth it.

-School (mostly so you get a break - but they may be able to help, as well) School plus you as an advocate would be better than sending him to his fathers where you know his issues will not be addressed properly and you may lose contact with him.

 

 

And a "yeah that" to jean in newcastle - do NOT get a puppy! Puppies are a lot of work, and you do not need any extra work.

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I am sure you have thought of these things, and some you might be opposed to but I am going to say them in case you missed any…….:grouphug:

 

-medication

-respite care. You might need to call children's aide society - they might be able to help

-does he have a social worker?

-naturopath - I am thinking homeopathy, allergies, gluten….it would not be my first line of defense but it cannot hurt (other than your pocketbook) and might help

-call up the autism or mental health society and ask if they have any resources or respite for parents before formal diagnosis. I have 2 autistic nephews (Quebec) - my sister has monthly respite, some sort of Saturday program and a camp. She pays for some of it, but considers it worth it.

-School (mostly so you get a break - but they may be able to help, as well) School plus you as an advocate would be better than sending him to his fathers where you know his issues will not be addressed properly and you may lose contact with him.

 

 

And a "yeah that" to jean in newcastle - do NOT get a puppy! Puppies are a lot of work, and you do not need any extra work.

 

We have tried to access respite, we don't qualify. We get 4 hours a month with a community aide worker, that's it. We are connected with family supports for children with disabilities but with his current Dx that is the best they could offer. Here in Alberta without a formal Dx you are hooped.

 

We have gone the meds route in the past, he was on ritalin for adhd but when he hit puberty the ritalin made his rages 1000x's worse. so he is off of that. I have been trying to get risperdol for him, but the ped won't give it without the therapist agreeing, the therapist claims ds is fine (ds plays with toys in his office for 5-10 mintues and is quiet that is what the therapist is using as his diagnostic). I am hoping the neurodevelopmental clinic will give the ped enough answers to support giving ds risperdol. The ped put him on antidepressants instead, and ds did exactly what I thought he would he went manic.

 

We found a natural minded psychiatrist. Ds is on 5-HTP now from him, and we are saving up for neurofeedback therapy. I am hoping once we save up it will help.

 

As for the puppy I have my reasons for getting it and none of them are due to it being cute and cuddly. We have almost always had pets, ds is much calmer with them around. As well dd was ambushed last week and pummelled with rocks with threats to bash her head in next time. This is because she happened to walk down teh same street these punks were on. It is not the first time my kids have been attacked just being being outside. Add to it people randomly banging on our windows at midnight etc and I want a dog here to help protect us (keeping in mind the stuff we went through in the city of my van being smashed up, death threats, the break and enter to my home etc). I want a large dog to help with guarding my family, as well as the therapeutic benefits it provides ds. I have been wanting to get one for these reasons for a year now but have put it off until now.

 

PS like I posted above is going to have to happen even knowing he will not ever graduate etc. Because of needing to either have him have an aide or in a special needs class it is too late in the year to register him now for this year due to funding etc. But he will be registered in it inthe fall if he is still living here. That was already discussed with his ped and therapist to be sure we get teh supports in place for ds. It is the making it through between now and then that is an issue.

 

He is not out of control all the time. I do not want to give the impression that my home is 24/7 chaos. But tensions are high, he is arguementative, everything has to be just so kwim. About once a day we have an outburst, it was more when I still allowed video games because then it was everytime I needed him to turn it off and do something else. He is not a monster, but he is very difficult and I need to think of all my kids not jsut him kwim.

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Brandi - I didn't say anything on your puppy post, but I hope you reconsider bringing a puppy into the household until things are under control.

 

:iagree: If your DS attacks or throws the puppy in anger, that would not be good, and it would add even more to the extreme problems you are having.

 

Truly, I am not trying to be mean about this. Your DS attacks you and your other children, and destroys your things. I just think a helpless puppy would be in danger at your house, similar to the way the rest of you are. I cannot imagine how hard this is for you -- I've been through hard times with one of my children having to do with mental illness, but I am lucky, he has not attacked anyone or destroyed anything.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You are in a position I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy (if I had one) because it seems like there is no good solution to it. I just don't want you to make it harder on yourself, is all.

Edited by RoughCollie
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:iagree: If you DS attacks or throws the puppy in anger, that would not be good, and it would add even more to the extreme problems you are having.

 

 

I don't see this ever happening. We have always had pets and he has never hurt one out of anger, ever. It's only been in the last few months that we have not had any in the house, in all those year he has never hurt an animal in anger (at age 5 he acted purely out of stupidity and that hurt an animal and we had no animals for a while after that). In his 13.5 yrs of life, we have only had a combined total of 1 yr with no pets and he has never harmed one out of anger. Like I said above, he is actually calmed by them, and stray animals seem to like him, they are forever folowing him home and he just sits and pets them for a long time.

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Brandi - I didn't say anything on your puppy post, but I hope you reconsider bringing a puppy into the household until things are under control.

 

:iagree:

 

I'm so sorry about what you're going through with your ds, but I would be very concerned about bringing a new pet into your current home environment. I know you believe he would never hurt an animal, but the way you describe him, your ds is too unpredictable and potentially violent right now, and it could lead to tragedy for your new puppy -- and your ds would feel horrible about it afterward.

 

I hope you're able to get some help and answers soon. It sounds like you're having such a tough time and I have no advice at all for you, but I'll send you some :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Edited by Catwoman
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I've followed the posts on your son for what seems like years now. I understand that you are probablly posting the worst examples because when you are posting, you are in a need, either to vent or looking for help. I also understand he most certainly has his good times.

 

But after reading so many of these post I finally have to ask, are the parents of the children you do home daycare for aware of what goes on with your son while their children are there? That he has this many issues? Because honestly, after reading what you have posted (over the years/posts) I would be scared to death to leave my 2-3yo there.

 

After reading so many concerns about you getting a puppy, it just really made me worry (more so than I have when previously reading these posts) about your daycare kids.

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Brandi - I didn't say anything on your puppy post, but I hope you reconsider bringing a puppy into the household until things are under control.

 

Please don't even think of bringing a puppy into the home. It will be a mistake.

 

I read your post earlier but didnt want to respond with any emotional suggestions, due to the ridiculous situation our RAD puts us in. I have many thoughts but dont want to share them publicly. If you would like to hear them, p,ease PM me your email address. Going back and forth through PM's is too much of a pain when the messages are long. Mine will be.

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We have tried to access respite, we don't qualify. We get 4 hours a month with a community aide worker, that's it. We are connected with family supports for children with disabilities but with his current Dx that is the best they could offer. Here in Alberta without a formal Dx you are hooped.

 

We have gone the meds route in the past, he was on ritalin for adhd but when he hit puberty the ritalin made his rages 1000x's worse. so he is off of that. I have been trying to get risperdol for him, but the ped won't give it without the therapist agreeing, the therapist claims ds is fine (ds plays with toys in his office for 5-10 mintues and is quiet that is what the therapist is using as his diagnostic). I am hoping the neurodevelopmental clinic will give the ped enough answers to support giving ds risperdol. The ped put him on antidepressants instead, and ds did exactly what I thought he would he went manic.

 

We found a natural minded psychiatrist. Ds is on 5-HTP now from him, and we are saving up for neurofeedback therapy. I am hoping once we save up it will help.

 

As for the puppy I have my reasons for getting it and none of them are due to it being cute and cuddly. We have almost always had pets, ds is much calmer with them around. As well dd was ambushed last week and pummelled with rocks with threats to bash her head in next time. This is because she happened to walk down teh same street these punks were on. It is not the first time my kids have been attacked just being being outside. Add to it people randomly banging on our windows at midnight etc and I want a dog here to help protect us (keeping in mind the stuff we went through in the city of my van being smashed up, death threats, the break and enter to my home etc). I want a large dog to help with guarding my family, as well as the therapeutic benefits it provides ds. I have been wanting to get one for these reasons for a year now but have put it off until now.

 

PS like I posted above is going to have to happen even knowing he will not ever graduate etc. Because of needing to either have him have an aide or in a special needs class it is too late in the year to register him now for this year due to funding etc. But he will be registered in it inthe fall if he is still living here. That was already discussed with his ped and therapist to be sure we get teh supports in place for ds. It is the making it through between now and then that is an issue.

 

He is not out of control all the time. I do not want to give the impression that my home is 24/7 chaos. But tensions are high, he is arguementative, everything has to be just so kwim. About once a day we have an outburst, it was more when I still allowed video games because then it was everytime I needed him to turn it off and do something else. He is not a monster, but he is very difficult and I need to think of all my kids not jsut him kwim.

 

I am not sure what neurofeedback would be like near you, but when I checked into it for RAD, they wanted to start at three sessions per week, tapering down to two, then tapering back to once per week. They said the process would be months and COULD be longer than a year. It was one your 45 minutes away and each session would cost $125. None of it was covered by insurance. What are you being told for cost and number of sessions?

 

Also, seeing what the affect our RAD has had on the other kids, I am so glad to hear that you are careful not to let all of your attention and care go to him alone. I have spoken to several people offline who grew up with a RAD sibling (it would apply to any mental illness, which your son definitely sounds like he has one) and they do consume all parental energies, regularly. I have managed to learn not to let that happen myself. I am happier now as is the rest of the family.

 

Do you think your son would hurt the puppy? My RAD definitely would (or worse) given the chance. Since she is at my side every moment she is out of her room, she doesn't have the chance to. I would think the puppy would need the same level of protection by you.

 

I can not imagine doing what you do as a single parent. If I were in your shoes, I would have gone insane by now. I can at least take a break and get away anytime I need it.

 

P,ease keep going to new doctors until you get a diagnosis your comfortable with. Unless there is an accurate diagnosis, there wont be accurate treatment.

 

I am surprised there isnt more help available to you despite the fact he attacks you and your other children. That wouldnt be the case in the US. :grouphug:

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I am not sure what neurofeedback would be like near you, but when I checked into it for RAD, they wanted to start at three sessions per week, tapering down to two, then tapering back to once per week. They said the process would be months and COULD be longer than a year. It was one your 45 minutes away and each session would cost $125. None of it was covered by insurance. What are you being told for cost and number of sessions?

 

Also, seeing what the affect our RAD has had on the other kids, I am so glad to hear that you are careful not to let all of your attention and care go to him alone. I have spoken to several people offline who grew up with a RAD sibling (it would apply to any mental illness, which your son definitely sounds like he has one) and they do consume all parental energies, regularly. I have managed to learn not to let that happen myself. I am happier now as is the rest of the family.

 

Do you think your son would hurt the puppy? My RAD definitely would (or worse) given the chance. Since she is at my side every moment she is out of her room, she doesn't have the chance to. I would think the puppy would need the same level of protection by you.

 

I can not imagine doing what you do as a single parent. If I were in your shoes, I would have gone insane by now. I can at least take a break and get away anytime I need it.

 

P,ease keep going to new doctors until you get a diagnosis your comfortable with. Unless there is an accurate diagnosis, there wont be accurate treatment.

 

I am surprised there isnt more help available to you despite the fact he attacks you and your other children. That wouldnt be the case in the US. :grouphug:

 

 

As for the neurofeedback, it is $800 up front for the baseline EEG. Then we will have 2-3 sessions in office at $125/hour while they train me on the machine and get him started. Then I am renting a machine from the office to continue the therapy at home. I will then go back in 3 months for a session in the office and followup then wash. rinse. repeat. Until the total hours are complete.

 

Renting the machine is about half the cost of in office therapy, so to start up I am saving up $1100 and then the monthly cost will be about $250-300 a month. Way cheaper than doing it all in the office. When we went to the consult appt they were suggesting 2 times a week to start in office, doing it at home he will do 1 hour sessions 5 days a week instead.

 

To the issue of the dog I don't think he would ever hurt it. We have always had pets, he has not hurt an animal since he was 5 and that was do to ignorance not malice.

 

I agree that ds has a mental illness in all of this but he actually finds animals very calming. He loves all animals and would never hurt them. We have had stray dogs here while waiting for the town office to open to turn them in with no problem, our cats when we had them, fish, rabbits, guinea pigs, birds, hamsters, hatched chicks etc. He has done horse riding, his favorite fieldtrips are those that include animals (pet store, vet, spca to just sit and cuddle and pet animals). Just yesterday he sat on our snow covered front step for an hour petting a wandering cat that came along.

 

I do post here the worst of it to vent it out. 85% of the time ds is like any other kid, quirky, moody but not malicious not violent etc. Especially if just left alone. The other 15% of the time he is nuts. He has a meltdown or a spaz and then calms down feeling stupid. He is sensitive to sensory input, certain foods, video games etc. Having me tell him absolutely zero video games is stressing him. Like any addict he goes from playing the "I'll be good card" to lashing out. Today was the first time he has had a fit while my daycare kids were here and they did not see it. As far as they know ds just dropped the bowl. Generally his fits are at the end of the day when he wants to go play his video games etc. He is irritable most of the time but not lashing out all the time. Like permanent pms. Like when you (general you) have pms you are grouchy and grumbly all day, but not ever little thing sets you off, it's usually when you can not get away from everyone and they are picking picking at you. No one is picking at him but that is how he feels. He feels often like the world is out to get him so when someone actually confronts him on something he springs into fight or flight mode. He used to be a runner, that was his MO, he doesn't run anymore he fights and he fights hard. He has never had that reaction to my daycare kids, nor to animals. BUt he sure does towards the rest of us particularily as the day wanes, though somedays start with him yelling from his bed.

 

My 2 daycare families know my kids have special needs. Both came to be via word of mouth from others in town. So they know we have our struggles, but I am a **** good child care provider and ds is generally able to hold it together long enough for the kids to go home. The parents in both cases love the care their kids get here. Like I explained further up post, ds is arguementative and growly most of the day, but he is not having this outbursts all day.

 

I work hard to ensure the home is suitable for all kids involved, ds, my other kids, my daycare kids. The stress of dealing with ds is getting to me, I keep telling myself I just have to make it through until September and then he can be in ps and I will have a repreive during the day. It will not cure the outbursts, but those are not the biggest issue though they impact us greatly. It is the arguing, growly nature that is wearing me down. I can deal with a hundred outbursts etc because they are short lived and then he is fine. It is the attitude that is killing me. Being told how much he hates me because I limit xyz, or won't let him eat blank foods, or just in general. I know it is the age, I know it is his issues, it is causing resentment because I work so dang hard to help him. I know logically he is not expected to be profusely thanking me for all I have done for him, but it hurts my heart so much right now.

 

I'll get over it, someone will tick me off and I will get uber protective of him again just like the rest, but in the meantime it hurts to have a boy so obviously hurting so much, not being able to see all being done to try to help him breaking my heart everyday with the attitude and meltdowns, and tantrums and fits. I don't want to send him away, I don't want to put him in ps, but I have tried everything else, and I am running out of options. This is not the life I planned when I had kids. I started hsing because he had planned his suicide and was failing school miserably at age 7. Homeschooling got him to stop planning his suicide, it got him learning and feeling like he wasn't such a failure academically, I am scared we will be back to that place if I put him back in. I am more scared it'll kill us both if I don't. He is not a bad kid. He is not a monster. He is a hurting little boy and I can't reach his heart to help him.

 

SO yeah I post here when things are hard because I have no where else to turn but do not think it is a horrible chaotic place or that everyone is in danger at every turn. My daycare kids are safe, and well cared for when they are here. Any animal that has ever been in my home is safe from harm. Life is not horrid, it is hard for sure, even when he is being good I stress over him (and my others as they have their own issues) when everyone is good and quiet and playing nicely I am researching ways to help them all. When not at appts for him I am at them for ds8, or scheduling them, or finding ways to make diet changes, or new supplements etc. Life is not what I planned, life is much harder in some ways, but it is still mostly good.

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Oh and for the thought that you would have gone insane by now Denise, You do recall the definition of insanity right? Doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result. Yeah I likely fit the bill of that. I may keep trying different things but in the end I am essentially doing the same thing all the time (trying to power through and hope that with enough love, time, patience etc he will be different) and getting the same result.

 

Yeah the fact that I homeschool them at all, run my business, want a new pet, run the beaver scouts, help out at guides and everything else I do likely is proof that I am in fact insane.

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We found a natural minded psychiatrist.

 

Can't his psychiatrist prescribe the Risperdal? Medication is what is allowing my daughter to be successful here at home.

 

He has only seen ds once for the consult for the neurofeedback so he was willing to suggest 5-HTP but not risperdol until he has more contact with ds

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If he does have ADHD, what about Vyvanse? That is a long acting medication that has a different delivery system and it has been a game changer with our daughter. She was having daily problems with medication withdrawal and we switched to Vyvanse in 2008 and haven't looked back. It has totally taken away any bad side effects to medication drawdown. About six months later, the doctors prescribed some ritalin for late afternoons because she needed to be alert for early evening activities. With the Vyvanse as the main medication, the Ritalin withdrawal problems totally disappeared.

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He has only seen ds once for the consult for the neurofeedback so he was willing to suggest 5-HTP but not risperdol until he has more contact with ds

 

Honestly, I would focus more on that than neurofeedback, etc. right now. I would also feel more comfortable with a psychiatrist handling the meds vs. your regular doctor.

 

I say the meds as here, meds are 90% of our answer and other therapies, parenting, diet, etc. are the other 10 %

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I disagree on the pets. My brother is high-functioning autistic and has always been very attached to dogs. I don't think that's unusual for autistic or aspergers kids. One thing my parents wish they'd done differently was get him a large dog that was just or mostly his, rather than small yappy family dogs. There was a lovely NYT article not that long ago on the use of therapy dogs for children with FAS and Aspergers. They can disrupt tantrums and give the child a social "in" with other children.

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May be useless advice, but I agree with doing whatever you need to with the pyschiatrist to get him on board to monitor medications. Our pediatrician was in over his head pretty quickly. Have you read The Bipolar Child yet? I found the discussions of the various medications in the book to be very helpful. Actually, that's the only section I really got around to reading, then life got in the way. ;)

 

It is exhausting for you to worry about DS, and it's probably very exhausting for him to keep it under control during the day. That's just a powder keg filling up with more powder. :grouphug:

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Oh and for the thought that you would have gone insane by now Denise, You do recall the definition of insanity right? Doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result. Yeah I likely fit the bill of that. I may keep trying different things but in the end I am essentially doing the same thing all the time (trying to power through and hope that with enough love, time, patience etc he will be different) and getting the same result.

 

Yeah the fact that I homeschool them at all, run my business, want a new pet, run the beaver scouts, help out at guides and everything else I do likely is proof that I am in fact insane.

 

Well now you've done it. You have proven I am insane.

 

I am glad that you are going for training and will do NFB yourself. We have chosen the same option.

 

I understand everything you posted in response to me. I also feel that sometimespeople think our lives are hell 24/7. It is not like that all. I would be dead if it were. ;)

 

Have you checked into animal therapy dor your son? It sounds like something he cou,d realy benefit from. Also, what about volunteer work at a no-kill shelter? A kill shelter may be too hard for him.

:grouphug:

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Honestly, I would focus more on that than neurofeedback, etc. right now. I would also feel more comfortable with a psychiatrist handling the meds vs. your regular doctor.

 

I say the meds as here, meds are 90% of our answer and other therapies, parenting, diet, etc. are the other 10 %

 

I understand what you are saying, but NFB can actually make his brain function more normally, making medication u necessary or at a impressively decreased level.

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Well now you've done it. You have proven I am insane.

 

I am glad that you are going for training and will do NFB yourself. We have chosen the same option.

 

I understand everything you posted in response to me. I also feel that sometimespeople think our lives are hell 24/7. It is not like that all. I would be dead if it were. ;)

 

Have you checked into animal therapy dor your son? It sounds like something he cou,d realy benefit from. Also, what about volunteer work at a no-kill shelter? A kill shelter may be too hard for him.

:grouphug:

 

I have, the closest place that does licensed therapy is an equine place 2 hours from here. I looked into volunteering at a shelter like the SPCA and until he is older we must do it as a family, and I honestly don't have time to add another commitment to my own plate. He is not old enough to just be dropped off. It is an hour away from here. I can not use his community aide for it either because she doesn't get any mileage to take him anywhere. Being in a tiny village has it's downside when it comes to finding options in therapies or volunteer work. You are right that a kill shelter would be too hard for him. THis is the boy that brought home a hurt baby bunny, rescued birds from cats, cries over the animals killed on the side of the road etc. If it wasn't for what I see out of him as compassion towards animals I would think he had none at all. He does not respond to people the way he does to animals. With people it feels like he has no empathy or compassion for them, with animals it is different, he wears his heart on his sleeve when it comes to them. I am not sure what it is that makes him that way but I want to cultivate it. If nothing else a pet gives him that unconditional love that while it is exists from me to him is not always very apparent in the stress of living with him kwim. He knows I would do anything for him, he knows I would give my life for his, I don't think he realizes how much I love him though. Does that make sense? He can explain all the ways I love him, but it is like he doesn't actually feel it from me, he just can recite it. It is a weird thing.

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I understand what you are saying, but NFB can actually make his brain function more normally, making medication u necessary or at a impressively decreased level.

 

:iagree:That is why we are looking at it. I don't want him reliant on medications for life if I can spend a couple thousand and have him achieve almost normal brain function. It is worth it to me, and I will sacrifice all I have to to raise that money.

 

For me saving the money and getting him NFB is giving him the world, it is opening up his chances for a normal life. However, for it to be it's most effective he can not be on meds through it. I am pushing for the risperdal for now while I save the money and then will have to take him off and clear his system of it to start the NFB. If things go according to plan he should be able to have his initial EEG by the end of May and then start the NFB once the results are back from it a few weeks later, so close and yet it feels like a lifetime away.

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I have, the closest place that does licensed therapy is an equine place 2 hours from here. I looked into volunteering at a shelter like the SPCA and until he is older we must do it as a family, and I honestly don't have time to add another commitment to my own plate. He is not old enough to just be dropped off. It is an hour away from here. I can not use his community aide for it either because she doesn't get any mileage to take him anywhere. Being in a tiny village has it's downside when it comes to finding options in therapies or volunteer work. You are right that a kill shelter would be too hard for him. THis is the boy that brought home a hurt baby bunny, rescued birds from cats, cries over the animals killed on the side of the road etc. If it wasn't for what I see out of him as compassion towards animals I would think he had none at all. He does not respond to people the way he does to animals. With people it feels like he has no empathy or compassion for them, with animals it is different, he wears his heart on his sleeve when it comes to them. I am not sure what it is that makes him that way but I want to cultivate it. If nothing else a pet gives him that unconditional love that while it is exists from me to him is not always very apparent in the stress of living with him kwim. He knows I would do anything for him, he knows I would give my life for his, I don't think he realizes how much I love him though. Does that make sense? He can explain all the ways I love him, but it is like he doesn't actually feel it from me, he just can recite it. It is a weird thing.

 

I understand.

 

There is a woman who's name escapes me at the moment. The is the author of the book "zthe Good, Good Pig". She says she cou,d always relate to animals but was uncomfortable with people. Her pig helped her to cultivate friendships and actually changed her. You are wise in cultivating that passion in your sin.

 

Any local farms he could volunteer at?

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I understand.

 

There is a woman who's name escapes me at the moment. The is the author of the book "zthe Good, Good Pig". She says she cou,d always relate to animals but was uncomfortable with people. Her pig helped her to cultivate friendships and actually changed her. You are wise in cultivating that passion in your sin.

 

Any local farms he could volunteer at?

 

I have been trying to find one that will allow him to come work, after all good manual labour wouldn't hurt him either but thus far they are concerned about his age vs abilities and liability. They all seem to want kids 15-16 or older. I will continue trying like everything else, but it may end up being one of those things that doesn't happen until he is old enough

 

ETA: I will need to look up that book, maybe it will give a little insight into that side of ds

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I have been trying to find one that will allow him to come work, after all good manual labour wouldn't hurt him either but thus far they are concerned about his age vs abilities and liability. They all seem to want kids 15-16 or older. I will continue trying like everything else, but it may end up being one of those things that doesn't happen until he is old enough

http://www.just-patient-lifters.com/page4.html

ETA: I will need to look up that book, maybe it will give a little insight into that side of ds

 

The book doesnt talk about her issue with people much, just that they make her uncomfortabke and she is happier with animals. Her pig, however, brings the community together as he becomes an escape artist and loves to go to the local stores and restaurants for treats. The police even bring the pig home once, and people gather food for him. This is how she learns to be more comfortable with people and she is fine with them now.

 

Maybe your ds has aspergers? That would explain his discomfort with people. Reading books about that will help.

 

I do agree your ds is too young to WORK for someone, but he is not too young to volunteer! Dd12 has been volunteering at the local retirement home since she was 11. If your ds volunteers around animals, it will be therapeutic for him. Turning it into a paid job would be an added, yet unexpected, bonus. Dd12 has already been told she will be hired. We were not expecting that!!!

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The book doesnt talk about her issue with people much, just that they make her uncomfortabke and she is happier with animals. Her pig, however, brings the community together as he becomes an escape artist and loves to go to the local stores and restaurants for treats. The police even bring the pig home once, and people gather food for him. This is how she learns to be more comfortable with people and she is fine with them now.

 

Maybe your ds has aspergers? That would explain his discomfort with people. Reading books about that will help.

 

I do agree your ds is too young to WORK for someone, but he is not too young to volunteer! Dd12 has been volunteering at the local retirement home since she was 11. If your ds volunteers around animals, it will be therapeutic for him. Turning it into a paid job would be an added, yet unexpected, bonus. Dd12 has already been told she will be hired. We were not expecting that!!!

 

Oh trust me I agree with you that he is old enough to volunteer, but convincing others of that here in this close-minded village is another story. I started volunteering in a daily position at age 11 in a daycare, 23 years later I am still in the daycare field. Other than the farms around here there is nothing, and the only volunteering I have been able to find him that isn't part of his scout troop is the once a year phone book delivery day. I posted ads etc for ds to volunteer on farms, actually for both ds and dd. I specified that they were volunteering in anyway that would be helpful including mucking out stalls etc. Nope, I got 3 calls telling me to try again when they are older, they don't want the liability of young teens on their farms without their parents. Heck they are not even allowed to volunteer at the libary until they are 15. And we are there enough that the kids know how to reshelve the books properly etc (we often reshelve the ones that are left scattered around as we look around).

 

Everyone is so worried about being sued etc that young teens can not get a volunteer position pretty much anywhere around here. The SPCA an hour a way was willing to have us as a family, though he is more than able to be a good help on his own. There is no other animal shelters etc around here. An hour away is also a privately owned petting zoo that my kids love. I tried to get ds a volunteer position there but they only want someone who is able to use the riding mower and I do not think that would be suitable for ds just yet though many kids his age could handle it.

 

When I was 11 I had my daily volunteer gig (well 5 days a week after school) and then in the summer I was part of a summer program that prepared kids for volunteering, and then linked them with positions. Through that I helped teach swimming lessons, again worked in daycare, worked with disabled adults (though that one I should not have been doing, I was 12 and they had severe mental disabilities including 1 that prefered to be nekkid, and a few that had issues with groping etc, young girls should not have been in that), helped teach pottery, helped at the library etc. It was an awesome program and exposed me to a lot of different kinds work. I really wish they had something like that in this town. I think the program I was in still exists but it is 2 hours from here.

 

Once summer vacation starts he is gone much of the time because of camps, in fact with all the camps the kids are set to be in I should seldom have more than 2 of them here at a time.

 

I do suspect ds has aspergers, but I am sure he has a mood disorder/mental disorder along with it. That is why I have been pushing so hard to get him into a neurodevelopmental clinic. Twice when he was younger he was Dx with PDD-NOS and then had it recinded twice. He is hard for them to Dx because they spend so little time with him, and the wait lists to be seen are so long that due to his issues/behaviours waxing and waning it seems he never presents with the same things twice. But when you look at the big picture and not just the 10-15 minutes they spend with him once a month or even once a week you can see how is fits the bill.

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My kids have similar issues. PDD-NOS, Mood Disorders, and OCD. Your son's issues sound very similar. I second the recommendation for the book, The Bipolar Child. It's been my bible though this journey with my kids.

http://bipolarchild.com/ is the website to the authors of the book. Another good place for info is bpkids.org, they have support groups which are private as well as open forums. They have been a huge help to me just having other parents to talk to who understand.

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Brandi I'm praying for you and your son. I'm so hoping that the neurofeedback makes a difference. I'm sure he'll love having a dog again. You're an amazing mom. :grouphug:

 

Just a thought on the pants issue, could you bring him to thrift stores and let him see if he could find some pants there he'd like? It may be the feel of new material that he doesn't like and would maybe accept some which are a bit worn and softer.

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Brandi I'm praying for you and your son. I'm so hoping that the neurofeedback makes a difference. I'm sure he'll love having a dog again. You're an amazing mom. :grouphug:

 

Just a thought on the pants issue' date=' could you bring him to thrift stores and let him see if he could find some pants there he'd like? It may be the feel of new material that he doesn't like and would maybe accept some which are a bit worn and softer.[/quote']

 

 

He only wears sweatpants so even new and freshly laundered they are soft. He does this with shorts in the summer, there was only 2 pair he would wear and I had to literally steal them to be washed in the middle of the night. And then the transition into pants for fall was rough. Despite the foot of snow on the ground he will not wear his snowboots, only his sneakers. He has scout camp coming up and claims he is not going if it means he will have to have snowpants and boots. He is going, his leader is ready and willing to deal with his issues, and I need the break. We have a scout sleepover this Saturday, we will be watching an Oil Kings game and then a movie on the big screen followed by sleeping in the arena. Since fire regulations prohibit them to turn off the lights while people are indoors, I suspect none of us will get much sleep. I intend to grab a nap at my folks when I go to pick up the girls before heading home so I will be better able to handle his crabby sleep deprived self. Next weekend is the camp, I will not be attending as a leader this time due to no childcare for the girls, and actually I am not upset by the thought of missing it at all.

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My kids have similar issues. PDD-NOS, Mood Disorders, and OCD. Your son's issues sound very similar. I second the recommendation for the book, The Bipolar Child. It's been my bible though this journey with my kids.

http://bipolarchild.com/ is the website to the authors of the book. Another good place for info is bpkids.org, they have support groups which are private as well as open forums. They have been a huge help to me just having other parents to talk to who understand.

 

Thanks, I will look into that further later today. Time to go start making biscuits for breakfast. Going to be a full day, work all day watching kids and teaching mine, then off to girl guides, right after girl guides, 2 hour drive to the city to crash at my folks place, because tomorrow morning we have an appt at the children's hospital for ds8's leg

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