Stayseeliz Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Do you invite super organized people over and feel no shame? I had a friend over last summer and she went on and on about how I could organize my kids' room differently and I could change this and that. She offered to organize it for me which I know a lot of people would love for someone to do. But I didn't feel that comfortable with that and I didn't see a need for it. After she badgered my about it for a month or so I just decided never to invite her over again. This is me. This is who I am. I have a big family in a little home and I'm organized enough for me. I think I'm fairly organized in general and I almost always know where everything I need and want is. I don't want to feel shamed for the fact that I'm not as organized as other people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 There's no reason for you to feel shamed unless your home qualifies for an episode of Hoarders. Don't feel bad if you're not super-organized. Maybe your friend just wanted to organize as a friendly gesture? I love decluttering, sorting, and organizing. If my dh would allow it, I would have every room in our house filled with labels and bins. When I was pregnant, my extended family would rotate me among their homes because my nesting was so pervasive. If I wasn't nervous about going into a stranger's home, I would consider being a professional organizer. I've gone over to friends' homes as a favor and organized various rooms. It helped them to "let things go" when I asked, "Do you really need this cookie tin from Christmas five years ago, knowing you'll receive three others just like it next Christmas?" However, if you feel badgered, have you told her you like things how they are? A little laugh and "I know where everything is and that's what matters," would tell me that I'm going overboard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Do you invite super organized people over and feel no shame? I had a friend over last summer and she went on and on about how I could organize my kids' room differently and I could change this and that. She offered to organize it for me which I know a lot of people would love for someone to do. But I didn't feel that comfortable with that and I didn't see a need for it. After she badgered my about it for a month or so I just decided never to invite her over again. This is me. This is who I am. I have a big family in a little home and I'm organized enough for me. I think I'm fairly organized in general and I almost always know where everything I need and want is. I don't want to feel shamed for the fact that I'm not as organized as other people. She had no business to go on for a month! :glare: I wrote at first that she should be ashamed of her rude behaviour, but then I thought that maybe she has an OCD, and was going through a rough patch. I'm not super organised, and not completely clutter free, but our small house is clean and cozy and I have no problem inviting friends, and they love coming. A friend like yours, I'd stop inviting, but not because of feeling shame. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfatherslily Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 I probably should be more bothered by my disorganized home! Yes, it does bother me when it needs to be CLEANED (like when the floor needs to be swept, the dishes need to be washed, etc), but if I have company over and there are piles of paper and stuff on the island (and the counter and the floor by the wall and...), I'm not embarrassed by it. I'm starting to think that "organized" really doesn't look the same for everyone. Like ErinE loves her labels and bins, but I go batty when I try to implement systems like that. I can't make it work when I have to sort everything all the time. This summer I finally, for the first time ever, came up with a toy system that WORKS for me. My kids' bedroom has been clean for 6 months straight!! The system? ALL the dress-ups go in one box, ALL the toys go in another. To clarify, we have several boxes of toys that stay in MY closet, which they only take out periodically. Legos and Playmobil have their own boxes, but they are only allowed when all the other toys have been tossed into the toy box, and they may not be out at the same time. Anyway, the details are not my point. "Organized" doesn't always equal lots of sorting. I don't think I could have someone else organize for me. I do benefit, though, from someone pushing me to think through getting rid of stuff (like the Christmas tins!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 I rarely invite anyone over. I hate people being in my space which is funny considering I run a home business. I think that is why I hate it though. At the end of the day I want to reclaim my space as my own and do not want to worry about what anyone else thinks of it. My home is clean enough to have the OT in it weekly and my daycare kids daily etc. But I do not invite my mother or sister over because they nit pick it to death. Both have a maid (the same one, she does their houses on thursdays, my mom in the am, my sister after lunch). They come over and complain about a a handprint on the wall that I had not wiped off yet, or a spot of jam I did not notice on the dark cupboards, or the fingerprints on the livingroom window. I clean/vacuum/sweep/mop daily. Weekly I do glass, walls, spot clean the carpet and sofa if needed, cabinet doors etc. It is a tiny house with a lot in it. Everything has it's place but it is not a bare house like they have. They nit pick and I hate it. My home is comfy for us, we like it, and I do not like feeling like my home is not good enough kwim. I feel no shame in having my daycare kids/families here, I feel no shame in having the OT here, I have no shame in others being here if invited. I will not invite back ones that nitpick my home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mudboots Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 I'm not a neat person. It is the biggest source of strain in my marriage, and my biggest area of shame. I have neat freaks in the family, and they annoy me greatly. I try to be hospitable anyway, but it stresses me out more than anything else. Our pastor's wife used to clean houses for a living, and she came over and said mine really wasn't that bad... but then she recommended that I hire someone who can work with me instead of just for me. I did, and things are gradually getting better - my habits are changing. I have four kids ages 1-4, and some people say I should give myself more grace. (I like having those people over!) Still, I feel like my house should be clean and tidy most of the time, especially if we're homeschooling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Your home is there to serve your needs. When it gets to the point where your needs are hard to meet b/c of the organization of your home, then it's time to make some changes. Home Organization is a huge fad right now...like low-fat diets and tight-rolled jeans.:tongue_smilie: It's OK to be out-of-the-loop on that one, especially if your home is working for you. If it ain't broke... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 I'm speaking from the other side - I'm a naturally neat and tidy person. If a friend's house was a disaster I'd notice but I'd NEVER comment on it. I think anyone that does is rude. People do their best and everyone has different levels of what they consider clean. I also hope that my friends never not invite me over because their place isn't 100% tidy because I'm there to enjoy their company not inspect for dust. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 I'm not a neat person. It is the biggest source of strain in my marriage, and my biggest area of shame. I have neat freaks in the family, and they annoy me greatly. I try to be hospitable anyway, but it stresses me out more than anything else. Our pastor's wife used to clean houses for a living, and she came over and said mine really wasn't that bad... but then she recommended that I hire someone who can work with me instead of just for me. I did, and things are gradually getting better - my habits are changing. I have four kids ages 1-4, and some people say I should give myself more grace. (I like having those people over!) Still, I feel like my house should be clean and tidy most of the time, especially if we're homeschooling. You have four dc ages 1-4. I'd be worried for your dc if you kept a perfect home. Seriously! :grouphug: I'd be so embarrassed if you all could see pictures of what my home looked like when my dc were 1, 2 and 4. Even now that mine are older, I am always cleaning something and yet the house is never clean. Habits are good. Train them into yourself, into your dc...but then understand that it's OK if you aren't a perfect housekeeper. It's better to be a *there* mom, have fun with your dh, talk to other moms, and otherwise have a balanced life. You can have a clean house when the kids are grown. To the OP: I do feel shame sometimes. I think most of it stems from my childhood tbh. My house, as an adult, has never been as bad as my childhood home (in terms of mess)...but I still have that gut reaction of "Oh, no! I hope they don't notice..." The funny thing is that I get more reactions of relief that my house has various little messes too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stayseeliz Posted February 27, 2012 Author Share Posted February 27, 2012 I think one of the issues between the two of us is that she's a minimalist and I'm not. My house is clean, it's just got stuff in it. Seriously we're six people living in a tiny house. It's a little cramped. But I'm good with it. Thankfully all our extended family members are pretty messy so they think my house is super duper clean when they come over. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aCountingHouse Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 My home is tidy, but not spotless. ie. smudges on walls, activities left around. I tend to feel comfortable only inviting around people who I think would not judge me or my home. Consequently, my friends always say our house is comfortable and cosy. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Maybe she was just really hoping to have a new space to organize. Her house is probably too well organized to be fun anymore. :D It was rude of her to go on for a month though. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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