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s/o: Do you determine what your child can wear on whether it is flattering or not?


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I don't have a dd, but if a dress was incredibly unflattering, I would do my best to help her find something nicer. If she absolutely, positively loved it, I'd probably let her get it anyway, but I would keep searching for something better until the last minute, in the hope she'd end up choosing something else.

 

Obviously, if it was super-trashy, I would just say no, but in the case of the dress in the other thread, I just didn't like the style. I also don't like strapless dresses on young teens, because they don't always stay put, and can be quite uncomfortable. (Double-sided tape can help, though!)

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From some comments on the "Would you let your 14 year old wear this" thread. If you thought that a dress was unflattering but your dd still wanted to wear it anyway would you let her wear it or forbid it?

 

 

No daughter, but I've had this issue with my son. There are colours he loves that are just awful on him, but he doesn't pick things with what I consider objectionable logos on them, so I really don't think I can refuse him to wear things that I think are ugly just because I think they're ugly. I will try to steer him to things that are better looking on him, but in the end, I'm not going to fight over something that unimportant to me. I see lots of kids wandering around in ugly clothes, but they aren't risque or trashy, just ugly. It's a matter of taste, and I think kids aren't usually known for their great fashion sense anyway. I think a person has to figure that out for themselves though. What is stylish with the kids is not my idea of stylish, but I'm not 14 years old anymore, and I cringe now at what we thought was stylish back then. :001_rolleyes:

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I think there is a lot to be said for encouraging kids to develop their own sense of style (without buying super-trashy stuff.) We can guide them as best we can, but if the worst thing they ever do is wear a couple of ugly sweaters or an unflattering dress, we should consider ourselves very blessed.

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I have (not yet) had this argument with my daughter. Usually, she looks in the mirror and can tell when something is unflattering, and if it is an area she cannot see, I will tell her. I am not afraid to tell her that a certain pair of pants hits her in a weird spot and looks awkward or that a dress is digging in at just the right spot to give the illusion of a massive roll of back fat (even if there never was one until that moment).

 

There IS a dress out there for everyone that will look good and be stylish. If this is a special occasion thing, why not look the absolute best that you can? I mean, everyone sees you slobbing out the rest of the year, they are already familiar with your imperfections, so why not wow them?

 

I would not outright forbid her to wear something, but I would certainly encourage her to consider something else.

 

I am so grateful that she has, thus far, been easygoing enough to not make a huge deal out something of this. I really hope I didn't just jinx it. Where's some wood?!?!

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I voted other because my 15-year-old is very good at choosing styles and colors that flatter her. She's also very modest. However if she was less mature in this area, I probably wouldn't veto an outfit just because I thought it was ugly. I would stop her from wearing something too revealing, but we really don't have much to reveal in this house :glare:

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I voted yeah she could wear it so long as it was modest. Honestly I think it a little unkind to judge something unflattering for someone else. But I'm no fashionista and wear things other people probably find unflattering all the time. It has certainly never crossed y mind to consider something unflattering on dd who is 12. I do make sure her bits are covered when out as she really isn't very aware of it yet. Style is all her though, she can where whatever style she likes.

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I buy my children's clothing so I don't buy them things that are unflattering. Problem solved. :D

 

Heather, that's what I thought too, because I also had boys first. When your girls get close to the teen years, you'll be in this boat with the rest of us. :001_smile:

 

I let my daughters choose their own clothing, as long as it meets our modesty criteria. If I think something is unflattering, I keep it to myself. They have pretty good taste (IMO), so there have only been a few times that they bought something I really didn't like.

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Heather, that's what I thought too, because I also had boys first. When your girls get close to the teen years, you'll be in this boat with the rest of us. :001_smile:

 

I let my daughters choose their own clothing, as long as it meets our modesty criteria. If I think something is unflattering, I keep it to myself. They have pretty good taste (IMO), so there have only been a few times that they bought something I really didn't like.

 

Yes I do hope to raise a daughter with good fashion sense! :D

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Unless I had a specific issue with something, I let her wear it. I am fairly liberal, so I don't think I have had to say no very often. I have seen her running around in tank tops outside, in 40* weather. :confused: She wore long shorts to school the other day and it was in the 40s then too....this isn't an indoor only school, they are often outside for large parts of the day, even in the rain.

 

I have asked her to change if we were going into public, but dd13 likes to wear funky combinations of clothes and sometimes, it goes astray. LOL She is one of those kids who will wear blue leggings, a yellow ruffled skirt, a pink shirt and an orange jacket. Fot the most part, her personality shows through and she looks pretty cute. Other times....she just looks odd. :lol: I pretty much let her wear anything to school; it is just if I have to be with her that I may ask her to 'tone down the funk' before we go out.

 

It just kills my ooober coordinated, Gymboree loving heart. (not like she fits in Gymboree any more, but you get the idea.)

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My DD can wear whatever she likes. Her own modesty standards are strict, so I haven't had to say anything. My biggest problem with her clothes is that she is a lot more conservative than I would be if I were 16.

 

She's bought some formal dresses that I don't like. The colors and lack of imagination in the design are what is unflattering about them. She likes them though, and she doesn't like any that I like, so I quit making suggestions in hopes that she will gravitate toward interesting clothes on her own. So far, that hasn't happened.

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I have asked her to change if we were going into public, but dd13 likes to wear funky combinations of clothes and sometimes, it goes astray. LOL She is one of those kids who will wear blue leggings, a yellow ruffled skirt, a pink shirt and an orange jacket. Fot the most part, her personality shows through and she looks pretty cute. Other times....she just looks odd. :lol: I pretty much let her wear anything to school; it is just if I have to be with her that I may ask her to 'tone down the funk' before we go out.

 

It just kills my ooober coordinated, Gymboree loving heart. (not like she fits in Gymboree any more, but you get the idea.)

:iagree:This I have one like this. And sometimes her idea of what looks good together is all shades of pink. I have to tell her it doesn't really work.

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I voted yeah she could wear it so long as it was modest. Honestly I think it a little unkind to judge something unflattering for someone else. But I'm no fashionista and wear things other people probably find unflattering all the time. It has certainly never crossed y mind to consider something unflattering on dd who is 12. I do make sure her bits are covered when out as she really isn't very aware of it yet. Style is all her though, she can where whatever style she likes.

 

You've honestly never seen someone wearing an outfit and thought it didn't look good on him/her? Why is it unkind to make that observation?

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What is stylish with the kids is not my idea of stylish, but I'm not 14 years old anymore, and I cringe now at what we thought was stylish back then. :001_rolleyes:

 

I can remember an "outfit" I had as a 10 year old (in 1968) that was soooo groovy!

 

Blue and white striped bell-bottoms, a raspberry colored shirt (with French cuffs), and a lime-green apache-scarf. It was "far-out man." :D

 

Bill

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I stopped caring how my kids dress unless we're going somewhere important (like church, parties, etc). My kids have not learned the finer art of matching. I used to make them go change if it was hideous, but then I decided that it wasn't worth it and if they want to look like a clown, that's their choice. The only time I make them change is if they put something on and it's too small or is immodest (generally because it's too small).

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I wore some ridiculous stuff when I was a teenager. If there was a 90's fad, I wore it: grunge, hip-hop, punk, goth, rave, alt-country/neo-hippie... Oh, my. :lol: My parents just shook their heads at everything.

 

I hope to be as liberal with my kids but it is going to be very hard. Dd will already choose half a Halloween costume, a tutu, and striped knee socks over a cute Old Navy pre-matched ensemble any day.

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I voted other because my 15-year-old is very good at choosing styles and colors that flatter her. She's also very modest. However if she was less mature in this area, I probably wouldn't veto an outfit just because I thought it was ugly. I would stop her from wearing something too revealing, but we really don't have much to reveal in this house :glare:

:iagree:

This is us. Our dd is very fashion-conscious and wants to be a designer. I no longer tell her what to wear or pick her outfits out, etc. It's been a few years since I picked out her outfits.

If she wore something that was completely wrong for the occasion and if the occasion really and truly mattered (which it seldom does :lol:), then I would tell her to pick something more suitable.

We're very close and talk about fashion a lot. We love going shopping together. She picks out outfits for me and I love it. :D

We're both quite modest. She's far more modest than I was at her age.

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I buy my daughter's clothes. But she's not 14.

 

Ditto, except I have a 13 yo and 15 yo. I'm not buying something that's not flattering on them. :confused: We all hate shopping for clothing, so we wait until we absolutely have to and then go get a bunch of stuff in one day all together. They ask how something looks when they try it on, and though they usually catch a bad fit or unflattering color themselves, I do have to tell them sometimes. They appreciate it. They are very level-headed about clothing, and I usually have to encourage them to spend more or get things that are more trendy. When we are done, we go to the bookstore to unwind. :D

Edited by angela in ohio
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I won't forbid it unless it is immodest or otherwise violates a non-negotiable rule. I also forbid the wearing of mismatched patterns or clashing colors because they literally make my head hurt (I must have some sort of sensory issue).

 

If it's just plain ugly or an unflattering style for body type, I will gently encourage a difference choice but it's not a hill upon which I will die.

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My DD is wearing a top right now that makes her look like one of the Lego skeletons she loves. I'm not kidding-it just plain accents how skinny and bony she is. It's not indecent as far as coverage goes, but it makes her look like a little girl dressed up in her big sister's clothes, even though it's her size, while on her friends who are more in the middle percentiles for weight (even though still pre-pubescent), it looks much cuter and more appropriate. She picked it out at a consignment sale, and, at $2 when she was saying "I LOVE it! I have to have it", I wasn't going to forbid her to spend her money on it.

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You've honestly never seen someone wearing an outfit and thought it didn't look good on him/her? Why is it unkind to make that observation?

 

To me it is unkind, especially in relation to a child, but as I said I am no fashionista myself. I could care less about clothes and fashion. To say something doesn't flatter a 14 year olds body type and she should change is odd to me. Does her figure need flattering? Maybe I am taking it wrong, but it feels off to me. I'm an adult woman and I'm not concerned over flattering my figure for public approval, so again it is just my own feelings on the matter. I really can't imagine making negative comments about how my dd looks. I've known too many girls with eating disorders and body issues. I'd be concerned I'd hurt their confidence and self esteem.

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I do not determine what they wear beyond things that are inappropriate, but if it was really unflattering I would (and do) tell them so. DD is uber tiny (as in skinny jeans are loose on her), she was wearing a pair of jeans that were WAY to baggy to look good on her, I commented about the pants EVERY SINGLE TIME she wore them, she put them in the goodwill bag after a few weeks. SHe looked ridiculous in the baggy jeans and I told her so.

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Hmmm, in our experience this is rather situational.

 

First, I try to cull my youngsters' clothing of outgrown/unflattering clothing. (Addressing the dressing of my youngest first:D) That way anything that is potentially too short/too tight is not even an option.

 

If she then chooses something that's not flattering, I am happy she took the initiative and let her go with it, making a mental note to maybe "disappear" a certain garment in the next batch of laundry and replace with a better option. At times I find a big smile and the comment, "Yes, she is so independent these days, doing her laundry and getting dressed and fixing her hair," sometimes with a wink, enough to cover any fashion faux pas.

 

However, there are certain family members that, ahem, take note of such things. If we are running with certain folks, I do make changes or help with clothing choices before the outing. Sad, but that's the way it is.

 

For my olders, I am extremely thankful that all the teens have, so far, modest good taste. There are times when I have to suggest retiring a worn-out favorite item, or suggesting that some outfits get more dressed up for certain "audiences," but for the most part I am able to comfortably let them shop and dress as they wish.

 

I do think that if an item of clothing were not flattering, and it were for a special event, we would discuss it at shopping time. So far that has not been necessary, but I guess it'll come up some time!

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To me it is unkind, especially in relation to a child, but as I said I am no fashionista myself. I could care less about clothes and fashion. To say something doesn't flatter a 14 year olds body type and she should change is odd to me. Does her figure need flattering? Maybe I am taking it wrong, but it feels off to me. I'm an adult woman and I'm not concerned over flattering my figure for public approval, so again it is just my own feelings on the matter. I really can't imagine making negative comments about how my dd looks. I've known too many girls with eating disorders and body issues. I'd be concerned I'd hurt their confidence and self esteem.

 

Not every outfit works on every body type. I'm short and what is a knee-length skirt on an average height woman will hit me right in mid-calf, which is not a particularly flattering look on anybody. It's not going to cause an eating disorder to point out that specific skirt is not flattering on me.

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Not every outfit works on every body type. I'm short and what is a knee-length skirt on an average height woman will hit me right in mid-calf, which is not a particularly flattering look on anybody. It's not going to cause an eating disorder to point out that specific skirt is not flattering on me.

:iagree: I don't think our children are necessarily that sensitive and that pointing out such things will lead to eating disorders and self-esteem issues.

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No daughter, but I've had this issue with my son. There are colours he loves that are just awful on him, but he doesn't pick things with what I consider objectionable logos on them, so I really don't think I can refuse him to wear things that I think are ugly just because I think they're ugly. I will try to steer him to things that are better looking on him, but in the end, I'm not going to fight over something that unimportant to me. I see lots of kids wandering around in ugly clothes, but they aren't risque or trashy, just ugly. It's a matter of taste, and I think kids aren't usually known for their great fashion sense anyway. I think a person has to figure that out for themselves though. What is stylish with the kids is not my idea of stylish, but I'm not 14 years old anymore, and I cringe now at what we thought was stylish back then. :001_rolleyes:

:iagree:

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Not every outfit works on every body type. I'm short and what is a knee-length skirt on an average height woman will hit me right in mid-calf, which is not a particularly flattering look on anybody. It's not going to cause an eating disorder to point out that specific skirt is not flattering on me.

 

My mom, my sister, my cousin, and several other people I've known have had eating disorders as girls and young woman, so I'm probably over sensitive. I just shudder inside to hear someone pointing out clothing showing back rolls and such. If it was done with sensitivity I'm sure it is fine. Like I said I probably wear unflattering things all the time without realizing it, lol. I don't see myself ever having issue with something dd wears purely based on whether I think it flatters her.

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I would never tell one of my children that an outfit was unflattering. That would just be rude in my opinion.

 

I believe strongly in everyone being able to wear whatever they like and makes them feel happy. We do not have modesty rules. My children dress conservatively by choice.

 

Taste is subjective, just because something is not my style doesn't mean they shouldn't be allowed to wear it if it is THEIR style.

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I would never tell one of my children that an outfit was unflattering. That would just be rude in my opinion.

 

I believe strongly in everyone being able to wear whatever they like and makes them feel happy. We do not have modesty rules. My children dress conservatively by choice.

 

Taste is subjective, just because something is not my style doesn't mean they shouldn't be allowed to wear it if it is THEIR style.

 

:iagree:

 

I have 2 dds and hope I will support their tastes and self expression, even if I disagreed with their sense of style.

 

As for my ds, after 3 days of wearing the same thing, I ask him to change.

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:iagree: I don't think our children are necessarily that sensitive and that pointing out such things will lead to eating disorders and self-esteem issues.

 

Not only that, but I would think they would see through the dishonesty. If you tell them that every single thing they ever try on is great, they will eventually see through it. ;)

 

I think it's important to discriminate between comments about their body and about the clothing. If you are saying, "you are too fat to wear that," that might be a problem. Duh. But if you tell them that something doesn't flatter them - either the color, style, or fit - it's not a statement against their body, it's against the clothing. One of my dd looks good in girly, frilly items, and the other looks silly in them. She has an athletic build, and she looks great in preppy styles. That's just facts, not anything wrong with one body or the other.

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Not only that, but I would think they would see through the dishonesty. If you tell them that every single thing they ever try on is great, they will eventually see through it. ;)

 

I think it's important to discriminate between comments about their body and about the clothing. If you are saying, "you are too fat to wear that," that might be a problem. Duh. But if you tell them that something doesn't flatter them - either the color, style, or fit - it's not a statement against their body, it's against the clothing. One of my dd looks good in girly, frilly items, and the other looks silly in them. She has an athletic build, and she looks great in preppy styles. That's just facts, not anything wrong with one body or the other.

 

I get what you're saying and agree. I'm not dishonest with my daughter though. She doesn't ask my advice on what she wears. If she did I probably wouldn't have much of an opinion anyway because fashion just isn't my thing.

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Can I just say, as a child of the seventies.....I WISH my mother had told me how awful I looked in some of the outfits I wore.

 

In fact, I believe my exact words upon viewing some old photos were, "Oh my gosh, WHY did you let me out of the house in that????" Because honestly...I looked :ack2: And I'm sure every other person I encountered was :lol:

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Can I just say, as a child of the seventies.....I WISH my mother had told me how awful I looked in some of the outfits I wore.

 

In fact, I believe my exact words upon viewing some old photos were, "Oh my gosh, WHY did you let me out of the house in that????" Because honestly...I looked :ack2: And I'm sure every other person I encountered was :lol:

 

No, we were all wearing the same bad outfits! I used to think the same thing, then I looked at other people's old pictures and saw that everyone was wearing the same bad things.

 

My favorite outfit at age 10 was purple polyester pants with a "matching" purple striped turtleneck polyester top. In one picture, it's in black and white. (I wore it A LOT, sadly.) It looked much better in black in white, the 70's might have been better if color photos had been rarer.

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My favorite outfit at age 10 was purple polyester pants with a "matching" purple striped turtleneck polyester top. In one picture, it's in black and white. (I wore it A LOT, sadly.) It looked much better in black in white, the 70's might have been better if color photos had been rarer.

The 80s too! I have all these photos of myself in wildly mismatched outfits.

 

The girl who sat next to me in 7th grade homeroom always matched, and told me daily that I did not match. She liked sweatsuits and sweatshirts. (When did those become "tracksuits"?) A bit too like Violet Beauregarde if you ask me.

 

I mostly talk about the clothes and what looks nice together with my kids, not about my kids' shape.

 

I am also not sure I am stylish enough or bold enough to tell someone something they like is unflattering. I just buy normal kinds of clothes for them.

Edited by stripe
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Considering my youngest wears outfits like this:

 

394371_10150578257104203_743799202_11245063_464514824_n.jpg

 

and this:

 

390799_10150470810994203_717788401_n.jpg

 

(the horrid paneling came with the house)

 

No. I don't usually forbid them from wearing unflattering clothes. Trashy and inappropriate clothing, yes. Now, I do wish I could have them wear signs that say "I dress myself", but they are still young. They will figure out clothing eventually. I'm more concerned with them figuring out English grammar.

Edited by wendilouwho
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