What to do, behavior in lessons?

[busymama7]

I have a 6, almost 7 year old daughter who has been taking violin lessons since the first of Jan. She is capable of focusing and paying attention, but gets silly in lessons and wastes time. It is driving me crazy. Her teacher is patient and good about getting her back on track, but I want to teach her to behave herself. She knows what she is supposed to be doing and is old enough to make good decisions regarding her behavior. She has settled down a bit since the beginning, but it is still frusterating. I have taken away toys for not behaving, but while she makes it seems like the end of the world, in truth she doesnt really care.

 

She is extremly strong willed and high energy to begin with. She is also VERY shy. I know it doesnt sound like those 2 things go together, but believe me. She hid herself in my skirt the whole first lesson. So she has actually improved!

 

But she doesnt listen, puts her violin down and turns cartwheels, runs around the room etc.

 

She has been "spoiled" a bit and allowed to get her way, way too much:glare: totally our own fault. But I feel like we are getting on track with a lot of things, but this I just dont feel like I have any idea what to do here. We have talked to her, explained why its important etc. I do feel like her teacher is a little too nice in still rewarding a lesson that I wouldnt reward(with a sticker). I hate paying for the time and "wasting" it. We are having to sacrifice to afford these lessons and she really really wants to play. She begged for a violin and I taught her myself for the first year until we could do lessons.

 

Her older sister(13) takes lessons right before her. I have considered surprising them with a treat if they are good and work hard, but I would have to assume the younger daughter would not earn it the first time. Is that too mean? I really want her to know that I mean business and I just dont know what else to do. :confused:

 

Some of it might be a show for ME and I have considered staying in the car. But I need to know what to do for practising reasons so I dont think that would work.

 

Thank you for any ideas.

[myfunnybunch]

Would it be possible for her to take her lesson first, then go out for a short walk with you while her sister takes her lesson?

 

My 7 y.o. and his 11 y.o. brother take back-to-back piano lessons. Ds7 finds it much easier to focus if he goes first. The long wait and having to be quiet for that long, THEN having to focus, just does him in.

 

Cat

[Annie G]

Would it be possible for her to take her lesson first, then go out for a short walk with you while her sister takes her lesson?

 

My 7 y.o. and his 11 y.o. brother take back-to-back piano lessons. Ds7 finds it much easier to focus if he goes first. The long wait and having to be quiet for that long, THEN having to focus, just does him in.

 

Cat

 

That sounds like a really good idea- certainly worth a try!!

[FriedClams]

If the teacher can't maintain discipline, then get a new teacher. Your teacher may be great for an older kid - but not a 7 year old. You say "patient" but letting a young student distract and misbehave is a waste of time - and frankly - my money. Patient is fine - but allowing a student to direct lesson time is not ok with me.

 

Here's my story on our experience with piano. First year - DS was 5/6. Took A 30 minute lesson once a week. Experienced teacher. Totally fine. I sat around, as was her policy for little ones, and never had to look up from my book. DS is a boy, smart, wiggly, but well mannered and does just fine all year.

 

Next year - first teacher moves, have to get a new teacher. Decide to give young homeschool grad a chance. Great girl. Wonderful girl!! Total disaster. DS learns nothing but how to do as little as possible. She doesn't know how to keep a 7 year old boy focused. At all. He works her over. Stuck it out the year. Waste of time overall.

 

Next year - new teacher. Retired school teacher. Old school. From lesson one has DS (now at this point when he starts lessons with her is almost 8) under her thumb. Appropriate boundaries, pushes him, makes him toe the line. Now 45 minutes lessons, and sitting quietly in the room through sisters 45 minute lesson. Only books are allowed. Not a problem that the teacher can't handle - ever. And - He ADORES his teacher. LOVES her. Really, really respects her. A little scared, too, but in a good way. And, his piano is amazing. I love our teacher. We all do. She's family now.

 

So my call - hold her accountable for what your expectations are - but get a teacher who can control and teach younger kids.

 

So my advice - either give your DD "the lecture" and hold her accountable, or get a tacher who is good with kids her age and maturity.

Edited February 22, 2012 by Kayaking Mom

[busymama7]

Thank you. They take turns going first, but the behavior is the same no matter when she goes. I actually prefer her going last because she wastes so much time that my older daughter gets started late. The teacher always give her her full time, even though we run over cause no one else is after us. But it is annoying. The plan was for her to get a 15-20 min lesson and my older one to get the rest of the time. That is not happening.

 

I do think a stricter teacher could probably get control of her so I really appreciate SWM's insight. But I would like to try to make this work for a lot of reasons, and I really feel like my daughter should be obeying ME. I am sitting right there, helping with the lesson and observing and she is ignoring MY instructions too. Like I said, symptom of a bigger problem with her in general.

 

She is a smart girl and capable of controlling herself when she CHOSES to which is why I want to do a treat or something, knowing she will cry and throw a fit, but probably behave the next time. But getting in a cycle of bribing seems like a bad idea too.

 

Thank you again!

[2_girls_mommy]

I think the treat is a good first step. Don't make it bribe. Just be matter of fact about it. I would let her know ahead of time.

 

Let her know the behaviours that are not appropriate. Let her know that she can earn a treat by behaving. After that first lesson assume that she will not get it, and don't give in and don't lecture, etc. Just let her know that you are sorry, but she has to be good to get it.

 

Sometimes a little bribing can be a good incentive.

 

Also, I had an experience like you are describing with gymnastics with my older dd. Younger loved her gym class, and did great with her teacher. Older was 5 at the time, and the young teachers who were actually just older gymnasts (high school-college age) could not deal with her either. For the money I was paying and the fact that dd spent the whole time playing with the other kids and not listening, no matter how many times I talked to her about it, I decided to stop taking her. Another class or teacher wasn't an option. I had chosen that one because it was at the same time as little dd's class and we were on that side of town for something else that day.

 

Instead I put her in soccer for the rest of that year on another day of the week, and she did great. She got to spend little dd's gym class time after that just playing with other kids who were waiting on their siblings which is what she was doing anyway! And I wasn't paying $60 a month to watch her disobey the teacher.

 

Now she is in dance and has been for years, but for whatever reason, at that time in her life dance or gym wasn't working.

[AK_Mom4]

My first step would be to send the girls out of the room and have a talk with the teacher about the younger one's behavior. Get on the same page about expectations for your DD's behavior.

 

Then, have your little DD do her lesson first. Tell her - right at the beginning - that you and the teacher have talked and that if your DD does cartwheels, runs around the room, or doesn't listen to the teacher, that the lesson will stop right there and you will take her out and it will be older DD's lesson time instead.

 

Then Do It. Take her out - even if it is 1 minute into the lesson. Expect her to carry on like the world will end.

 

My thought is that she is taking advantage of the "power vacumn". Teacher is being nice and isn't coming down on her because you are in the room. You are reluctant to disrupt the lesson. With no one in charge, your DD is acting up.

[myfunnybunch]

My first step would be to send the girls out of the room and have a talk with the teacher about the younger one's behavior. Get on the same page about expectations for your DD's behavior.

 

Then, have your little DD do her lesson first. Tell her - right at the beginning - that you and the teacher have talked and that if your DD does cartwheels, runs around the room, or doesn't listen to the teacher, that the lesson will stop right there and you will take her out and it will be older DD's lesson time instead.

 

Then Do It. Take her out - even if it is 1 minute into the lesson. Expect her to carry on like the world will end.

 

My thought is that she is taking advantage of the "power vacumn". Teacher is being nice and isn't coming down on her because you are in the room. You are reluctant to disrupt the lesson. With no one in charge, your DD is acting up.

 

This. Exactly. Thanks, AKMom, for writing my thoughts out for me. ;) LOL

 

As a matter of fact, ds' teacher and I were talking about teaching styles yesterday. (No reason, just conversation. :) ) She mentioned that this is what her teacher, who was very strict, used to do. She only had to do it once.

 

Cat

[Guest submarines]

Does she want to take piano? Does she like it?

[Melissa B]

If my girls were sharing a lesson I would start with the younger and the minute she started misbehaving her lesson would end and the older child could have the rest of the lesson. If younger daughter gets five minutes and older child gets 55 minutes, so be it. But I wouldn't treat it as a punishment. I would just be matter of fact about the idea that lessons are a serious time and an instructor's time shouldn't be wasted. I would explain to my dd that she will be able to focus longer as she gets older and I want her lesson to last as long as she is able to stay focused (up to 20 minutes as that is the end of the lesson.) I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, but I would waste time or money either.