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Dentist Drama


lexi
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Ok, I've had a tough time finding a dentist that I like in our town. One of them terrified my kids so that was a big no for him. One I didn't like personally and another refused to use a different unflavored paste on my allergic kiddo. So, they've all had different issues.

 

I finally found one that I like. He's out of network but our costs for cleaning are only a couple dollars per child-the insurance pays the rest so it's not a big deal.

 

I took my 6 year old in today and they did x-rays for the first time on her. Before now her mouth was too tiny to get any clear shots. He said he found 4 spots of decay! 4!!!! I am still in shock. I've never ever had a cavity or a problem and she's never had any problems at her previous check ups. He said it's her molars-top and bottom, left and right.

 

So, what would you be thinking? I am just so upset! I know it sounds ridiculous but I can't believe it. I feel like a failure parent that she has so many problems and I feel blindsided by the amount of them. She brushes well and even lets me floss. She doesn't eat tons of sugar and I think she does a great job taking care of her teeth.

 

He wants to fill all 4 of them separately. That means 4 different visits with all the payments that go along with that! My insurance is only covering a portion so my out of pocket will be at least $400. If I find a different in-network dentist to do the work I might be out of pocket only $250 or so.

 

What would you do? I like this dentist but I'm shocked at the amount of work to do on a 6 year old and the cost! Whoa!

 

I'm in denial. :001_huh: Who has dealt with this and what do you suggest? This dentist or in network? Do 1 filling at a time? How long will this take and how traumatized will my super sensitive drama queen be? I don't know what to expect or what to tell her. When he said "fillings" I almost fainted. I'm clearly over-reacting but I cannot calm down. Help here!

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:grouphug: We went through a lot of dentist drama. At least 10 dentists. It was awful. I'm not even sure if we found the right one. For the first time in my life I developed symptoms of anxiety attacks--all related to our search of an acceptable family dentist.

 

Now, decay spots are not necessarily cavities. Teeth go through natural cycles of demineralization and remineralization. Some dentists want to fill any spot right away. Some prefer to wait. I certainly like the waiting ones.

 

I had more than one "spot" disappear in my mouth. The same with my children. There are all kind of philosophies regarding what is actually a cavity, and what needs to be filled.

 

At one point we were driving 4 hours, one way, to a dentist that fit our criteria. Expand your search. Good luck.

 

ETA: my now 9 yo had 8 cavities filled when she was 8. It was also a shock to us. She is my very sensitive, anxiety prone child, and she had huge issues with dentists who didn't even try to establish a rapport with her, and who were pushy and rough. She ended up liking a dentist who was gentle and patient, and gave her more control. She was able to choose the amount of freezing, flavours, and even had an option not to have the rubber in her mouth.

 

Honestly, with a sensitive 6 year old, I would wait until she matures a bit. At first I was practically fainting from just the idea of the decay being in her mouth untreated, but it is okay to wait. And as per our dental care in our province, we waited for a year for DS's cavity to be filled by a pedi dentist with sedation.

 

We do a lot of xylitol care. We buy raw granulated xylitol, and my kids rinse with it several times a day. It is much cheaper than xylitol gum, as you need at least 6 mg (I think?) for it to be effective. Which translates to 6 gums a day.

 

It also depends on which teeth are affected, and when are they going to fall out. I know that my DD would have been incredibly traumatised by a dentist at 6 (while DS was completely fine), so it is worthwhile for me not to expose her to trauma. But she might be an extreme case.

Edited by sunflowers
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Ok, I was wondering about the decay vs cavity thing. I wasn't sure if we should be panicking right away and filling every little thing he saw on the x-ray. That's good to know. I would rather wait too.

 

On the x-ray I could see one dark spot that he pointed out. He was only able to see it on the x-ray and could not see it just through an exam. The other 3 spots were very tricky for me to see on the x-ray. One spot in particular looked more like a shadow and I didn't see how that spot looked any different. I'm not a dentist but I was feeling a little uncomfortable with everything.

 

I want to do what's best for my kiddo but I don't want to jump into this if it's not a big deal. I'm a less is more type person and I don't want to put my daughter through all kinds of trauma for a tiny little nothing spot.

 

I just feel torn and unsure about what we should do. Since the dentist only called them "spots of decay" should I be less concerned? I'm wondering if I should seek a second opinion. :confused:

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Ok, I was wondering about the decay vs cavity thing. I wasn't sure if we should be panicking right away and filling every little thing he saw on the x-ray. That's good to know. I would rather wait too.

 

On the x-ray I could see one dark spot that he pointed out. He was only able to see it on the x-ray and could not see it just through an exam. The other 3 spots were very tricky for me to see on the x-ray. One spot in particular looked more like a shadow and I didn't see how that spot looked any different. I'm not a dentist but I was feeling a little uncomfortable with everything.

 

I want to do what's best for my kiddo but I don't want to jump into this if it's not a big deal. I'm a less is more type person and I don't want to put my daughter through all kinds of trauma for a tiny little nothing spot.

 

I just feel torn and unsure about what we should do. Since the dentist only called them "spots of decay" should I be less concerned? I'm wondering if I should seek a second opinion. :confused:

 

:grouphug: Definitely a second opinion. There's no rush. The newest research doesn't support filling decay spots prematurely.

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My mom never had a single cavity until her first pregnancy. I and my siblings, on the other hand, had plenty of cavities during our childhoods. So just because you haven't had cavities and she hasn't had problems yet, doesn't mean she won't. Just a few years ago I went to the dentist and he found 7 cavities. At the previous appointment 6 months before, none of them were there. And I trust my dentist.

 

ETA: are the decay spots on baby teeth? That might make me more willing to wait and see.

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When we moved here, I got a dentist rec from one of DH's coworkers. From the beginning, I had a weird vibe from dentist. I just couldn't move forward with the treatment he wanted to perform - 4 fillings and 4 extractions on a 9yo.

 

A friend mentioned that she really trusted her dentist, based on previous experiences v. his treatment suggestions. I figured a consultation couldn't hurt.

 

The new dentist wants to fill only TWO cavities and recommends NO extractions at this time. I'm so very glad we got the 2nd opinion (and my non-insured wallet is too)!

 

PS. I'm saying trust your gut. As a child, I was hospitalized to have 5 cavities capped at once. It can happen.

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Ok, I found another dentist and we're heading there in an hour for a second opinion. I talked with them over the phone and they said they really wanted to double check things before they jumped in to anything.

 

So, maybe between the two opinions I can get a better feel for what work needs to be done. I just want to do what's best and I haven't had much dentist experience since I've never had any real issues. I'm feeling slightly less panicked. I feel so sad for my daughter because I know she won't handle any fillings well. :crying: I'm hoping it's nothing and that we can get by with less work than what the first dentist suggested. I'm so sad for her!

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:grouphug: We went through a lot of dentist drama. At least 10 dentists. It was awful. I'm not even sure if we found the right one. For the first time in my life I developed symptoms of anxiety attacks--all related to our search of an acceptable family dentist.

 

Now, decay spots are not necessarily cavities. Teeth go through natural cycles of demineralization and remineralization. Some dentists want to fill any spot right away. Some prefer to wait. I certainly like the waiting ones.

 

I had more than one "spot" disappear in my mouth. The same with my children. There are all kind of philosophies regarding what is actually a cavity, and what needs to be filled.

 

At one point we were driving 4 hours, one way, to a dentist that fit our criteria. Expand your search. Good luck.

 

ETA: my now 9 yo had 8 cavities filled when she was 8. It was also a shock to us. She is my very sensitive, anxiety prone child, and she had huge issues with dentists who didn't even try to establish a rapport with her, and who were pushy and rough. She ended up liking a dentist who was gentle and patient, and gave her more control. She was able to choose the amount of freezing, flavours, and even had an option not to have the rubber in her mouth.

 

Honestly, with a sensitive 6 year old, I would wait until she matures a bit. At first I was practically fainting from just the idea of the decay being in her mouth untreated, but it is okay to wait. And as per our dental care in our province, we waited for a year for DS's cavity to be filled by a pedi dentist with sedation.

 

We do a lot of xylitol care. We buy raw granulated xylitol, and my kids rinse with it several times a day. It is much cheaper than xylitol gum, as you need at least 6 mg (I think?) for it to be effective. Which translates to 6 gums a day.

 

It also depends on which teeth are affected, and when are they going to fall out. I know that my DD would have been incredibly traumatised by a dentist at 6 (while DS was completely fine), so it is worthwhile for me not to expose her to trauma. But she might be an extreme case.

 

Thanks for the xylitol info too. We chew that gum but didn't know you could do anything else with it.

 

Yes, my 6 year old is my sensitive one and I just feel sick with worry about how she'll handle everything. She could truly have 4 issues that need fixing but I'm still so shocked about it. I'm praying that the x-rays were unclear and were wrong.

 

Ok, I'm going to have to pull myself together and get my crew out the door. Surely this counts as my school for today-we're learning about teeth!

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My mom never had a single cavity until her first pregnancy. I and my siblings, on the other hand, had plenty of cavities during our childhoods. So just because you haven't had cavities and she hasn't had problems yet, doesn't mean she won't. Just a few years ago I went to the dentist and he found 7 cavities. At the previous appointment 6 months before, none of them were there. And I trust my dentist.

 

ETA: are the decay spots on baby teeth? That might make me more willing to wait and see.

 

All the spots are on baby teeth. He said they were in the back on the molars.

 

I wasn't sure about jumping in and filling everything right away since they are baby teeth but I don't want her to have more problems down the road either.

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If she does have fillings that need to be filled (sometimes even baby teeth need to be filled because they won't be falling out soon) then ask about a possible pre-medication of valium. Dd had to have this and it helped to calm her down. It was called something else but it was valium.

 

That's interesting. I even asked my family doctor whether there was something DD could take before dental work, and she said there was nothing. :confused:

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I would definitely get a second opinion. When I was young we had a dentist that my mom completely trusted. He told her that I had to get fillings a lot. She blamed me for not taking good care of my teeth. Anyway, I got married and moved out and went to a different dentist and he said he was surprised I had so many fillings because I had such healthy teeth and gums. Anyway, 10 years later the dentist I had gone to when I was little got his dental license taken away because they found out he was doing dental work that wasn't needed. So now it is twenty years later and I have not had a single filling or any problem with my teeth since I left that dentist (and I've seen quite a few dentists since then and they all say that my teeth are great).

Maybe the dentist you saw is right but I'd get a second opinion if you are concerned!!

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That's interesting. I even asked my family doctor whether there was something DD could take before dental work, and she said there was nothing. :confused:

 

I looked up what dd was given. It was diazapam. Valium is a brand name for that drug. It just made her kind of quiet and less anxious, though in her case it did not take away her fear totally. I think I had to give it to her 1 hour before the appointment.

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I looked up what dd was given. It was diazapam. Valium is a brand name for that drug. It just made her kind of quiet and less anxious, though in her case it did not take away her fear totally. I think I had to give it to her 1 hour before the appointment.

 

Thank you! She was cavity free at her last check-up, but it is good to know for the future. Is it a prescription drug?

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:grouphug: Definitely a second opinion. There's no rush. The newest research doesn't support filling decay spots prematurely.

 

Could you post more links about this? I'm a bit hypochondriac about my DC's teeth after my DS had some unexpected ecay a few years ago (none since) and each time I go to the dentist I have a lot of anxiety and worry about what they will find. I know with my own teeth the dentist takes a very wait-and-see approach to soft spots or dark spots that haven't broken through the enamel (I have some that have been there for years and have not progressed). But the kids go to a pediatric dentist who they LOVE but who is more interventive than I am in approach.

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Everyone is different, with different immune systems, tooth strength, etc. Don't feel bad!

I would get a second opinion.

 

I went through MANY dentists personally, and then later for my children, before I found one I like. There was some shocking behavior - nutty, weird behavior, and also downright neglect, and suspected dentist drug abuse, just horror shows - to the point I was beginning to suspect they were giving dental students mind altering drugs during training or something. ;) Finally I found a very awesome dentist and he rescued his whole profession in my eyes.

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Could you post more links about this? I'm a bit hypochondriac about my DC's teeth after my DS had some unexpected ecay a few years ago (none since) and each time I go to the dentist I have a lot of anxiety and worry about what they will find. I know with my own teeth the dentist takes a very wait-and-see approach to soft spots or dark spots that haven't broken through the enamel (I have some that have been there for years and have not progressed). But the kids go to a pediatric dentist who they LOVE but who is more interventive than I am in approach.

 

This is a per my dentist and I do trust him. I haven't seen any research personally. Sorry. I wouldn't even know the right keywords. :001_huh:

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Everyone wants to fill the 4 spots. Sigh....So now I'm looking into a pediatric dentist. But the cost. It just makes me cry. Even with our insurance we are out of pocket hundreds and hundreds of dollars. I have two kiddos with birthdays coming up and watching the money go toward a problem I didn't know existed makes me cry. I can't find anyone in our network that can do the work in one visit. I'm going to try searching another city that's about 2 hours away.

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Everyone wants to fill the 4 spots. Sigh....So now I'm looking into a pediatric dentist. But the cost. It just makes me cry. Even with our insurance we are out of pocket hundreds and hundreds of dollars. I have two kiddos with birthdays coming up and watching the money go toward a problem I didn't know existed makes me cry. I can't find anyone in our network that can do the work in one visit. I'm going to try searching another city that's about 2 hours away.

 

So are they just spots, or are they cavities? Are they just in the dentin layer, or beyond?

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Everyone wants to fill the 4 spots. Sigh....So now I'm looking into a pediatric dentist. But the cost. It just makes me cry. Even with our insurance we are out of pocket hundreds and hundreds of dollars. I have two kiddos with birthdays coming up and watching the money go toward a problem I didn't know existed makes me cry. I can't find anyone in our network that can do the work in one visit. I'm going to try searching another city that's about 2 hours away.

 

See if they will at least do 2 at a time. That would cut the cost down a little bit to have only two visits instead of 4.

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Everyone wants to fill the 4 spots. Sigh....So now I'm looking into a pediatric dentist. But the cost. It just makes me cry. Even with our insurance we are out of pocket hundreds and hundreds of dollars. I have two kiddos with birthdays coming up and watching the money go toward a problem I didn't know existed makes me cry. I can't find anyone in our network that can do the work in one visit. I'm going to try searching another city that's about 2 hours away.

 

What is the reasoning for filling one visit at a time? Why won't they do it all in one visit?

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I looked up what dd was given. It was diazapam. Valium is a brand name for that drug. It just made her kind of quiet and less anxious, though in her case it did not take away her fear totally. I think I had to give it to her 1 hour before the appointment.

 

This is what my 8 year old last month to get three fillings done. I was a bit worried I'd have to carry him up the stairs. It definitely chilled my (anxious gaggy) kiddo out big time.

 

This was a pediatric dentist though. Many family dentists don't deal with that type of sedation. Our current dentist does not even offer nitrous. Most likely this is for insurance/liability reasons. Also the patient needs to be monitored under any kind of sedation. That means equipment for that purpose, and training in how to use it.

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Everyone wants to fill the 4 spots. Sigh....So now I'm looking into a pediatric dentist. But the cost. It just makes me cry. Even with our insurance we are out of pocket hundreds and hundreds of dollars. I have two kiddos with birthdays coming up and watching the money go toward a problem I didn't know existed makes me cry. I can't find anyone in our network that can do the work in one visit. I'm going to try searching another city that's about 2 hours away.

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

If it will make you feel better my first entrance with kiddos and dental work was many more than 4 teeth. And over a $1000 with no insurance. With my child they did one side and then the other. He as also sedated. Of course I will never go back to that dentist but that is another story.

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You might get a better plan with a pediatric dentist. Often my girls' ped dentist has just wanted to "watch" a spot, and it's not needed a filling. Other times, it does end up having to be filled. Our dentist will fill one side at a time. So if there are two on the right and two on the left, that's two visits. Make sense? And we always make payments. Make sure you ask about that.

 

:grouphug: Don't beat yourself up. It's not your fault. It happens. I always blame myself too, though. I get it.

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You might get a better plan with a pediatric dentist. Often my girls' ped dentist has just wanted to "watch" a spot, and it's not needed a filling. Other times, it does end up having to be filled. Our dentist will fill one side at a time. So if there are two on the right and two on the left, that's two visits. Make sense? And we always make payments. Make sure you ask about that.

 

:grouphug: Don't beat yourself up. It's not your fault. It happens. I always blame myself too, though. I get it.

 

:grouphug: I agree about the ped dentist. Our ped practice has always been very conservative about spots and such, even when I was all set to believe that work needed to be done ASAP.

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When my son was 3, he had to have 4 spots filled. Our family dentist wasn't comfortable doing the work because he was so young, so we went to a ped dentist. They used conscious sedation and did everything in one visit. The fillings themselves were covered , but the sedation was not. So we were out $300 for that, but my son doesn't remember a thing and has no problem with the dentist now.

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