Joanne Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Thanks for your help, Pamela. I do a lot of prevention but obviously don't always succeed. The problem (I'm not explaining well I think), is not that I'm upset about him having a tantrum. He doesn't STOP what he's doing and melt down - he melts down while trying with every fiber of his being to KEEP DOING IT. So if it was the road, I could grab him and stop him, and he will lose his mind and scream and flail and wrench away TRYING TO GET BACK THERE. If I make him give back a toy he snatched from someone, he will freak out while trying to get it back. I have to sit there and hang onto him while he melts down in order to stop him from going right back to the offending behaviour. Eventually he calms down. It can take a while...sometimes a LONG while. The OP's child is 5. How old is the child in the post above? With children like this, you often have to stop them well in advance of the actual boundary. And it sounds like some organic issues might be at play (sensory, food allergy). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily_Grace Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 What was #1? :blush: It was 1. Redirect. This works well and for a long time. It just didn't seem applicable here, nor did the rest of the list. I'm a person that gets EASILY overwhelmed in the heat of the moment. The first time around I put post-its around the house and in my bedroom: the back of the door had inspirational thoughts to help me calm down and the rest of the walls had short little tips to help me deal. I was raised in a traditional yell/spank household and it was really hard to do what I didn't learn to begin with. Having notes everywhere helped to keep me focused. Eventually I condensed the post-its into one long list and voila! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Researcher Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Great thread! Lily_Grace, your post is spot on. Thank you for taking the time to type it all out. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarriorMama Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 The OP's child is 5. How old is the child in the post above? With children like this, you often have to stop them well in advance of the actual boundary. And it sounds like some organic issues might be at play (sensory, food allergy). He's 3 and a half, and has ALWAYS been this way. I've wondered if he's somewhat sensory-seeking, and try to accommodate that. He also definitely has food issues! We're now gluten-free (actually because of my husband), which didn't help my 3yo as much as I hoped. I finally realized dairy was a problem and cut it, and that's helped a LOT - and I definitely see a correlation between really bad days and him doing something like take a sip of the baby's milk or licking someone's empty popcorn bowl. :001_rolleyes: Drinking apple juice, even though I cut it with water, seemed to be a trigger as well. We have a pretty natural, healthy diet thanks to the collective family food allergies, and I don't know what else to look for. I also can't figure out where the line is between issues he can't control, and behaviour that he can... I thought I was such an awesome parent until this little guy and along to educate me.:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xilka Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Obedience? Ugh I don't teach my son obedience, and the word itself makes me cringe. I teach my son cooperation. He is helpful around the house because he's part of a team, and he does his schoolwork because he knows it's for him and his future. He understands these things because we talk to him, a lot. And he is respectful because he is fully respected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brendag Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 We use the Accountable Kids program with our 4 year old twins and love it. Consistency is a must? Great advice on here! Brenda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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