I'd like to do some kind of s#x ed with my ds11 next year, but what?

[mama2cntrykids]

He will be in 6th grade next year and has started to sometimes get a pimple here and there. We're Christians if that helps narrow stuff down.

 

I really don't know where to even look. Or what to expect to include. Obviously bodily changes, but what about the other boy "stuff" (do I have to type it out lololol)???

 

He knows that when you start getting BO, you need deodant. He's pretty good about keeping himself clean. He knows older boys get armpit and leg hair. Thanks to dh, he also knows about the hair "down there" (thanks dh, that wasn't awkward for me to listen to or anything).

 

As far as I know, that's all ds knows. A little help here...please?

[elegantlion]

I would separate the puberty discussion from the sex ed. Obviously preview each of these for acceptability for your family.

 

We've used The Boy's Body book, which would deal with the puberty issue.

 

We also used the God's design for sex series.

[cbollin]

agreeing it's two topics..

 

puberty and health care - (i have all girls so I don't know what series for boys. but I liked Sandi Queen's book on this with girls. She has boys book as well. I don't know what it's like. other books were girl, so no help there :)

 

 

and for s*x ed ... in the program you plan to use next year, MFW's RTR, there is a box called The Wonderful Way Babies are Made. scheduled near end of first semester, but you can use it before that and use it again. None of this is one time talk and done.

 

-crystal

[TheApprentice]

My older two sons have read, "What's Going On Down There?". It even touches are the female changes a bit as well.

[...................]

Queens Homeschool has books on these topics. I bought the whole series and my son and husband read the puberty one when my son turned 10.

 

The s*x one is separate, and focuses the discussion on how babies come about, in the context of marriage. There is also one for courting and one puberty one for girls. I bought the whole series and they are just perfect for my needs.

 

The puberty talk should be ASAP as 12 would be sort of late, and then the s*x talk you can do later.

[frankcassiesmom]

Is there any reason you can't just talk to him about the other "boy stuff"? I recently had a very awkward discussion but a necessary one with my 12yo about some "things" that happen, shouldn't happen, etc. Boy it wasn't fun but it needed to be done. It only took about fifteen minutes, maybe half an hour with discussion. You know the basics and would be much better equipped to have a discussion on your son's level based on is personality and maturity in Christ than any curriculum.

[cschnee]

We treated this topic as a natural part of our study on the human body, aka biology or life sciences.

[SebastianCat]

I highly recommend the God's Design for S*x series. We've (by "we" I mean DH has) read the first 3 books with DS, who is about to turn 10. I've read the first 2 books with DD, who is about to turn 8. They are wonderful and are written by Christians. The authors also have a book about how and when to talk to your children about s*x. I would think your DS would need to read the 2nd and 3rd books in the series at his age.

 

For puberty, we have purchased the Boy's Body Book and The Care and Keeping of You (for girls), but haven't given them to either child yet. DH plans to read and go through the Boy's Body book with DS when he's 10, and I'll probably go through the Girl's Body book with DD when she's 8-9.

[frankcassiesmom]

Interesting. It never occurred to me that so many would use books. My relationships with my children lend themselves to having personal discussions about these things as part of family life.

[mom2boys030507]

Thanks for starting this thread. I have been thinking ahead to these topics for my boys. We will have the natural conversations but I know my oldest will pick up on it better if there is a book for him to read.

[...................]

Interesting. It never occurred to me that so many would use books. My relationships with my children lend themselves to having personal discussions about these things as part of family life.

 

I've had simple talks with my son about puberty, as part of daily life. However there are some things involved that came much better from my husband. Buying a book accomplishes several things:

 

1. It breaks the ice

2. It provides a guide, which fuels discussion

3. For the uncomfortable topics (such as night time em**ssions) it provides something for the boy to read, and if he is confused, he can ask any questions he wanted of my husband. But if he wasn't ready to process it all yet, it's there for him to re-read when and if he wants.

4. Not all here have husbands to talk to our boys, so having a book makes it far better. THe boy will not think Mom is "weird" because obviously if there are books on it, it's information worth reading.

 

Additionally, even if the husband desires to talk about these things, it's hard to get him to do it. When I handed my dh the book, and left the house, saying, "Hey it's time for this talk" my dh just grabbed the book, read it quickly, and was ready to talk. Otherwise, he would have asked me a million questions about what I wanted...and it's totally not about that.

 

So don't feel bad about asking for a book. There are a million good reasons to get some. I just was so glad the Queen's turned out to be exactly what I was looking for. They had a minimum of information, presented in a tactful, conversational tone, with no nudity, and didn't make fun but rather made it into part of God's plan for human beings.

[razorbackmama]

Interesting. It never occurred to me that so many would use books. My relationships with my children lend themselves to having personal discussions about these things as part of family life.

That's how it has been with my girls, but with my boys I did give them a book since I am not a boy and Dad isn't around enough to talk about stuff with them (and since my kids are more comfortable coming to me about questions in this arena). I did give my girl a book too so she can read it on her own.

 

Books don't necessarily indicate a lack of a personal relationship; they are simply a tool. My kids can read them on their own in addition to talking with me, and the books also sometimes address things that I wouldn't have thought at the time to address.

 

For puberty we have used the Boy's Body Book and The Care and Keeping of You. We have not used anything when it comes to sex. I tried the God's Design for Sex books, but the ages are way off IMO (meaning, the suggested age on the book was way too young for my kids). My oldest came to me with very specific questions (thanks, neighbor boy:tongue_smilie: ) when he was 11. The others we have just sort of talked about things as they have come up. (It helps to discuss mating and flower pollination in school.:lol: )

[razorbackmama]

I've had simple talks with my son about puberty, as part of daily life. However there are some things involved that came much better from my husband. Buying a book accomplishes several things:

 

1. It breaks the ice

2. It provides a guide, which fuels discussion

3. For the uncomfortable topics (such as night time em**ssions) it provides something for the boy to read, and if he is confused, he can ask any questions he wanted of my husband. But if he wasn't ready to process it all yet, it's there for him to re-read when and if he wants.

4. Not all here have husbands to talk to our boys, so having a book makes it far better. THe boy will not think Mom is "weird" because obviously if there are books on it, it's information worth reading.

 

Additionally, even if the husband desires to talk about these things, it's hard to get him to do it. When I handed my dh the book, and left the house, saying, "Hey it's time for this talk" my dh just grabbed the book, read it quickly, and was ready to talk. Otherwise, he would have asked me a million questions about what I wanted...and it's totally not about that.

 

So don't feel bad about asking for a book. There are a million good reasons to get some. I just was so glad the Queen's turned out to be exactly what I was looking for. They had a minimum of information, presented in a tactful, conversational tone, with no nudity, and didn't make fun but rather made it into part of God's plan for human beings.

Yes. This.

 

The Boy's Body Book handles the topic of nighttime em**sions BEAUTIFULLY. I highly recommend this book.

[momto2Cs]

I also highly recommend The Boys Body Book. We checked it out from the library about 6 months ago, and I let ds simply read through it. He then came to dh and I with a few questions, and said he was really glad we found the book for him. For the record, we are pretty open with everything in our house, but somehow being able to read first, and then follow up made him feel more comfortable about broaching those topics with us.

[...................]

I agree about the God's Design books. Maybe if the ages were bumped up 3-4 years they would have been ok, but I sent them back for a refund. The Queens pamphlet on that issue has been the first I was comfortable with.

[MomatHWTK]

Interesting. It never occurred to me that so many would use books. My relationships with my children lend themselves to having personal discussions about these things as part of family life.

 

 

Yeah, well some of us are just too uptight for those conversations. :001_unsure:

 

So glad there are books out there to help.

[CupOCoffee]

Yeah, well some of us are just too uptight for those conversations. :001_unsure:

 

So glad there are books out there to help.

 

Even those of us who aren't uptight, might end up with children who *are*, for who knows what reason -- just that way. Books can be very helpful in those situations.

 

And, uh, yeah, while it's great that some here have those kind of DH's that will take this task to hand, some of us don't have that kind of DH.

 

Does it really matter if *tools* are used, as long as we are at least getting the job done? I think not. Bravo for at least asking this question, OP.

 

Oh, and another vote for Boys Body Book and God's Design books; although I did not use the God's Design books that the ages *they* recommended them -- I used them when I sensed kiddos could handle it.

 

YMMV

 

~coffee~

[razorbackmama]

although I did not use the God's Design books that the ages *they* recommended them -- I used them when I sensed kiddos could handle it.

Did you find that the books were written in language that was "too childish" for your older (but more able to handle the content) kids? For example, the first book in the series contained content more appropriate for 9yos, but by that age my boys aren't calling their parents "Mommy and Daddy" either LOL.

 

It's been YEARS (like 10!) since I've looked at those books, so I don't really remember the language used. That's why I'm curious.

[CupOCoffee]

Did you find that the books were written in language that was "too childish" for your older (but more able to handle the content) kids? For example, the first book in the series contained content more appropriate for 9yos, but by that age my boys aren't calling their parents "Mommy and Daddy" either LOL.

 

It's been YEARS (like 10!) since I've looked at those books, so I don't really remember the language used. That's why I'm curious.

 

Yes and no. The terms "Mommy" and "Daddy" were being used in our house since my kids are 5 years apart; it didn't phase my son. And really, we only used the first 2 anyway. After the "big stuff" was discussed, it became easier for both kids to just come to me and ask what they needed to ask.

 

~coffee~

[cbollin]

Interesting. It never occurred to me that so many would use books. My relationships with my children lend themselves to having personal discussions about these things as part of family life.

 

if it would help to understand it a bit more since it's different than you expect. (although the other posters covered it too... and I agree with them)

 

In my case, having books really helps with discussion. This isn't the perfect analogy, but it's like having a cook book open while you are cooking supper together. Sometimes you have to know what to bring up or have more information. not perfect analogy, but hopefully makes sense.

 

In my case with health care and puberty issues, it has really helped my daughters to read it over and over, even though we talk and even show with the day to day stuff. I know my oldest liked one of the books because she could take it in the bathroom with her for when she was learning how to use pads and all of that.

 

It isn't like we are giving them books for independent reading. ;) kwim? It's part of family like and personal discussions. It's also like this with teaching them to clean their rooms - my kids need charts to follow.

 

-crystal

Edited February 21, 2012 by cbollin

[mama2cntrykids]

So many resources! Thanks.

 

Like I said, we have talked about some changes that older boys go through. He knows his voice will deepen, pimples will come, hair will grow on various parts of body. Other than that, I don't think he knows anything, unless he's heard stuff from friends and isn't bringing it up.

 

I have a hard time talking about this stuff. My mom *never* did and I got my period and FREAKED. It didn't help that I was only 10 at the time or that my step dad found the evidence (he was changing my sheets) OR that my mom only said, "This is where we keep the pads". Ouch. It was a rough time.

 

So about the night time emissions stuff...we have to talk about it? I SO don't want to do that:001_huh:. I seriously can't see my dh talking about it either as he's the boys' step dad and their relationship isn't exactly the most comfortable anyway.

 

Oy!!

[SunnyDays]

Isn't parenting fun?? ;) When you bring home those cute little bundles of joy from the hospital, they forget to tell you all the fun discussions you get to have...

 

We *just* had some intial conversations with my DS (9) this week. We actually used a book called "It's Not the Stork" with him. This book was for ages 4 and up, so I'm with you all in that many of these books are not necessarily labeled with the ages I'd use them for. This one is not Christian based, but it's very basic... cartoon drawings, with lots of discussion about girl/boy differences, male and female body parts, a *brief* discussion on s*x itself that's only a page, then lots of information about how a baby grows in the womb. It was just right for what he needed, then we'll probably do something separate to go more into puberty over the next few months.

 

I think the Boys Body Book that's being recommended looks good for the puberty discussions. I just wanted to throw out the "Stork" book if you wanted to look at it as a jumping off point to the other stuff.

[AnointedHsMom]

I am in the midst of taking my 12 year old through Passport to Purity right now. You can find it at CBD. http://www.christianbook.com/passport-2-purity-weekend-retreat-kit/9781572296565/pd/296569?product_redirect=1&Ntt=296569&item_code=&Ntk=keywords&event=ESRCP

 

It's really designed to be done by the father with their son and over a weekend but I've just done it over a couple of weekends with my son since it's not possible for my husband to do this with him himself.

 

We are also using the resources in HOD's RtR manual. Boyhood and Beyond, From Boy to Man and What Is God's Design For My Body.

 

Hope that helps.

[Pen]

Other than that, I don't think he knows anything, unless he's heard stuff from friends and isn't bringing it up.

 

I have a hard time talking about this stuff. My mom *never* did and I got my period and FREAKED. It didn't help that I was only 10 at the time or that my step dad found the evidence (he was changing my sheets) OR that my mom only said, "This is where we keep the pads". Ouch. It was a rough time.

 

So about the night time emissions stuff...we have to talk about it?

Oy!!

 

It sounds like a beautiful chance to begin a conversation, to be able to explain your own discomfort and to tell him that you care that he not have the same sort of embarrassment as you did.

 

My son likes the National Geographic film "Inside the Living Body"--it shows a lot of things, having to do with a variety of different aspects of the body. I don't think it would probably be offensive on religious grounds, and it shows different aspects of the body like digestion, ovulation, etc....perhaps even in ways that might help get over some of the embarrassment if you were to watch it together.

[ajbmom]

I loved the Boys Body Book for my son too.

[razorbackmama]

So about the night time emissions stuff...we have to talk about it? I SO don't want to do that:001_huh:. I seriously can't see my dh talking about it either as he's the boys' step dad and their relationship isn't exactly the most comfortable anyway.

That's why there is a book.;) I haven't discussed that sort of thing with them - I figure it'd be pretty weird coming from a girl.

[SunnyDays]

That's why there is a book.;) I haven't discussed that sort of thing with them - I figure it'd be pretty weird coming from a girl.

 

Yes... I'm pretty sure I'll be letting Dad handle that part of the conversation. I wouldn't even know where to begin, LOL...

[Scarymelon]

Thanks for the suggestions. We have a ten year old girl and boy who have just started puberty. I am very comfortable talking with other peoples kids about puberty (I work in health care), but it is still hard for my dh and I think a book they can read themselves is a good addition to our conversations. I am so not ready for teenagers.

[Momma4Boys]

I highly recommend Passport to Purity - as you can see we have 4 sons - we have done this with our oldest and plan on using it for all of them. IMO it creates a very strong bond between parent and child where open discussion about "that stuff" is safe & comfortable & Biblical.

 

I also LOVED that is covered not only the mechanics/parts but also the morality issues as well. Waiting until marriage and Biblically why this is the best route to go.

 

Just my 2cents :)

[SunnyDays]

I highly recommend Passport to Purity - as you can see we have 4 sons - we have done this with our oldest and plan on using it for all of them. IMO it creates a very strong bond between parent and child where open discussion about "that stuff" is safe & comfortable & Biblical.

 

I also LOVED that is covered not only the mechanics/parts but also the morality issues as well. Waiting until marriage and Biblically why this is the best route to go.

 

Just my 2cents :)

 

Nicole, for what age do you think this program would be a good fit? My DS is nine... like I said, we just covered the very basic pieces recently, but will need more in the coming months, I'm sure.

[MegP]

Not Nichole, but I think age 11 (for a boy-maybe age 10 for a girl..depends on how early they are developing) is perfect. And you can do this program with your son, if your DH is unwilling or unable to do. It is GREAT!

[Momma4Boys]

Hi - Nicole here :) I really think it all depends on the kid. I think Dobson (whose show I heard it on years ago - Focus on the Family) recommended anywhere from age 9-11 for boys. You can kind of tell when they start getting "more curious or aware". Our oldest was 10 but we are waiting for our next until he is 11 cause he is much more immature - not in a bad way just more action figures and cartoons whereas our oldest was way more cerebral and bookish.

 

IHTH :001_smile: & :grouphug: