Jenny in Florida Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 (edited) Here's the scoop: Today is our 18th wedding anniversary. We're not currently in a lovey-dovey place in our marriage. Nothing is "wrong," exactly. We're just not especially romatic at the moment. Add to this the fact that my husband is working today and still not feeling 100% from the hernia surgery a couple of months ago AND, of course, grieving his brother (who died earlier this month). In addition, we had a money conversation over the weekend, because we're really struggling to keep up with some things we've committed to for the kids now that my husband took the pay cut to get his current job (which transitioned him from a contract position to full-time permanent). Needless to say, some of the typical anniversary ideas don't feel appropriate. But I don't want to let the day pass without saying or doing something for him. So, I have no money to spend, a husband who is feeling generally down and two teens in a house where it's nearly impossible to get behind closed doors. (The cats' litter box is in our bathroom, meaning we have to leave the door to our bedroom open at least a little bit pretty much all the time. The door to my daughter's room will stay closed only when she uses a brick to block it from opening. My son's bedroom doesn't have a door.) He doesn't really have a favorite meal or baked treat. Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions for me? Despite our current slump, he is my best friend and closest companion. I don't want him to feel sad or disappointed that I didn't do anything to acknowledge the day. Edited February 20, 2012 by Jenny in Florida Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Gosh, one of my favorite gifts (from the husband, kids, or ANYONE!) is a handmade card or letter expressing that heartfelt sentiment directly to me. Maybe even followed by a peck and a "how much I love you" hugs (and I'm not a kissy-huggy person by anyone's stretch of the imagination). Happy anniversary to you both ~ I hope you can find something suitable and appropriate to gift! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth S Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Another option is to make a special supper, with his favorite recipes (or at least a favorite dessert). Ask him what HE wants to do tonight (maybe letting him pick a DVD to watch together, that is NOT just a mushy rom-com). We also ALWAYS make homemade cards, which can include a bookmark (as we are both avid readers). I try hard to be unselfish on Valentines Day and Anniversary--but it's always a challenge. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 How about a letter expressing the things you most appreciate about your husband? the things he does for you and your family/children? etc.? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AHASRADA Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Cook his favorite meal, and maybe arrange for the kids to have already eaten before he gets home, or even better, spend the evening at a friend's house, but give yourselves some time *alone* to enjoy each other's company and talk about what really matters. Sometimes making a "big deal" out of the occasion just makes the celebration feel forced and awkward, but of course you want to "do something". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Despite our current slump, he is my best friend and closest companion. I would handwrite this on a simple card. If I got something like this for my anniversary it would mean the world to me - far more than "forced" celebration or intimacy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 What does he usually do for you on anniversaries? Sometimes, people give what they'd like to receive, so thinking about what he has done for you might give you a few ideas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 My dh settled for a favorite meal and a backrub. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I could have wrote this same thing....we celebrated 18 years yesterday. LOL We ended up going out to dinner for about an hour, to a place that we had a gift card for. It was a fairy expensive restaurant, but the food was less that great, we both left part of it on the plate. It only cost us $20 over what they gift card was, but at least we tried. When we got home less than 90 minutes from when we left, dd13 asked why we were home soo soon and we just shrugged it off. At least it didn't cost us a lot in sitter fees. LOL (dd can't watch her). She didn't know that we has also went to Costco to fill up the gas tank and drove the long way to the restaurant. LOL We pretty much sat and had the exact same conversation we had had the night before. I think we were desperately trying to fill the quiet, so the same ole conversations just came out. Ds17 making college decisions in the fall DD13 applying to a new private school and what that entails. We need to apply this year to get accepted on to a wait list for high school. DD5 and her issues. DH and his new business Me and my work. It is just a phase of marriage I guess. We aren't unhappy with each other, it is just a boring phase of life we are in. Our two older kids are foraging their own way in life and are home less and less. But dd5 and her special needs keep us grounded to the house, so we don't have any real freedom either. We usually do better if we go out with another couple to keep the conversation fresh and light. If we hadn't gone out, I would have just made a dinner that takes more time than usual to prep, so it isn't a common meal, but a well loved one at that. Maybe made a dessert, and called it good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Is there a movie that is "your" movie? Any games you used to play when dating? (Backgammon for us.) Music that you used to listen to together? Play the CDs while playing a game or just reading together... Happy Anniversary! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 I could have wrote this same thing....we celebrated 18 years yesterday. LOL We ended up going out to dinner for about an hour, to a place that we had a gift card for. It was a fairy expensive restaurant, but the food was less that great, we both left part of it on the plate. It only cost us $20 over what they gift card was, but at least we tried. When we got home less than 90 minutes from when we left, dd13 asked why we were home soo soon and we just shrugged it off. At least it didn't cost us a lot in sitter fees. LOL (dd can't watch her). She didn't know that we has also went to Costco to fill up the gas tank and drove the long way to the restaurant. LOL Nice to know we're not alone. We tried the "dating" thing a few years ago, when we pledged to take turns planning an evening out for ourselves a couple of times a month. After the evening when we ended up at a grocery store talking about our kids, we decided that was not going to work for us. So, here's where I am: I got a card, wrote something nice in it. I am making pizza for dinner. Hubby doesn't have a favorite meal, but this is one I save for nights when we're all home and I have time and energy to make it. (Normally, by the way, both kids would have rehearsals or classes this evening, and I'd be out running them around before he even got home. Only because of Presidents' Day are we all here tonight.) I have on hand supplies to make a simple version of bananas Foster, which he likes. I'm planning to suggest watching a movie, possibly The Princess Bride (from which we used things for our wedding). It's entirely possible he'll come home from work sore and/or in a bad mood. (Work has been stressful, and he has chronic back and neck pain that gets worse when he's miserable.) So, I plan to keep it all low key and go with the flow. If he's feeling yucky, we'll have dinner and I'll give him the card. If he's feeling okay about life, I'll go ahead with dessert and the movie. Thanks so much for the suggestions and commiseration. I'm feeling better about it now that I have a plan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 What does he usually do for you on anniversaries? Sometimes, people give what they'd like to receive, so thinking about what he has done for you might give you a few ideas. He usually spends money. I'm uncomfortable with just buying things under the best of circumstances, since he's the one bringing the money home. I always feel odd about taking money he puts in the bank account and using it to buy him something he may or may not even like and could perfectly well buy for himself if he did want it. (He also buys things when he wants them, anyway, leaving me few choices when holidays roll around.) Right now, though, there isn't money to spend, even if I want to do so. It's a good thought, though. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 It's entirely possible he'll come home from work sore and/or in a bad mood. (Work has been stressful, and he has chronic back and neck pain that gets worse when he's miserable.) So, I plan to keep it all low key and go with the flow. If he's feeling yucky, we'll have dinner and I'll give him the card. If he's feeling okay about life, I'll go ahead with dessert and the movie. .......... Maybe you can suggest a hot shower and some pain meds, while you finish dinner and then a back rub before bed or while you watch a movie. It sounds like he could use some TLC, and it can be a nice feeling to help our loved ones fell better when they are down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Maybe you can suggest a hot shower and some pain meds, while you finish dinner and then a back rub before bed or while you watch a movie. It sounds like he could use some TLC, and it can be a nice feeling to help our loved ones fell better when they are down. Or go buy him a heating pad if he doesn't have one... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Sounds like a great start. I will second the heating pad, back rub, ect. If you don't have a heating pad make a rice sock and warm in a microwave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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